7 Year Old Behavior - Sneaky, Lying and Taking Things

You say he knows it's wrong. In what way did you teach him in no uncertain terms with dire consequences the very first, second, third time he ever tried such things that it was wrong, until he learned self control for the sake of personal preservation at first, which therefore set the habit to not do it, until his conscience set in and he "knew it" on his own? (He's now old enough)
If you have been too lenient in real consequences, or only TOLD him it was wrong many times, he probably doesn't know.
Maximum consequences are appropriate. Every time. Even compounded ones (returning item, PLUS apologizing, PLUS firm DISCIPLINE, PLUS hard chores to do, PLUS removal of privileges until earned back over x amount of time all in one shot) following a calm explanation of how HIS actions have caused HIS very firm consequences. Don't fear you child will get even worse and therefore let him get away with it.
Don't fear your own anxiety, be proactive. Like with anything else in life, if you are ADDRESSING it, your anxiety will lessen.
He's getting old regarding shaping his character, so don't delay!
This book is GREAT for this age: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.

I think I would start with the suggestion of CAWriterMom and seek some outside help.

Stealing is wrong, but it goes deeper than just theft of property. Stealing damages relationships. That would be one area I'd focus on, big time.

You don't tell us what the consequence is for your child's actions. Typically, having to return the item is pretty humiliating in itself. I got busted for stealing a mini stapler in fourth grade and had to return it to my classmate in person. My mother figured that was punishment enough, and it was. I didn't steal again. Even in high school, when my peers would shoplift... I'd go in the bathroom and be sick. It made a very strong impression on me.

Some things you can do:
Any playdates happen at your house, and the visiting child is asked to leave their home toys at home.

At school, talk to the teacher. Any theft discovered and the item must be returned to the other child, immediately. Make sure you are notified.

An 'empty pockets' rule. When you go out shopping, all pockets must be empty. When you are done shopping, all pockets are checked. Any lifted items must be returned in person, immediately.

This is an area I've given a lot of thought to as well. We have a relative whose child is 13 and beginning to do this, and it's very problematic. There have been thefts of other family members property, and lies.

My last suggestion would be family counseling. Kids who act out like this are *acting out*. They are screaming, in their own way, for attention. This doesn't mean you are a bad parent, but that there is some need that they cannot verbalize (for whatever reason-- likely, the child wouldn't even be able to know themselves enough to articulate it) that must be addressed. Something is up with your kiddo. Do some detective work, employ a good family counselor (talk to the school counselor or your ped for referrals) and keep working at helping your child. If it's an unmet need at play here, a counselor can help. I'm guessing it's not an unusual sense of entitlement, because of the covert nature of this behavior, but if that is the case, a counselor can help your family find other more specialized resources.

Sorry you are going through this. It's so hard.

I don't think that this is the somewhat common behavior that you think it is. I have a 7 yo who has never done this...nor do I know any that do. This is something tha tI would talk to the doctor about.

What is the consequence for breaking the rules?

You might ask your son's pediatrician for a referral to a behavioral therapist. He/she can help you get a handle on why this behavior started and what you can do to fix it.

Good luck!

I don't think this is as common as you think. All kids are different obviously but from a very young age I taught that rules always applied and integrity is what you do even when nobody is watching. I think you will have to be on top of him, keep inforcing the rules over and over and verbalize that you appreciate good behavior when it happens. This could be a nightmare when he is 14. Good luck!

When my daughter was 7 she tried to steal some trading cards from a store. I saw her slip them into her purse when I was paying and I about flipped my lid! I got the manager of the store and I made her apologize and give the cards back to the manager, who made a good show of "not calling the police because she was honest."

I was hurt and upset because I thought we taught her better than that.

Kids steal for several reasons. 1. Because they want something and have no other way of getting it so they "solve" the problem by stealing it. 2. For attention 3. For a rush 4. Because they don't have a sense of ownership--they don't realize or think that anyone reallly owns anything.

My daughter stole mostly because of #1, she didn't get allowance yet and had no way of earning money and it was the first time she thought to try something like that. Young kids often only think of what they want and of the present time, they don't think in futures. Now that she earns allowance she can buy some of the things she wants and can save up for others or ask for them as birthday or Xmas gifts.

Why don't you start by talking with your child? Find out why he/she feels the need to steal. Be prepared to listen, and to open the doors of communication. You can start by maybe offering up a story of your own and how you really wanted something. Maybe you stole a cookie or something. By offering up one of your stories you can show that it's okay to tell and that your child is in a safe space.

Age 7 is before children learn too much about money and earning things. They know a little, but a limited view.

I think a good thing to do is to start helping your child earn money. My daughter did a lemonade stand, and even though she only made $5 she was so proud! She put that $5 away and didn't want to spend it. It really helped her to see that she CAN earn money, she CAN get the things she wants by ways other than stealing, and it made her feel important and grown-up. That was a better solution than a huge punishment in our case.

If your child is stealing for the rush he/she may have a mental disease like kleptomania. Often that starts young. But begin with communication and see if you can get to the bottom of it. And although I sometimes feel like I want to punish big-time, REFORM is the way to go, and that can be achieved thought positive problem-solving. Criminals don't do what they do because they like it. They do it because they don't see any other way. Help your child to see there are other ways, and do it now while he/she is young.