A New Baby on the Way

Hello I 19 years old and I have a baby one the way. She needs to understand the responsibility that she is going to be facing. I do have a job and i do not live with my parents, but I do not see anything wrong with her living with you. In fact my parents told me that they rather me live there with them so they can help me out. She is still young, she can live with you untill she can save up money and buy a house or get an apartment. Again I think that there is nothing wrong with helping her out, by having her live there with you untill she can get on her own two feet. But you still need to push her a little bit. You have to let her know that she can not stay there forever.

First of all,be supportive of her. She needs it now more than ever. If she chooses not to have the father involved there is probably a good reason. It was probably a difficult decision to make. She does need to support herself so she will need to work.
I have a cousin who was so afraid to tell her parents she was pregnant she came to me. Unfortunately she miscarried. It was hard on her and it made it even worse because she knew her parents would be angry with her. If you are comfortable with her living with you let her. When she gets a job she could help with the bills. You will be doing her a disservice to kick her out. At least give her time to save up some money before asking her to move out.

I think that in this day and age anything is possible and if she wants to be a mom there is no reason why she can't. I have two children and although my husband is a big help I think the Mom is the one who does the most when it comes to raising a child so if she is willing and ready for that responsibility then I think it is wonderful! Times have changed so it's not as much of a taboo to be pregnant out of wedlock so that is in her favor. As far as her living with you that is a decision you'll have to make but if you are comfortable with having a new baby in the house then it shouldn't be a problem. What would be the alternative in this situation? Good Luck!

Hi D.!! Congrats on becoming a grandmother!! Please do not under any circumstances kick your daughter out. She needs her family around her to help in what ever way possible. She does however, need to take on some responsibility as far as getting a job, no matter what it is. Help her save some money, cause she will need it!!! Also, see if she qualifies for any kind of government housing, or any kind of govt. help. I was a single mom at age 25, and it is no different being a single mom at 20 or 25! It is EXTREMELY difficult!! Support her in any way you can without taking over, and love you new grandbaby no mater what!!! :O)

she is your daughter, whether she is 20 or 5, you had a daughter when you were only 18, what did your parents do?
If my parents had of thrown me out and not been supportive of me, I would not be where I am today. There is nothing you can do about the fact that she is pregnant, she already is,that neither here or there.Now all you can do is love her, support, and help her out, she might be a single parent but she still has a mom that can help her out. You should stress that she needs to either go to school or get a job, I would require her to be financially responsible, unless she is on your insurance then make sure she is covered that way.
and remember that not having a man in her life or a father in her childs life, that no father is better than a bad father!!!!

I am 28 years old and just had a baby-my only one. I was living on my own and working two jobs in Syracuse, NY until I couldn't work as much and couldn't make rent. So I ended up moving back down here and into the same situation I was in before I left-living with a couple who have been great to me but it's still hard because of the privacy and disrubting of each others lives. I am now about to move into public housing, which may not be the best to everyone-but it's a chance to be on my own again, but she will still help me out when I need it and take me to groceries -because I have no car. I do have a job but am on leave but with the public housing the lowest you have to pay for rent is 50 dollars. Don't bash her about not wanting the father in the picture-sometimes that is the best, if she knows the father wouldn't make a good one. My son's father is fighting in Afghanastain and he is only my boyfriend and he didn't want any more kids-so there's a chance I will raise my son alone and I know it won't be easy=but I am preparing myself to raise him alone and if he surprises me with falling in love with his son and truly wanting to stay together with me then that will be great. I am not asking him for child support and everyone gets onto me for that-I am waiting until he comes home to discuss things-but if that's her choice as well-don't bug her about it-it's a personal decision and it makes it harder on you to not have people understand or at least accept your decisions. If you want her to still live with you there is nothing wrong with that- but you might encourage her to meet single parents/moms groups and discuss with them how hard it is to be a single mom-I actually came from a single parent home as well-my father raised me- and I now see what he went through-and I know I will experience it even more when I am back out on my own-and it's giving me new respect for him. I can always talk to her after I have been out on my own for a couple of months about being a single mom and dealing with day care and stuff if you want.

Hi D.,
I'm glad you've gotten so many good responses to your plea for advice. I became pregnant when I was single and 22. My parents let me live with them (after a disasterous attempt to live on my own with my boyfriend and a baby I had no clue how to care for). I was able to eventually finish college, with two degrees because of their help. I am now 42 and my daughter just graduated high school. I have a great husband and together we pull in $99,900 a year. I have two more beautiful kids and a house of our own. If my parents had turned their backs on me, I don't think my outcome would have been so good. My advice: swallow your desire for "tough love" for a while and lay down some rules and stick to them. Require your daughter to start NOW looking into colleges, vocational/technical schools, etc. She will be a single mother so she can get full financial aid and FREE SCHOOL MONEY in the form of Pell Grants so this is a great opportunity hidden in a tragedy. I would make it understood this is what must happen! If she is able to support herself and the baby, she will want to move out and in the end, you'll probably cry when they have to move on. She needs you now.

Forget "right or wrong". Cast aside SOCIAL rules and do what's in your heart.

But don't cast aside your daughter! At this time in her life, she needs you more than ever. This it her turning point. She's about to grow up. She has already decided that the father isn't worthy enough to be part of her life.

You cannot force a bad marriage on her. You would all regret it.

Explain to her, kindly, that you expect her to care for this child, but that you would be willing to babysit your grandchild while she is at work...which is where she will have to be, in order to support her baby and accept responsibility for her actions.

If she is 20 years old, living at home, and unemployed, there are other issues at stake here. If she is a full-time college student, encourage her to finish, even if she only goes part-time. If she isn't in college, or some time of vocational trade school, insist that she enroll. (She probably qualifies for a Pell Grant, which will pay her tuition in full!) She can take classes on-line, too.

God has issued you a challenge. He knows you can handle this, otherwise, He wouldn't have Blessed you with it.

Don't condemn her...or refer to her pregnancy as a Mistake. No child wants to be referred to as "The Mistake". The World isn't perfect, you're both human. Forgive her, continue to love her, and make sure she sees a doctor.

Wow! Do I have some advice for you! :)
I am a little older than your daughter (27), however, when I became pregnant, I was left on my own immediately. (My daughter is 19 months now) I did have a full-time job and my own place to live, but I did not make enough money to support both my baby and myself. Thankfully, my parents let my daughter and I stay at their house for a while. The thing is, if she lives with you after she has the baby, she must realize it cannot be a permanent situation. She as a mother will need to get a job and support her baby and it's needs as that is a single mother's job. Too, after a while, no matter how big the house, it becomes cramped for both the grandparents and the mother. Moms will always be moms which was difficult for me because my own mother forgot that i was my daughters mother a lot of times and over stepped her bounds. I never said anything of fought about it, but you understand how the situation, whether in the open or not, could be difficult and stressful for all involved.
One huge thing is, though... I understand where you are coming from, but please don't suggest to your daughter that she abort her baby because of her current life situation. Although I was left on my own and struggled at first, my daughter is my world and I need her just as much as she needs me. My daughter really saved my life. Perhaps the baby will make your daughter realize what she needs to do in life and what she needs to do for the baby. Just make it clear that she will have to get a job, find a sitter/child care and be prepared for the responsibility that it is. I love being a mother, but you know too, it is not just fun and games. Babies grow out of the cute baby stage eventually and she must be prepared for all that is to come. Your daughter also needs to know that she cannot just leave the baby with you whenever she feels like going out for fun. I could see that being an issue when she turns 21. Maybe, but hopefully not. She just must understand it is HER responsibility to raise the child that she delivers, that she created.
I don't know your daughter or you. All I know is that I love being a mother and thankfully, I'm not married because it would have been a mistake this far. Being a parent, especially a single mother can be very tiring, though. 5 days a week I drop my girl at her sitter's house, drive to work, put in 8 hours, drive to pick up my girl, go home, fix dinner, play time, bath time, book time, talk time, bed time, then I clean my house each night because with a little one, I cannot save it all for one day. Then there's sleep - if I'm lucky.
Also, I don't know the biological father of your daughter's baby, but for the baby's sake, she should not cut him out of the picture desite her feelings. If he does not want or just will not be around, let that be on him so that the baby will not grow up to blame her mom for not knowing him. Your daughter should also file for child support. If she does not get a job and applies for assistance (even if she does get a job) I believe the state will seek out the father anyway so that the father has to support the child that he created instead of the state supporting it. Just because he has to pay child support does not necessarily mean he has to be in the picture if he cannot be trusted with the baby's life.
There are several programs to help single mothers. I don't know where you are from, but check on line to see if there is a C.A.R.S or Healthy Families program in your area. Also a lot of hospitals offer classes to single parents as well as group support. There are programs to help with child care, and of course food stamps and medicaid if necessary and the W.I.C program is excellent. I have used W.I.C. and Health Families (which isn't only for single or low income families - they offer a list of many, many useful resources from docs and lawyers to family activities and advice and information on physical and mental developement - anything you need really) It is not always easy to get help, though. It all depends on your income (so they say). These are just some helpful options that are definitely worth checking into now to start planning for the future.
I hope my advice helps your decision and your daughter's. Good luck and may God bless you.

Hello D.,

I do not feel it is wrong to let your daughter live with you through the pregnancy. I do not know why she was already there and not working, but I would begin talking to her about her future immediately. There are programs that will pay for the pregnancy and if she can get at least a part time job, she can apply for housing. I know that in Indiana there is a program called "Harmony." They have a program in Kentucky also, but I do not know what it is called. She can contact the welfare office to find out about all of the programs she may qualify for.(This doesn't mean she has to be on welfare, but receive information on lower income programs.)She can also get involved with WIC. It will educate her on pregnancy and healthy choices, plus she can get some free food.I hope that this helps.

Hi, I am 26 and I have an 8 yr old son. I was Pregnant as a Senior in High School. My Mother told me that I had to pay rent and that it was MY baby not hers and I had to care for it.
I was very thankful that she supported me. I knew that I had made a mistake and so did she, but she looked past that and helped me (but only to a point). I moved out and bought a house when my son was 1 month old. I just needed a little help.
I don't think it is wrong for you to feel the way you do, but your daughter will soon figutr out what position she is in. I would suggest telling her that she has to get a job to continue living with you and pay rent every week.
Don't push her away, but don't help too much! I never got financial help from my mom or dad! I wouldn't be as responsible as I am now if I had.
Hope this helps

She probably hasn't had the time to absorb all the implication having and caring for a child will involve. I couldn't put her out if it was me, even though I'd probably want to. Give her clear goals. She must get a job with insurance. She needs to accept her portion of the responsibility for this life, and the father also need to to responsibility for the life he created too. My mother always said..."two wrongs don't make a right", forcing a marriage will not make the situation right. But the father needs to step up to his responsibility. Has she considered adoption? I would take her to a support group for single moms, or a womens shelter, and let her talk to other women who are struggling to care for children alone. The father may alsohelp to encourage her to allow the baby to be adopted. She has so much of her life ahead of her. If she would choose to let another family love her baby and raise it, the family will be blessed, the baby will be blessed, and she will be blessed. Adoption is not giving a child up, but giving a child a family. A family they deserve to have. She may be opposed to this now, but as her pregancy progresses, revisit the idea, and encourage her not to make a final decision right away. Don't forget to pray, God can guide her heart and yours in how to get though this. The way you handle this crisis could bring your relationship closer or tear your family apart. Pray, and keep praying. I will pray for you both as well.
God Bless!!! J.

If she intends on keeping the child, she’ll find out soon enough. One very clear very concise message delivered in a sentence or two could speak louder than hours of “lectures”. Essentially speak once and be done. However, if you’re looking to open up a dialog about alternatives to keeping the baby much more discussion would be needed. Possibly a professional councilor would be able to help her make the best decision for her and her baby. Regardless of the outcome she will be better prepared for her future. I’m sure this won’t be cheap and you will have to pay but it may the best investment in your child’s future at this time.

Regarding having her stay with you, that isn’t necessarily a problem. I might suggest however that you require that she get a job and pay you rent. If you want you can keep the money she pays you for “rent” and help her use it for moving expenses when she can get a place of her own. She should also work towards a certification she can use to get a good job after the baby is born. This won’t be easy, but neither will being a single mother. Honestly there are day’s I struggle and I’m older, established, married and have all kinds of support. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but it’s has to be a tough road to follow. The main thing is that she needs to contribute. You are her mother, but she will be one shortly and she needs to take responsibility for her future starting today. Let her learn now that a baby is a costly and constant responsibility.

I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to balance being supportive and helping her become independent. Best wishes to you and your entire family.

D. congrats on the new grandbaby. Babies are a gift from God. I think the first thing you need to do is decide what role you are going to play in this. If all you are going to do is be grandma then you should have a talk with your daughter and inform her that this is on her. Assure her that you have no plans is raising or being the primary care giver for this child. Put the responsibility back on her. If you decide to let her stay in your house lay down the ground rules. My husband and I were not married when I got pregnant and we did not live together which made me a single parent. It was very hard, but looking back it was one of the best times in my life. It made me grow up and mature. It was no longer about me and all about my baby. His needs were primary and mine were secondary. I know you are in a tough situation but you have to trust all the things you instilled in her as she was growing up. The bible says train up a child in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart. That does not mean that kids won't stray or be disobedient at times. It does mean however, that they will come back to the morals and values that were instilled in them. When I told my mother that I was pregnant (and I was 29 and living on my own) she told me that this would make me or break me. That was the best thing she could have said to me because I was determined to let it make me better. Be encouraged things will get better. I hope this gives you a ray of hope.

Be Blessed
T.

Hey there! My name is C., and I was 20 when I became pregnant with my son, and the father was no where in sight. I had just graduated college with my associate's but wanted more. My parents were so supportive, I could not have done it without them.

They allowed me to live with them until Collin was 9 months! It was a wonderful experience for us all! I believe if you let your daughter live with you, you have to set boundaries. I worked retail until a month before I had Collin. My parents decided to let me save the money, but I HAD to SAVE the money. No spending on clothes or fun things, unless clothes or food or any nessecity came about. After the baby is born, it is up to you whether or not they stay living with you, or not, but by then your daughter should have enough to get her own place, and either go back to work or school.

One thing YOU have to be sure about! YOU CANNOT HELP HER RAISE THE BABY!!!! I cannot emphasize this enough. My parents stayed out of my "mommy-business" and b/c of that, going out on my own was not a surprise. B/C if you enter that domain, your daughter will not understand the pressures of motherhood when she is out on her own.

If you have any other questions, just give me a call. ###-###-####. I was actually very excited to see your request, b/c now I don't feel alone. By the way, after being out on my own for a little while, I met this guy who is amazing with Collin, and we are now one happy family. Never give up hope, and always try to look at the positive of things no matter how hard it is. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

I was that 20 year old who was pregnant as well. I made the wrong decision to let the father be involved and am still paying for the damage it caused. When I did go back and stay with my parents, I was given the help and the future skills to care for my child myself. I also had the oppurtunity to find a job that would support us both. I am now 27 and doing very well on my own. All it took was a little support from the ones that truely loved me.

I think that you should encourage her to get a part-time job or even a full time job. She is the only one that can provide for her child. You cant handycap her by allowing her to just sit around, and not take action. She decided tokeep this baby and chose to not have a father in the picture.She really needs to start saving things are very expensive when it is just one person paying for it... Children are a blessing but in reality they dont ask to be born. Maybe gt a job at a daycare to really see what it is lke to be with kids everyday all day... I think tough love is going to be the best for her..

Not knowing the relationship and situation between your daughter and the father of the baby it's hard to say what is right. However, if you are also in the dark as to the relationship and your daughter isn't opening up and talking then I wouldn't push them together. She may feel that she is protecting herself and better yet the baby from someone who she feels would not be a good influence. As the saying goes, anyone can be a father but not everyone can be a dad. I had a father but he was a lousy dad and still is. I'm 37 and still have a hard time even taking his grandchild to even see him occasionally.

As for your daughter she is old enough to obviously stand on her own two feet and can grow in the confidence to do as long as she is receiving the confidence builders she needs from her family. Not saying this is what happened but in some cases young people (especially teens) get overwhelmed with what is happening and can't easily start shutting down physically and emotionally.

Your daughter needs positive praise and a "you can do it" attitude from her family. If she feels that her family is not embarrassed or ashamed of her or that the baby is an exciting time in her life but the truth spoken that it will be difficult help her to prepare. The more prepared she is and the more organized she is the better she will be able be the single mom that her baby needs and the confident young lady to make it work. This does not mean for you to find her a job, pay for all of the things she needs, but yet sit down and tell her what all is involved and the cost. Help her set goals to work towards getting where she needs to be. It will be difficult but she can look back and say that her family supported her and believed in her so she could make a terrific life for her baby and your grandchild.

You may also need to get her some help. There are so many classes available to moms now to learn all about their babies before they get her. Equip your daughter to be strong.

Let us know what happens

D.,
I know this must be so frustrating, but I know that you could have a great impact on the life of this little baby, as well as your daughter. She obviously feels very safe with you in your home. I would just love on her. It may go such a long way.

do not support her she needs to learn to start taking care of herself and preparing to take care of a little one. She needs to get a job, and start helping you will bills and preparing to get out on her own. It might be a good idea if she is not already working on one to get some college under her belt, maybe even a tech degree, that she could earn before the baby is born. Radiology techs make pretty good money and she could probably get that in 9 months. Just let her know that she has to grow up and be responsible. Also I would check into some parenting classes and get her enrolled, she needs to be prepared for what this baby will bring to her life and the changes that will take place.

Yes you need to emphasize responsibility but you can lead a horse to water you cant make them drink. So you also need to consider what kind of relationship you want to have with your daughter and what you want for your grandchild. Making her move out and leaving her on her own may not make her straighten up it may just be the worst for the baby that is innocent in all of this. Or she may straighten up but whether she will see that it was thanks to you that she saw the light or she will feel forced and resentful is anyones guess at that age you just dont know. If she ends up feeling resentful how will you feel if she doesnt let you be a full part of the babys life. Even if you leave her in your house, many women straighten up and see the light on their own when they have that prescious child to care for and they see that they are most important. So a wait and see approach may be best. But in all I thoroughly believe the baby is most important in this and if you look at it as a baby now and not a pregnancy your thinking will be different. You also said how she feels about the father but not how the father feels about this, how does he feel and what part does he want to play her wishes are not the only part as to whether he will play a role.

As an aside to see where my opinion comes from, I delivered my oldest at 19. I was in a steady relationship with the father and we did later marry and go on to have 2 (soon to be 3) more children. He fully supported us and we have never had any public assistance. BUT we did (including the father) live with my parents through the pregnancy and first 2 years. We have been self sufficient (never even borrowing $$ from family) then except for housing and ever since we moved out. I have been a sahm for 10 years, he works full time with good pay and benefits and has finally made it back to school and we do own a good size house, etc etc. So starting out with parental support did not change the way we turned out.

My sister in law was in a similiar situation and age only she did not want the father to be involved and he didnt want to be. She also lived at home through pregnancy and the first 2 years. She needed more help since she was single and not working but thanks to a mother willing to help with babysitting(and pushing her) she did manage to work and finish college and is now self sufficient in a house she owns and a good job. So again parental support did not change her outcome

D.,

Yes I think it is a very wise decision to let your daughter remain in your home. I just turned 30 this summer but I can remember back to when I was 20 and I would have been terrified if I had gotten pregnant, as I was not finished with a college degree, was not married, still lived at home. Which I'm sure your daughter hasn't done any of those things either, and is still with you. Your daughter needs all the support you can give her right now having a baby is scary enough the first time around let alone being thrown out on the street and not having a job or a husband. I made a mistake when I was 22 and got pregnant with my boyfriend (who is now my husband) (I was careless with my birth control pills) and neither of us had finished school, I still lived with my parents, and my now husband and I had been messing around behind our boyfriend's/girlfriend's backs (we were both in long distance relationships-neither of which were totally serious) but our relationship was a secret to say the least and whoops! I'm a dumbass and get pregnant! I was young, stupid, and very scared! My boyfriend (now husband) and I wern't married, didn't have our degrees, still lived at home, couldn't support this child, and I also didn't know I was pregnant right away and had been drinking some, and went to an amusement park and rode rollercoasters, so I made the decision to have an abortion, a decision I will have to live with the rest of my life, and I pray for forgiveness all the time. But I felt as if I had no other option. My then boyfriend, now husband and I righted some wrongs, we got married and have had 3 other beautiful children. But I still will never forget my mistake.
Now about your daughter, by forcing her out, you don't want to make her feel backed into a corner as how I felt. She needs all the support she can recieve from you. I'm sure she's terrified! Now I'm NOT saying she should live there rent free of course! She should be made to find a job if she does want to live with you. A nanny position would be wonderful for her, she'll be able to see what she's about to get into. Plus it will help her get expearience in being a mamma, plus some income to put twards baby items, or to open up a savings account to save for this baby's college education, and being a nanny doesn't require a degree. Or she could go apply at a restaurant, I've worked restaurants for years off and on, and they are ALWAYS hiring. And if she doesn't have serving expearience, then, she could start out as a hostess. As for no desire to have a father in the picture, I wouldn't push that one, because you may want a father in the picture but you DO NOT WANT THE WRONG ONE. He should own up to his responsibility and help out finiancially, and if he won't do that on his own then courts can make him, and if he still doesn't pay then he can be arrested. But if you care about your daughter, and you care about this grandchild you are about to meet, TRUST me, you DO NOT want the wrong negative father infulunce around this child. The right guy will come along soon enough, get her to church have her meet a God faring nice guy. And really encourage her to get a degree there are TONS of scholarships and grants for single mothers to get their education finished and not have to pay much at all for school, and then she can get a good job and support that baby on her own! AMEN! right!?!
If you have any other questions just write me, sorry this is so long! Good luck, and congratulations Grandma! And just remember EVERY CHILD IS A GIFT FROM GOD! Weither we can see the purpose now, or not, there is a reason why this child is being brought into our world, may be he/she will find the cure for cancer or aids! Don't deny this gift!
Good luck and God bless, ~C.~

Hey D., I just want to say that I think it is a good decision for your daughter to be at home with you and your husband since this is her first child however I agree with the other lady who said you should get her to start looking into going to college (if she is not already in college) because I am a single mother of 2 year old twins and a 7 year old and even working a good office job is not enough to support me and my family, I am temporarily getting assitance from my parents and the state to pay my bills and food so that I can go to school full time and secure my kids and me a good future. I'm going for Nursing and it would take me 4 years going part time and only 2 years full time so my parents offered to help pay bills so that I could work part time and go to school full time. I have a sister who is 3 months pregnant, 21 years old, and she has been spoiled by my parents and thinks that she will not be able to work and go to school and take care of a child but I am a proven witness that it can. Its not easy at all, I never have time for myself, I'm either taking care of the house or the kids, studying and doing homework, or working and it can be very exhausting but when you know that you are the only person that can provide for the needs of your children you do it because you love them and thats what keeps me going. One point I want to make is single mothers can do anything that a married mother can if they put their minds to it and have great support from family and friends. And as far as the father not being in the childs life because he's being selfish and wants his own wants met as well. I would tell her that he will probably eventually come around and want to be part of the childs life. Maybe she should try to include him in on parts of her pregnancy ( if she feels comfortable) like the ultrasound and talk to him about names and things to help him realize that he is actually going to be having child that is gonna need his love and support. I will be praying for your daughter's situation. Take Care, T.

It is not wrong to let her live there. Be supportive. We are all human and make mistakes but for whatever reason, God gave her this baby. I was a single mother for a few years with 2 kids, yes it is hard but it can be done. I had my family to support me. IF the father chooses not to be in the picture, it is his loss. Unfortunetly it is common these days but she can make it. Don't turn your back on her. That would be the mistake.

I got pregnant at 19 and I wasn't married. But I was in a committed relationship. Your daughter needs to understand that her life will be forever changed. It isn't about her anymore. I don't think it is wrong for her to continue to live in your home, but she does need to be working. I worked the entire length of my pregnancy. I worked in retailed. After I had my baby, I did go back to school. I now have a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Mathematics. About the father situation, he needs to support that child whether he wants to or not. That is his responsibility, because she didn't make that baby by herself. If I had to do it all over again, I would have waited until I was married to have a baby. Because I didn't get to enjoy my college years, because I had to work and take care of a child. When all of my friends were going out to the clubs of the weekends, I had to work. But now I am married to my child's father and I am 25. I hope my advice helps.

I'm sure this is a very tough situation for all of you. By my calculation you had your daughter at 18 so you are probably the best resource to tell her how hard it is. My gosh, it was very hard when I had my first and I was 30 and happily married! Are you hoping she will raise the child, adopt or terminate? I would educate her on the pros and cons of all three options. If she is going to raise it she is going to have to grow up really fast. I know I won't win a popularity contest with this comment, but she is basically going to have to give up her life for the next 5-10 years and she needs to factor that into her decision.

Best of luck to all of you.

I was also 20 years old when I found out I was pregnant, with a dead beat dad in the picture. My parents let me stay with them, but under the conditions that I got a job and saved money to be able to move out on my own in two years. My mom did volunteer to watch my daughter, which was a huge help, but you could also insist she put the baby in daycare. I would definilty set some rules and a time frame for her to move out, which will also give her a foundatin to be able to handle the child on her own.
Good Luck!

D.,

I was 19 when I became pregnant. I did not live at home at the time. I worked up until the last week of my due date. 3 months after I had my daughter I moved home with my parents. They helped so much. I took on a part time job and went to school in the evening to finish my degree. My daughters father does not have anything to do with her and that is fine by me. I told him that if he would like to be part of her life then that would be great but I don't want a "sometimes" dad..calling on birthdays and christmas. So he chose not to be a part. I dont ask for support and he doesn't give and it has worked out great for me. I am now married and have another little girl and another child on the way.
I think it is great you offer your home to your daughter. She will need you more then ever right now. But I agree that she needs some ground rules and become an independent women.

I myself was a single unwed mother at 23 in my parents home. I was working though. The father did become part of her life. But the best advice through experience is Tough Love. Show her how much diapers, formula and all the basic needs are, and whatever you do, do not give in, make her the responsible one. Hopefully she will get a job or go back to school.
Being a single mother is very tough, and has alot of struggles. Good luck

Hello D., I am also a single mama, with no daddy in sight. I now live on my own but when I was first pregnant I moved back in with my parents, it was wondederful for everyone. I believe that your daughter will understand the hardships and the responsiblity of having to be a single mama when she looks in to her babies eyes, she is alos going to understand love. I respect and love my mother so much more now that I have a child because I realize that she loves me as much as I love my baby and she always will. It will be hard on both of you, I am not here to say that it won't, but I think that you are overlookning a big part of this - your daughter has created life! you are going to have a new baby in your family! this is such a blessing. Life doesn't always go like you think it should, for you or the ones you love but a major part is sticking by your family. I do think that maybe your daughter should look for a job and start helping with bills etc around your house, so that she knows that one day she will be ready to make it on her own. It is really up to you weather or not she remains living with you, but remeber to be happy that a new life is coming.

Hello D.. I was once a single mother, but not by choice. My husband left me and my 6 month old daughter at the time for another woman that he would have no responsibilities with. I had to live with my mom for awhile, and I realized quickly how difficult it is to be a single mother, even though my mother helped me. I think you should express to your daughter that while she is living with you, she needs to work, and then when the baby comes, you can help her with caring for your grandchild, but let her see for herself that caring for a baby can be time consuming, stressful at times, and will have lots of sleepless nights. She will realize it when she is sleep deprived, and feeling down after having a baby. Getting the support from all my family members made me realize that if my daughters dad wanted to be a dead beat parent, thats fine, but I had to be there for her at least. I could not have made it without the support of loving family members, and they gave me the support and knowledge to continue raising my daughter for the best. Be there for her, even if you do not agree with what has happened. Everything happens for a reason, and this grandchild will truely be a blessing. Encourage your daughter to work or go to school, and be the best mother she can be while having a backbone of loving and supporting family members.