7 Yr. Old Daughter with a 15 Yr. Old Attitude

Here is a suggestion way out in left field but in the spirit of reverse psycology here goes. If any child thinks that they "know better than you" SHOW them that they do not. At any age when a child thinks they are able to "handle" anything better than the adult you can not simply tell them. Kids have selective hearing,you must show them they are not quite up to the task. Scenero... Why do I have to do everything? You treat me like a slave. (you're thinking Oh really!)Response- "If I'm such a slave driver when I tell you to please clean your room then let me show you just how much you don't do. Here is the list of things I do around here that you are not asked or required to do." Give your child a written list and make it pretty big. No chore is too small. Wash dishes,take out the trash,vaccum,sweep and mop kitchen floor,fold clothes, fix dinner,load washing maching,clean EVERY room,get the mail,ect. Then inform them that this list is now theirs and You will be more than happy to clean their room. No choice, today is Freaky Friday for now. Subject 2 When your child thinks that they are "way smarter" than you. Again show tham how wrong they are. Choose a situation that requires an adult decision and if they give you the wrong answer or way to handle it, give the fully detailed reason why it won't work. Be creative, create a situation that is so extreme that any of her answers would end in disasterous results, then give her the right answer and explain that she is NOT stupid she simply doesn't have the knowledge or experiance you do and make sure she understands that you make the tough and easy decisions for her because of this and that you love her so much that you want her to have a long healthy life so that she can be as smart or smarter than you someday. I would love to talk to you more on this subject so I will send you a private message with my #. I really am sincere about wanting feedback from you or anyone else about my advise. Feel free to contact me, B.

Hey there C.- I agree with alot of what other mom's have said and here is what I have to add.....My daughter (who turned 8 in August) started her fits like this with me I exahausted all efforts and then I ended up starting from square one. I litterally took away all priviliges....choice of drink at meal time, outfit for the day, hair accessories, when TV time was allowed I chose her show....you name it I made the choice. I explained to her that when she can show me she knows how to behave she can regain her privilige of making descions for herself. Being the headstrong girl she is this was not an easy thing to do but within about 2 weeks she understood that we can work together and get through much better than working alone all the time. It may sound a bit on the extreme side but sometimes you need to take a step back and take a fresh approach on life. Good luck!

I am editing my answer because I realized I forgot to say something important. While I really do think that need for attention is what causes kids to act out, I also believe that kids should be stopped from disrespectful behavior as it happens. For me, the thing that I can best live with has been to immediately send a kid to their room or a corner until they think they can control the mouth, and then let them choose when to come back, but IMMEDIATELY back to the room or corner if it starts again. At younger ages, I like this better than taking privileges or yelling because it's immediate (which younger kids understand better) and because I always feel yucky after I yell at them - even when they deserve it!

Been there, done that and feel for you! Being a single, working mom is incredibly demanding job, and it would be nice if kids would just cooperate, but they're kids and they don't!

I agree with those who said that your daughter is crying out for attention. Here is what seemed to work with my daughters, in the same situation:

First, I told them that our family is a team, and that on a team, everyone is important and the team can't meet its goals without teamwork. That means we do the fun stuff as a team, but we also tackle the hard stuff together as a team. They'd seen this kind of talk on kids' tv, and it wasn't new to them. Second, whenever stuff didn't work, we sat down for a "team meeting" to figure out how to make progress. Rather than yell or lecture, I enlisted them in helping come up with ways that this could work better. You'd be surprised at some of the ideas they came up with. Some of them I had to veto, but some of them were great. And some were meaningless and harmless, so we adopted them just to make them feel good. The key is to encourage them to brainstorm, not criticize any particular idea (even if it must be vetoed - give the reason or say something like "that'd be great if it were warm outside - can you think of something we could do indoors?").

You may need a team meeting (or at least a heart to heart) to enlist your daughter's aid in solving the anger problem she seems to be feeling. It hurts her as much as it hurts you, and I'm sure in her own 7 year old way, she'd love to hear you tell her that you know her anger makes her feel TERRIBLE inside, and that you want to help her feel GREAT inside, but it's something you have to work on together, as a team, and it will be hard work, but as a team, the two of you can get her there! She probably will be thrilled that you have acknowledged her feelings and want to work to help her out of her angries.

I can't say the team approach always worked, especially when I was really tired. But the main tactic for me was to pull the kids into whatever I was doing or needed to do, so that I could "give them togetherness" while getting my own chores done and my own needs met. Here are a few other ways I gave my kids "attention":

When I was zonked (still use these today with the three younger ones) I put on a video in my bedroom and let them crawl in with me for a movie (you can pass out if you need to!). After work, when they craved attention and I craved peace and rest, I often let them decide what to eat for dinner and then let them make it with me (I limited their choices and made it easy, e.g. mac & cheese or cereal & milk or peanut butter & banana sandwiches). You'll never believe this but our MOST FUN CHORE was washing the kitchen floor together. I cranked up the music, poured the soapy water on the floor and got out all the old raggy dishtowels I could find. We stood with feet on dishtowels and slid/danced the floor clean! They also loved cleaning anything with a squirt bottle... So - you see my point - you can give them fun time and attention while still meeting your need to get stuff done, or even for rest or sleep!

Good luck C.. Keep trying till something works.

WELCOME! Welcome to Club Too Old For Their Own Good!

I don't know that it's really because you're too busy w/ other things. I'm a SAHM and my daughter does the same thing. Eye rolling and "UGH, I have to do EVERYTHING around here!" Oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. My neice is the same way! I think a lot of it is what is geared towards the preteens. Think about it... when we were like 11, we rode our bikes and boys still had "cooties". Now 11 yr olds have BOYFRIENDS and care about name brand clothing. Kids are pushed to "grow up" faster these days and I really think that filters down to our "babies."

Just my 2 cents!

And on the advice front... don't let her get away w/ it. It may seem like you're always yelling at her, but that's what I do. If I get the attitude, I stop it right then and there. I LOVE the idea of calling her a "drama queen" and getting her all pissed about it. But she's probably embarrassed that she was called on it. I call my daughter on it EVERY time. Yes, you could try to calmly talk to her first, but be prepared to not get an answer. She's testing her boundaries... bottom line.

Good luck... we're there with you! =] K.

My 9 year old went through this at 7 and eventually evened out into a nice little girl again. She still acts much older than her years, but is over the foot stomping, yelling and fighting stage. (At least for a while I hope) Just hold your ground, put her in her place as many times a day as you need to, and she will get over it. What really worked well for me was calling her "Queenie" as in "Drama Queen" which she HATED. When I started that, she got herself under control. lol I am enjoying things right now, at least for a while until the real hormones kick in. I am not ready for all that either. Good luck!

Boy! I sure am sympathetic to your plight. Not first hand, but my nieces are 9, 12 & 13, so there's plenty of attitude to go around! She seems a bit a head of the curve! Do her friends act this way? Is she influenced by t.v.? God, knows the shows on t.v. don't encourage respect for authority!
But, to get down to basics.........she needs to act respectful towards you. The stomping of my feet got me a straight ticket to my room, which worked because I enjoyed being around all the adults. (nickname from my childhood? Boomer! from the stomping up the stairs!) I was older than your daughter. But, the message was clear. Ugly behavior had consequences. Talk to her, listen and read between the lines. Is there any new "stuff" going on in the house? Any family changes? What about school? I didn't use my words, I stomped my feet rather express my feelings of anger/frustration. Maybe she needs new tools to express her feelings, rather than actions that get her into trouble. Words, words, words....love, love and more love.....good luck, stick to your guns and I'm sure this will pass. Take a deep breath!

C.,
well you know the "problem". You are too busy. Your child knows that she wants your time but does not know how to tell you. Going to school full time is very hard. That takes up alot of time. Then you own your own store. Then yes you are a Girl Scout leader but you have to share your time with your daughter. Not just some one on one time that she is looking for. She is acting this way becasue she might be angry that you are always busy and she just needs to sit with you and enjoy your company, relaxing, coloring together whatever she likes to do. Maybe take some time out for just her. She is needing your attention for whatever reason and she does not know how to tell you.
Good Luck
B.

I have absolutely no advice for you whatsoever, but I would appreciate some. My 6 year old step daughter is the same way--attitude city! Of course, I can blame part of that on her mom, but I am afraid it is the age. Yikes!

I feel like I am handing out the same advice for different problems almost every day. This generation of children is demanding our respect. Traditional parenting styles are met with hostilty & exasperation on there part. However when one talks to these children respectfully they respond respectfully. Granted there can be a suspicion period when one changes tactics, but if they realize you are trying to work with them instead of against them, then these children will tell you what they need. Look at it this way, it can't hurt to talk with them instead of at them. Having an open line of communication with our children as they become teenagers & young adults is something every parent can agree is critical to keeping them safe. Good luck.

My daughter is the same way! She will be 7 in next mo. I think it is just the way life is now, girls just want to grow up too fast.I know my daughter gets a lot of her stuff from the tv and school. All I can say is, try to be there for her as much as possible...and rememeber the word PUSH= pray until something happends.
C. R

I have a 14 yr old that thinks she is 20 some days but you have to stand your ground. If the corner or time out doesn't work start taking things a step further. No girl scouts that week, or a party she wants to go to , do what you need to do. One thing I found is that you tell her if you want resepct you gotta earn respect. It may sound stupid but I found that when I treated her the way she treated me it went a long way. Now my 14 yr old tells me she loves me infront of her friends (most of them don't say anything to their parents )and she knows i treat mom like she treats me. It really goes a long way. Good Luck.