A Few Random Questions About a 3.5 Year Old

Other moms can answer the other questions, but I want to put my two cents in about the stuffed animal:

DO NOT REMOVE HIS STUFFED ANIMAL! He can have it till he's 20, if he feels like it. It comforts him, it's only a stuffed animal. Some forty year olds like stuffed animals.

Let him have the stuffed animal! It's good for him.

you should do whatever his mom does with him the rest of the time.. if his bedtime is 7 pm at moms house then it shoudl be the same at dads house..

My son went to a toddler bed at 3. he will fit in the toddler bed till he is 5 or so.. again I would follow moms lead.. if he gets a big boy bed at moms house get him one at dads house.

car seats are by weight and height.. most car seats go to 40 inches and 40 pounds.. does he fit in the carseat?? if not look for bigger seat..

let the child have his stuffed toy as long as he wants it.. what is the big deal..

About the bedtime, just to let you know, my 9 almost 10 year old still goes to bed between 7:30 and 8 and she still complains about being tired in the morning when she gets up for school. So I don't think 7 is too early for a 3.5 year old. If they are tired, let them sleep.

Hi E.,

I have one of these! ( A 3.5 year old.) Questions, in order:

1. 7 o'clock bedtime. Yep, believe it or not, it's actually better for kiddos to go to bed when they are tired. There's even a great book called "The Seven O'Clock Bedtime" that I would pay good money to have all of my preschool families read, because kids at this age do need between 10-12 hours of sleep. We have a seven o'clock bedtime at our house and I love it. It allows my husband and I to get in some face time before bed. Yes, your stepson may wake early, and I hate to say it bluntly, but this is what parenting is about. Children are not convenient sleepers, mine included!:) But if he's tired and pleading with you to go to sleep, please respect this.

2. Just my opinion, but if he's this old, he should be out of a crib. You can do a futon on the floor, so if he rolls off, it's not a big drop, or a mattress on the floor too. IMO, toddler beds are a waste of money.

3. Go with your instinct on the booster. Unless he's exceeded the height/weight limits of his carseat, you are making the safer choice in keeping him in it. Good call there.

4.In regard to the stuffed animal: this is likely his security object, and you should really honor this. He's got two households to wrap his little head around, (possibly daycare or preschool, too?) and a new parent (you). This isn't to make you feel bad or guilty, but that is a lot for a child of any age. Children carry around their attachment objects because, frankly, they need to. I would strongly encourage you not to make this the battle you pick, but rather to provide as much warm, loving and consistent care as you can. My brother had a Cookie Monster doll when he was little that went everywhere with us until he was nearly seven. This was important as his folks (my mom and stepfather) divorced when he was around 5 or so, and boy, he clung to that thing. If you consider it like this, the security object is the One Consistent Thing in your stepson's life. It's a constant. Let him keep it until he's ready to let it go. It might not be seemly to you, but you aren't 3.5. It will be a loving, gracious thing to do and ten years down the road, you will be glad you respected his need for this object, instead of hurting his heart by making limits/taking it away.

If you want a couple book titles to start with too (because parenting is HARD!) I'd go with "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland (who has more to say about age-appropriate responses to children and gives us insight on the child's social/emotional and brain development-- it's actually very easy to read) and "How to talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Kids will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish. I've worked with kids for nearly 20 years and this is by far a favorite. Lastly, any of the Positive Discipline books can really help, too. But for now, let Daddy do the disciplining whenever possible.

Best wishes on this new venture in your life.

I haven't read everything so please forgive duplication.

There are very good books about child development at each age called something like "Your 2 year old", "your 3 year old" etc. by two women. Their last names are Ilg and Ames. These will probably provide you with many insights.

If he is tired at 7 pm let him go to sleep! especially if he does not nap. he is responding to his body's cues. That's a good thing.

Re the car seat/booster question--check the law in your state, also the specs on the car seat. If I remember correctly (my "baby" turns 16 tomorrow), the rear-facing seats are for kids up to 20 pounds, the front-facing carseats are for kids 20-40 pounds and boosters are after that.

Don't sweat the stuffed animal bit. If he goes between houses he may really need that, for something remaining the same.

You are a very caring step-mom, good for you!

K. Z.

1) 8:00 or 7:30 or 7:00 is a common bedtime, time
BUT, if he is tired.... and ASKING to go to bed... then do so. HE needs sleep. Nothing is worse or worse for a child, than to be sleep-deprived.

2) Kids... all tend to wake up in the morning at a certain time, REGARDLESS of what time they go to bed at night. I would NOT, make him sleep later at night, just because you feel he wakes up too early. My kids, since they were Infants... always.... tended to wake up in the morning at about 6:30. BUT sure there were times they woke earlier. So I did too. I am their Mom.
You should not have to 'argue' with him... about staying up. What if someone did that to you?

3) My son was already 3... and still in his crib. He LOVED his crib and slept SO well there... then one day he asked to be in a bed. So we did. He sleeps on a mattress on the floor... because he is SO active when he sleeps and will fall out of a bed... even with barriers.

4) If you have a car seat that accommodates him/his weight/size AND is according to the specifications of your car seat... then keep him in it.

5) ANY kid... no matter how old... CAN and SHOULD be allowed... to have stuffed animals. There is NO age, you "make them" stop. It is childhood. It comforts them, its okay, its normal, they like to sleep with it. EVEN teens love it and adults.
My son, is 4... and he still has his "lovey" (which is a term for a stuffed animal that they love). He brings it everywhere too... although now, he will leave it in the car, if we are out...

Mom, I teach preschool age children and you can try to stretch his bed-time to 7:30 if he is able to stay up that late but don't insist. Does he still take a nap during the day, if not I imagine by 7-7:30 pm he is pretty tired. As he gets a little older maybe you can extend it to 8pm but maybe not for a good yr or more. Most children under age 7-8 have and 8pm bed time or earlier that I know, but this is lights out time, not just starting to go to bed. Help make your son's bedtime a nice and relaxing time for you and his Dad step son. Young children love routine, so be sure you are establishing one plesant one at your house, a warm bath, a few short bedtime stories and plenty of hugs are good. As for the stuffed anima,l please allow him keep it and take it with him anywhere he'd like for as long as he'd like. By the time he starts kindergarten he will let go of it a little but know that it is an object and symbol of great comfort and affection to him especially in the turmoil of the split life he has to live in handle at such a young age. I have many children who bring their most favorite stuffed animal or blanket with them to school each day. It stays in their own personal cubby or own backpack and we have a rule it can't be taken out unless they stay for naptime at preschool and then they can sleep with it but bk in cubbies when they wake. Often times in the day during free time the kids will go over and give it a hug and we encourage that. You sound like a caring new Mom. Good luck to you and your son

As for the bedtime, it does vary quite a bit. 7 PM isn't too early for some but for some it is (some will sleep longer while others will wake way too early) so it really depends on the child. My girl needs to be asleep by 8:30 pm or she is hard to wake up in the morning...she will be 4 next month (used to be a night owl). Since he is only with you every other weekend I suggest finding out what time his mom puts him to bed and try to stay close to that (when possible).

I had to move my daughter to a big girl bed at about 16 months because she started climbing out of her crib, so again it varies. I know others didn't move their kids until 2 or 3.

Car seat...depends not as much on age as it does height and weight. You should keep him in a 5-point harness carseat until he reaches it's maximum hieght or weight (after either, it is not safe to stay in that carseat). Each carseat varies but the the longer in the harness, the safer he is. When he is ready for booster, the high-back boosters are safer. There is legal and then there is what is safest/best practice...legal is not always safest. You can check out this link for guidelines: http://www.nhtsa.gov/Safety/CPS .

My son and daughter never carried a stuffed animal or other comfort item around. They may have carried one once in a great while but not a particular one on a regular basis. My nephew (same age as my daughter) still does. I would suggest trying to wean him from that a little now so when he starts school it is not so hard on him. Like letting him have it in the car, at home, and bedtime but not carrying it into stores or at other places.

Good for you for seeking advise. Keep in mind that sometimes, you have to decide based on the child rather than a set age. All kids are different. SInce you only have him on the weekends, I suggest being a bit flexible with some of this. If you come off as trying to force change, mom is not going to see it as helping. Maybe you or you and dad can talk to mom and be on the same page.

I took a teddy bear to college, and that bear also went to summer camp with me every year, so I would not worry about the animal, especially if he is between homes once in a while. He might really benefit from that consistency and comfort.

If he is not on a twin bed, he probably could be. Some children are content in a crib especially if they are small-bodied, but both of my kids were on twins before or around 2 years old. That is okay but not a "rule."

My oldest son was in a booster seat just before he turned 3 because he hit 40 inches and 40 pounds, the physical requirements for a booster (if they hit it before the age requirement). He did not fit in a carseat or I would have kept him in one.

Ask his mom or guardian what his home time schedule is. It would probably help him to stick with that, whatever it is. My kids don't go to bed until after midnight, but my husband has them days and he works evenings, so they also sleep very late.

My DS has gone to bed at 7 since he was one. I put him on a schedule real quick. So no, I dont think thats too early. (he is four now & goes to bed around 7:30 now)
We moved him into a big boy bed when he was 2. He loved it, we included him in the experience and let him "pick out" his new furniture. So I think anytime now.
I agree that he is probably not ready to be in a booster seat. We just switched my sons seat to a booster seat but its a three in one booster that still has the back which you can use with a five point harness, the seat belt or take the back off. He still uses it though with the five point harness.
My little man never took to a stuffed animal so I am not sure when he should be weened off of it. My friends kids that were attached weened their kids when they started pre-k.
Being a step parent can be difficult, but it sounds like you are doing a good job, it does not sound like you are overstepping boundaries! Its good that you ask questions because as you said you have not been in this position before.

My daughter is 3, almost 4. She goes to bed at 8:00 and wakes up about 7:00. If she wakes up earlier, she's allowed to play quietly in her room, but she's not to wake me up. Sometimes she crawls into bed with me at 5 and goes back to sleep. If he's tired, you're not going to do anyone any favors by making him stay up late. I guess I would say to go ahead and let him go to bed early and have his Daddy wake up with him at 5. It's only a few morning's a month, so it's not that big of a deal. They can use that time to really bond.
He's not big enough for a booster. Check your state's carseat laws. I live in Ohio and it's 4 years old AND 40 lbs before they can be in a booster seat. We have a convertible seat that can have the 5 point harness removed and be turned into a booster. That type of seat is ok, as long as the 5 point harness is used. It's against the law, not to mention incredibly unsafe.
I know some kids that are 10 and still have a stuffed animal or blanket that goes with them everywhere. He's young and his world is disrupted every other weekend. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, he probably just needs that extra comfort in his life. I wouldn't worry about it. Trust me when I say there are a LOT worse things in this world than him dragging around a stuffed animal :)

If he's normally in bed at 7, then that's his bedtime. Wouldn't work for me, but might work for mom, and since he's there most of the time, that bedtime should stay. If he's asking to go to bed, put him to bed. Sorry about the 5am wake up though : )

I'd imagine that he'd be ready for a big boy bed now. Do be consistent with his other parent about this, though.

In your car, keep him in a carseat. I'm not sure what the laws are where you live. My daughter, who was enormous, got switched to a booster at 3. Since then, the law here has changed, but the minute my son turns 4 he's in a booster. Check the hight/weight limit on any carseat (5 point or booster).

Finally, it's normal still to haul that stuffed animal. My son would do it if I'd let him. But his "special animal" is his "home friend." Still, he often takes someone for company, at least in the car. This is something that he should grow out of on his own.

Good luck!

You really need to stick with his usual bed time or you are going to have one cranky kid on your hands (7 is fine if that's close to his usual time). As for the booster seat - the change is based on height and weight, not age. We have a 6 year old who is not big enough for a booster. We have a 10 month old who may be big enough by 3 (he's HUGE). Age is irrelevant.

And no, he's not too old to carry his stuffed animal everywhere - especially as this is a LITTLE kid who is sometimes in one home and sometimes another. He really needs it for security and to have something the same in both places.

Honestly, unless his mother has no set bedtime and isn't engaged at all, you need to try to keep things as much the same as possible. He'll feel much more secure with you if you do this.

Good luck!

Good luck!

My son turns 3.5 this month. His bedtime is 8 p.m. (lights out at 8:00 - we start his bedtime routine at 7:00). He does have friends who go to bed as early as 7:00 and as late as 9:30. I think anywhere in the 7 - 8 range is best.

We got an alarm clock/nightlight for him that looks like a stoplight. It stays red all night long and turns green in the morning at the time we choose (like an alarm clock, but with light instead of sound). He knows he can't get out of bed until the light is green, even if he wakes up earlier.

3.5 is pretty old to still be in a crib, unless he is REALLY small for his age. I would move him to a regular bed soon. What does he sleep in at his mom's house?

Definitely keep him in a car seat. 3.5 is fairly young to be in a booster and a 5-point harness is much, much safer. I wouldn't switch him for a long time. If he's willing to sit in the car seat, keep it as long as possible.

As for the stuffed animal, that's a harder issue, especially since it probably makes him feel secure when he goes back and forth between houses. My son has a blanket that he can have whenever he wants at home, but he's not allowed to take it out of the house.

Good luck!

K.
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Well for me, I normally put my children to bed by 8pm...but if he's begging you to go to bed, then he must be pretty tired. I'm sorry, but you might need to get adjusted to the 5am wakings. Some kids are early risers and I bet even if he stays up just a bit late, he'll still be up early.

I got my kids into a big kid bed by the time they were 3. Does he get out of bed alot or sleep through the night? If he pretty much stays put, then get a big boy bed and let him pick out his sheets and stuff so he feels its his bed!

Tough call on the stuffed animal, but here's my thoughts. Here's a little boy having to go from one parent to another. When he comes to see his dad, he's with you too..someone who isn't his mom...so the stuffed animal makes him feel secure with all the changes going on around him. Have you been doing this for awhile or is this a more recent set of events???

Seeing as you are asking these questions, it shows you are concerned about doing the right thing for your step son. I think that is wonderful!!! But leave the stuffed animal for a bit until he gets used to coming and going.

My son moved out of his toddler bed at 3 1/2. There's no hurry, it just depends on his comfort. One thing to consider about bedtime...it doesn't seem to make sense, but kids who go to sleep EARLIER actually tend to sleep later in the morning. My son went to bed around 7 until he was about 4 years old, and usually slept until 7. It is important to make sure his room is very dark. That will help him sleep later. If you don't have some kind of blackout curtains in his room, they are really helpful. Carseats are based more on size than age, but in general, the more a child is restrained, the safer they are. My kids will be in boosters or carseats with 5 point-harnesses until they are old enough to sit in a big seat (around age 8). If his stuffed animal is comforting to him, I wouldn't fight it. You should be able to limit sometimes bringing it EVERYWHERE, though. Maybe bring it only certain places that might be stressful for him. My son understands that his special things like that have to stay at home "so they don't get lost." You might try that tactic. Sounds like you are a committed step-mom. Great for you!

I definitely would not try to ween him from animals or change his sleeping habits. Its best if you give support to your boyfriend/husband and be a friend to the little boy but please do not over step the bounds. Each child is different so you cannot cookie cutter the child. Instead try to take cues from the child himself. If he is tired by 7p he needs to go to sleep. But Its definitely ok to say no to candy or staying up to late and manners.

my daughter will be 4 in January. We recently moved her to a big girl bed, since she was starting to grow out of her toddler bed.

Her bedtime varies between 7:30 and 8, depending on her (and our) level of tiredness.

And you're not supposed to move them to a booster type seat (even with a back) until 4 years or 40 pounds.

And we let her take Pooh bear (or occasionally she trades him for Scooby) anywhere she wants, except for a store, because we had an incident where she tried to leave Pooh at the bookstore.

At 3 my DS went to bed between 7 and 7:30pm and slept until 8am, but he stopped napping when he was 2 so his only sleep was at night.

Big boy bed was just after his 2nd birthday.

Booster seat when he was 6.

He is 7 and doesn't take a stuffed animal everywhere anymore but he will still take them to stores and over to a friend's house on occasion. He is an only child and his stuffed animals are his "friends" as he calls them. He stopped carrying them everywhere when he was about 5.

Here's a helpful website for car seat information. It's not a matter of preference, it's the LAW!
www.seat-check.org

As far as the early bedtime, you kind of have to roll with it--plan on some early mornings. I do know this, an over-tired child will sleep less, so think twice about keeping him up later.

Let him have his animal. My 7 yo son still sleeps with his lovey and it went EVERYWHERE well past 3!

we put my son in a toddler bed at 8 months old, he was walking already and was having issues with his crib, pulling himself over the side and getting his legs and arms caught in between the bars. he has a twin size bed that he likes and hes been in it for around 6 months. hes been in a five point seat for ... i cant even remember. i just remember he was getting way to big for his car seat and his legs were hitting the back seat, i took him to the fire station and they told me it was time for a new seat. my son goes to bed at different times usually. as early as 8 and as late as 11. i never try to keep him up though bc hes a grumpy butt when hes tired and he is unberable to be around. my son doesnt have comfort toys really. he likes "kets" (blanKETS) but hes not attatched to one in paticular he just like them all (he steals mine too) but i would try to ween them before school age. i had an unhealthy bond to my stuffed animals when i was a child, and it was hard for me to let any of them go. i did keep one throughout the years and i just dont have the heart to get rid of her STILL. if its a healthy bond i wouldnt worry about it, but pay attention to it and make sure it doesnt progress into something worse!

sleep: i think most kids go to bed between 7-8.
car seat: we use a 5pt harness even with our 5 yr old. usually its about 4 people start in booster if you go that way.
big boy bed: we had my son in toddler bed until 5. out of crib around 2/2.5
lovey: i'm not making my kid give that up. but we don't allow them to take the animal out of the car in FEAR we will lose him. I wouldn't worry about that. at some pt (prob around 4 or 5) he'll get the picture from his friends. its not like a pacifier, doesn't do anyharm so don't swet it. : )

Please do not keep him up past his bedtime because you want him to sleep in. That is not in his best interest. If you wait until he is "mean or really cranky" he is already overtired and probably will have a harder time getting to sleep AND will probably still be up early! So the following day will be harder on him and he will most likely be even meaner & more cranky the next night. If you truly have his best interest at heart, you will allow him a consistent schedule that permits him to get the sleep he needs to function. And that won't always be convenient for you, but that is part of being a parent. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but intentionally keeping a toddler from sleeping, to accomodate your schedule, seems pretty selfish.

I have a 3-year-old who does best if put to bed between 6:30 and 7pm. Yeah, he and his younger brother wake up around 630a-7a, but it's still about 12 hours of sleep for them and coincident with sunlight! They're energetic and noisy like all boys, but from all I hear, they're better behaved than many boys their age, and I assume part of that is being well-rested. What you could do is put a clock in his room and tell him what the clock will look like when it is time to get up - pick your "reasonable" time and tell him he can play quietly until the clock says that time, and then get up when the clock says.

My three-year-old also carries around his "transitional object" (how sterile that sounds!) - a little sea horse that lights up and plays music when its tummy is squeezed. No, he doesn't carry it everywhere - he'll leave it be during the day when he's playing - but he insists on having it at bedtime. I imagine three years old is a little young to make entirely independent - that's what his stuffed animal helps him to do. It's a piece of "home base" he can carry with him. I would think he'd outgrow it by the age of five, when he starts going to kindergarten and can't take the toy with him, and finds that other kids don't take their toys with them.

And don't beat yourself up with guilt - even mothers who spend all their time with their own kids, make mistakes and misjudge their children's capacities. It's all part of learning; I'm sure it's much harder when only seeing the child occasionally. :-)

Sounds quite common. I would keep the same schedule he has at his mom's - even if it's an early rising! Sometimes making them stay up later actually backfires. If he's asking - DEFINITELY put him down. A big boy bed is needed when he crawls out of the crib or doesn't fit comfortably in the crib. We put my daughter right into a mattress on the floor vs. an actual bed so there was further to fall should she roll out. My 4 year old is still in her carseat (Britax Marathon) and she's 43 inches and 38 lbs... I'll keep her in until she's too tall as he 5 pt is safter - although we could put her in a booster. As far as he stuffed animal - it all depends... can it really hurt? He may find it comforts him so I'd let him have it and he'll outgrow it when ready. Good luck and enjoy!

He probably goes to bed at his mom's house at 7 so he needs to stay on the same routine. If he's tired, let him go to bed. That may mean you go to bed earlier too if he's going to wake you at 5 am. Also, age 3 is past time for a big boy bed. Usually kids are out of the crib by 2 or 2 1/2. He is NOT too old to hold on to a stuffed animal. It gives him stability and comfort in his world. Especially with his parents divorced, he needs something that is a constant in his life. The stuffed animal going everywhere with him is NOT a problem at all. Let him enjoy being a child. They grow up way too fast as it is. Don't worry, he won't be graduating high school walking across the stage with his stuffed animal. Good luck, it sounds as if you are wanting to do what is right by him and that will make you an awesome step-mom.

He should go to sleep on his regular schedule that his mom (or where he lives) has him on. I would put him in the type of bed also that is is accustomed to on a regular basis. Do not take his stuffed animals away if he wants them. He's still a baby and if it makes him feel better, he should hold them as much as needed.

To answer your questions:

I guess since he is asking to go to bed at 7 p.m., that is his bedtime. When my children were 3 years old, we started getting ready for bed at 7 p.m. and, after stories, it was lights out by 7:30. And they woke up early also. Maybe making sure that his bedroom windows are adequately covered with blackout shades will help your step son stay in bed longer.

Children should stay in carseats until they are 4-years old and 40 pounds, after which they can switch to a booster seat. I know some parents who keep their children in carseats a lot longer than the 4/40 requirement though.

I'm not getting why you think he is too old to be carrying around a stuffed animal everywhere. He's still very young. That's what toddlers and pre-k and elementary kids do sometimes. Having a stuffed animals when you are this young is one of the joys and comforts of childhood. Why rush it?

These are just my responses based upon my own personal experiences. I hope it helps.