I drop my daughter off at school after the gate is opened, but about 10 minutes or so before the first bell rings. She has been late 13 times to class. She says that she goes to the cafeteria for breakfast (even though she eats at home). We (parents, school and teacher) have all talked to her about gathering her things at first bell and then getting to class. I don't know what to do with her. We just had Parent/Teacher Conference last night and her report card said 12 times this semester. Her teacher e-mailed me this morning and said she was tardy again. I don't want to have to change my morning routine because it is a waste and we would all have to get up earlier and leave earlier. Here's why:
7 year old goes to school across the street from our house. She has to be at school no earlier than 8:37 and no later than 8:57 (first bell). Our 4 year old goes to school about 2 miles from our house. She has to be at school no later than 9am. So, right now, I drop off the 7 year old, then the 4 year old. If I were to change the routine, I would have to drive passed her school to drop her sister off and then backtrack to take her back to school. We leave about 8:40 in the morning to allow time to get both girls to school on time (we barely make it to PreSchool by 9am because of traffic restrictions and school zones). So, I'm thinking I would have to leave the house by 8:20 or earlier to get my 4 year old to school and then the 7 year old to school on time (I'm going to have to walk her to class).
Does anyone have any suggestions? I'd really hate to change the morning routine, but if I have to I will.
Thanks!
First - THANK YOU! to all the people that responded! I have a lot of great ideas that I'm going to implement. She went 9 days without being tardy and then she walked to school with a friend and was tardy! So, I kind of think that she is trying to spend time with friends in the morning that maybe she doesn't get to see or play with later in the day at school. She is a VERY social child and wants to play with/talk to or generally sociallize with everyone. She has many, many "best friends."
I do want to clarify that she does have a punishment at school - they give her recess detention. She just doesn't care that much that she misses the recess. She likes recess and likes to sociallize, but it's still not enough of a consequence. It's finding that thing that she cares about so much that she will do anything not to lose. Thanks to your responses, I have plenty of things to try.
Thanks again!!
I wouldn't let her eat at school in the morning. If she ate at home there is no need for her to eat again! She can then go straight to her class room.
How tardy is tardy? My son's school, if they are at the door but in the hallway, they are tardy. Their body has to be fully in the room. My nephew's teacher says that they have to be at their desks or they are tardy. So I would clarify that part with the school.
I don't think that you should have to drop the 4yr old off first but it seems that the 7yr old may just need a little bit more time. Try leaving at 8:30 so that you are waiting in the dropoff at the school for the 7yr old when the gates open at 8:37. This will give her 10 extra minutes to get her breakfast and make it to class. Since she also eats breakfast at home, if you happen to be running late, then she'll need to not try and get breakfast at the school.
M.
I would make it clear to the school and the cafeteria monitor that she is to go straight to class. Make sure she eats at home, no need to stop in the cafeteria at all. Time to take away what she cherishes most mom if this happens again. If the caf is where they all go before let into class then I would make her wait in the office until its time to go to class. She will learn the hard way. Good luck!
Hi- This is an easy one. Natural consequences, she loses the privledge of going to the cafeteria until she shows she can handle it. It's only 10 minutes before the classroom is open? Have her bring a book and go directly to class, as soon as the teacher opens the door she should be at her desk. It's only 10 minutes at most and the waiting will remind her that she's missing the fun in the caf. After a couple weeks of no tradies you could let her try the school breakfast again. If she really loves it she'll figure out how to get to class on time.
Don't tell your daughter. She doesn't have to know you are the bad guy, but make a plan with your daughters teacher. Then stop worrying about it. Don't remind her at home. Just drop her at school It doesn't sound like the school is doing much more than marking her tardy. Consequences should fall at school, not at home. You've tried to help her get there on time now it's time for her to take control.
Ideas for a plan:
1)Teacher requires child to come to school 1/2 hour early and vacuum the classroom. No leaving the room to go to the cafeteria. Do it 2 days, but if she gets another tardy then next time for 5 days, etc... (Don't pick this idea if you think your daughter will like it)
2)Teacher requires child to stay after school and do a chore or school work. (pick something that is not appealing to your daughter. you want this to be fair but unpleasant)
3)Pick something that does not humiliate your daughter. Something reasonable. The teacher can tell your daughter that she doesn't want to worry about her being late and so she wants her there 1/2 early every day for two weeks. You may have to walk her in to be sure she gets to the classroom. Whatever you do pick something she won't want to have to repeat to ensure she gets her little bottom to class on time!
This is basically "Love and Logic." Get the books. I think I am their biggest advocate on this website!
Good Luck!
If it won't hurt for your 4 year old to be late to preschool for a week, do this...
Walk your daughter to her classroom for a week while holding her hand and helping her put her backpack away and get to her seat. She'll be so mortified she'll never be late again.
I used to teach high school and had a student who acted up in all her classes. Her mother joined her for a day of school, sitting in a chair next to her. The student never acted up again!
First and foremost, you need to have a conversation with her and find out why she is doing this. She is 7, she knows what she is doing, and she is not following the rules for some certain reason. Does she feel that her sister gets to spend more time with you in the mornings, making her feel left out? Is she having problems with her teacher? Is there a bully that she has to walk past to get to her classroom in the morning that she is afraid of, making hiding out in the cafeteria a more palatable option?
Second, you are going to have to show her by your actions that her being irresponsible with her time, for whatever reason, has now caused a consequence; you walking her into school. In front of her friends, in front of her classmates, in front of the teachers. This will show her that a) she is just as important to you as her sister, and b) that you as the parent are not going to allow her to misbehave any longer, and c) that her education is extremely important and not something to play at. If you don't handle this quickly and firmly, then what will she do next?
This is what I would do:
If she has any games/video/movie nights/get together/sleepovers= fun stuff
i would start there- our jobs as parents is to teach our kids how "real" life will be in the real world.. you cannot be late to work more than 3x in a month or you get disciplined, right?
Yes, she is 7 I know you are probably rolling your eyes right now- but trust me, this works. Obviously, she has not learned after the first 3x of being tardy, she has not learned with you, the teacher or any other adult who has tried to tell her what she is doing is wrong.
It's time to take action!! She is eating at home- she should not be eating at school, or if she does want to eat at school, she should get up earlier and get herself across the street. You should not be taking her to school if she is that close- I mean, yes, you can walk her to the crosswalk in pj's and make sure she gets on campus- ON TIME- but she needs to learn to take responsibility!!
I know at first you are kind of at a loss about why this is happening- but YOU are the reason this has happened so many times.. 13x .. come on!! At the first sign of a problem you should have taken action- this is YOUR child- this is where it starts with showing responsibility.
Tell her to get her behind to class or she will be sitting in the same grade next year when all of her friends get to move up
A.,
At 7 years old they know better. I would give her time out for every time she is late. Take away what she likes the most. Specially if she eats at home there is no need for her to go to the cafeteria, specially if she is taking so long and being late for her class. It's not like you are just sitting there doing nothing, you have to take your other daughter to her school and changing your schedule for her would mean, everyone else suffers the consequences but her. So, I would discipline her and let her know that her behavior will bring consequences that she will not like. I bet she'll won't be late again. :)
Does she have a best friend she can "buddy" with in the morning? Perhaps you could drop her at her house or go pick the buddy up and drop them at school together.
Use peer pressure in a positive way.
I'd simply tell her that if she can't get to class on time, she must not be getting enough sleep at night. And start rolling back her bed time until she straightens up.
I suggest walking her to class....sounds like an attention thing with her possibly. She gets a lot of attention from teacher and mom if shes late to class. Try it for a week....then when she goes to do it on her own, try a reward system at school...maybe a sticker card if she fills up for being on time she gets rewarded. Good Luck!!!
I think she needs to know that being at class late is NOT optional. I would set something as a short term goal (star chart) and then a long term goal (a month with so many stars) and let the whole family cheer her on; and then discipline her with taking something away when she is late. She needs to understand that her actions are causing a ripple effect throuhout the whole family. (I'd make the reward a family celebration of some sort because it is a family issue)
Does your preschooler have to be on time? The reason I ask is I have a similar schedule problem, and I solve it by taking my preschooler a little late each day. He misses about 10 minutes of school each morning, and my older child gets walked in to class. My son's teachers know why he's late and it's no big deal. he slides right into the routine and doesn't miss a beat. That way everyone is where they need to be and it isn't rushed or full of backtracking. I hope this helps!
Talk to the school and have them have a teacher or a safety patrol student
walk her to class and make sure that the teacher knows that she is not to leave the classroom.
: )
I would get with the school and discuss not letting her eat breakfast at school since she already has eaten at home. Her eating at school seems to be the problem for her being tardy for class and also it could be in the future a problem if she starts over eating also.
I happen to agree with Lisa. Our elementary school has monitors everywhere. iKids are walked in line to breakfast and lunch. When a straggler is about any teacher or aide who is still in the hall gets the child to his classroom, or the office.
7 year olds are not responsible enough to tell time or to tell how many inutes have gone by. Plus the school is responsible for her the minute she walks into those doors. What if there were a fire drill while she was somewhere dillydallying?
I woul have a meeting with the teacher and principal.
Maybe I'm in a minority but is there any plan in place to help the children be responsible? Being that this is elementary school, isn't there a monitor watching over the kids? I would think that person would have the kids getting breakfast items cleaned up (regardless of whether the kids are finished eating) about 5 minutes before first bell so that at first bell the kids can leave to get to class on time. Is there a bell to let the students know that breakfast is ending and first bell is moments away? I remember elementary school being so regimented and there was always an adult around to keep us moving, monitor behavior, etc. My kids are only 4 and 5 but I have 6 nieces and nephews between the ages of 7 and 10. I can tell you without a doubt they would all be tardy if they had to rely on themselves to transition from unstructured breakfast time to get to class on time.
Where do the kids go if they aren't eating breakfast but are waiting for school to start? Pehaps tell her she needs to go there instead of to the cafeteria.
I'll be interested to hear what others say.
So why can't she get to class? What IS she doing?
What is SHE going to do to get to class on time?
You need to put this on her. She will be in third grade next year and she needs to take some personal responsibility.
How is it everybody else can get to class but her? Maybe she needs to be told she will have to stay inside from recess to make up for her tardiness? or stay after school to make up for her tardiness?
Has the Principal spoken with her? Maybe in school suspension? Maybe miss out on the next school field trip?
Have you taken away her TV or computer time? Take away play dates?
Treat this like you would any other behavior that is unacceptable for school. If you make her part of the solution she is more likely to solve this on her own.
On the other hand make sure she is given praise for coming up with an acceptable solution and follow through. Have her write down her plan of action and have her give a copy to the teacher. And have her teacher keep you informed.
I am sending you strength.
If your daughter eats breakfast at home before you drop her off at school, why would she need to eat at school too? If she is eating a good breakfast at home and eating the rest of her meals/snacks during the day, she does not need the extra calories of the double breakfast. Have her stop eating the school breakfast. Instead of eating breakfast and being late, she could be playing on the playground, visiting with her friends, reading a book, etc. Suggest these other options to her. At my daughters school they have a bell that rings when it is time for school to start. If they have a bell or whistle at your daughters school tell her when she hears it she needs to immediately gather her things and get to her class quickly. I agree with another poster, that the school needs to have some sort of punishment for not being on time. My daughters school has the children stay inside from recess for a certain amount of time if they are late getting into class. If they don't have a punishment at school for being late then you can try a reward/punishment system at home. If she is late she has to write a certain # of sentences each day she is late. (this worked when my husband was little and we suggested it for a friend who's son was having trouble in 1st grade. It still works!) If she isn't late for x amount of days or weeks or month she gets to go to a movie, buy a new toy, make a special craft, go to a park, or whatever reward works for her. Usually getting a reward for not doing a certain behavior works better than a punishment for doing that behavior, at least with my daughter.
