9 Year Old Won't Sleep in Own Bed.

Homeopathic sleep spray or sleep pathes. They are called "silent nights" they work like a charm. Go to Lifewave.com/kherihealth for more info.

I have little cousins in another country (age range 3-10) 4 boys and they share a room and 2 twin beds. Their mom says that they switch places during the night. Two in a bed and in the morning it's different.

I am of the school of thought that you should "meet the need." Meet him where he is now and accept where he is now and start from there. If he is afraid of the dark, punishing or manipulating him (bribes, "promises" threats, rewards) to keep him away from his sister's bed isn't going to help.
http://www.awareparenting.com/articles.htm

Put them back in the same room together. How old is the sister? Does she mind sharing a bed?

Part of the reason some adults are afraid of co-sleeping is that they are afraid of something sexual going on. Are you afraid of that? I'm not. Unless a child has been abused, he or she won't even THINK of trying any of that on another child.

My children (8.5 yr old boy and 4 yr old girl) share a bedroom. He is on the twin bed and she is on the twin mattress on the floor. I used to co-sleep with him from infancy till we moved him to his own bed (age 2) and whenever he woke up crying, I went back to him and stayed there the night so he could feel safe.

Many children are afraid of the dark. I ask, "what do you need?" "Oh, just me to cuddle with you for a bit? OK, I can do that."

My son stopped needing me around 5.5-6 yrs old. I would lie with his baby sister to put her to sleep and he would insist on being there. He didn't want to be left out. Then he realized it wasn't comfortable (his choice, not me pushing him away.)

Now I'm sure there are adults out there who frown upon a mom sleeping with her son, especially one "so old." That's too bad. But I'm glad I did... I knew it wouldn't last forever and I just felt it was important to meet the need when it was there.

I don't want my children afraid of the dark. If me cuddling with them helps them, then I'm all for it. In your case, he's not bugging the parents, he's bugging the sister. If it's OK with her, then allow it.

I cuddle with my daughter in her bed until she conks out. Then I go to my room. When she wakes and comes looking for me around 5:30 am, I quietly walk her back and we cuddle again and I stay till it's time to wake up. I used to do the same for her brother. It's best IMO to meet their needs for closeness if you can. (Some would argue that this is wrong. I argue it's wrong NOT to meet the needs now. Others argue that the reason teens are so quick to be sexually active, get so physical so soon, is because they did not get enough physical comfort, cuddling, nighttime comfort as young children! Isn't that trippy?!?!)

And in the meantime, you can talk to him about his fears and try problem-solving together. Ask him what he thinks would work in helping him. Then you are really getting at the root of the problem instead of dancing around it (punishments and rewards.)

I remember being about the same age and holding onto my little brother's ankle all night long because I happened to catch a glimpse of a scary movie that I shouldn't have seen just before going to bed for the night. I figured that if something going to happen to me, they would have to drag my brother along with me. Maybe it would slow them (the boogeyman) away. So, I totally get your son's fear to sleep alone. What helped me is religion. I'm not a very religious person right now -- more spiritual than anything -- but at that time, just thinking that Jesus was there to defend me if anyone bad were to try to do something bad to me gave me a lot of comfort and security.

You didn't mention why he wont sleep in his own bed? Did you ask him what the problem was? Monsters, ghosts, feelings of guilt where he can't be alone with himself? (I had that problem as a very young child). If you know exactly what his problem is (I'm assuming he can pretty much verbalize his feelings to you) maybe you could taylor your approach to his specific phobia...or whatever it is. I feel like at this age, it might be more of a psychological problem....like it was with me in that specific instance....so it's better to cover that avenue rather then letting a problem go unattended.

Let him sleep in his sister's room but on the floor or on a sleeping bag on the bed. Whatever he is going through right now it seems he needs the reassurance of that. Don't make it a big deal just say you can sleep in your own bed or you can sleep in here in the sleeping bag or on the floor. And then leave it alone. During the day praise him, find things to be proud of, do activities he likes together and give him lots of love. I promise you he won't go off to college wanting to sleep in his sister's room! Just relax and let him grow at his own pace.

Hi S.~

Here are my thoughts on the issues your son is experiencing as I myself was afraid to sleep alone until I was 12!

First, the news was the scariest thing on t.v. to me. If your son hears it, even if he is not paying attention to it, he is still absorbing it unconsciously. He may have nightmares as a result of this. They always caused them for me.

I am, what they call, a sensitive. Sensitives are usually quite gifted, intuitive spirits. They can "feel" or pick-up on, the less perceived sensations of life. Spirit speaks to us daily in so many ways. Sensitives have the ability to perceive the subtle differences, or distinctions, in expressions, meanings, responses, tones, etc. of truth in the physical plane. Hopefully, they have been taught, or can realize on their own, to recognize these signals, trust in them, follow them, and begin to connect to their soul's conscious growth. If your son's feelings seem "overly sensitive", that is one indicator.

Also, for me, I knew we were not "alone" in our home I grew up in. At the time, these things were not talked about and I couldn't start a conversation because I was too little and it was normal to me. I would just get scared because I didn't understand or know how to protect myself. I was afraid of physical plane things, like windows and closets or hanging my foot off the side of the bed. I had to have the lights on all the time and I, too, slept in my brother's room.

It wasn't until I was around 12 or 13 that I tied the ends of an outside camping tent up to two bookshelves in my bedroom so I felt like no one was watching me- I felt safer in some type of cocoon because I wasn't bombarded with different energies- and I slept fine from then on- lights off and everything. Nowadays, they have little tents that are meant for twin sized beds. Try one of those for him and see if he doesn't feel safer in one of those.

I don't think taking privileges away is a good idea because you are dealing with his fears. It's also very possible that he has carried over fears from another lifetime. Our souls are part of God, or whatever we choose to refer to Him as. We exist on many levels, n ot just this spiritual plane. That is too in depth for me to get into, however, it is possible that he has carried over memories that he may not recall, but just holds as fear. Have you ever really talked to him about what exactly he is afraid of and why? What do his friends talk about? Perhaps they talk about things that frighten him? If you are to set goals, perhaps let him set his own so they can be attainable on his own level. I feel for the little guy.

Also, were you the first ones to live in the location you are living? He may sense things from previous inhabitants. It could be a number of different things, but whatever they are, don't get angry with him. Be patient. PLEASE be patient with him because he can become even more scared and feel even less safe if he does not feel like you understand his feelings. When is his birthday?

Maybe he might like some glow-in-the-dark stars placed all over his walls and ceiling? Maybe he would like colorful Christmas lights (w/white cords) strung around the top edges of his room so he could fall asleep in pretty and healing colors? Try playing some relaxing nighttime music for him very low and hug him to sleep, gently reminding him he's safe and you are there. Put up a crystal prism in his window so it can shine rainbows through the day and also create good Fung Shui in the room. There are many types of crystals (quartz etc.) that you can find for him for protection for him. I have the BEST contact if you're interested. His prices are phenomenol and he is the only one from whom I will buy my crystals. He is very knowledgable and has a beautiful heart... a very good guy and now, a dear friend. He will take care of you. These examples are some things I did in my room that made me feel "safer". I hope something works so your son feels okay.

I hope I have helped in some way. You may not believe what I'm saying, however that doesn't make it not a possibility for your son. Please let me know how he's doing and if you would like the contact info for my crystal contact.

Love and Light~
J.

A string of Christmas lights helps. And, even though this is unpopular, a book on tape or a non-violent movie helps distract attention from being alone/scared (I sneak in and turn off the TV after they fall asleep, the book on tape/CD will go off automatically). I also remind my kids to pray when they are scared. This is what I have done and it helps.

If he's afraid of being alone AND of the dark, let him sleep in his sister's room. I don't think there's anything wrong with that!
Give him time to get over his fears. Encourage him to talk about it, remind him that there's no danger to him in your house etc.
I'm almost 30, and I'm still afraid of the dark (wait... did I just say that out loud?!!). Don't expect him to be able to just stop being afraid. Help him deal with his anxiety instead.

Well there are many ways to deal with this. You might try letting him make a choice of where he wants to sleep and assure him that he if does not like it we will keep trying to find what makes him happy. Really talking to him and telling him that it is ok. Try a few things like have a movie night, set up a little tray of the kids favorite food, put in a great movie (kids movie) then turn all the lights out, just the TV on. Get him slowly use to dark places and keep him re-assured. Night lights in the room, door kept open slightly. sometimes facing our fears is the best way to overcome them.
But having someone to let you know it is ok, is the best way to deal with it. Ask him what it is that is in the dark that he is afraid of. He just feels safer when he is with someone it sounds like. Tell him just keep your eyes closed in the dark and you will not know its dark. Tell him to just think about fun things he does and plan things fun to do when his eyes are closed. Take him window shopping, show him the great things you can see in windows and take him somewhere there is a view out a window and it is nothing but beauty, trick his mind into a safe place. This will pass with your help, he is just a boy trying to figure is world out. Keep him away from news, and scary movies. Encourage him, don’t punish him.

We bought these LCD night lights that change colors. My son is 3 1/2. His grandparents had them in their house when we went to visit. He loved them. We now have them in our house including the hallways and bathrooms.

This is an excellent book that helps with sleep problems (including not staying on own bed) of ALL AGES.

http://www.childrenshospital.org/views/june06/sleep.html

Maybe work on the fears a little? Give him a flashlight or something to help him fight the fear and sleep easier. Tell him his little brother needs him in there to take care of him? Give him responsibility? If he sleeps in his own bed in his sister's room though it may just make more sense to move him back in there. That's assuming she doesn't mind. He'll outgrow it in the next few years and want to be in the room with his brother then.

Here's a weird suggestion: Have the kids switch rooms. Maybe it's not the bed but it's the room. It could be that he feels more comfortable in that room. My sister and I would switch rooms all the time as kids. It might be a pain but get the kids that are old enough to help move the furniture. Give it a shot, what have you got to lose? Besides, the change might be fun for all. Let me know if you decide to try this and how it turns out :)

~V

Here's my thing, kids develop fears that either can be overcome with time and talk or they develop fears and we hope they'll grow out of them and move on...but, the bottomline is how will they get past them if WE the grown ups don't help?

You kind of answered your own question I think...he's afraid...and for kids no matter what age they are fears are all consuming and the worst thing possible on the earth. My son, age 2, developed a fear of the dark...well, really now I see it was his awareness of the difference between dark and light periods of day. But, he would not enter a room without the light being on, and then one day refused to sleep without the lamp on...even with the nightlight in the bathroom.

So, here's what I did...I talked to him. Yes, I talked to a 2 year old and asked him what was wrong. He told me the dark was scary...so, I told him we would work on it together and fix it. The very next day we made a special trip to Target to buy just nightlights...I let him pick them out and everything. Then, we purchased small flashlights that he could handle and turn on and off...and we had a 'no dark' party with Grandma and Grandpa. We ran around the house while he pointed to where the nightlights should go, and then created a 'no dark' song that we used while checking the closets and such for dark spots.

While that was extensive, it worked and my son doesn't worry about the dark anymore. And, it's only been three weeks.

I would let your son sleep in his sister's room until you can find a way to help him address his fears. It helps kids of any age, when parents and family can get involved in their fears and help them conquer them together. I got my tips from what my Mom did to help my sister who at age 5, insisted there was a spooky sleeping in our closet.

Maybe find time to sit down with your son, over ice cream or special lunch, and address his fears together. You aren't impairing him by letting him own his fears and admit them, by letting him sleep in his sister's room. Ask him what you can do as a family to help him not be afraid? The tiniest thing can set off fears...

Good Luck.