Posting this message on behalf of a friend.
Basically, she said that dr. told her that her 7 yr old son was underweight and needed to gain some more! Here's some of what she said in her first email to me about it:
"the doctor says Joey is way underweight and we have to get more food in him. Well, I tried but it seems he actually doesn't like eating. I thought it was pickyness but he has had a big problem with me trying to get him to eat more often. I think it has to do with his anxiety (diagnosed when he was 5) and needing control over something so he thinks he can control what and how much he eats. Sounds really crazy considering he's 7 but I can't explain it any other way. I don't know if I should call the doctor now or what. When I stopped bugging him to eat, his mood got better and he stopped complaining that he was gonna get fat."
and in her second email, after I gave her some thoughts, she said:
"We had been trying those carnation drinks for Joey, per dr's advice. But he's decided he won't drink them anymore. I'm gonna try the pediasure next. I'm also going to try to have him help me cook. One thing I did do that actually is ok with him is we cut out cereal for breakfast and eat toast with peanut butter instead. Although I'd like him to eat 2 slices, with cereal he was only eating a few bites than drinking the milk. He gets full very quickly and if we ask him to try a little more he says he'll get a stomach ache."
Joey has two older siblings and one younger sibling, with another on the way, so he's basiclly the middle child. He and his whole family are not overweight. They are average to below average. The kids are all pretty good eaters and have a variety of foods to eat. Mom homecooks all dinners, but lunch may be sandwiches, leftovers, or frozen nuggets. Any thoughts you can share or advice to give my friend about helping her son gain some weight would be of great help. Thanks in advance!
I don't know anything about what meds he may be on, but his mom will read my post and your answers, so thanks for all your advice. I had suggested him helping her cook and him maybe switching to whole milk. I don't know where he's getitng the 'fat' thing. Their whole family is naturally thin. Mom's pregnant, but normally a lean healthy eating woman. Joey's brothers and sisters are normal size if not a little naturally thin too. I would assume the dr said something beause perhaps Joey got off of his growth curve (maybe he's been in a certain percentile since birth, now at 7years, he's fallen below that curve). I'll suggest mom look into that. Again, thanks, and we'd be happy to hear any more suggestions!
Tell his mom to rule out two things:
Reflux esophagitis
If he overhears his mother obsess about HER weight and has internalized the message that thin equals good and fat equals unloved.
I laugh because when the Dr. told my mother she needed to gain some weight she went on the blue bell diet, she gained the weight. The next time the Dr. saw her he told her she could get off the blue bell diet now.
You mention a dx of anxiety at the age of 5- Is he taking any medication for the anxiety? These meds can greatly reduce the desire to eat, so perhaps a change in medication could help. I do agree with previous posts that this could be a mental issue. (my daughter has spells of this, but she is grown) Do discuss this with his psychiatrist. Keep snack foods out and visible, offer a reward for reaching a certain weight, encourage juices and milk as drinks (add Instant Breakfast), having him help cook is a great idea (let him lick the bowl).
Hi there,
I can empathize with the concern over low weight and I can sure empathize and support not wanting to force a child to overeat.
I would wonder what his natural eating rhythm might be. Is he a grazer? A morning eater? A 3 squares kid? A night time snacker? I believe as long as he is healthy, offered nourishing foods in a relaxed environment on a schedule that fits him. He may just be thin.
If he is not healthy or if he is anxious and that is impacting his eating that is a different matter. Also, you mentioned his concern about getting fat.....where is that coming from? Is that a concern in his family? Boys can tend toward eating disorders as well.
In any case, if mom is anxious about his weight/health or her own weight she could benefit from some strategies to decrease her anxiety. Here is an article about the best one I know:
http://www.eftuniverse.com/pdf-files/hegarty-eft-article.pdf
I am a parent educator/coach and I would be happy to give mom some tips over the phone if she would like to contact me directly.
Blessings,
K.
"From the Heart" Family Healing
____@____.com
I have a 5yo who is severly underweight. Suggestions we have received from a nutritionist and our pediatrician: cook in butter, use half-and-half instead of milk when cooking things like mac-n-cheese, consider whole milk instead of 1% or 2%, use fattier meat, encourage Carnation Instant Breakfast or Pediasure to drink at least 2-3 times per day.
The stand-out clue in your letter is the phrase, "he stopped complaining that he was gonna get fat." We think of girls having eating disorders, but boys can have them, too. This needs further investigation by his parents with a qualified counselor. Offering good foods isn't going to help.
Sounds like annorexia. I am surprised his doctor would not advise a nutritionist and a psychiatrist. There is obviously something going on mentally with this little boy that he is having a hard time dealing with it so it is manifesting itself into him starving himself.
Has he looked into any medication for the anxiety or therapy? Unfortunately, it has to start with him wanting to eat because you can not MAKE someone eat. His head needs to be clear so his tummy can be full. You can come up with all the most fantastic, filling and healthful foods on the planet for him but if will only eat 1 or 2 bites it does not matter what it is. That is not the problem, he needs to deal with the issues in his head.
So sorry to hear about your friends situation! My son is on the smaller side but thats just how he is but he needed more fat and protien in his diet.
He loves peanuts so I found this trail mix in individual pouches. Its Kar's Sweet N' Salty Mix. Has 18g of fat and 8g of protein.
I tell him its his treat. Tell her to not make a big deal and see if he just starts eating them. Like making it his choice to eat them.
Also if he likes chocalote milk try the breakfast milk drink. It has lots of the stuff he might need in it.
Thanks for reading!
My son has always been on the thin side. The doctor was concerned for a while that he would become too thin but he's evened out enough to drop concern. She may want to try higher fats in the food that he does eat. Whole milk verses skim, 80% lean meats verses 90+ lean. Maybe even more pastas if he likes pasta. My son still doesn't eat a lot and stays pretty thin but at least he's within the range of what he's supposed to weigh. I'm not sure how common it is but I have heard of young children being anorexic. Not sure what caused them to not want to eat but if may be more along the lines of someone telling him he was fat or would get fat verses him just wanting to control the food. I hope it all turns out well.
wow. sounds like the weight problem would be the last thing to address. he needs to get the controll thing under controll! i suggest therapy for him. if he is only 7 and already has anxiety those issues need to be solved so he can actually eat. the eating is a result of these other matters. that are obvously effecting his health (underweight). i really feel bad for him. but i am pretty sure his mommy is a good one and will take him to therapy or council him. hope he gets it all strait soon. sorry he is having so much trouble coping.
My daughter is very tiny and very thin, so I know your friend's anxiety.
She was younger than your friend's son at her tiniest, so we didn't have to worry about things like anorexia, but it's challenging nevertheless.
Getting him involved in the shopping and cooking is a great idea. My daughter--who it turns out is just naturally tiny and just not really interested in food--always eats best when it's something she helped with. Since he's the middle child, maybe that could be something he could do alone with one parent. And maybe they could find a show on the Foodnetwork that he would like to watch. My kids love Alton Brown. It might just get him interested enough that he wants try some new foods.
I also want to add that some kids are just small. For a while, my daughter was below the third percentile. She still just much more bony than any of her friends, even though she's up to the tenth percentile now. With those charts, somebody is always going to be on the bottom.
She might try explaining that to the doctor to see if there is a different type of doctor that could be more helpful.
My daughter has been on Pediasure for 7 months and loves it. She went from 3 percentile in weight to 20th percentile in weight. Most of the time, that is her meal. She is not much into food either. Pediasure can be a little expensive, but well worth it. Plus it has the vitamins that they are missing out on by not eating.
My son is the same way, and always has been. He just doesn't like to eat. We give him the meal replacement shakes just before bedtime every night, so his body holds on to the most calories, and I encourage him to eat whenever he tells me he is hungry, whether it's a mealtime or not. It's hard to think of ways to get more fat in meals, when usually I think how to keep it out, since I am not blessed with his metabolism or the willpower to stay away from the yummy fattening foods I buy to tempt him. So I end up buying two versions of a lot of the same foods: whole and skim milk, 100-calorie snack packs and full-fat snacks, different ice creams, etc.
Good luck to your friend!
Ok, I have this same thing. I have been this way since I was a child. I am 5 foot 9 inches tall. It didn't stunt my growth. My OCD also results in "What if'ing." My Mom kept regular meal times and it wasn't until I hit 13 or 14 when I took more interest in food. I won't say that I eat a lot but I am better. I ate plenty while I was pregnant. I do not believe in meds for little kids. I dealt with it and I am good.
Does Joey eat daily vitamins? We buy the gummy bear type at Costco - the kids love them and so do the doctors!
I just posted the same situation with our 7 year old son on here last week (search the archives and you'll find it). He also has a form of anxiety, OCD. Our son also hates to eat and food is a real battle.
Our son hates Pediasure, but we found he will drink SlimFast. They're not so slim, coming in at around 250 to 300 calories a can. We get the Costco version. So, if Pediasure is a bust, she might try these.
Our son's doctors have said repeatedly to give him fatty foods when he does eat. It's really hard for us, because I'm doing Weight Watchers and we usually eat healthy, so it takes a special effort to do that. However, I do try to keep any goody he might enjoy like donuts and cookies available to help. He was also on a bacon kick for a while, so I cooked that every morning. It's hard, though, because he does go through stretches where he is not motivated by anything. I do try to pay attention to any studies on childhood obesity and any foods they consider "bad," I mark down on my idea list as "good" for our son.
Let her know she's not alone! It's very, very hard having a child who doesn't like eating.
ETA: Our son sees a behavioral therapist, psychiatrist and pediatrician for his ADHD, OCD and depression and none have suggested an eating disorder. This also occurred to me since it's another brain disorder, but so far the lack of interest in eating is just being labeled as picky eating.
My oldest is underweight. Our doctor tells us to push the dairy, lots of cheeses, ice cream and whole milk. What kid doesn't like a good milkshake ;)
Definitely consult a dietitian! This behavior of using food as a form of control is not unusual at all, in fact a lot of anorexics also report similar behavior. So if it's a control issue you need find other ways he can feel in control. Having him help cook is a great idea, also have him help plan the meals so you are making things that he chooses (maybe he can have a night or 2 to choose dinner.) 7 is old enough to make his own snacks, breakfast etc. I used to put a cup of milk in the fridge so my son could get his own breakfast without spilling the whole gallon.
If he is not seeing a counselor, then I would strongly suggest you start that. Check with your health insurance to see if behavioral benefits are covered. Many health insurances also include behavioral/out patient therapy benefits up to 20 visits a year with just a copay. You definitely want to get this under control now rather than later because it may just get worse.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things just hang in there and keep doing it!
