7 Week Old Daughter Connects with Everyone Except Mom

It might feel like rejection, but it's actually a compliment. She knows you'll always be there, and she thinks of you as an extension of herself. So, she gets excited about other people, but not you, because you're always there and always loving her. Don't let it get you down! Lots of babies are this way. It is her way of loving you. :)

Seems like she considers herself and you the same being. This should feel like a great thing. When she realizes you are not a part of her she will not want to be apart from you.

Hi M.,
It will change and get better. We used to joke around and call me the "milk truck" when my daughter was younger. I felt similar to the way you do; it seemed like my husband got the first smiles and the first giggles. But I think a lot of that was because I had her when she was hungry and tired, and when she was awake and happy I'd pass her off to someone else so I could shower, eat, do whatever.

My daughter got really attached to me when she was around 12 months old, which made it frustrating because I couldn't cook dinner or do anything without her following me and wanting me to pick her up. It seemed like I couldn't get 10 uninterrupted minutes to do anything.

Don't worry, you will get plenty of smiles and hugs in the future, and maybe even a clingy toddler! Right now you're probably spending more time with her than anyone else, so your husband and other people are different and unfamiliar to her, and get more of her attention.

Babies go through many stages where they just prefer one thing over another. If anything you are probably trying to hard. Relax and she may warm up to you more. Perhaps it's the fact that she is so comfortable with you that she is secure enough to focus on others. Whatever it is, it will pass. You are just way to important in her life for her to ignore you for long.

My son was like this until he was about 5 months old...I was just a means to an end. And, being a single Mom and no excuse that he was a Daddy's boy it killed me. My Mom told me to have patience and now I've got an amazing bond with my 30 month old son who calls me at work, and makes me presents for when I come home!

I found out from talking to other Mommy's and my own family that it's totally normal. You are ALWAYS there and you are a sure thing in the needs meeting department...I'd say you're doing a great job!

My son's Pedi told me to be calm and enjoy the time when I could hold/wear him because I would miss those days when I was chasing him around the house to take a bath...he was totally right!!

Don't worry it will change!

7 weeks is still pretty young to say she hasn't connected with you. I have twin boys and with one of my boys he instantly would always want me and he was a total mommy's boy. But my other son...would ONLY smile for dad...he would ONLY laugh with dad in the beginning. I didn't do anything different with him. Of course now that they are 14 months they show both of us equal affection and attention. Hang in there and try not to take it personally...your little girl is still figuring stuff out and her eyes are still developing.

I had forgotten all about those feelings, but I certainly went through that too. I used to tell my husband that all I was to my kiddos was a cow or a food source. I don't exactly recall what age it got better, but it wasn't too long. My daughter is almost 4 years and the baby just turned 1 and I feel very bonded with both of them. I get just as many smiles, hugs and warm welcomes as the hubby. I really think that they need you so much in the beginning that they just expect you to be there. Daddy gets to be the one for entertainment, which I suppose is his way to bond with her. You have bonded with her during the pregnancy, maybe this is nature's way of getting dad's to have an opportunity to catch up. Those little smiles melt their hearts. Motherhood is not always how I envisioned it. Although many times it is harder than I ever expected (emotionally and physically) it is certainly more wonderful than I had imagined too. Hang in there and this will be something you laugh at later. You will get your rewards eventually and I promise it will be worth the wait! Way to go with the nursing and welcome to motherhood!

Hi M.,

Your daughter is used to you! She is comfortable with you! She knows where her comfort is! You are around all the time! The others are new to her and she may smile because she isn't around them often as you are. I think because you are a new mom you are over thinking this. She LOVES you. Why should she look at you right now? She KNOWS, SMELLS, and already loves you! Just wait, until she is 3 months, 6 months, 9 months! All these, and the months inbetween, are major milestones in her development. Big changes, GIANT SMILES...real ones...BELLY LAUGHS!!! Most of which you and only you will see BEFORE anyone else!

Your baby girl is very blessed to have a mom that loves her so much!

Hi M.,

I have two children. My eldest is a boy and had been a snuggle bunny since day one. 14 months later, along came his sister and it was a totally different experience. With me, she was a live wire and very fussy with me. When friends would come over, they would ask to hold her and, when they did, she immediately settled down. And then there was the fact that she was and will always be a big daddy's girl. The fact that she was like this confounded and unsettled me but now that she is almost 5 years old, I look back and realize several things:

1. You are born with a certain personality and, for my daughter, she was born to be a natural extrovert. From day one, she was looking beyond her immediate social circle (her family) to form bonds.

2. When she was an infant, my energy was not good. I had two children who were 14-months apart and a husband. I was super stressed and I've learned through the years that my daughter definitely does react off of my energy, and when I do things to soothe my spirit, like yoga and meditation, it helps me and it helps her as well.

3. Like I mentioned, she is almost 5 years old now and she has provided different challenges for me as a parent than my son has provided, but I now realize that although she will never grow up to be my shadow or to be a little mini-me in both looks and personality, we do have a strong bond and, because we are not completely similar, I am learning from her as much as she is from me.

Just enjoy your daughter, relax when you can and realize that if you keep loving her and guiding her, she will love you just the same but her way of expressing it may take a different form that what you may have been expecting.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best.

I had a similar experience when my LO would go to anyone but me unless it was feeding time. I felt like a milk machine. So I set out to find answers and reassurance.... With my new knowledge and new found experience (we've gotten over the hump and she is mamas little girl again) I decided to write this article about ways babies show their love that we may not notice (some more noticeable than others) and creative ways to strengthen the bond between you and your baby.

Figured I'd share since it might help you or someone else... http://www.beeamom.com/how-to-tell-your-baby-loves-you/

My son didn't give me the smiles or glances he gave others until ~ 10 weeks. He would whip his head around to look at everyone, including the dogs, but not me. I think it was because I was always there and not as interesting to seek out. He is now 8 months old, and we are very bonded. He lights up when I walk in a room and usually prefers to be held by me... so now we are on the road to a different issue to solve!! Good luck, have some patience, and don't worry that your baby girl isn't looking at you as much as others.

Hang in there! She feels so comfortable and safe with you she is taking in everything else because she knows she can. She will respond to you like she does others, and then some, before you know it. Good job for your 7 weeks of hard work with her to make her so loving and responsive....it will be to you soon enough! Nice work!

I actually have no idea on this M., but a thought might be that she can't see your eyes as well(?) Are your eyes possibly a lighter color than those that she responds to most, or to stronger, certain pitch voices? We do know that babies first see only black, white and red, and everything else is basically gray until their eyes fully develop. It sounds like, somehow, she isn't perceiving Mommy's face. I'm sure those smiles will meet your eyes very soon. ...and welcome to the world of wondering, "What's going on inside that little person's head?" . . . . .

Be patient - I think you are such a source of comfort and love for her that she just completely relaxes in your arms. You are the one that she has known from day one, others are actually stimulating since she has never seen or heard many of them before. Take pride in knowing that she is so comfortable with you.

M., Oh, sweetie... this time is so emotional isn't it! Know that babies usually don't fully consciously smile until three months and often those facial movements at this age are adjustments and even sometimes gas. The fact that she is calm in your arms actually shows that she is at peace with you and comforted by you and not wiggling around :) Know that this is becuase she knows you are Momma and takes comfort in you. Eye contact during breast feeding will come a bit later.. my son is 4 months old and is just starting to lock eyes with me with we feed. It is a wonderful sensation and your little sweet pea will be doing it soon too! Relax and enjoy and know that your connection as Momma is special to her and cannot be replaced by ANYONE else! :)

Hi M.,
I felt like my son didn't connect with me either. Looking back (he is now 2 1/2), I know it was because I had postpardum depression. I'm not suggesting that that's what you have, only letting you know that your daughter will come around. I felt like my son was always happier with other people, especially daddy. However, now he always wants to be with me, so it did change.
However, when I was thinking about daycare, I read that babies/toddlers will be great with other people and then act up with their parents. This is because they know their parents will always be there and love them no matter what. Your daughter might be more comfortable and relaxed with you and doesn't feel like she has to put on a "show". You're her rock in this strange new world and she's probably just as happy, if not more so, to be safe and secure with you. If she is interacting with other people, that's great because it means that she's a happy baby. Just keep doing what you're doing!
Best wishes,
P.

Hello M.,
My name is K., and my daughter will be 2 in May. I read your message and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Of course I am no expert but just a mother like you.

First of all, that myth that a child instantly bonds with their mother is not true. It can take time for a child to bond and love, they are new to the world, and everything will be a learning experience, and for you as well.

Second, from what you said, it seems your daughter is comfortable with you, its not like she cries when you hold her right? She recognizes that you are the one who feeds her, and right now she doesnt realize that the 2 of you are seperate people. She is you and you are her, so therefore it would seem natural for her to smile and make eye contact with others. I know you want her to react to you the same way and she will in time. When you hold her and she is looking at everything else, it is because you are who she trusts and she feels brave enough to embrace her new world safely from your lap. She smiles at Daddy because Daddies are funny looking LOL jk, but his voice is different, and lets face it, she doesnt quite know him as well as she knows you so she is just testing her surroundings and the reactions she gets from people when she interacts with them.
As a mothers, we constantly second guess ourselves, as to whether we are "doing it right"??? You obviously LOVE your daughter just like a mother is supposed to, otherwise you wouldnt be so concerned. So dont worry, you ARE doing it right!
Have you ever been to babycenter.com? You can log into the site and enter your childs birthdate and they will send you weekly updates on her growth, physically, emotionally and mentally. It might help to give you peace of mind that your daughter is doing exactly what she is supposed to be doing, and help you to understand that a baby doesnt show love like kids and adults do. Your daughter shows you love by wanting to nurse when you hold her, and falling asleep in your arms. The time passes by sooooo fast, enjoy every second even if it is not all smiles. :-)
From one mother to another...Blessings!

I totally understand your feelings. My son wasn't smiling at me at 7 weeks old and I felt a bit disconnected too. It didn't take much longer than that though before I could really tell that I was special to him. Just give it a few weeks and keep doing what you're doing.

Actually, your baby turns her head when you are looking at her, because she is very excited. The dr. said it is a natural reaction to overstimulation. They are still getting used to things and the emotion is a little too much for them. I hope this helps.

They are all different. My second one did that to me. He'd nurse and when he was done, he'd sit up and push me away. When he was hurt or sad, he wanted Daddy. When he was hungry, he wanted me and then when he was done, it was over. It bothered me, since #1 was so Mommy-oriented. #2 now almost 3 and has no favorites. He'll often say, "Mom, I need you," and crawls into my lap for some snuggling. Things will change, but I swear they come into this world with who they are and all we can do is manage them, so they become good people.

#1 - wanted me more than Daddy
#2 - wanted Dady way more than he wanted me
#3 - wants either one of us...all of the time - no favorites

M., don't be so hard on yourself. You are loving and caring for your baby and you have created a happy baby. She wouldn't be happy with other people if she wasn't happy and loved on the inside. You may be trying too hard to see her smile directely at you. I'm sure you're tired and exhausted and maybe a little too sensitive right now. You're hormones are all over the place. She knows who her mom is and who takes the best care of her. Seven weeks is awfully young for her to be smiling intentionally anyway. Just be patient, when your baby learns how to smile when she wants to, you will be receving many.

It was similar with my son at that age. And then one day when he was about 3 months old, my aunt commented on how my son's eyes followed me. A few months later I read about how children become very clingy from about 8-18 months old. I really thought my son wouldn't because he was so social with everyone he met. Again I was blown away by how much he started to want me, reach for me, and cry to have mommy. So it just took time, but I totally remember what you described. Have fun with your baby!
-E.

I have seen breastfed babies that start to gnaw rf make sucking noises as soon as they heard the mother's voice. So it is possible that your young baby associates you with feeding so much that she forgets to look in your eyes. I think around ten or twelve weeks I let my babies have one "daddy bottle" a day, so he could share in the experience. I didn't have any luck with breast pumps, so it was formula. They did fine with it and still continued to nurse, one for ten months and the other for about 8. I had planned to go to 1 year. My first concern when I read your remarks was that the baby was not making eye contact period. But you are sure that she is able to, smiles AT people, not things? That would be a different problem. But if she does engage with other people, just not you, make sure you are not carrying some depression or anxiety that the baby can sense (did you have trouble with latching on at first?, was nursing anxious?). If you are, that needs to get treated so that the baby can form a bond with you. If not, take a long bubble bath, get yourself a new outfit, and go out with a girlfriend while hubby watches baby, and gives a bottle, etc. and then see how baby reacts to you when you get back. I think you will find that she missed you and will be happy to see you. Also when you see the Doc next, ask about her vision. Is she looking at other people at an angle, and you are trying to get eye contact from directly in front? My baby offends people who talk to her from six feet away because she does not smile or connect with them, but she is a preemie with vision problems, and I know from the look in her eye that she has not "found" them (visually) yet. When she does, they get a broad smile or even a wave (shie is older.) Take heart. There is no such thing as a baby that doesn't like it's Mom.
B.

Hi M.,

You are simply the most familiar to her and everyone else is new and therefore more stimulating/exciting. Even Daddy, as she sees less of him than she does you. So no worries! The bonding process grows with each passing day. Soon you will notice the deepening bond she has with you. All in time...

It's actually a sign of intellegence that she is so receptive to other people at such a young age. So you have a bright one on your hands!

Enjoy every second of her precious life. They grow up so very quickly!

Best,
M.

please do not be discouraged. I am sure your daughter is studying your face. and remembering who you are. especially if you are breastfeeding. there is a bond there that no one can compare to. and yes there are going to be times when being a mom is not about the reward, but we do it anyways. you are doing great. Please know that.

Hi M.,

My 6yr. old daughter says the same thing when she's holding the baby (mos). When you're holding the baby, you're so close, it's hard for her to focus on you.

Does she engage/interact with you when she's laying on a blanket and you're sitting up?

I don't think it's anything to be overly concerned about-she is only 7 weeks. You might want to mention it at your next well-baby check up. Should be coming up soon. Just to easy your mind.

Blessings,
Chris

M.:
She knows you love her no matter what. Remember she was with you for 11 months now. Everyone else is new to her.
S.

M.-

Congratulations on a healthy baby girl. :) You sound like a wonderful new mother. Don't lose heart. Your baby is young and you are her food source right now.. she knows your scent, voice and touch which is probably most comforting for her. Take it as a compliment if she doesn't have the instinctive need to charm you yet.. Also, sounds like you have a great support system if there are all these other people around for her to charm and "bond" with. Don't worry your time will come. Sound like you are projecting a little and you are probably hormonal.. all normal stuff with a new baby and your first baby. Just take it easy and trust me.. you will feel differently in no time. Try to remember what it was like in your early childhood. For me.. my parents were god like. Just remember that is your true status with your child.. you are her everything.
When we become parents we hope to gain validation and fulfillment from the experience. The first few weeks are amazing and tough. When things are tough and I'm so exhausted.. my son is waking me up at four demanding to be breast fed only to demand breakfast an hour later at five.. I just have to smile and remember my mother complaining and saying "motherhood is a thankless job". I couldn't disagree more and my son does say "thank you". Hang in there, she will be charming you in no time!
and looking up at you.. and making little googley eyes at you and cooing.. just relax and find solace in the fact that you have a healthy beautiful child.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

We adopted our kids at age 5 months and 10 months, and we went through this with our first one. It was VERY hard!! Some good advice we got was that until the baby bonds with mom and dad first (and if mom is primary caregiver it needs to be mom even before dad), you keep their world very small. For us it meant not having a lot lot of people over, I did almost 100% of the baby care for a long while, we didn't let others hold him for a while until he was showing preference. We were the only ones to feed, diaper, and bathe him, and I was the only one to comfort. Once we started seeing the bond take place, we could let loose on some things.
Also know that mommy preference, stranger anxiety, etc. doesn't really kick in until 5-8 months of age.
In the meantime, be good to yourself. Babies can pick up on any anxiety you might be feeling, any postpartum blues (not to say you have this just an example), etc. Try to relax as much as you can, eat right, get as much sleep as you can. Wear the baby and hold her as much as possible. Lots of skin to skin contact. Infant massage is great too.
Hope that helps a bit.

Often with breastfed babies, they feel like mom is an extension of them. It is actually a beautiful thing that she is dozing or nursing when with you. It means she is most comfortable in your arms. I felt like my DD didn't connect with me....she always was a daddy's girl when she was younger. But now that she is 14 months, we spend every day together and she is a total mommy's girl. It will change and you will have a strong bond with your daughter that will only grow stronger in time.