ADHD Child HELP

It is no way to live. If you are seeing a psychiatrist, go in with your SO and see them and have a long talk. If you are not, see one now. You need to have a full evaluation and a treatment plan.

ADHD is a medical condition, and ODD is frequently comorbid. In any case, you need specialized medical care. A treatment plan should consist of many hours a week of: Play therapy or cognative behavioral therapy, social skills classes, speech and langague therapy, OT, medical management, and intensive behavioral and educational supports from all the adults around him so that he lives in a completely consistent enviornment. Medication is often part of a treatment plan, but treatment plans that consist of medication alone are not only not sucessful, they are inappropriate. You may have a child who does not need medicaiton, but you have a child who undoubtably needs the rest, and right away.

I am always surprised, but I guess I should not be anymore, that so many people have this discussion in their homes about medication v natural, diet, supplemtent,bla, bla, bla, but so few even discusss congative behavioral therapy, play therapy, OT social skills classes, and behavioral and educational accomodations. None of this is either or, it is DOES this child need the medication with the play therapy, cognative behavioral therapy etc, or not? Frankly, the rest is not part of standard care for ADHD and comorbid disorders, never has been, and from the looks of the data, never will be. Food coloring, GCFC, fish oil, "natural" supplements, acci berries, oh boy, none of it works, but you can spend a whole lot of your money one it, and still, you will be back to standard care which is expensive enough as it is.

Look at it this way. Brains are flesh and blood, just like your urinary tract. Brains have millions upon millions of cells, called neurons, and they do nto touch. Between them is a tiny space, called a synapes. We have ideas, memories, and thoughts that are carried from cell to cell in the form of electrical impulses. When the impulse reaches the synapes, our bodies make electrochemicals called neurotransmitters to carry the thought over the space to the next cell. It happens millions of times a second. If a person does not make enought neurotransmitters or the neurotransmitter receptors are damaged, that person loses track, fails to pay attention, forgets how to behave, can become impulsive, or fail to act on what they "know" about right and wrong, and they have ADHD. This is a completly biological issue that responds to medication. There are many different types of medications that are helpful and used as a tool, ADHD patients can rely on their brain function so that they can begin to work out all the things that most of us learn as we grow older and our fully functional brains allow.

Like urinary tract deseases, there is a behavioral component. Would you potty train a child with an anatomical issue of the urinary tract? What if the child needed medication to make thier urine less concentrated and flow without pain? Would you let your husband say that they disagreed with medication for that? Would you think it was fine if the child was still in pull ups until they got on this medication and could begin to potty train? How is this different? Insert "pee" for every ADHD behavior that could be helped with medication, and ask your SO again if he thinks that it is OK to say no.

I would recomend that you do several things. First, call the nearest childrens hospital and find a Developmental Pediatrician and make an appointment. It will take many months to get in. Then, get an appointment with a board certified Child psychiatrist if this is not the kind of profesional you have been seeing. Next, ask the psychiatrist for a referal for either cognative behavioral therapy or play therapy and get in as soon as possible. If speech is a concern, call and make an appointment with a speech therapist for an evaluation and to start therapy. If he has sensory concerns or fine motor issues, make an appointment with an Occupational therapist. Ask the occupational therapist for a referal to a developmental Optomitrist and have his visual processing checked, as well as accuity. Do all this tomorrow.

Next, sit down and write a letter to your school district. Tell them that you would like your son evaluated because you susepct that he has a disablity that is preventing him from full particiapation in preschool. Tell them that you expect a written invitation to a meeting to give your consent to evaluate him within the next ten school days. Ask them to send you a copy of your rights under IDEA.

Next, order some books to read. Browse Amazon for books by Dr. Mel Lievene (All kinds of Minds) or Dr. Russel Barkely. They have many great books about the meidcal nature of ADHD and terrific strategies about how to live with it at home.

Next, look up CHADD online. Find a local support group. Subscribe to Additudes magazine. Contact NAMI in your area for care giver classes.

Log on to www.wrightslaw.com and start learning about advocacy. Read about ADHD and learn to interpret the evaluation data. Read, "Understanding Tests and Measurements for Parents and Advocates." Look at any evaluation data that you have already, and try to see if you can understand your son better. You will be very pleasantly surprised at how helpful understanding where his weaknesses are will help you plan your life at home. There are reasons he does everything he does, and you can set him up to be sucessful if you understand him. Success breeds success, and the more he has, the easier your life will be, and he will want more and more.

Finally, if you feel overwhelmed, you are not alone. Many of us have walked in your shoes and blased this path before you, and you do not have to reinvent the wheel. Ask for help, just like you have today. Print out this post, and trude through all the phone calls, and find a soft place to fall with other parents of ADHDers; you will soon find them at CHADD, NAMI, and social skills classes. Pretty soon, you will feel better about the whole thing. One day...pass on what you have learned to someone who feels kind of hopeless...they will need you and your wisdom.

Hugs...it is going to be OK.
M.

I'm going to have to disagree with the moms here that are totally against medication. I have a younger brother with ADHD and impulsivity issues and without the medication, he is a nightmare to everyone. Our family tried diets of all kinds....no sugar, no wheat, dye-free, organic.....it never worked. What did work was putting him on medication at age 5 and also learning some parenting skills that don't enable him to get into manipulative or disruptive behavior patterns. The drug of choice at this time was Ritalin. The medication was a god-send. In fact, after spending 3 years on it, if he forgot to get his daily pill, he would tell us that he had a "bad day" and did not feel in control. I thought that was pretty impressive for a child to realize when they felt better and when they felt out of sorts or out of control. Before putting him on meds, he had few friends and was not making very good strides in learning and social skills. After the meds, this all changed....for the better. he remained on Ritalin until he was 14 and then tapered off of it and has been off it ever since. he is 32 now and although he does have more difficulty with impulsiveness than the average person, there is nothing wrong with him and he is healthy and has tons of friends and a great family of his own. ADHD runs in our family and my nephew from my older brother has it too. Once again, they put him on medication and what was once a constant battle of wills and an exhausting day with him has now been pretty close to normal thanks to a drug called Concerta. I know these medicines are not for everyone but in my family's case, I can't imagine what the alternatives would have been. These kids are difficult, strong-willed, impulsive, can be destructive, and are a real handful. They don't mean it and didn't ask to be this way but if given the right kind of guidance and medical help, they are really quite pleasant and wonderful kids trapped inside theri own little private hell. that's just how I feel about the subject because I lived with it and I know how it can be. I vote for a trial of meds and better quality of life for your child and also for you.

I think try the diet your DH wants. If its you or him to be medicated, well his brain is still developing, not yours, so grab that sedative. These drugs do long term damage to developing brains... AND USUALLY THEY ARE SPEED! get some parenting help, strategies, but dont medicate a 4 year old.

*Omega 3's are reportedly of huge benefits to these types of kids. askdrsears.com has some articles on it.

Perhaps try the diet for 2 weeks and see how it goes. If it does not work then you have your proof and should be able to pursuit traditional medicine. Make your SO promise this will be the deal. He does deserve the benefit of at least trying the diet approach. If the situation were reversed you would want him to try the diet first as well.
One thing to really eliminate is the red dye...and don't just go by if it is red or not. A ton of foods have this (even vitamins)and it is supposed to cause symptoms like your sons. It is outlawed in Europe b/c of how bad it is for you.

My son was the same way, but he was only 2 1/2. I had him medicated right away because he was getting kicked out of daycares and then we would have PCA's and they would quit because of his behaviors. While he was on the low dose of medication I did try the gluten free diet and it didn't make a difference. My husband (not my son's father, but is daddy) kept saying oh he is being a normal boy, it took his mother to say something is not right with my son. We did have him on Adderall XR up until a couple of years ago then we switched to Vyvanse and that was the wonder drug for my son. I also have adult ADD and I switched my diet around got rid of all processed foods and nothing seemed to help and since I am in school I need to be able to focus and I was put on Concerta and I hated it, then I was put onto Vyvanse and I love life again.

What you should do is the next time that your husband is home and with the kids, go out for a few hours even if it is going to the library, coffee shop, or book store - even a simple walk outside! and let him take care of the kids and then see what he has to think about it.

The best doctor's advice I EVER heard on this was: If your child has been given a healthy diet, enough sleep, a loving supportive environment, enough attention, consistent, clear discipline for wrong behavior, since birth and years later (4,5,6) they are completely incapable of ever behaving, they can be evaluated. If you can improve any of these areas (sounds like you are overwhelmed and he's not getting constant firm attention for this behavior) try improving all of these areas for 6 months before considering evaluation and meds.
Des he get a calm but very firm consequence every single time he beats up a sibling? Is he getting enough attention in general? It may be impossible to provide these things, but they may be the cause of the behavior, so you have to see what changes can be made. Meds alone won't fix the behavior, and you don't just want him numbed out for your convenience.
Defiant Behavior disorders are fairly new and sketchy. The trouble with hoping medication will solve behavior problems rather than tons of work, is that it doesn't always work and no one knows the long term risks. I have an irregular heart beat from taking a "safe" antidepressant for one year as a teen. You know the CDC, once it's proven unsafe (because it was never proven safe), they just take it off the market. Kids bodies are tiny and fragile, and you want to make sure you've done everything to prevent the meds, and that his medical diagnosis is legit.
Good luck, some kids are much more difficult than others. Get SO to step up and help with discipline and give him some much needed male influence and attention for a few months even if he has to cut down work. Your son's health and well being depends on it.

I have a child with ADHD...we have used medicine in the past...currently he's not on any meds (his choice - not necessarily mine, but he's 14 now). The meds can be a Godsend. They were wonderful for our whole family's harmony when he was taking them.

That said....a few thoughts...
1 your son seems to be fairly young to be on meds - is the doctor really recommending it?
2 are you sure it's really ADHD? I ask this question because our ADHD kid is rarely if ever mean. He's got one of the biggest hearts I know of - but he can annoy people to death! I know there are variations, but being mean and beating other kids up is not symptomatic for ADHD. Did you have a full evaluation by a psychologist?

It sounds like you and Dad need to get on the same page when it comes to helping your child.

I am very "into" GFCF and alternative paths to wellness - but it's definitely a team effort with my husband (fortunately he is too).

It surprises me that Dad is open to it more than Mom (you) - it is sometimes the other way around. I would tell him that, if he is committed to the diet and other alternatives, you need MUCH more support and knowledge (integrative physician perhaps?) in that endeavor. I would also see some mainstream doctors (i.e., a developmental ped and/or a neuro-psychiatrist) to get their opinions too. That way you guys can have as much information as possible.

I love this book: "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics . . . " by Kenneth Bock, MD and Cameron Stauth.

Good luck and I hope you can get some resolution for you and your child's sake.

I would put him on the medication. I do believe if they really have ADD it will help. My best friends sons both had ADD. One had ADD and the other ADHD. Meds will help if it is ADHD. He can not sit down and play nicely. If he acts better after he is on meds then tell your husband look, I have to deal with him because of the crazy hours you work. Let him know that the meds are working and in your child's case it really helps. He is going to have to compromise in this situation(the husband). Good luck. from my experience and from what you post it seems like it will make a difference. God bless and good luck.