P.M.
What you have described is the very thing I'm afraid of for my son when he starts school. While he was in a daycare center, the teachers observed that he showed many symptoms consistent with ADHD. We all were aware that he's much too young to diagnose but were concerned by his level of activity and his aggression. After conversations w/ his Pediatrician, we learned that he may have Sensory Integration issues. He was evaluated by an Occupational Therapist who confirmed this suspicion. Then, every thing started to make sense... all of our frustrations... all of his "quirks" since the day he was born... it all fell into place. I only wish parents had this information readily available much earlier so they knew that it just didn't have to be so hard.
Anyway, we started with therapy and he showed huge & immediate improvement - NO MEDICINE! He has fun and he's a much happier child for it. When we took him out of a daycare center and put him in home daycare, he became a different child. He loved the center, his friends, and his teachers, but it just wasn't a good fit for him. In a perfect world, I would just stay home with him. For now, I've found a darn good solution with him in home daycare. His speech is more clear, his words are bigger, and his sentences are longer. In addition, there is almost no more aggression. Far fewer tantrums and outburts (he is only 3 :>).
We will also begin looking into diet modification / nutritional supplements. That suggestion has come up too many times in my searches to ignore.
When he does go to school, I'm hoping to find a good Montessori school for him. From the initial information I have received, that environment tends to be more mobile (less confined to a desk & chair). He's a very bright boy and this will let him progress at his own pace. I believe children who are ahead or behind the curve in comparison to the rest of the class are more likely to act out due to boredom or frustration. I also really like the fact that they have their own clearly defined individual space to work in (rug). My son tends to require more personal space when he's around non-family members. Of course, the class is only as good as the teacher. But in this environment, I really get the sense that they are much more adaptible to the individual child's needs. It appears to be passive involvement from the teacher, but upon understanding the goals of this style of teaching, it really does require much more from the teacher in terms of preparation and attention to each child.
Although I have not yet read it (I plan to), I have heard of wonderful results based on the book The ADD Answer by Dr. Lawlis - http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2001/11/07/earlyshow/healt....
Hopefully some of these suggestions will help. Most importantly know that you are not alone. Many of us are struggling with these same issues (or soon will be). Asking questions and sharing your experiences will help us all.
Thanks,
P.