J.
A friend and I were just talking about the "terrible threes" earlier this evening, so you aren't alone. Here are a few things that have helped me, although I have no magic bullets (other than eventually they do get older!):
- give attention - I have a 7yo, and I've found that it really helps the attitude of the 3yo if I actually take a few minutes when I'm busy to interact with him instead of just trying to rush out the door or whatever we need to do next. Try to give all the positive attention you can and react less to tantrummy behavior.
- this one is really key - prepare him ahead of time for anything unusual. Never change activities or leave a park without a warning. If you know you can only do whatever thing for 30 minutes, warn ahead of time that it will be short. If you're eating in a restaurant explain ahead of time what's going to happen and remind what the kids are supposed to do. (stay in your seat, use your inside voice, color with your crayons, that kind of thing. You can even role play something new with him - make it a game. Get his sister involved, too.
- When you talk about consequences, try to set it up so that you're not the bad guy - if the rule is broken, there's a consequence, and you're just following the rule too. Do everything you can to make it impersonal so the battle of wills doesn't happen.
- consistency helps with that, too. (but is also hard for me)
- I think at this age it's a tension cycle that they get into. Try to think ahead of time of ways to break the cycle. Sometimes it's humor. Sometimes it's saying something like, "we're going to start this morning all over again. Why don't you try getting back into bed and get back out on the right side?" (if there's only one side, even better - then it's funny.)
- races and competitions. You could try an egg timer or counting or compete with him yourself - who can pick up the most toys in 5 min?
- Music. Sometimes if everyone's cranky I just turn on a favorite happy dance song really loud and the whole family stops to dance for a couple of minutes. Even on a school morning. It can totally reset the mood for all of us. Because - truth be told? - sometimes mom is having a quiet tantrum too and needs to start over.
Oh, one more thing - are there particular triggers? My older son has sensory integration issues (getting better as he gets older and after OT) and he would just start behaving like a hellion whenever we were in a loud environment. It took a long time for me to make that connection, though.