Adjusting to Being a "Weekend Wife"

Make things fun when he is home. Have cloth napkin candle dinners, good sex and date night. I've been a weekend wife (. 1 weekend every month and a ahalf ) for 3 years.. It's hard. Hopefully it's not permanent.

I don't think any amount of money is worth that...

Is he able to find another job with normal hours?

My friend had a truck driver husband. She was the happiest she ever was in her married life. He was gone all week and then when he came home it was sweet.

She knew when he was coming so she could clean the house spotless the night before, take time to shave the important stuff, etc...she could do what she wanted all week. Fix foods she liked, go to the store when she wanted, not have to plan on doing anything with him specifically until he was going to be there. She worked outside of the home so she had her own money and could go to a movie if she wanted, hire a babysitter and go to a class, all without talking it over with the hubby. She has all the choices and got to plan on special time with hubby during his time home. They never had an argument or disagreement the whole time they were married until he quite being on the road and was home every night. He expected her to stay at home and meet his every need, whether it was a beer from the fridge or to fix him a snack. He was a much better weekend hubby than he was a full time hubby.

It is all about your attitude and how you are self reliant and able to entertain yourself. He has to work and you have to be the head of the household now.

I love my husband dearly, but I do enjoy the weeks he travels. (Not as much as yours does though.)
Things just move at a slower, more leisurely pace!
He's the most picky eater so my son & I have what WE like for dinner.
No snoring in my ear! LOL

Try to find some positives.
Then you can be happy to see him go and happier to see him come home!

Maybe this is more intensive because it's a new job, training, etc. Hopefully it'll settle into a more normal routine.
Good luck!

As I write, my husband is out of town. Recently it has been every other week, but now it is for the next 3, home on weekends only :(

Create you own different routine for when Daddy is not there. Once you and your son get used to it you will find that it is not so bad. But believe me routine is important - it will get you though those how am I going to get it all done alone moments. Once you and your son get your routine down pat, things will be a lot easier. A lot of things in my house go more smoothly when he is gone now!

Sadly you will get used to it... so one other thing you will need to do when he is around is make sure the two of you have time alone together. It is too easy to fall into the "he has to play with his son" routine when he gets home And we go along with it because we all put our kids first and forget about us.

Good luck!

SKYPE - get webcams, download skype on his laptop and your home computer. Sign on an enjoy!

Do you have family in town that you can meet up with for dinner twice a week? Or one evening you go to them and one evening they come to you? Perhaps your friends or neighbors would gladly come over and hang out or eat dinner with you to break up the solitary life.

I love my hubby but we also love it when routine sets in and he's on the road.

You adjust, your attitude has a lot to do with it.. Children can pick up a negative vibe and act on it.

When my hubby is gone, daughter and I enjoy our favorite foods ( especially those we know hubby is not fond of), watching tv while having DIY manis/pedis, shop, and build our relationship.

My hubby is not out of town as much as he used to be and we miss it.

His being away helps us focus on our family and having family traditions.

Does he need this particular job? Can he look for another one? DH and I agreed on a limit to the hours we would work, working weekends and how much we would travel before we decided to have DS. What is the point of having a dad that your son doesn't get to see?

If you can afford a sitter to get out now and again, please do. Also, plan monthly date nights, so you stay connected. You do get used to the schedule, but it's never easy. Hugs to you.

I would figure the weekends would be special.
You'll get used to it.
When he starts being home all the time, THAT will probably drive you crazy.

I can't help you adjust - I've been a "without the husband wife" before, due to him being in another part of the world for months on end. With kids in school, it's impossible to travel with him. The best thing I can advise is that you don't cry too much or dump all your troubles on him too much. Easier said than done.

You mention adjusting from and to being a single mom. I got over that real quick when he did a lot of short term traveling. I stopped trying to schedule every moment and just kind of "winged it" when he got home. My children liked that too. If I were you, I'd just try to enjoy him. Anything that you want to snag him to do, grab him while you can (make lists) and make it a family affair.

Sure hope you have a home week soon.

Dawn

When my husband was working out of town for his job we had a routine that the kids and I had every night. It did make it easier to have the routine in place. We had the routine in place before my husband went on the road and I just stuck to it while he was gone. But it took some time for me to readjust to it to get everything done myself and my oldest did step up and help out. My younger ones acted out and really missed Daddy ( that is where my oldest was a life saver some nights).

Honestly with 5 kids I couldn't have done it with out my oldest help. It got to be too much for me being a "single mom". After talking with my husband ( he was having just as hard as a time as me being away from the family) we both decided that it was best for him to find a job that he wouldn't be gone all week for.

We was living ok and after he took a job where he was home every night he had to take a $5 an hour pay cut. It made enough of a difference where I had to take a part time job. To cut out day care cost I was working nights and weekends. I didn't see my husband very much and we only had 2 nights a week that both of us was home at the same time ( while being awake) and 1/2 days on weekends. But it made such a huge difference with our family! All of us was happy again. Honestly to have the happiness again was way more important than the money coming in.

I know some say you get use to it but for me I never did and it got to be too much for me, honestly. Thankfully for me my husband was just as unhappy and wanted something else also so he could be home every night with the kids also. He was feeling like a divorced dad who only saw his kids on weekends and I was feeling like a single mom.. it was a very hard time for both of us.. well all of us, kids included.

I guess my advice to you is to talk to your husband and be honest about your feelings ( don't nag or make him feel like this is his fault, because its not, its just the job he is doing for his family). I bet you will find he is having some hard feelings himself. While he is gone, get a routine and stick with it. While he is home take a few hours for yourself and decompose. Weekends stick loosely to your routine but make sure there is fun times in there with Daddy for your son. It is hard when he comes home and it throws a monkey wrench into the routine, but try not to get fusterated, take it with a grain of salt and be happy that its time spent with your husband.

As for "adult time" with your husband don't do it because you think you should or because he is going to be gone for the next week. It became too much like we had to instead of because we wanted to. Do it when you want to and in the mood.. it may not be every weekend but when you do do the deed it will be special, like its suppose to be.

Hopefully it gets better for you and he will have some home weeks coming up real soon! If you ever get the need to vent you can PM me, I will give you a shoulder to lean on.

My husband travels 2-3 weeks a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. He's on the road now :) Sit down and figure out what is making it so hard for you to adjust when he leaves. Try and put a routine in place that can be suspended on the weekends. It will take a little time, but when everyone adjusts to it things will run smoother. Also figure out what he can do when he is home to help you out. For example, when my dh is home he does bedtime - I kiss the kids but he's in charge of the whole bedtime routine. Do you struggle to fit in grocery shopping? If so schedule it on the weekend; gives him alone time with your son and you get a break from mommy duty. I'm not saying you take every weekend off and he takes over, but if your weekends before were all about relaxation then that needs to change. You will burn out if you spend all week as a single parent trying to fit in the chores so you can have weekends free, he will need to step in and assist on the weekends he's home.

You will get used to it. You might never like it, but you will get used to it. It's been so long for us (5 years) that I now sometimes resent when he's home during the week because he throws my well-oiled machine out of whack, lol.

It doesn't sound good for the marriage or the kids - so I wouldn't think it is worth it. I would start looking for new options so that this becomes temporary and you can make the best of it knowing their is an end soon.

We did that for 2 1/2 years. My kids were little, DD was less than 2 and son was in preschool - less than 5. I have to tell you that neither of the kids are close to their father now (21 & 18), but HE did NOT try to bond with them when he was gone. And because he was basically living alone, he had that mindset when he was home. Didn't want the kids "crawling" on him when he walked thru the door, etc. We walked around on eggshells all weekend hoping not to "disturb" him. It was horrible.

We LOVED him being gone because I was the fun one and we just did what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it. He was ex-military and having small children never fit in with his idea of a well kept home. I was always of the opinion that clean could wait till the kids were out of the house!! hahahahaha That spending time with them and teaching them that they were important and the things they were learning were important. I grew up in a home where my mom would pick up a game the MOMENT we were finished with it. She cleaned more than she played. I didn't want my kids remembering me that way. I wanted them to know they mattered to me and what they were doing was important.

I don't know how old your son is, but if he's old enough to be included in the conversation, why don't you sit down around the table this weekend while your hubby is home and talk about it - what each of you wants and don't want - find out what your husband needs and don't be afraid to say what you require too. Maybe your son wants to spend alone time with dad, but maybe he'd rather have FAMILY time!!! find out. It's your life, you need to be in control of it - AS a family, but you're certainly going to be a single Mom all week - nothing makes it easier than having the mindset that it's only for a short while and it'll be okay. Definately foster friendships with other women who's husbands travel allot - it SAVED me!!