We have 4 kids ages 13,12,10 and 3. My 13 year old befriended a boy on the football team who is in a foster home within our district. This boy is a wonderful, loving and smart 14 year old. After much family discussion, we have started the process of legal custody, eventually adoption. Although David (not his real name) seems very well adjusted and without any behavioral issues, I want to be prepared for anything. His case worker who has been great, is a very busy person and hard to always get ahold of. We will get more info next week as far as specifics, but I want to start learning all I can NOW. I am currently reading "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Padents Knew" and ordered a couple from Amazon. If there is anyone put there who has been through something similar, I will take any and all feedback!
"David" has only been in foster care for 4-5 months. His mother is really not in the picture, but will need to be located and sign off rights in May. His father is deceased. I know of only a small portion of his life up until this past May, but he has been comfortable talking about his past thus far. We cannot start the adoption proces until May (1 year's worth of an "open" case no matter what). We are going with legal custody vs fostering because it's faster and will get him home with us within weeks rather than months.
Although financially, this will be a challenge, it's not impossible. We are, however, concerned about
paying for college should he choose a university. As it is, we'll have three in college at once. There's always trade schools or the military for any of them if they go that route, but we obviously will want to help provide for them in any endeavor they choose. The case worker wasn't sure Theresa's any programs/grants forbids who have been in the foster care system. He thought they would have to age-out in order to receive any help. But, a friend said she knew of a couple who adopted from foster care (in FL) and got some money for college. Does anyone know anything about this? It may depend on the state, too, I realize.
Ugh, I could goon and on......but I won't. :). We aresuperexcited and are sponges for info.
Thank you!!!!!
Thank you so much for all your support! We meet with the case worker on Tuesday. Boy, do we have a lot of questions for him! I spoke with "David" tonight on the phone and he is just as excited as we are!
****Very sorry for all the typos! Dang autocorrect! :)
Every state is different but I know in some, if a child was ever in foster care their college is paid for if attending on the state's colleges.
Wow, what an amazing story. How lucky for all of you to find one another.
Trust that college will work out. Kids can get scholarships, work study, etc. Also research private grant programs - there are so many charitable organizations out there that provide grants for so many reasons. Local businesses also offer scholarship programs. Get creative. You have a few years to look into everything. Also, service programs like AmeriCorps, offer scholarships for gap year volunteerism.
I don't have an answer to your question,sorry...but I want to tell you how AWESOME you and your family is for taking this boy into your lives!
You are amazing. God bless.
Take a close look at the two routes; fostering and legal custody. I adopted out of the foster care system. I suggest that fostering provides benefits that you won't get with legal custody. Fostering provides money, emotional and physical support.
In order to foster you do have to be approved as a foster parent. this means a background check and classes which are beneficial in learning how to manage both the child and the system. The process does not take months.
I would consult with an adoption attorney who has experience in the foster system. I would also make an appointment to go in and talk with the worker. Random phone calls do not allow for enough time to get answers.
Because he's in the system I doubt that you can get legal custody without a court hearing and that will take some time too. If his mother's rights have not been terminated I suspect that she would have to give permission also.
I too would not be concerned about college. That will work its self out. My daughter got loans and grants that were unrelated to the foster system for her education.
I have no information to share, but wanted to say May God Bless you richly!
What a wonderful thing you are doing for that young man.
I have a 14 yr old son, and it is such a stressful time for them at this age.
I would strongly suggest making an appointment to speak with a social worker who specializes in adoption. Many adoption agencies discourage adopting out of birth order, for a myriad of reasons. While the case worker can guide you through the legalities, you need someone who you can talk to about what to expect as far as emotional/behavioral isses. Even though this boy seems like a great kid, he has experienced huge trauma with the loss of his parents.
I don't mean to sound to sound all negative. I think what you want to do is a great thing. However, as an aoptive parent, I can tell you, it's not all roses and sunshine. There was a lot we weren't prepared for, and our daughter was only 2 at the time of adoption.
I know of a couple of kids through my daughter, whose parents are deceased, I know that's not your exact case, and they received Social Security benefits to attend college. It was a monthly amount of $$.
Many, many blessings on your family for opening your hearts and literally opening your doors.
Jennifer
Children who have been in foster care have a whole lot of options out there. There are stipends, college scholarships, all kinds of things. My recommendation, is to see what classes your human services (or whatever office handles fostering) has to offer Your case worker should be able to tell you, or you can call the office. My friend fosters and adopts. She took a class outlining all the available benefits for children who are and have been in foster care.
Congratulations, and you are a WONDERFUL blessing to this boy. What a gift!
My cousin adopted 2 kids from the foster care system. Their college is 100% paid for since they came from foster care in Florida. My cousin also receives money (a couple hundred a month) for their care even though they are adopted. I believe the state also pays for counseling.
My aunt also adopted children from the foster care system in PA and she too gets a few hundred a month for their care.
I would seriously question why you could not have immediate custody even through foster care. David has to live somewhere so why not with the family who is going to adopt him.
At the risk of sounding cynical, the case worker wants him to go straight to adoption so then they are off the hook for having to provide services. If you go this route it may be a huge disservice to David if you can't afford some of the things he needs. I would definetely push back and learn all you can about your options.
This is a wonderful thing you are doing:)
Read "Attaching in Adoption" -- a bit daunting as it covers a lot of the problems, but as an adoptive parent myself, I think it's critical that you learn as much as you can. Also Adoptive Families has a website and forum. God bless you.
Also, find a family counseller/therapist with some experience with adopted kids and don't hesitate to consult them at the earliest opportunity.
I am in awe of you. I think that it is SO wonderful that you would choose to open your home to this young man....
There have GOT to be online forums for this kind of thing, so you can talk to other parents who have been in similar situations. In regards to college, don't forget about scholarships and financial aid. There are private grants out there for everyone; as a single mom, I could get some huge assistance... I'm positive there has to be something similar out there for adopted children.
No matter which way you look at it, this is a BEAUTIFUL story, and that in itself will help all the pieces fall into place. Sounds like you're already right on track doing everything in your power to educate yourself, and there is no doubt in my mind that this time next year you'll be a well adjusted family of 7 :) Just keep digging, the information is out there, and who knows, by the time the kids are ready for college, it could be a whole different ball game!!
Keep us posted, and best wishes!! :)
Keep him talking and make sure your husband is involved with both boys as soon and as much as possible.
Hold off a little longer on college worries, I would wait until Freshman year of High School before bringing it up to your kids. Lay out all the options and let them work through them and choose for themselves. then you can see about what needs to be done to get them where they want to be. Good luck!
As far I as I have ever know the state to work they don't give away custody of kids they are in charge of. They just can't decide to do that until a judge says they can....
They can't just decide to terminate the custody they have until that child's parents have gone to court for at least a year and been given every chance to become the parent they need to be.
He hasn't been in foster care long enough for his mother to even really develop a plan for re-unification. She can of course decide she doesn't want to do one and ask them to terminate her parental rights but the state still has a legal obligation to find any other near relatives to find a placement for him. His father's family has a legal right to him, he is their blood relation just as mom's family has that right too.
If any one of them challenge the adoption in the future they have legal grounds if they were not approached to find out if they are willing to take him in. That is covering the states hiney.... They have a simple task to do regarding this child. They must do all the steps or the adoption would not be binding and legal and it could be overturned.
I think when visiting with this worker you need to find out about the foster parenting classes. Once you and your family is approved and take the courses he could be there full time until he is eligible for adoption. You'd also have the opportunity to get to know him is the good and the bad times. You'd be able to make an informed decision about this adoption if it does in fact become an option in the future.
My grandson got taken away and spent two nights in a general foster care home. My friend called the worker the next day and asked if they could foster my grandson. They workers did an quick eval, with background checks and a fast home inspection and they moved him in the next night.
They did not get a foster care stipend until both parents had completed the foster care program classes but that can be done in a couple of weeks. They offer them here in my county every few weeks and in the nearby counties too. If one is in a hurry they can take one on Tuesday, a different one on Thursday, 2 different ones on Saturday then repeat it the next week and be done.
Her hubby worked a rotating shift and missed several of the weekend classes so even though my grandson was living there they didn't get a check to help with his expenses until her hubby finished them. They got several hundred dollars a month after that.
I think that the state has to cover it's bases and do this according to the rules so it protects him, your family, his parents and their families rights, and all that is done should be done according to the law.
I wouldn't worry about college-just keep your sweet heart open!
I am sending you a PM!
