A Friend Who Steals

Updated on July 25, 2008
M.G. asks from Modesto, CA
3 answers

My son's "best friend" has a bad habit of taking things he likes that are my sons without asking. At first it was small stuff like my sons Darth Vader coin, Spiderman trading cards (without trading, just putting them in his back pocket), and hotwheels. Then when my son mentions that these items are missing, his friend tells me that my son gave them to him, but when I ask my son he denies that he gave him these things, and then the items are returned.
Well, last time that his friend spent the night, we discovered that all three of my sons Spiderman action figures were gone. He was very upset because how can you play Spiderman when all you have are the villains?! We searched the entire house looking for them, we called grandmas house to see if they were there, but they were not at grandmas, and the last time my son and I had seen the toys was right before his friend spent the night.
So I called my sons friends dad and asked him to keep an eye out for them, and he mentioned that they would clean up this child's room to see if they were there. The dad called yesterday and told me that he had found some Spiderman action figures that he did not recognize, and that his son told him that he had found them on the street, and a few others that his son says that my son gave to him. The dad told me that he believes that his son is telling the truth, because his son never lies. The room is still not clean, so the dad is going to call today when it is done so we can see if any of the "mysterious" Spiderman toys are my sons.
What should I do if they are my sons? Obviously I should take them back home, but should I express my thoughts, or wait until I catch this child in the act? I did put my sons initials on all of his toys that could be hidden in a backpack yesterday, so I am sure that will help, but still if I do not catch him in the act, it is whether or not this child wants to tell the truth. I also thought of "helping" him get his things together before he leaves my house, just so that I can make sure nothing has "accidentally" slipped in his backpack.
Any ideas or advice would be wonderful! ^.^

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So What Happened?

Well, the dad finished cleaning up his sons room, and discovered some Spiderman toys that he had never seen before, so he asked for my son and I to come by and look at them. The dad also mentioned that Adam had told him that he had found the toys in the street, and a few of them my son had given them to him. On top of that, he told me, "I know my son is telling the truth because he is a good Christian boy and does not lie". This makes it extremely awkward because my family is not Christian.
When we get there, sure enough, there are my son's toys, we claimed them and got them back. My sons friend flip-flopped the same stories of "I found them in the street" and "Actually....he gave them to me". I explained to my sons friend that I had bought and gave these toys to my son for his birthday last year, so I seriously doubt that he found them in the street. And I also explained to him that after my son had gave him two toys, and then wanted me to replace them, that I told my son to not give away toys anymore and that I had also told him that too. "Oh yeah" he answered. I also told him that the toys where in my house before he came to spend the night, and after I told him that, he got real quiet, and looked down at the floor and did not say anything.

Then the dad and I went into a separate room to discuss the issue, he mentioned that my son had brought them over and left them at their house. I told him, "No because the toys were in our house before your son stayed the night". Then the dad said, "Well, then yous son let my son borrow them".
Then I asked, "Then why did your son lie and tell you that the toys where his? Why did he tell you that he found them in the street, then changed the story to where my son gave them to him, when my son did not?"
Of course, the reply I received was that his son is a good Christian and does not lie. Then to top it off, after the discussion, he wanted to know if my son could stay the night and he would buy the kids pizza for dinner and rent movies to show my son that everything is fine. I told him no.

Meanwhile, my son talked to his friend about what had happened, and asked why he took his toys without asking, but his friend only shrugged and said that he was sorry. My son asked why he had lied to his dad, again the boy shrugged and said, "don't tell my dad". My son told him that he does not want to lie to anyone, and also does not like it when his friends take things without asking. He also defined what stealing is, taking something without asking, and not wanting to give it back. Before we left for home, my son told the dad what his son had told him, but the father told my son the same thing, "My son is a good Christian and does not lie".

As we walked home, my son was upset because his friend took his things without asking, and was upset that the dad did not believe him when he was telling the truth. My son mentioned that he does not want his friend over anymore (and he helped me label all of his toys and Spiderman cloths), and also said that he was not his best friend anymore, just a friend. He also wants to "take a break" from his friend for awhile.

So all in all, my son made up his own mind on the matter which I am pretty darn proud of. He will be going to a new school next year, so more than likely he will gain a new buddy. ^.^

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Modesto on

I totally understand about the stealing. My oldest daughter had 3 friends who were stealing her clothes. Same thing she said/she said, and the clothes were new and expensive. I am guessing that the action figures are also very pricey. I would confront the dad about his son, he is under the delusion that he's telling the truth. No parent wants to believe that their child is a thief. But he needs to be stopped, I would also not let this boy in my house ever again. It may not be what your son wants, but in the long run he should understand that he will keep more of his belongings. Stick to your guns on this one the sooner children learn that they have been caught they are apt to learn a good lesson. We ended up calling the police and got no where but it did help my daughter to be more careful with her friends in her room. Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.P.

answers from Modesto on

Hi M.!

This is a tough one. If the boys were younger, my response would be one thing~ and if they were a little older, I would suggest something else......but they're 8!!!!

I'm sure you know that usually things like this happen when a child is "jealous" of another child~whether it is about toys, or the "family life", children will usually take something (even if they don't need it) to make them "wish" they had what their friend has.

I'm hoping and praying that your son's initials are on the toys. This seems to be the only way that the boys' dad will believe you, when you say his young son is a thief. I don't mean to call him a "thief" (literally).....but, to prove that his son did not find those toys in the street :o)

The easy way out....well, if your son doesn't really like this boy, then that's the BEST & easiest solution to the problem. Stop the relationship and forget about getting the toys back.

However, if he does REALLY enjoy playing with this boy, then it's not gong to be so easy :o) We don't want to ruin the fun for YOUR son if he really enjoys this boys' company, however, things will definitely have to change when he DOES visit your house.

If the boys' dad does not believe you about his son stealing the toys, then I wouldn't allow your son to go over to their home......there would be deeper reasons for the denial on the "thievery" and you wouldn't want your son to be a part of it....

How many times would I have LOVED to been the one to have taught someone else's child a lesson????? Too many times, that's for sure :o) The boy and his habits are someone else's problem, not yours. Focus on the things you are supposed to be concerned about under your own roof. Protecting your son from a "not so honest" friend is the issue here.....right?

M., I have 2 boys, and they have been to the same elementary school. Friendships have changed each year, with the exception of 1 or 2 "special friendships". My point is, your son and this boy will probably drift apart, anyway, as they get older. This whole thing should solve itself with patience. Why put anymore energy into it? Your son doesn't need to feel "your fight" about the whole issue. School will start soon and your son will be distracted.

I'm not always this "passive" about things, but when it comes to my boys' & their friendships, I've learned that it's usually the best way to handle most situations like these :o) We've been through many different situations like these.....and none of those friends are around now. My boys "figured it out" for themselves :o)

Be the "better person" and your son will learn more then he would if you were to fight it :o)

Good Luck!

:o) N.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.F.

answers from Stockton on

I wouldn't invite the friend over anymore. If his father refuses to listen to you about his son's problem there really isn't anything you can do. Until the friend suffers the consequences of his actions he will never learn to change his behavior. Stealing always starts small and when the person doesn't get caught it will escalate. Another thing to think about is do you want your child to be influenced into the same behavior. Kids will follow their friends into circumstances they don't understand. This is a chance for your son to learn how to choose his friends wisely.

Good Luck,
L.

1 mom found this helpful
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