8-Year Old Constantly Loses Her Stuff

NW,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. I imagine it must be frustrating to have such an ungrateful, unappreciative child in the house. It sounds like you hit the nail on the head tho that part of the reason she doesn't care about losing things is because people keep finding them or replacing them for her.

What about a meeting with her Mom to discuss some "tough love"? Obviously this would have to be mainly between her dad and mom, but you need to be there to so that it is a collaborative effort.

I think she needs to "earn" privlidges such as ipods, cell phone usage, etc. The next time she loses something, she has to earn it back and definitely does not get a new one or new anything else until she proves she'll take care of it. Does she get an allowance? How about something in the allowance about helping out around the house (i.e. keeping her room clean and belongings picked up) AND doing some basic chores. The next time she wants something she needs to save up to buy it herself or wait until her birthday or Christmas to get it...isn't that what we had to do?

The more "stuff" she has the more inclined she'll be to not appreciate it. The more her things are replaced the less she'll be worried about losing it. And if you, dad, mom, etc. keep nagging her, she'll just lash out at you. If she's big enough to have all these expensive "toys", then she's old enough to deal with the consequences of losing them.

Take the "fight" out of this issue. Use logical consequences. Just make sure all the grown ups are on the same page first so you don't look like the mean one.

If/When she comes complaining/bawling to you about the next lost item don't be mean or insensitive, simply say, "Gee I'm really sorry you lost that/forgot to bring it. Have you tried looking in the place it belongs?" Then, that's it. It's now HER problem that you didn't create, you don't have to fix and you aren't nagging her about. If she continues to whine about not having it remind her that SHE lost it/didn't bring it and that's just too bad. (Just keep the mindset of "not my problem" without coming off as holier than thou. Be genuine, "I'm really sorry. That's too bad. I guess you'll have to find something else to do right now/some other way to entertain yourself."

I think the key is making a united stand with the other grownups in her life. The general agreement HAS to be "this is not OUR problem".

Good luck - let me know how it goes.

Sara

Ok so let me say off the bat I am one of "those" moms. What the heck is an 8 year old doing with a phone, an ipod and a ds anyway? that's an awful lot of electronics for an age that should still be playing "house". ok so now that my feelings on that are out of the way. The best way to keep track of those kinds of things is not to let them leave the house. period. not to mommies and not to grandma's otherwise she is not watching out for them you are. She will grow out of it. When she is personally buying her own things. One of the ways a child grows responsible is by buying and taking care of their own things. With money they have earned and or saved up. I know my son is 14 he got an ipod for Christmas. because he bought himself a cheapy mp3 two years ago which he has taken very good care of. He got a computer becuase he has saved his birthday and christmas money since he was 10 and had enough this year. he is not allowed to visit inappropriate websites because we are the boss of him. At 8 the parents should be making the rules. and the rules should be simple. you don't take these out of the house. sorry this sounds harsh but sometimes i don't understand when people give children and adult item and then wonder why it gets lost of broken. my cousin does it all the time. drives me crazy.

I'm calming down just reading some of the responses to children losing their stuff. I just got to the end of my patience with my nine year old son for losing his psp. That's only a month after losing his new itouch. I was at my wits' end - but now reading that there are some moms out there who have similar experiences and all the good advice, I now feel that I have definitely been part of the problem - I could tick all the boxes regarding perhaps another issue being the 'real' issue and not just the fact the stuff got lost; I shouldn't have let the items out of the house - my son also goes from one house to another on a regular basis; a too-kind stepfather who buys my son the same as he buys for his own nine year old son (his son really really looks after his stuff - the other end of the spectrum);
Thanks for helping me not feel like a really bad mother!

It is hard for my son to keep track of anything and there is no back and forth for him. In fact we just found his DS charger, which was missing for a month, in an empty grocery bag. How does that happen? He looses his hats, gloves, and even a shoe just between here and school. His special pocket watch from his Papa turned up underneath the passenger seat of my car and his electric toothbrush is still at his friends house from a sleepover in November :) With all that being said... It must be even harder for your little one because she is going house to house on a regular basis. Maybe she has too many things, so she doesn't know how to appreciate them. I would cut her a little slack and not let her travel with any high ticket items until she is a little more responsible. I don't think it is her though, I think the majority of elementary kids have trouble with.

Excellent advice from Mom on the GO!

What a great opportunity before all of you to teach her to respect her things, appreciate what she was been given and lastly, how to safeguard her belongings. If she doesn't have to work for it, she won't appreciate it or the effort of others who make these belongings possible.

Lastly, we have given our 2 young daughters iPod shuffles for Christmas. They are held by us and checked out and back in again like the library. Free and immediate access will = lost/broken iPods.

Good luck!

I agree completely with Mom on the Go. I use natural consequences. If my son doesn't bring home an assignment he has to figure out how to solve the problem. If he leaves his boots at school he can't play outside. If he loses something he doesn't get a new one from us and he doesn't have it until he buys a new one or the old one is found. IE I buy him one pair of nice gloves each winter. If he loses them he is out of luck until he can buy a new pair or finds the old pair. Some would say that isn't safe but you know what, he remembers cold hands and has not lost his gloves in two years. If he doesn't seem to care something is lost then he didn't really want it in the first place so there is no reason to replace it.

Perhaps you could have her make an inventory list of what she is wearing and bringing with her to the next house? Then give her a negative consequence if she does not return with everything on the list. It's tedious. It will seem like so much more work than actually being responsible; maybe she will connect those dots and do what she needs to do the right way the first time. Plus, when she starts coming back with everything, give her a reward. Not STUFF, mind you, but maybe an extra hour of computer time.