8 Year Old Daughter Is Very Disrespectful

There is some good advice on here already. One thing you might want to think about is getting her into a hobby if she isn't already- dance, piano, etc. These things are fun and teach discipline, patience, and self-control. Dance and/or music is such a positive tool for also promoting self-esteem. Perhaps she just needs an outlet to blow off some steam, and to be put in a spotlight where she can excel with her own talents. I hope things get better for you two.

Sounds like she is getting a lot of negative reinforcement and not much positive reinforcement. Kids will do anything to get attention, even if it is negative attention. However, give kids positive reinforcement and it is absolutely amazing at how well behaved they can be. My daughter is 4 and while she is not horribly behaved, she does like to throw her tantrums over the littlest things. The day I changed my reactions towards her in general and started giving her more positive feedback and praise, she turned around instantly. I was never one to not praise her, but when her tantrums came on, she would be in trouble. Now I just ignore them when she has them and she quickly calms down and moves on. And I praise/thank her for even the littlest things from throwing her brother's diaper away to the big things like learning to ride her bike.

I was working on positive reinforcement and praise before seeing this ABC special, but watching it hit home as to how much our children really do just want attention - good or bad. If you get a chance, watch it...you never know some tips may help with your daughter.

http://abc.go.com/watch/primetime-family-secrets/216354/2...

A....first of all, breathe and stop blaming yourself. When both of my daughters hit age 8 the exorcist entered our home!!! The attitude, the smart mouth, the screams, the drama...all of it. The first time my husband was deployed so I was dealing with it alone and the demonstrations were trying not only on me but her two smaller siblings. Now we are going through it again with the second daughter. The oldest is now 13.....!!! I've tried it all, grounding, which by the way has to be kept if you do it...no letting them off for good behavior!!! I'm guilty of that...but something I have started doing that works like a charm on the smart mouth....dip the end of the toothbrush into the baking soda...just a small pea sized amount, make her brush her teeth and no spitting until she's brushed all her teeth three times....it's amazing how "clean" it gets them!!! My girl spends alot of time in her bedroom for the attitude and tantrums. well both actually, it gets them away from me so I don't join them in the scream session...once they and I are calm, they come down and continue the chores they were told to do...and yes they have daily chores. Doesn't hurt them a bit and gives me a break since I work full-time, too. I hope this helps somewhat and that you manage to get through safely!!! Best of luck!

Dear A.,
It sounds like the two of you could use some counseling. There's an underlining problem that needs to be brought to surface and dealt with. Her tantrums are symptoms or she has learned what works for her to get her ways. Children figure things out pretty quickly and if putting on a show gives her the attention she craves she will do it. You just need to find a healthier way of giving her what she needs. You can get some parenting advice by working with a skilled professional. If you have insurance this may be covered but you might still have a copayment to deal with.
Since your daughter is young you have more control to take care of this problem now than later and enjoy these wonderful years together before she turns 18.
The best of luck to you.

if you are really at your wits' end, talk to the school psychologist/social worker, see what is going on at school in terms of behavior - If that fails, take her to see a counselor - Get help, you may just be making it worse with your frustration level, which she can surely sense, and being a child, probably feeds off of.

The first thing that jumps out at me is that you have let this go on for so long. The second thing is that she has no responsibilties other than cleaning her room. Since this has gone on so long you are not going to get it fixed overnight. Start by setting house rules that everyone in the house follows. Then have consequences for breaking the rules. Make sure your fiance and x-husband also follow through with the consequences.(If she is grounded from TV make sure she is not allowed TV anywhere). You also need to let her have responsibilities around the house. Cleaning her room is a good start but she is capable of doing more. If you have a pet let her be responsibly for the care of that pet. She can dust or run the vacuum. If you have a dishwasher she can rinse dishes off, load, run and unload. If you do dishes by hand then she can help dry and put away the dishes. The main thing that you need to remember is to follow through on the rules. If NO yelling or screaming is a rule then everyone needs to follow the rule. If the rule is broken then the consequence applies. If you threaten your daughter with military school then you will need to follow through with that. You do not mention if she is having issues at school. If she is having behavior issues at school also then you may need to have her tested for behavior disorder. If you are a praying person, ask God to help you on this. Ask him to give you strength and wisdom in parenting your children. God Bless!

"The Heart of Anger" by Lou Priolo.

I recommend emotional freedom technique (eft). It is a tapping technique on acupressure points that can work great for calming a kid down and helping them get control. www.emofree.com has a Get Started Free section. Here's a story on how it helped one kid with his anger issues http://www.emofree.com/anger-management/brandon.htm

I understand how you feel. I would try to have some one on one time. It could be accting out as something is bothering her. I understand you are getting married soon. it maybe jealousy over the time you are planning and your attention is somewhere else. If no else works I would try haiving her talk to a third party person to hsve another voice in the matter.

Google "Oppositional Defiant Disorder" and get Dr. Greene's (I think his first name is Ross) book. ODD is real, though many people haven't heard of it. See if the description fits. If so, a change in parenting philosophy might help. Typical rewards & punishments aren't effective with ODD kids, and escalating the arguing just makes things worse. According to our therapist, our daughter (who was 8 at the time, now she's 9) felt love from us when we gave her this negative attention (arguing, etc.) - I know - that seems warped, but we have to deprive her of our outbursts, nagging, etc. so that she seeks our love in a positive way. Our therapist describes it as a failure to complete the terrible 2's. It's tough. Good luck.

You can get a lot of helpful tips about raising good kids at focusonthefamily.com I hope you can find a solution to your problem. From your vantage point it probably seems hopeless, but I have fostered over 30 children and the slightest change in what you do can make a huge difference in how the children behave. My one bit of advice would be to remain consistent with how you react to her negative behavior so that as soon as she does the negative behavior, she will know what to expect as a response from you. It is proven that girls are the hardest to parent between 8 and 10. Hormones?? Good Luck and God Bless!

OK - relax it is normal kids seem to be growing up faster and acting out sooner than we did. My daughter is only 6 1/2 and she has started being sassy and rude. I spoke with my sisters whose children are now older it is normal just stick to your punishments and keep her in her room do not give in Just let her get mad and then calm down eventually it will all stop. Good Luck.

I would really recommend reading John Rosemond. The book Raising a Nonviolent Child would really open your eyes, but it doesn't as much explain how to change things. His book Six Point Plan for Raising Happy Healthy Children is more of an instruction manual. I totally believe in what he says, and when I fully practice it with my willfull boys, it works, though not necessarily overnight. It takes consistency for a long time for them to stop testing (to see if you are really going to follow through). Don't hesitate. She's only going to get worse. You can get a feel for him at www.rosemond.com; his weekly newspaper column appears there. I get his books used off amazon or ebay.