A 16 Month Old and a Newborn

My son was about 15 1/2 mo when his sister was born...and he was jealous, but he never look it out on the baby, just my husband and I. He started hitting us to try to get our attention : ( But we tried to fit as much Dylan time in as we could and he grew out of the hitting/jealous phase after a couple of weeks or so.

Now my daughter is three months and he is very sweet, giving her kisses and such. The issue now is that he wants her to play with him so bad (I'm SAHM too) that he begs her to get up, and then he gets sad cause she won't...it's too pitiful to watch.

Good luck!

We made sure to have our son rub my belly as much as possible. It's quite obvious he noticed the bump. We would say, "Hello, Baby." and rub my tummy, then have him do the same thing. I'm sure he didn't get it at first, but when we brought our daughter home and would say "Hello, Baby" he would go over and rub her head. I don't think there is really anything you can do for him at this age to "prepare" him. We make sure to include him in as much as we can with the baby--if we are changing her diaper, we ask him to help us get the wipes out (we usually end up with extras, but that's ok); when it's time to prepare a bottle, we ask him to pick out the color and let him help us shake it up for her; he also gets to help brush her hair and pick out her outfit and pjs. I, personally, think this has helped him realize that he hasn't been pushed out of the family, there is just someone else here that needs help. My son is very loving and gives her hugs and kisses all the time. He loves to share his toys, unfortunately, most of the time he tries to "share" them upside her head... :) !! There are just a couple of things to keep in mind....
1) Obvious, but your son is a BOY. And as such he will act like one. It WILL happen that he hits/kicks/steps on the new baby. Do your best not to yell at him (I know it's hard not to). Remember that it wasn't on purpose, more than likly he was trying to show his love and was too hard. Which leads me to...
2) A 16-month-old does not grasp the concept of being gentle for very long. You can tell him to be easy a hundred times, and 10 minutes later he will hit/kick/step on/trip over the baby. It is a part of learning. When it does happen, quickly, but in a nice tone, remind (and show) him that he needs to be gentle. Eventually he will remember.
3) Pick certain rituals to keep, and then never stray from that. We picked Nite Nite Time. Dad and I would give him a bath (with baby in the bathroom in her bouncy), Dad would read a book, then I would snuggle with him on the couch for a few minutes before final bedtime. We have not missed a night of doing this exact ritual! This way he knows that no matter how little personal time he got during the day, he would always get the one-on-one timebefore he went to bed each day!
4)And last, although teaching him to share his toys is a very important lesson.... also pick some toys out and make sure they are his alone. Let him help you pick out some toys (baby-safe ones of course) that he can share with the baby. Then get two baskets---label one (yes, I know he cannot read yet) with his name and label the other one with both of their names. Then make sure to tell him what the labels say.... "This one is to share with the baby. Hello, Baby." (Insert tummy rubs here) "And this one is just for you." This will help teach him that even though he DOES have to share (and that includes Mommy) he still has something he can call "MINE."
Well. I'm sorry this was so long. There will be hard times ahead with them being so close, especially when one of them gets sick.... BUT I wouldn't change it for the world, and I'm sure neither will you.....eventually ;) If you ever need to chat you can e-mail me ____@____.com
A.

I have a 20 month old and am due with baby #2 in December.

What I have done is encourage him to be more independant. I don't hold or pick him up as much, and encourage him to use more self-play. (Of course I still give him attention!) And whenever I see a baby in a store, or in a book, I point out it is a "baby" and say "be gentle with babies".

Also, when he tries to headbutt/bite my stomach or play rough with me, my husband and I say "a baby is in there... be gentle" and then we take his hand and have him very softly "pet" it. (Hope that doesn't sound too weird!) Our goal is that he will equate babies with being gentle.

I also hold other people's babies or have them over, so he sees me with other children, and so far he is pretty good about it. So, I'll see if this works in a couple of months!!

We had to do this with our very possesive and needy dog when our first child was born. She always slept in the bed with us and layed on my lap constantly. But by training her to stop before I had the baby, was much easier than her suddenly being pushed away once the baby came. (Obviously dogs and babies aren't exactly the same... but pretty similar!)

If you had a 7 year old, you would be me!!! My daughter is 6 weeks old, and my now 16 month old has decided that he loves her...until I am feeding her!! He has gotten better, at first he wanted me to hold him everytime I had the baby, and even tried to push her off of my lap a time or two. Also, he cried when we put him to bed for the first time ever, but I think that had a lot to do with me being away from home for 2 days..I put him to bed the night before, but was in the hospital when he woke up to a babysitter. His sisters were spending the night with my sister, but I wanted him at home in his own setting, thinking that he might do better with that. I just tried to be empathetic and was worried that by getting him up I would ruin him for life, but that did not happen, he has adjusted perfectly now. Be sure that you never leave them in a room alone, my son found a pencil when I was helping someone in the restroom, and I came out to him poking his sister on the head. Luckily it was a very dull colored pencil, but it did teach me a lesson. She was in the swing, but that is apparently not good enough...and dont even ask where he found a pencil!?! I always let him sit with me when I am holding the baby, telling him that mommy always has room for both of them, but that when she is getting a bottle, it is her time alone, and then I will hold him alone when I am done. It is a little hard for him to understand completely, but even if he pitches a fit on the floor, that is the rule. Honestly, it was not as bad as I though, and for sure has improved with time!! He seems so big now:) What has helped, believe it or not, is getting out of the house. We go to the mall play place or something like that and he and his sister are so occupied that they are happier when they are home too. It may seem overwhelming to have them both out, but honestly it is not too bad. Actually I have a 5 and 3 year old that I baby sit too, and I take them all out almost every day, and have been for about 3 weeks. If you have any other questions, or just need some one to feel your pain, feel free to let me know!!!! ~A.~

A., I have boys 16 months apart and actually felt very blessed because they really not learn what jealousy is until between 18 - 24 months. I bought my now 3 1/2 year old a baby - bottle - nuky - stroller - the works and worked with him the last month on how to treat a baby and where to and not to touch and how to be gentle. I had absolutly no problems - both on my lap at feeding times, but I used a hands free carrier for my yougest and still could hold both of them if necessary - and I don't have little boys. My husband also gave our older son extra attention at night when he got home from work - the trouble doesn't really start until the baby becomes a moving target and wants the same toys LOL!

My two are 16 months apart and it was a very easy transition brining my son home. My daughter was wonderful with him. I started about two months before he was due telling her about her brother and I would read to her the book Waiting for Baby by Annie Kubler. It is a picture book so you get to make up the words which is great because you can use your family names. The good thing about it for you is that the it is a little boy in the book and a baby brother that arrives. My daughter loved the book and I really think it helped her to understand what was going to happen. I also bought the second book called New Baby.

I will certainly be interested in hearing what sort of advice you get from your request because I am in the same position as you right now. I am due with my second daughter in December and I also currently have an 18 month old daughter. So far the only thing she has noticed is it's not very easy to sit on mommy's lap anymore....LOL! Sorry I do not have any advice for you. Good Luck to you.

K.

I'm in the same predictament as you except mine will be 18 months when my daughter is born. I have been nervous about his reaction to the new baby as well. I decided to get him a pet to help work on his "gentle" skills. 2 months ago, we got him a kitten. He and that cat are BEST friends and inseperable. There are times when he grabs the kitty by the tail or ear and I have to tell him to be gentle. He is slowly learning and now when I tell him,"gentle", he will pet the cat very very softly and smile,showing me he understands. I think we got lucky because this cat is amazing. He never uses his claws and has the most patient temperement I've ever seen on a cat. It's a bengal and we got him when he was 4 months old. Now he is 6 months old and so sweet with our son.
Anyway, I imagine our son will get jealous and I suppose we'll just have to deal with that and make sure he gets one on one time so he doesn't feel neglected.
I love the advice you received from the other Moms and I will surely use it myself!