My 8 year old son, who loves to play with his friends (but choses not to participate in sports or any outside activities at this time) has recently starting coming home complaining that so and so hit him or called him names. I have also witnessed him get into fights with other kids lately...not knowing who started it (they both blame the other). This does not at all seem like his personality, but he is in the middle of it with kids from the neighborhood, friends of mine, everywhere I turn. My husband says that I need to stop taking up for him (I have confronted the parents, not blaming, but asking them to have their kid please not hit mine) and let him learn to fight his own battles. My husband & I want very badly to get him into sports, but he is not interested in football or karate...he has interest in gymnastics, but my husband has a small problem with that (I think he is embarrassed. I think if he were in that and something tough, he would be a little more ok). He is expressing an interest in basketball. I just want him to get into something, anything. He LOVES art and he is wonderful at drawing. I do not care what he does as long as it is something he is interested in and gives him an outlet to use up some energy and have friends to play with outside of the neighborhood, school, and our family & family friends. Any advice on what might help him??
I think you are on the right track about getting him involved in a sport. Really, I think the amount of "toughness" isn't as important as whether it involves working as a team. If he can participate in a team sport of any kind, he will learn many social skills that will allow him to adapt and deal with conflict. I would also speak with parents when hitting is involved but think teamwork activities is extremely important too.
I think it's very important to let kids do what they are interested in, but if your husband won't budge, go outside and kick a soccer ball around with him, and see if he has any interest in that. It's not such a contact sport (at least at that age, lol), but he can get rid of some energy.
One thing I have learned from watching children grow up is that they are going to be what they are going to be. Forcing them to do something or not do something has no effect on the final outcome.
As far as taking up for him all of the time - I have always felt that if it's just one or two people it could be the others' fault. If it's everyone he's having issues with, it's more than likely his fault in some way.
It sounds like you have your hands full. What is important to remember is that children only know what they like or don't, they have no motives past ice cream, candy, and trying to stay up late. Many adults forget this. If we as parents are not careful and let the child explore what interests them, then children can find a way to become involved in activities that are harmful. It is a difficult task to change the way some parents believe in activities their children are interested in. Just because I like football doesn't mean my son is going to, nor does he have to. And certainly the way to getting a child to like something is not to make him feel inferior or bad as to why he doesn't like it. A therapist could be a good source of support in helping you process a plan that will work for your family. It sounds as if you may need that about now. Good luck and if you need some help with a referral to a therapist let me know and I will try to help you find a therapist. BTW, their is no shame in being anything you can do that is not illegal, dishonest, and you can do with a smile. IF anyone tells another person that their is, then that person is the one with the problem.
Fighting with his friends may not be all his fault. Maybe he is being bullied. I would ask his friends over to your house where you can supervise what is going on. My daughter use to complain her friends were being mean to her and this is what I did, I had them over here and kind of hid outside the door when I knew they were fussing to see who said what to who. Turns out they were both being a little stinky. And I know lots of boys in gymnastics. Maybe dad will just have to get over it.
My son was in tumbling for 2 years and at first my husband was not happy, but then our son starting winning first place at all his meets. We went to the Junior Olmypics (spelled wrong) and he is a Junior Olmypic Champion and that is something that he will have forever. And yes it was a gold metal he got. My husband was okay with after about the third meet and seen how much his son really loved doing it. I it is not an easy sport, I believe that is a very hard sport it takes a lot more practice than anything else out there. It also takes a lot of skill and talent. I also believe it is just as dangerous as any sport. You should not make your son do anything he doesn't want or he will just act out more. I hope this helps.
S. Jane
Here is something to help your husband feel better about your son being in gymnastics (my husband didn't like my son in it either)... when I was in high school there was a guy on the soccer team who could do a back flip to pass the ball on the field and do all kind of gymastics type moves while in the game... everyone loved it... especially the girls! Another thing to consider is as he gets older girls will see his gymnastic abilities as something attractive, not feminine. Gymnastics is also a great prerequiset to karate.
Getting involved in some sort of physical activity would be a good way for him to burn off some of his excess energy.
Where does your husband get the idea that gymnastics isn't tough? It requires the use of every muscle in your body.
If he's interested in art, see about getting him into an art class.
M., I learned from a great friend of several boys. Don't involve yourself in childrens politics. If you see a child do something without provocation to another that is dangerous, then step in. but if kids are hiting, tussling, and generaly horsing around, don't get into it. you will stay mad and theyw ill be fine in 10 minutes. What has changed in your family? Has their been a death, are you and your husband arguing a lot, has a sibling left the home , etc, . all of these things can change a kid and he will act out in a way he knows for his age and development and especially with little boys, this can lead to fighting. Has he started having trouble with his school work? this is the age that issues at school can arise with reaading etc and they can express their frustration with fighting. I must say he does need an outlet. There are some great gyms in the okc area for gymnastics. why don't just the 3 of you go and check it out. Is you husband putting his own feelings in front of the well being of his boy? He most likel has never thought of it that way. If your son doesn't seem to like team sports, try golf, or tennis. Maybe a trampoline for the family and there are gyms that teach trampoline, it is now an olympic sport good luck
Can't see anything wrong with gymnastics. Have you seen what Olympic athletes are capable of? That takes a LOT of strength and discipline, and is a very hard skill to master. While I think I can see why your husband would be opposed to your son entering gymnastics, wouldn't it be better to let the child try it and see how he does? If your husband doesn't think gymnastics is "tough", have him try some moves on the rings or the parallel bars. I doubt many soldiers could muster such strength or stamina. I think gymnastics would be a wonderful way for your son to meet new people and develop his character and his body.
Gymnastic is a great sport, i think if he is interested in gymnastic you may try putting him into a class. There is nothing wrong with boys doing gymnastic, my brother was in gymnastic for 3 or 4 years and he loved it, and now he is in the army fighting for our country and he loves that too.
