A Very Personal (Sex Related) Question....

I've been married 26 years and on the average we are 2-3 times a week now that the kids are grown. When the kids were younger, it was 1-2 times a week. Yes some men DO have overly healthy sexual appetites and you may have to get creative to keep him satisfied (not creative in a weird way or immoral way.).

No, you're not weird, you're probably in the majority. If you can lay there and "give it to him" more often to make the marriage work, go for it.

I don't think there is a "normal" when it comes to this. Every relationship is different.
Right now my hubby and I honestly don't have sex that much...but I'm also 38wks pregnant and feel like a whale :) Even though my hubby says he thinks I'm GORGEOUS pregnant and blah blah blah haha

But when not being a whale we probably had sex once or twice a week? Some weeks more.
I think it's something you have to work on, not YOU, people in general.
I know that I go through "Dry" spells and my hubby does too. It's awesome that he is willing to help you so you aren't so tired.
Get creative, Get all dolled up and show him you still got it ;)

No revelation here, but your husband is a liar. He did not stray because you did not *give him* enough sex. He strayed because he is selfish and feels he is entitled to more than life is *giving* him. I am stressing the giving part because this guy you're married to has missed the point of working toward something. You say he's an excellent father to your children. Does he just sit back and let them come to him and bestow their affection upon him, or does he work at it? I'm guessing there's some work he invests in his relationship with them. Why should his relationship with you be any different?

Frequency of sex is variable. Life can sometimes get in the way of regular lovin'. The question is, before he felt inspired or justified to start poking around outside of your marriage, had he really tried to improve your sex life as a married couple? I understand feeling so tired you can't imagine intitating the act, but truth be told, good sex can be invigorating! I can't tell you how much more I get done in a day if we had a real good night the night before. I could be way off base here, but if the sex life was not pleasing to you in the first place, why would you want to give him some? He needs to really accept responsibility for his own actions and inactions. Doesn't sound like he's done that. Sounds more like he is more interested in finding ways to blame you for his shortcomings.

Helping you around the house more is just part of the puzzle. He needs to make it worth your while, too.

your husband and his friends are full of s$#%&...........sorry, to put it so plainly. You have done NOTHING wrong, and anybody that says they have sex everyday who has more than two children is either lying, or has a personal maid and on-call nanny.

Kudos to you for sticking it out in your marriage, at least you take it seriously. once a week is an amazing accomplishment with 4 kids. what you have been put through is wrong and he needs to know the error in his ways and that his "friends" with the oversexed wives are lying through their teeth.

Good luck with that.

His friends are bragging.

Don't get me wrong, sure there are times it's on the more frequent side. There are also times it's like we've given it up for Lent.

For me, once or twice a week is the norm.

And just as a side note, if I were in your shoes and was doing everything in the way of family household responsibilities AND working at home and my husband was complaining he needed more sex, my response would be:

If you want more sex then you damn well better do more dishes. If you want me to have more energy then you damn well better figure out how to make sure I'm not so tired.

L.

Ive been married for 17 years. My husband was a playboy when I met him... ladies all over. Cheated on all his girls. He met me and I did not give him the time of day. I am confident about me and still am even with kids. When you dress me up, I look smashing. He was obviously overly sexual during our first 5-7 years. We had a conversation once about why he does not cheat or I don't cheat and I think what he said to me can put things in perspective for you.

Men are babies they want their women to be all about them. Flattery, flirting, teasing, joking and love. He told me that the feeling of sex is not what he's after its the feeling of desire. Its all in a man's head and how he is feeling about you. If he's in love then another women would not satisfy him because his mind and heart are with you. But if something is missing, wrong then they go looking to someone who will make them feel good about themselves. Heck he could even be thinking about you while with her. You need to bring the romance back, dress up a little, have the kids go to bed at 9:00 every night then have personal time with him. Date nights, flirting, being the way you both used to be. Don't lose each other over being a mom. Cleaning etc..... does not have to be done every single day.... create you and him time and watch things change. Make him feel important, needed, sexy. He should do the same for you. You need a best friend talk with him. Good luck....

So let me get this right...your husband cheated on you and now you feel guilty about not having enough sex with him? I think if you want to make your marriage work you and your husband need some counseling, because frankly, his reason for cheating is pathetic at best--it's victim blaming at its finest. I understand you love your husband and he loves you and you want to make this work, but I can't help but think that he's a little full of it--he cheated because he make a mistake and not because of anything you did or did not do.

For what it's worth, we probably have sex once a week (give or take), before children, before jobs it was a lot more...but I think we're pretty much stuck with the kids and jobs :) so that's life and we both understand that.

His friends are lying. Especially if they are around his age (50).

I was going to email you privately, but i need to know IF i am normal, so I am going to just put it out there.

When ever i hear "once a week", i am always confused. Maybe i have a hormone issue. For us it's like a week straight so 5 nights in a row and then a week or hit or miss, everyother night- ish and then my PMS week nothing and my period week Nothing. Hubby always tries to say that even if i am having my period i could still pleasure him, but when i'm all crampy and gross,or PMSy and insanely moody being close to anyone is the last thing i want. He's lucky i don't strangle him. So all together maybe 8 times a month, but if he decides to go out of town for a long weekend with the boys to hunting camp and it falls on our sex week, he's just out of luck. Oh and for me, while i am tired, it's less about that and more just my body is responsive at some points in my cycle and NOT during others.

If i am weird, i hope someone lets me know, i do worry that while I"m fine with this situation there may come a day when hubby is not. I talked to my gyno about it once and she just got into a whole discussion about depression, (huh?)

I know you didn't ask, But I applaud you for attempting to salvage your marraige, since even if you divorce you still have to deal with him all the time anyways. But also don't let him make you feel any blame that the amount of sex was what drove him to do this. And this is important enough that you really need to be working with therapist to get through it.
Big hugs

Once a week is good for me. Your husband isn't an animal. He should be able to control urges. Yes, men want it more than women, but they don't require it for life. Tell your husband he should do lots of cuddling and kissing without getting handsy. He needs to be kind and take care of you. When my husband is really on the ball, I can't resist him. When he falls short it is very hard to get interested.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. My feelings are that you giving your husband tons of sex would not have stopped him from cheating. His cheating is separate from you. This is a action he took instead of coming to you and really having a heart to heart with his wife. He chose to outside your marriage. You were having sex once a week before this all happen!!! Your a good women for even wanting to work this out. I hope it does for you and your children.

He is lying to you about the rest of the world does it every night or every other. We average every other week. We are both going to be 50. I think your a saint for having 4 children and all that you do.

Why is it men always think the grass is greener on the other side??? It's not greener.....they only water it once a week if that also.

I hope it all works out for you. Good luck!

It is a fair question. Personal yes but honest.

Do men "need" sex daily. No. The cold hard truth is that they will not die if they do not have sex. Needing anthing (sex, coffee, alcohol...etc.) to the point where NOT having it interferes w/your personal or work life (and having an affair sounds like "interference") indicates an issue. As in...What hole is he really trying to fill up? Is the lack of sex really the problem or is it his excuse?

Onto your specific question. Have been married 11 years-Together 16 years. In the beginning, it was probably every day. We were young. No kids. No worries. =) Now, on a good week it is 3 and on a bad week 1. Does it sometimes feel like we are just crossing that 1 off the list some weeks? Maybe. But I think we are both enough in love that we can appreciate the effort if not the enthusiasm. Not to mention that the sex itself...Well, is sometimes not the only thing we are pursuing. It is the time by ourselves...The time to say, the laundry, the dishes, etc. can wait.

We don't even get around to it once a week all the time -although I have to say -him having a vasectomy and the threat of pregnancy being gone has made things better. I've seen posts on here from women who say they're doing it every day, and good for them, but I don't have time to do it every day! My husband doesn't either! SO much of a marriage is the non-sexual aspect. Spending time with one another, do you genuinely like each other, shared interests, etc. Sex IS important, but he's full of it if he thinks 50 year old men screw like teenagers. Seriously -half of them need Viagra to get it up! Quite honestly at his age, he should be thrilled with once a week. Maybe HE should try to do something for you and make YOU feel special and wanted if he wants more sex? Bet he's never thought of that. It's a two-way street.

***And I'm sorry, your husband can't be "stolen" -he has to go willingly. If he's cheated, it's entirely his fault because that other woman wasn't married to you!

Ahh...the sex question! I don't think there is a "normal." Every one is different. I could have sex every day,but my husband is a more of an every few days kind of guy. I think it's weird that he wants it less than I do. However I'm in my 30's and am just now hitting my sexual prime. He's on the downslide with his.
Anyway..so often sex isn't just about sex. It's about feeling wanted and needed. When my husband take the time to pleasure me (even if it's with every day activities) I feel more wanted. When he focuses all his attention on me I feel sexy, beautiful and appreciated. Maybe that's what he wants from you? I think us mothers tend to, at times, put our husbands on the back burner. I know I do. My kids are my first priority and there are some nights I barely must up enough energy to ask my husband how his day went. I notice it's times like that when he starts to pull back from me. It works both ways though. When he's too tired to care about me, I feel unwanted. (Can you tell we're in therapy for this issue?HA!)
Not that ANY of that excuses his actions. NO WAY! He definitely needs to be held accountable for his actions. Maybe you guys should see a counselor to help you work through all this stuff. It's a lot to process on your own.
19 years is a long time and I'm sure this isnt' the first hurdle you've face. Hopefully you can get through this!

I kind of agree with another poster except I say his friends are lying!

I'm sorry you are going through this and I'm sure you will get a ton of responses. I think it varies per couple, life events, kids at home, finances, etc. . . In our 24 years together it's been as little as once or twice a month, to several times a week.

YOU are perfectly NORMAL!

I hate the excuse that you didn't give him enough sex. Did he ever talk to you about this before the affair? And just giving it to him and pleasuring him won't make things right. The communication needs to be there, or if you miss a week, is he going to cheat again? Once a week is perfectly normal. There are very few moms, let alone moms of 4 kids that have it much more than that.

Hopefully the communication can initiate more intimacy, which can lead to more sex. When I am feeling unappreciated, tired, and ignored throughout the day, I can't just flip the switch to sex at night.

Is he initiating sex, and you are turning him down, or is he just laying there saying you aren't giving him sex? He cheated, he needs to make the effort, and make it better. Sex does not equal love. We always tell our daughters this, but I feel that many wives just "give" it because men "need" it. There has to be a relationship before sex can be included.

It always scares me when I read that a husband cheated and now the woman is going out and buying sexy clothes, turning on the romance for him etc. IF I was able to forgive my husband, which I doubt!, he would be in the doghouse for weeks. There is no way I would have sex with him before he was tested and able to earn back some trust and build our relationship back mentally (and help out around the house).

I am so sorry that your husband cheated on you. I cannot imagine that part of it. All the rest...yes, except for one thing. My husband's friends all complain that they don't get enough and their wives don't do the stuff they want and just really want them to be a little dirtier and less inhibited in bed. He said that one of them actually said, gee, if my wife would just say something really dirty to me, she would not even have to do it, that would be enough...

My husband is mid 40's, but has always needed way more than I did. I would say at this point, he is happy with every other day, and that is about where we are with it.

There was a time when I did not really get him at all. We talked about it all the time, the same argument, the same stuff, and I hear women on this site saying the same things, "I am tired, and I don't understand why he does not get that." I said it too, to him even. Men are just different than we are. They give and recieve love through sex. They are also really simple creatures. If you are not having sex with them, make them a sandwich...not quite, but darn close. He kept saying that I was not loving enough, and I did not understand that, because I could not love this man any more if I tried, he is terrific, but he would get all sulky if he went more than a few days without sex.

Then he was deployed to Iraq. He seemed really moody before he left (some of that is normal, it is easier to say good bye to your family if you are fighting with them, so many deployed soldiers pick a fight before they leave) but he told me that he had to go off to war for me to pay any attention to him, and sometimes, he thought that he would rather die there than to come back and be last on my list again, after the kids, after the laundry, after the house work. Eye opener. While he was over there, he asked me to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" I don't like Dr. Laura, but she was dead on about Men, and I did what she said and I have never, never looked back. I started writing him some really explicit letters, pornagraphic, really, and when he came home, we hit the ground running, and have never had more fun together in our lives. I look forward to it as much as he does, and he no longer worries about when he will get sex again, he does not keep track anymore, and he follows me around like a little puppy dog to help me.

The more sex you have, the more sex you want to have. It is at least every other day, even when I am on my period (he gets something sexual then too.) Honestly, it really only takes a few minutes a day, and frankly, if you wisper something really dirty while it is going on, it will take even less time, if you are really tired ;) Sorry if that is TMI.

Because he actually acted out, your situation is different, and you will need to heal. You probably also want to have him all checked out medically, to be safe for yourself. You might even consider some counseling together so that you can trust him again. He may not be telling you the absolute truth about why he cheated. My husband looked at a web site where women were looking for men just to see for himself that there were actually women out there who wanted sex the way he wanted sex. He just found that it made him more angry with me because he wanted me to want sex with him, and that is want most men want, to have sex with thier wives. I bet that if he knows you not just understand him, but accept that it is OK and natural for him to be how he is, and maybe if he sees you reading the book, he will be willing to cut you some slack while you get over the pain of the afair.

I hope that you can work it out and be happy together.

M.

If your husband is cheating there's a bigger problem than sex. If you both really want to save your marriage, get to a therapist... STAT!

Unfortunately, you will find such a range of answers to your question. Having read (and posted) similar questions on this site, it seems that there are some women who want and have it almost every day. And some like you (and me) are perfectly content with once a week... personally, I could do with less, even. But that's another story. I am struggling with this issue too, as it seems my sex drive can't compete with my fiance's either. And I know this can become a major issue if it isn't given appropriate attention, so I'm trying to work on this myself.

I don't know if men "need" sex like some claim. What I do believe is that they do equate sex with love. Men need to have sex to feel loved and desired by their mate, unlike women, who need to feel loved and desired to want sex. It's really an unfortunate mismatch, it would seem, but if you believe in God, then you believe his plan is perfect, but what the heck?

Anyhow, I just wanted to offer my support, and support for the notion that there are women out there that once a week is plenty for. More than enough, actually. I think your hubby's friends are lying, quite frankly, although I do acknowledge that there are women out there that want sex more.

Best wishes to you...

We have sex about once a week, part of that is because my husband works nights and I am busy during the day with school and our son. I think it would be maybe 2 times a week if our schedules were "normal".

I bet if you change your mindset about sex, then it won't seem like such a burden to you anymore. Look at it differently. If you do this, you two will fall in love all over again. Talk to each other about personal things while you are having sex and you will both discover two new people! Good luck with everything. I hope you two really are able to work this through.

P.S. Intimacy is part of marriage, whether you are tired or not. It's just something you do...like the laundry, lol, but more fun!! Do you still do the laundry and dishes even when you are tired? Then why nor him? :)

Hun you are not weird, there are times i want my husband who is ALSO 50 i'm only 27. there are times we go nightly for weeks and times none at all for at least a month or two. it CAN make or break a marriage, they NEED it. however, i'm sorry but there is NO excuse what so ever good enough for your husband to have this "fling" he should've discussed his problems with with you instead of looking elsewhere.

I sure wouldn't give him SQUAT for a while, until you can regain trust in him cause then he'L. think if he feels deprived again, he can get satisfied elsewhere and come right back home UH NO, WRONG! work things out if you feel you need, but don't let him just hand you a dozen roses and say i'm sorry, "actions speak louder than words"...i'd make him practically crawl to my beckoning. especially since he said nothing to you that he was feeling deprived.

I had my son almost a year ago, and STILL dont really like to have sex all the time. You are a mom of 4! AND you do everything else around the house. Im sure you are absolutely exhausted when its time for bed. Tell him.. "i dont give you enough sex.. because maybe i am just tired... I need some more help around the house.. and with the children.. help me to balance things out around here?" Work together as a team to get through this hard time. Communication is a huge key in this. Im sorry you are going through all this and i hope that everythign works out for the best for you and your family. *hug.

My husband and I have sex a few times a week ( I don't keep track, but I'd say 3 times) because he practically begs me for it and I just give in to make him happy. We are both 25, we've been together since we were 16. We used to have sex almost every day, then at 22 I became pregnant with my first and we probably had sex once a month because I had NO desire to have sex during my pregnancy. I slowly started having sex with him more often after the baby, but only to keep him happy. Now I am pregnant with my second and still don't have the desire, I would LOVE to only have sex once a week or even better once a month!! I just find it easier to do it so we won't argue about it, even though most of the time I am exhausted and not in the mood. I can't imagine having 4 children and doing all that you do and having sex more than once a week. My husbands friends like to brag about how much they have sex with their wives and my husband likes to bring that up all the time too, and then I talk to their wives that I'm friends with and they tell me a totally different story!! Not only do they not have it that often, they are also doing it just to keep their husbands happy and quiet! Made me feel a lot better to hear that and believe me I let him know the truth about his friends sex lives so he can stop bringing it up!!

im a 20 year old mommy of 1 (9 months old) my husband and i used to have sex at least 6 times a week... that was a bad week... since getting pregnant and him finding it "weird" it was cut to about once a month... after baby, i lost interest... we have sex about once a week and not because i want to, but because he wants to. idk being a stay at home mommy (taking care of my daughter, our dog, 2 cats and the other critters) im EXHAUSTED by bed time. He doesnt help when he is home, except he feeds the cats and cleans litter boxes cause i refuse, other then that all the responsibility is on ME (im may be married but i am a single mommy)

You are asking the right people, because men LIE to eachother about how much sex that they get! I know that age makes a difference, but here it is, I am 27 and my husband is 30. We used to do it 4 or 5 times a week before our daughter was born, more when I was pregnant, and lately its 2-3 times a week but thats a minimum. It would be more maybe if hubby didn't work the night shift, that messes with things a little. But I will tell you-- there are days that I really don't feel like it and once we get things started things are great. Its just SUCH an effort sometimes, as you know. But its all part of a marriage :-)

Three times a week is our average (three kids 6, 3 and 9 months). I don't believe that's the reason your husband cheated, there's more to it. Some couples only have sex once a month and the husband is still faithful. Please go to counseling together. You won't be able to get over if you don't and I don't think the whole truth about him cheating will come out if you don't. Also, make sure this lady is completely out of his life. Where did he meet her? Do they work together? If they continue to see each other the temptation will still be there. I hope this works out for you. I can't imagine how hurt you are. Good luck!

I would love sex more often, but hubby prefers only once or sometimes twice a week. Like you, I'm tired and stressed out so usually when he wants sex, I don't. But I do it anyway. heh I started wearing pretty/sexy yet comfortable things to bed and that helps. Oh, a queen size bed helps too. Our bed at home is king and our bed in our RV is queen and so we are very close by necessity.

According to Oprah's episode on the subject, I think the stats were something like sex once or twice a MONTH not a week, so generally speaking he has it pretty good. :) Not enough sex is just an excuse, seriously.

I'm sorry, I hope things get better.

You are not weird - at all - and there is nothing wrong with you. We are all very individual and live in different circumstances. I can relate to 'doing it all' and feeling exhausted and just wanting cuddle time which was worth millions to me.

Please don't start making tally marks for when you 'do it.' More importantly it sounds like you are both taking active steps to make it work for both of you. I commend you both for coming together and talking through this. Continue to do so. Out of this can come a whole new appreciation for one another and a deepening of your love for each other. By addressing it the way you are beginning to do, I think you might just find that a natural balance or rhythm begins to take place where you can genuinely meet each other in all aspects of your relationship for a wonderful experience together. If need be, seek some outside help, an objective ear that can lend another perspective.

I applaud you both and wish you the very best in finding yourselves and each other again. - Addressing the underlying causes rather than just the symptoms will help it all organically unfold - for lasting change.

Enjoy the new adventure, along with its challenges (which are really opportunities in disguise!) it sounds like you are embarking upon. What are yours and his dreams for your relationship, for your family? Go for it!!

I've been married 8 years and at the beginning it was everyday. Now, 2 kids later we do it at least 3 times a week. He wants it everyday...I know what you mean when you say you are exhausted but the way I see it is " if your not giving it to him, he will get it from someone else."
Good luck.

Having sex once a week isn't bad. Please dont let him make you think that you have to have more sex to keep him. He did something wrong and instead of owning it, it seems he is placing the blame on your love life and making you make changes. Did he not think that by having an affair it would make you want to have less sex with him? I would def go to counseling. Let a professional hear him say that the reason he had an affair was bc once a week wasn't good enough. Sometimes I go months with out even noticiting that Im not sexual active with my husband. He doen't cheat, he waits patiently knowing that my hands are full with being a stay at home mom and in charge of everything inside and outside of the house. Then when he starts begging I realize how long it has been and give in. Other times it's once or twice a week for us. Of course my husband one like it every night, day, evening, afternoon, ect. but he knows that there has to be a balance between his wants and my wants and our schedule. We also find other ways to share intimiciy with each other. Some nights when I am exhausted I have sex with him just to please him and some nights when he's exhausted he stays up late just to have a couple of hours of conversation with me after the kids are in bed. If I were you I would get a professional advice on this. I don't understand how you will be able to increase sex with a man who has cheated but I do applaud you for doing anything you can to make your marriage work. It seems these days people just give up so easily. Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you and your family

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Having sex once a week isn't bad. Please dont let him make you think that you have to have more sex to keep him. He did something wrong and instead of owning it, it seems he is placing the blame on your love life and making you make changes. Did he not think that by having an affair it would make you want to have less sex with him? I would def go to counseling. Let a professional hear him say that the reason he had an affair was bc once a week wasn't good enough. Sometimes I go months with out even noticiting that Im not sexual active with my husband. He doen't cheat, he waits patiently knowing that my hands are full with being a stay at home mom and in charge of everything inside and outside of the house. Then when he starts begging I realize how long it has been and give in. Other times it's once or twice a week for us. Of course my husband one like it every night, day, evening, afternoon, ect. but he knows that there has to be a balance between his wants and my wants and our schedule. We also find other ways to share intimiciy with each other. Some nights when I am exhausted I have sex with him just to please him and some nights when he's exhausted he stays up late just to have a couple of hours of conversation with me after the kids are in bed. If I were you I would get a professional advice on this. I don't understand how you will be able to increase sex with a man who has cheated but I do applaud you for doing anything you can to make your marriage work. It seems these days people just give up so easily. Good luck with everything and I hope it all works out for you and your family

L.L,
I am very proud of you for trying to make it work, I wish you the best of luck!!! As for the sex question I don't think you are weird, and I don't think his friends wives do it every other night either, for us, it can be as often as everyday or even not do it for a month, or more, it really depends on what's going on in our lives, and I think once a week is normal and healthy.
I want to bring to your attention that a man who cheats is lacking something and he is making it look like it is you who is lacking (the craving for more sex) so be careful, just food for thought. Good Luck!

Last time i answered this question... a mom jumped at me for being honest. Sooo, let me start by saying that my normal may not be everyone else's yada yada. (this is just my opinion)

Once a week is normal for us too. We do throw a bunch of other fun stuff in there. This week was extremely rare and was a few times already. There has also been the very rare 2 weeks without. (i am on a few meds a day that make me feel lousy) I don't agree with making them wait. I truly feel it invites cheating. I am very fortunate to have an honest husband. He clues me in on men ;) There are woman out there willing to steal husbands. Sad, but very true. I believe in keeping my husband as happy as i can...so that the temptation is squashed. I am not saying you have to constantly please him... the little things here and there help.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that things work out. Talking to each other open and honest is a wonderful way to start. Him willing to help out is great too. You seem to be going in the right direction. Positive thoughts.

i think that depends on a lot of different factors. I am 25 and my husband is 31. We have been together almost 6 years. i would say on average we have sex about 4-6 times a week. But sometimes its less. The pass couple weeks we have only had it about 2 times a week. He has been working a lot of overtime, i started my period, etc etc. things happen.

but, on the same note. I work from home, i take care of the kids, i take care of the house. Yep, i am tired at the end of the day too! so if there are times he is horny and i am tired, he knows that it means that he needs to come rub my back for a little to get me warmed up.

Every other day? I think his friends are lying. Seriously.

We do it 1-2 times a week and have a 2.5 year old and 8 month old. I agree with another mom that even if he felt he wasn't getting it enough it would have been a more logical move for him to talk to you before seeing what else was out there. I'm sorry for that.

Once a week is the norm in our house. We have been together for 10 years. At the start it is always once a day, lol. Good Luck I hope everything works out for you.

I've been married for 8 years and we have sex about once a week now that he travels during the week. When he was home all the time and wasn't traveling we had sex about 2 times a week. My husband is 33 and his libido had decreased compared to when we were first married and he was in his 20s, so he doesn't seem to want it more often than we do it. I try to never deny him when he wants it, but he doesn't want it all the time so I'm comfortable with saying yes when he wants it. We both have needs and the commitment that comes with marriage is to try to meet each other's needs, whether or not we understand them or need the same thing. We all have needs and will get them met somewhere if they are not getting met in the marriage. His Needs, Her Needs: How to Affair-proof your Marriage is a good book that helped me understand this.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. He should take more responsibility for what he did and not put it on you. I would be so upset, but I think it's wonderful that you both are willing and wanting to make it work. Maybe counseling will help, too. But I think your husband is incorrect in how often other couples "do it." I think twice a week is about average. If he wants it more, though, maybe you guys can figure out things to help you have the energy and desire for more sex. Him helping out more will definitely help. When I "do up" and wear sexy underwear and make myself look pretty with makeup and stuff, I feel sexy and want it more. I wish you the best!

This is a hard question to ask because after 13 years I don't think my hubby and I have a "normal"...my hubby is one of those guys that gets a wee bit cranky if he doesn't get any, so we rarely go more than 2 days in a row without it...however, it usually works out more like this : I end my period and we go at it like monkeys for 3 or 4 days then take a break for a couple days and then repeat...and repeat til its period time again!

In all honesty I have found that sex is a complicated thing...if I go without I am usually OK with it and could care less when I am gonna get any next...but at the same time, the more I have it, the more I want it...so weird?

~My hubby is almost 40 and likes to tease me that because of our age gap that he will be getting tired of it when I am at "my peak"...I hope he is like yours at 50...still willing and able, that is!

it's not weird. everyone's different. your husband can't just lump you into a category with all other women who say they want it all the time or never want it, you know? you're an individual. i'm sorry he did that to you...
well, my husband and i used to do it about every night (because of me, not him) before we had our son. we just started again, but so far it's been the same....(i'm only 6 weeks post)...

Even if you weren't giving your husband enough lovin in bed, he should have come talk to you about it before just finding another woman to satisfy him. That is the poorest excuse I've ever heard, and it seems to be a common one.

We do it about 1-2 times a week since having our second baby who is only 9 months old. It used to be more often but I am just so tired at the end of the day also after caring for only 2 kids, so I can't imagine how tired you must be. I know my hubby would prefer more sex, but I also know he would never cheat on me to get it. No, men don't die without sex. And a good honest man would never cheat on his wife and family like that. I don't think you should blame yourself at all.

I'm sorry you're going through this and hope you can work through it. Me and my husband have both talked about this issue before and agree that it would probably be the one and only breaking point of our relationship. I just don't honestly think either of us could trust the other again.

First off I am so sorry you have to go through this.... I can't imagine. Second you should not let him blame you for his bad behavior!! Kudos to you for trying to work things out, you have a long difficult road ahead of you. I have an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me all the time (when we were together he convinced me he was just "talking" to the other women). No matter what I did he did not change. He is now married and I know for a fact he cheats on his wife to this day.
I am a 26 yr old stay at home mom about to have my second little boy. My oldest is 15 months. My husband is 39. I am definitely one of those girls who ALWAYS wants sex.... I drive my husband crazy because I would have sex with him every night if he would. But as my husband likes to say he's not 20 anymore and he doesn't want it everyday. When I'm not pregnant he is good with once or twice a week. I of course push for more than that and sometimes I get my way. So do not let your husband tell you he cheated on you because you don't give him enough sex and that all men need sex all the time. It's not true!I I definitely recommend therapy if you want to work this out. Good Luck!

Oh, I am so sorry. Men do NOT just need sex, sex, and more sex. That's a stereotype that he's hanging onto to try to excuse having done something awful to you.

As for how often, once a week or every other day would be FINE with me. Since we have little kids once/week is more realistic. As for us, my husband has no sex drive to speak of. We are working on it though.
And I don't use it as an excuse to cheat on him. Not because I am a woman, but because it would be wrong.

I know someone will have all ready suggested couseling, but I have to say it is a good idea - you both need a mediator at a time like this. He needs someone *who is not you* to call BS on him and to help him talk to you about what his real issues are. You will likely need someone to help you see how you can change and help you know where to draw the line, as well as someone to help you work through this awful hurt.

I wish the very best of luck to you.

Here is a link for you about this subject:
http://www.google.com/search?q=how+much+sex+do+married+co...

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&a...=

Or do your own Google Search.

By the way, the problem to me is also this: He BETTER go to a Doctor and check himself for STD's. AND don't do anything with him sexually until he does... AND has regular testing for it.

WHY THE HECK... are you putting up with him? He is a total jerk. I would kick him out the door, for his fooling around. Right now as it is, he is getting his cake and eating it too. You 'allow' him to have affairs and want to give him more sex..
Maybe... he has a sexual problem... a sex addiction... who knows. But the problem is HIS.
And let me tell you this: I am SURE this was not his 'only' affair.
Jerks like that, try to get what they can. Maybe even a prostitute. That is why you have to have him get checked for diseases... STD's.
AND... he is a liar and for making "YOU" the one to blame.

I know you asked this quite a few days ago but It's still on here as a front & center question on the homepage. Anyhow, I didn't read every mom's response but what I did read, I didn't see anyone mention MIDLIFE CRISIS! Given your husbands age & lifestyle, I'd bet he's having a midlife crisis and doesn't know what on Earth he really wants or what he's really saying. It does not excuse his behavior but it does at least help explain it a little bit so hopefully you don't feel so crushed about the affair. To answer the question you actually asked though, my husband and I have sex about twice a weekish. It depends. Sometimes we'L. have a dry spell and he won't get anything for 2-3 weeks. Then other times we're having sex often. It averages out to about 2x a week though. Good luck!

There's is one thing that I've learned about huband/wife relationships, the woman will always get the blame no matter what the situation is. He is the guilty one, not you. Sex is a very important part of marriage. You can take his excuse away. Leave the dirty dishes or whatever and go to bed, so what if you have to entertain a few roaches. If he doesn't like the roaches, tell him to do the dishes, because sex is important to you, too. "Afterall, dear, I have to be rested so that I can give you your daily vitamin S."