9 Year Old Daughter Just Starting Puberty - Help

Hi P.,

I understand what you are going through, COMPLETELY. My daughter will be 10 in March, and has started puberty already as well. The mood swings are driving us BOTH crazy. She has started to grow breasts and pubic hair, but (thankfully) no periods yet. She and I have talked alot about the changes that she is going through, and we've talked about her moods, and how she has a right to her feelings, but that doesn't make it ok to take it out on other people. Most of the time it's ok.

I did buy her a book, "Growing UP, It's a Girl Thing" at Schuler's for $10...it's a very good investment. It explains a girl's puberty in "kid terms" and when she does have questions about what she's read, she knows she can come to me.

I hope this helps...I haven't "survived it" yet...but, we're getting there! Good luck to you both! :)

Hello P.,
OOHHH do I feel your pain. I have a 14 year old daughter that is going on 40. Really the only thing that I found that worked is when she is going through one of her many of mood swings, talk to her and tell her some of the things that you went through as a teenager and when you were going through it and how you felt She might tell you that you don't understand and go on and on, but just continue to explain that her body is changing and that you understand. It seems a little ironic that I seen this post because just the other night I went through this with my daughter. She was upset because she felt fat and that there was a guy at school who she didn't even like, but he was making comments to her about her pimples and stupid stuff like that, well she told him off and all but it still hurt and she let it all out when she got home. So I talked to her the way I suggested to you and really I didn't think it did any good until I got up in the morning and she had wrote me a letter telling me how much she appreciated me and what I do for her and how much she loves me. So even if you think she isn't listening, she is!!!!
Good Luck,
T. S.

I haven't "survived" it yet either (and some days I'm not sure we will). My husband and I took guardianship of my niece last November. We thought is was temporary (not!!) A year later and she just turned 12. She got her monthly two months ago. Some days I'm not sure we will "survive". We have a three year old and an eleven month old of our own. Some days she loves the boys to pieces, and other days she acts like she hates us all. I talk to her daily and that seems to help. I let her know about the changes she's experiencing and let her know that her feelings and moods are valid, but not to take it out on the world. Judy Bloom also have a coming of age book that I loved at their age. Are you there God, it's me Margeret?

Don't feel bad. I am going through this with not one but two. Both my son and my daughter. My daughter is already developed breast at the age of eight, she will ten in February, she has hair under her arms, growing pubic hair, mood swings. I looked at her tonight just to see something. All I said was Boo and she just started crying dramatically. My son has an attitude problem, thinks he runs everything, trying to be the man of the home. Lord please help. Then I have a very active six year old on top of that. :)

Oh my goodness....what a blessing that I found this!! My daughter is almost 9 1/2 and has the SAME SYMPTOMS!!! Tiny breasts and MOOD SWINGS!!! I am freaking our here, as I was 16 when I started!! Was NOT expecting this at NINE!!
I would appreciate any advice as well!!

We went through this with my step daughter about two years ago. She started off with crying at everything. Her little brothers would move a piece of paper a couple inches from where she had just sat it and she would burst in to tears. About a year after all this the periods hit. I would talk to her and let her know she can talk to you about her feelings any time she needs to. Maybe even just sit there and cry with you. Let her know that yes she feels this way and it is normal, and you understand what she is going through. I also recommend the books that have been mentioned by others, and let her know she can ask you any questions she may have on the things she reads. I also let ours know that it wasn't anything to be ashamed of, and not to try to hide it if something did happen while she was with us. I then always kept a supply of sanitary items available, and let her know where they were just in case.
I gotta say you are in the easy part right now...more is right around the corner. Just wait until you hear how much she hates her best frienbd because the boy she likes doesn't like her, but her friend instead. Oh and the makeup and phone and the style she now HAS to have. Yeah and ours is only 12. Good luck!

Well I stared my period when I was 11 years old! And there's nothing you can do except to explain to her that's it's all normal! And you kind of have to ignore the mood swingd, but do disapline her don't stop just because you know she's emotionall! Let her know that your thre for her and she has a shoulder to cry on if she needs one!

Mine started with the bra at 8, and just got her first period last month. She's not even 12 yet. It sucks, but I don't have any great advice. Just hang in there, and don't think you have to treat her like an "adult". She's still a kid and needs kid guidance.

I will suggest the book "It's Perfectly Normal" for sex questions (which started at about 9 around here), and the American Girl series about the "Care and Keeping of You", for body changes and good hygiene.

I allow my daughter a lot of personal space when she's moody, but she knows she's not allowed to inflict her moods on everyone else.

We survived my stepdaughter's puberty, but only due to split custody!! :P

Well, I haven't had to deal with this yet, but I'm the oldest of 4 girls do I'll just tell you how my mother handled it with us.

Be matter-of-fact. Tell her calmly and clearly what to expect. Whatever you do, don't be embarrassed. You don't want her associating puberty with something that should be embarrassing or shameful. Be clear that it is something normal that all girls go through and it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Tell her what she can expect that is normal and not normal and to come to talk to you if she's worried about something. Give a lot of details and explanations.

Chances are, she already knows a whole lot more than you'd think. You'd be amazed at what kids learn from other kids at school. Some schools also give a non-sexual, human physiology lessen in class in elementary school and it covers stuff like menstruating and puberty. If she's already had this type of class, then she already has some idea of what to expect. If she's been shopping with you and has seen you buy female products, then she more than likely knows what they're for even if she's never asked you about them.

Take her shopping for training bras. Just you and her. She'll be thrilled to not only be shopping, but also that it gives her private time with you. You can even have "the talk" while driving to the mall.

You might want to start keeping a bag of pads designed specifically for young girls in the bathroom. For some reason, girls are starting their periods younger and younger. If she's already starting to grow breasts, chances are the periods won't be far behind. Let her know they're there if she ever needs them. Pharmacies also offer midol for teens now. If she gets cramps, get her some.

Good luck! The teen years are a mixed blessing, according to my mother. They're fantastically wonderful because daughters seem to become more attached to their mothers, whom they now have way more in common with (especially if they were previously daddy's girls) and they can also be horrifically awful because now they're hormonal and have mood swings and want to be even more independent.

Having her take a calcium and magnesium supplement can help with the mood swings, and any growing pains. those caramel chewies...Viactive maybe might be easier for her to take than pills just make sure that they include magnesium in the ingredients and shoot for about 1000mg a day of cal, and 4-500 a day in magnesium. I know when I was growing breasts they hurt, the only thing that helped was a snug fitting sports bra to support that tissue. Remember that this is a big change for her, give her love and support through it, and you will have a closer relationship when she REALLY needs you (think 16 and dating!!!)