A Couple of Sleep Issues...

K.,

Problem #1 - keep her in the room. Put a baby lock on the door, put one or two (one on top of the other) baby gates at the door or flip the door knob so it locks on your side. Put up the books, games, and toys so she has nothing to do but go to sleep.

Problem #2 - the only thing I have known to work is to gently wake her 30-60 minutes before she typically has a night terror. You don't have to wake her fully up, just disturb her sleep enough to alter the sleeping pattern.

Good luck,
S.

My daughter is five and has had night terrors since she was two. She never remebers them and she will flail around, scream, kick, jump up and down. They are horrible but she never remebers it the next day. I usually just sit with her until she is done. Sometime I try to talk to her but I have no idea if she hears me. I have discovered that she has the night terrors when she is over tired. So I don't think your child is having them because they are scared to fall asleep. They get very smart at two. Stay your ground! Watch Super Nanny and see how they just keep putting the child back in their room. It works. Good luck and happy sleeping!

I think children are born knowing how to manipulate and that may just be what she is doing. For the first, definitely put a baby gate in her doorway. Leave her door open when you go downstairs (my 16-month-old will fall asleep easily if the door is open, but freak out if the door is closed) and close the gate so she can't get out. She may have a few nights of sleeping on the floor, but eventually she'll figure out that the bed is more comfortable. You can spend a couple nights sitting outside her door where she can just barely see you and then move a little further away each night after until she falls asleep without you.

As for the second, my daughter rolls and thrashes in her sleep too. She never seems upset, doesn't wake up crying, she just rolls around. I think eventually they'll settle down and sleep without thrashing, but it seems like most kids do this for some time. I don't think I've ever heard of a child who stays completely still while sleeping. So unless she's getting upset and waking up crying, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

night terrors are an aweful thing to have to deal with. they do NOT have anything to do with tempers, or wanting to sleep with you. she isnt even aware that she is having them, and couldnt tell you what or why she was having one.

i used to have them when i was a kid, and surprisingly in 25 years what they know about them have not changed. first of all, she will grow out of it. second, they dont know what causes them or why some kids have them and some kids dont. thirdly, the only advice they give to parents is to NOT try to wake the child, just make sure that they are safe and not able to get hurt. you can comfort them, even knowing that its not going to make them stop any sooner - i think it mostly does help your sanity to know you are there trying to comfort them. there are cases where a kid will wake up in a night terror and be confused, so at least you can be there to lay them back down and that its ok.

ok, now on to issue number one, the sleeping issue.
as kids grow, they often take 2 steps forward and one step back. how you deal with the one step back determines how your child takes the next 2 steps forward. i believe as parents we need to do our best to nuture that step back. do what you need to do to get sleep, even if it means that she isnt in her own bed. however, that doesnt mean she has to be in your bed.
maybe you could try to take the matress off her bed and put it on the floor in your room. gradually you should be able to move it out of the room and back to her room. 2 is a young age to really expect her to want to be so far away from you all night long. its scary for a child to wake up and not have mom or dad near. the more sensitive you can be to your daughter during this time, the more confidentally she will be able to move forward. kids, contrary to popular belief, are not born with self soothing, are not born wanting to be independent, and healthy dependence is how to develop independence. independence that comes out of forced independence isnt really independence. thats where you have the kid clinging to moms legs all the time... they are scared to be independent cuz they havent had any healthy dependence. your daughter at 2 definatly still needs healthy dependence.

dont forget that our kids grow up too quickly as it is... dont feel like in order for your kid to grow up and independent that you have to push her away, especially now when shes so young.

i see you have 4 month old girlS so i realize that this is probably a LOT of work. i cant relate unfortunatly. but i still think that maybe shes feeling a little lonely and worried if you still love her as much as the babies. this could very well be kinda a jealousy issue. i dont know if you are doing anything like this, but maybe once a day do something that is just for you and your older daughter to do together. take her out for ice cream, or lunch, or just a picnic in the backyard while the babies are sleeping (or better yet, with a babysitter or other family member)
try it out and see if that one on one time helps.
anyway.
hope you are able to work something out for her. sleep is hard and its hard with more kids.... so good luck

Hi K.! I have a daughter who's 21 months, and think she's getting ready to start climbing out as well. So I feel for you. In my opinion, they're too young to handle the independece of getting out of bed whenever, and also feel more secure in a crib. So, if my babe does start gettting out, I'm going to get one of those zip in "tents" that goes over the crib. My friend had one for her son, and he really did well with it. He felt secure, and slept great for almost another year. She made it into a game like it was his special camping adventure tent.
Good luck! Keep us posted!

as for her getting out of bed put her in it and tell her goodnight then leave the next time she gets out tell her it's bed time leave the nexte time don't say anything and continue to do that until she stays, it might take one night or a few but if you don't do something she'll expect you to stay i also feel it is important to remember in the fast paced lives we live to give the kids some good love and attention time so maybe once a week you could hold her in another room not hers and rock her to sleep, it's only once a week and she will look forward to and love the night she has with you. as far as the night terrors she could be dreaming of anything but kids don't make up scary stuff so maybe you should make sure you know what she is seeing on tv some times we think they aren't paying attention but even if they are playing they hear it and the scary music isn't good either. Maybe she is scared of something in her room, my kids were scared of a pumpkin, stuffed that had eyes so i had to take that out of their room also she might not be getting along with some one or child and that may be bothering her or if you and your husband aren't getting along they can tell so good luck hope everything gets worked out ok

The only area of help I can be is where your daughter wants someone in the room to sleep. From my experience with my first child, try not to get her into that habit. It is SO hard to get her out of the habit once she has depended on you to fall asleep. It is much easier to have them fall asleep on their own. With my second child, I said "Mommy needs to... and I'll come right back to check on you". The first few nights were frequent, but each day I spread out the time in between going into the room. It seems to work out much better. Also having her look at books may help out too. My daughter loves books and will sometimes fall asleep with books in her bed. I don't mind... she fell asleep without me laying there!
Good Luck. I know it's hard, I've been there.
~SR

For question number 1: My 19 month old sounds like your daughter. It's a control issue, I'm sure of it. Perhaps you could put a baby gate at her door so she can't get out. Being in a toddler bed makes things tricky, but do what you have done in the past with the crib. Put her back in the bed, tell her it's night night time, kiss her and say goodbye. I wouldn't get into the cycle of staying in her room with her. It may take a while, but the payoff will be worth it.

Question 2: My 19 month old also has night terrors. Night terrors usually aren't something they remember. They aren't awake and conscious for them so most people who have them don't know they have them. My dr. suggested that we go rouse her a little about an hour or two after she goes to sleep when she's getting into that deep sleep cycle. It helps to prevent them. So, what I am getting to I guess is she is probably not afraid to go to sleep because of them. It sounds like she's trying to manipulate you. Stay strong and know you are not alone. We are having major sleep issues with 2 of ours right now. Good luck!

I read in a parent magazine that children don't remember night terrors because they don't wake up. Night mares they wake up and are more likely to remember what they dreamed. So maybe the night terrors isn't the problem.

I've seen super nanny deal with this a lot on her show. It is a big struggle for parents but somewhat of a game for the kids. See if she has a web sight with her sleep techniques. And most important is be consistent with your bedtime routine.

It sounds like you have 2 separate issues here. For # 1, every time she gets up and comes downstairs, tell her she has to go back to bed, and bring her back to her room. Tuck her in, and tell her that she has to go to sleep. Then leave, even if she starts crying. If she chases after you, bring her right back. You may repeat this 100x the first couple of nights, but if you and your husband are firm, she *will* stop when she realizes she's not going to get what she wants.

For # 2, from what I understand, kids don't even realize they are having night terrors. It doesn't sound at all like your daughter is afraid to fall asleep; I think # 1 is a completely separate issue. I'm not aware of anything you can do to "calm" the terrors. If all she is doing is yelling and thrashing, I would not wake her or touch her. Just leave her alone; it doesn't sound like she is waking up during them. If she is getting up out of bed (sleepwalking) or you feel her quality of sleep is diminished, talk to your healthcare provider.

Difficulties with sleep, needing to sleep with others (parents or sibs) and thrashing around altogether indicate immature proprioceptive and/or vestibular systems; the internal sense of self that tells us where we are within ourselves and the sense of being supported by the earth. Reflex integration and movement therapy can support development of these systems. C.

Ask Dr Sears. He has never failed me and his info is current, concise and user friendly.
Good luck!
J.

Here is what Dr. Sears says about Night Terrors:
NIGHT TERRORS
"I think my child is having night terrors."

It's the middle of the night and you are awakened by your child screaming from his bedroom. You rush in to see what's wrong and you find him sitting up in bed with a blank stare but very agitated. You try to wake him, asking him what is wrong but he doesn't respond, he just keeps screaming. You are scared and don't know what to do. After a few minutes, your child goes back to sleep and in the morning he doesn't remember the episode.

CHARACTERISTICS OF NIGHT TERRORS:
Your child seems frightened, but cannot be awakened or consoled.
Your child may sit up in bed, or walk around the room, screaming or talking senselessly.
Your child doesn't acknowledge you, his eyes may be open but he seems to stare right through you.
Objects or persons in the room might be mistaken for dangers.
Episodes usually last between 10 and 30 minutes.
Usually occur in children 1 to 8 years old.
Your child cannot remember the episode in the morning.
Usually happens within 2 hours of falling asleep.
Night terrors are harmless and each episode will end on its own.
Why does a child get night terrors?
Night terrors are an inherited problem and occur in about 2% of children. It is as if the child is having a bad dream during deep sleep and cannot wake up. Night terrors are not caused by psychological stress, but they seem to be associated with being overtired.
Will my child outgrow this problem?
Yes, most children with night terrors will stop having them by age 12, usually sooner.
What should I do when my child is having a night terror?
1. Help child go back to sleep.
Do not try to awaken your child. Turn on the lights so that your child won't be confused by shadows. Remain calm, talk in a soothing tone, "you are okay, you are at home, you are in your own bed, you can go back to sleep". Again, speak calmly, and keep repeating these soothing comments. You can try holding his hand or snuggling him, but if he pulls away don't persist. Don't try to wake him with shaking or shouting, this will only agitate him more and prolong the attack.
2. Protect him from getting hurt.
Keep you child away from stairs, windows or sharp objects. Try to gently direct him back to bed.
3. Educate your caregivers.
Be sure to warn babysitters, family members, or others who might be caring for him at night. Explain to them what to do in case of an attack, so that they don't overreact.
Can night terrors be prevented?
The following exercise has been shown to stop night terrors in 90% of children. For several nights, keep track of the time between falling asleep and the onset of the night terror. Then, wake him up 15 minutes prior to the expected time of the episode, get him out of bed and fully awake for 5 minutes. Do this for seven consecutive nights. If the night terrors recur, repeat the seven nights of awakenings.

Something that may work is waking her up 5 or 10 minutes before the night terrors start, if it seems to happen at a certain time. My son used to have them during his naps, but I noticed it was only when he slept for 3 or more hours. So I just started waking him up after 2 and a half hours, and he hasnt had one since. As long as she doesnt get super fussy when you do it (since it happens at night for you), it could be the key. Do you have a nightlight/small lamp for her? When my son, whos almost 2 also, moved to his toddler bed that helped alot too. Best of luck with everything!

Please check out Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book "Sleepless in America." She is a very helpful resource and also has a website, wwww.parentchildhelp.com, and teaches classes in St. Paul. My oldest son had night terrors for several years. There isn't really anything you can do about it during the night terror except try to keep them safe. True night terrors usually occur about 90 minutes or so after they fall asleep and they are generally unresponsive if you try to wake them or talk to them. They also won't remember it the next morning or will barely remember it. They can be aggravated by fatigue and stress. Has anything changed in her routine or life to cause her anxiety? Maybe once she is falling asleep a little easier she will get more sleep and that will help ease the night terrors. Good luck!