8 Year Old Slave to Fashion...

Hi, J.:

Had you thought about asking her what she thinks
the consequence needs to be for her lack of good
judgment in having the shoes bought?

Good luck.
D.

So what if she wears the same pair of shoes every day? I wouldn't make it a battle, but I wouldn't replace the ones she doesn't like any more. She still has 1 pair.

MAKE HER WEAR THEM!!! I have issues with my 9 year old on these things as well. She wants the jeans with the bling on them and swears they are comfy but when we get them home they are itchy (or whatever) and she won't wear them. Nuh uh! Once I started holding my ground and forcing her to wear her choices she started making better ones. I'm really clear with her - ok, you WILL wear these if I buy them. If they aren't comfortable we need to keep looking . . . . we still have minor issues from time to time but it is improving!!

Donate them to charity. Have her deliver them so she's getting the full experience and understands that she may not value them, but someone else will (a nice girl who could never afford a nice pair of new shoes). Make it a positive learning moment instead of a power play which is what this will be if you just force her to wear them.

Just last week, my oldest and dearest friend and I laughed about our shoes in high school. We went to a private school and part of our uniform was black and white "saddle shoes." You know, those ugly things girls and guys wore from the 1920's through the 50's.

At that time only three (Mall) stores still carried saddle shoes. Otherwise they had to be custom made. Everyone wanted the saddle shoes sold at Kinney shoes. They were the cutest, but kind of expensive. The cheaper version came from Baker shoes and were very "funky and trendy" to say the least. I thought they looked like clown shoes, my dad thought they were just fine because they were under $20. Only the punkers, rebels, and artsy types bought these. Everyone thought I was tough...just because I had the funky saddles.

The third option was Dr. Scholl's. They were orthopedic and only the kids with foot and leg related issues wore these. In fact, there were only two kids. A girl who had CP and my friend (who had no foot issues....just really old parents who were buying these types of shoes for themselves!)

The fourth group consisted of the very wealthy kids, whose parents had theirs custom-made in Europe or elsewhere. They were absolutely lovely. (The shoes....the girls were pills LOL)

We both (friend and I) hated our parents for not getting us the "normal" shoes. We were taunted and teased by our peers. So much so, we rebelled against our parents. My friend went as far as to color the white part of her shoes in with permanent black marker, in an effort to force her parents to buy her another pair. But at $100 bucks for orthopedic shoes, her dad merely came home with a bottle of white shoe polish and told her to deal with it. She "fixed" them, but the black marker bled through and the polish cracked. Her shoes were messed up. I pretended to "lose" mine to get out of wearing them. Guess what? I got another pair of clown shoes.
:(

So then our last plan was to just stop wearing them. We got fined by the school for everyday they were gone. We both accrued a big fine at the end of the trimester. If it wasn't paid, we didn't take finals. Our parents flipped. They paid our fines. My dad was so mad, he was wishing he'd just bought the shoes I wanted. Those clown shoes ended up costing him $340 in the end. In retrospect, he felt it wasn't worth it to make a point with me.

For us, we both still had to wear those shoes til the end of the year. But I don't know if our parents were successful in making a point with us, because the following year, we were able to get what we wanted. Battle of wills. I say pick your battles.

You are doing very well.
Perfect, I'd say.
So she stomps and shouts - so what?
She made a choice, she changed her mind, and now she's angry.
The only person she should be mad with is herself.
Next time she'll put a bit more thought into it before deciding.
I think NOT fixing it for her and letting her live with the consequences would be the best course of action.
That, and pointing out to her that although you sympathize you will in no way take any blame or bad attitude for her choices / consequences.

I wonder why all if a sudden she thinks they look stupid? Did she see another kid at school wearing them and she doesn't like that kid? Did she notice something about them she didnt notice before? Try finding out the reason & maybe you could come up with a way to convince her that they really are cute. Maybe find an ad online of them on a cute girl with a cute outfit...but yeah, I too am all for her needing to wear them and not waste them & being responsible :)

Yeah, why make it a battle? She has the shoes she chose, now let her wear what she wants. If it turns out to be the same pair every day, that's her choice.

Just don't buy her any more until her feet grow.

Not worth the battle.

Remind her that she chose those shoes. If she has two pair, let her wear the pair of her choice and save the others for a spare. I'm sure it's not what you had in mind, but it will keep the peace on the first day.
LBC

Some people, in the past, when faced with kids that only want certain clothing brands, give the kids a "budget"....

If they want a certain brand of jeans that is really expensive, they have the choice of buying 1 pair of those jeans, or several pair of less expensive jeans.

Kids do need to learn that money isn't unlimited, and there are consequences to her choices... you're doing a good job here.

At this point, I would stick to your guns and tell her that those are her only shoes.

At a point in the near future, you may want to give her the opportunity to "earn" a different pair, so she has a spare pair of shoes, but does extra chores or something to pay for them. Don't tell her that now, though... let her stew on it for a couple of weeks.

I would keep them, not enforce her to wear them. But not purchase any other pair. She can wear the other pair you bought. If those get to worn out, then she can rely on the pair she doesn't like. When the year is over, if she hasn't worn them I would donate or sell them. I wouldn't make a big issue about it, however I wouldn't go running out and buying something else she likes.

Actually, I think you're doing pretty well. School has started and that's a stressful time for girls; even at eight they're wondering if they're acceptable to their peers. They're also great at choosing things on impulse.

If you can get her really to wear the shoes tomorrow, then when she comes home ask her casually how it went with the shoes. If she soft-pedals her answer, they probably were more acceptable than she thought they'd be.

If she says, "I HATE THESE SHOES!" or if she refuses to put them on, then you can say, in a friendly but firm tone, "Well, it's too bad you chose them. There isn't money for more, so I'm glad you have one pair to wear. This weekend we'll go to the Salvation Army (or another charity - I like JL's suggestion) and you can donate them so some other kid will have shoes to wear, too." Be firm about this; school shoes that aren't worn twice a week leave the building immediately. You have consequences right there.

Have you lost out? No. You're only wasting money at this point if you let her talk you into buying her another pair. Let her wear the ones she likes, and teach her how to keep them looking good. Don't buy more footwear until those are worn out.

Some time when your daughter isn't steaming, ask her casually what she didn't like about the shoes she picked out. She may or may not be able to give an answer other than, "I just didn't like 'em after all." This is an opening for a little teaching about impulse purchases. She isn't too young to start learning about that.

You can tell her how much you spent on them and that next time she can save her own money and buy the ones she wants if she's going to be so picky.
I do NOT tolerate this kind of behavior. If she want's to act this way and not be grateful for what she gets she can buy them herself.

Ah, shoes. My youngest either loves and wears into the ground shoes for years and years, OR wears them once and completely rejects them. EVEN after declaring she likes and wants them at the store. There is no middle ground. I've spent a fair amount of money on shoes that went into rejection. It used to drive me nuts. In preschool, she wore only tennis shoes with her dresses. Cute little Mary Janes were rejected. In K, only Crocs. In winter, Crocs with socks. Now she is 9 and she wears Crocs, flip flops, some slip on flats, and KEENS. No tennis shoes. I've just decided not to make this a battle. We stick with what we know works, or I accept the risk she'll reject them. Cost does not matter. She'll reject expensive shoes sometimes, and latch on to some cheap Payless flats. What's most important? She goes to school comfortable, happy, and ready to learn. So I'd say nothing. Let the 2 pairs of shoes sit in her room. She gets dressed and chooses shoes each day. So what if she ALWAYS puts on the other shoes. If you give her the control, she MAY actually surprise you one day and wear the other shoes. But maybe not, if they don't feel right. Haven't we all made a shoe purchasing error in our lives? I know I sure have. And she's only 8, so I'd cut her some slack. Maybe they just hurt like they need to be broken in. Maybe she suddenly feels they aren't "cool" for whatever reason. She still has the ones she wears. The natural consequence is that now she only has one pair of shoes. You just don't go out and buy her more until the one pair wear out, she grows out of them, or she truly needs something different when seasons change.

I would be very clear about how much money was spent on them. If she truly doesn't want them, then she owes you $ if you cannot return them. Maybe lose her allowance or do chores. Further, she gets to have ONE pair of shoes for the whole year. Maybe it sounds harsh but she's only wearing one pair anyway. She made a choice and now needs to live with it.

It was in elementary school when clogs were in for SD. We do not typically buy the stepkids school clothes (their mother likes to do so). DH told them both that clogs were impractical for recess and asked for sneakers. SD came back with clogs and insisted on wearing them to school. The teacher sent home a note that since SD could not keep them on her feet, they were not allowed back at school. End of clogs. Sometimes they have to learn the lesson.

I agree to find out the cause, too. Sometimes it's something that can be worked through and it's not the shoes but another kid, or she thought they were "in" and they are "out" or whatever. In my SD's case, she wanted to be grown up and wanted clogs like her older cousins. They just weren't practical for HER for school.

8 is like a mini adolescence. Hang in there.

Hmm. I might discipline the tantrum (stomping and shouting) with a chore for bad attitude if she does that often. Or not if it's rare. And definitely calmly let her stand by her choice and keep the shoes she chose. That's truly life. I probably wouldn't even make her wear them if she has the other pair, just not get her any other ones. Just stay understanding and firm. (I might return them and keep the money, personally if the budget was super tight that month.)

Start a savings account with her for new shoes, pick a price to shoot for, and assign chores to achieve them. When she saves up enough, have a girl's date to donate those shoes and place her order. Make it a fun occasion so she learns to love earning stuff.
Whenever kids start flipping out about clothes they have been given, it's time to start earning their own stuff.

My 4 year old is exactly the same way. We got her summer sandals from Zappos and a backup pair from Target. She decided halfway through the summer that she did not like the awesome sandals from zappos (they are so cute). So far I hid her target pair so she only has the zappos pair to wear, otherwise, she just refuses to keep them on her feet.

I know I will be in the same place with her at 8. I have no advice but I sympathize.

I was teased a lot in school like PPer so I have that baggage to contend with. I might end up giving in to much.