One of my best friends has a 10 year old in 4th grade. Her homework is all A's, but all her classwork is either incomplete or wrong. The teacher states that she is failing every subject now and not participating in class. My friend has tried flashcards, tutoring, offering incentives, testing for dyslexia, but nothing seems to help. She doesn't think it's the friends her daughter has, but she's at her wits end. The girl is bright, but she is just not making it. Any advice?
I just want to thank everyone for their advice. I will relay these suggestions to my friend and see if she can work with her daughter and the school to find out what is wrong. You guys are great! Thank you!
I did the same thing in 4th grade. I was bored! The subject matter was...so 3rd grade....
Have the girl tested to see if she should be in an advanced learning group (usually reading and math are advanced at this grade level). Has a parent/teacher conference been held? The teacher should have some insight as to why she isn't responding in class. Has Mom sat in on class?
Just suggestions.
A.
This is not easy, and it is hard to see a child struggle.
First, you indicated that the child has been tested for dyslexia. I would get in touch with a well regarded speech therapist and ask for a learning eval...just to rule things out.
Second, if the mother has any friendships with the parents of other children in the class, ask if their child has made any comments about the girl in class.
Third, listen to what other mom's describe the classroom setting to be. Get this girl in a nonthreatening environment, and ask her if she likes school, her classmates, her teacher. What she likes and dislikes, and listen very very carefully.
Two lessons we/I have experienced. My son did not want to add to our burdens as we were dealing with some health issues with his younger brother. He was a) bored, b)being bullied by some other children, c) had a teacher who was not competent...a good teacher does not mark work wrong when the child includes information that is correct but not yet presented in the classroom, only to mark it correct the next week when the teacher presents it to the class....a smart child will see through such stupidity on the teacher's part and ignore the teacher and other children who are behaving badly. After dealing with a son who tuned out in class, did not pay attention, had stopped laughing and smiling at school, (we had a very unhappy son by that time)and a teacher who was not teaching well...one doesn't pull that marking stunt on 3rd graders, and one doesn't verbally tell a class of 3rd graders what the homework is, telling them to put it down on the planner, and doesn't write it on the board or check the planners to make sure the data is written down correctly. When we got our son out of his nicely expensive private parochial school into a private, small, well monitored and instructed montessori school, he finally started opening up about what was going on and my heart broke week after week as he started letting us know just how ugly an environment he was in in a very Christian school. Well, Christian is as Christian does, and his montessori school is much more Christian in a nondenominational way than that other Christian school....my son is back to being happy, smiling, laughing, learning, eager, we are so lucky.
The second story is about myself...I was in the 4th grade, and my teacher was ugly. She yelled, and threw chalk at students. I hated her. So much so that I started to ignore her...she was rude and ugly to everyone, and if I ignored her like I ignored bratty children, she would go away and I wouldn't have to deal with her ugliness in my world. So, because I obviously couldn't see or hear I was moved to the front of the room. When I didn't do my work I was sent to a doctor to have my vision and hearing tested. The doctor asked me what was happening at school that was causing all this problem, and I told him. My mother hauled me back to the principal's office and made we tell him everything, and demanded I be moved from that teacher's classes, and into a more nurturing classroom. Well, in my new class with my wonderful teacher I had to do all the work I hadn't done for 4 months..which was a pain but my teacher was nice and sweet and made me want to learn for her...the ugly one's contract was not renewed and no more chalk was thrown at students in school.
So, the environment makes the difference. I suspect this girl is intellectually smart, but lacks the confidence and social skills to manage what may being happening in the classroom and school environment. If she ignores it, it can't bother her. This is not going to be fun or easy to address...but this girl has got to know that you and her mother are on her side, and belive her no matter what. If she won't discuss what is going on, get her out of that school. It is toxic.
Hope this response isnt too late, but I offer this advise. Help your friend set up some time where she and her daughter can be alone together, maybe if there are sibblings, you might offer to sit with the others.
With such a bright girl, it could be that there is something else bothering her. It could be a broad range of reasons why she isnt doing well in class, from boys to failing to stay "cool", or any other assortment of possibilities.
When mom and daughter are alone, maybe they could go to the park alone to get some talk time or maybe get an ice cream or go for a brisk walk in a new neighborhood, but avoid crowded places like stores or movie theatres where the chance to talk isnt there.
Relax during the upcoming holiday break and enjoy hands on chances for math and science (cooking) or creative thinking and writing (story telling) and start next semester with a bright new outlook.
Set up a homework time where she could do it alone first and then when errors are found on her assignments try to ask her what was wrong and why it was wrong. If she catches her own errors, then she may master the subject and see her mistakes when in the classroom.
Good luck.
Perhaps the classwork bores her? When I was in 3rd grade, they tested and placed me in the Talented & Gifted class for precisely this reason. My classwork was falling behind because I was bored. So, maybe she needs to be challenged?
well i have a 4th grader too and he was having trouble. but his problem was too much tv,video games, and playing with friends.he always wanted to do his homework with the tv on. so it took him like 3 hours to finish.so i put my foot down and stopped all that. i also took him to check his vision and found that he was having problems.put him in tutoring, and now he is doing much better. i dont know if this may help, but good luck.
Maybe she is embarassed and being taunted by other children for being smart so she doesn't try in class. I would definitely worry about what is happening in the class. If it was my child I might even ask to sit in on a few classes and ask my daughter just what is going on. Good luck to your friend I would love to hear how it all works out!
As a former elementary teacher myself, I would highly recommend that you visit your child's class and see what is actually going on in the way of instruction. It is the teacher's responsibility to ensure that she is providing every accomodation and support that she can to ensure your child is successful in her class. I would also visit with your campus principal and let them know what is going on. A teacher cannot simply fail a student before trying to reach her via modifications or alternate methods of instruction. Make sure the teacher isn't just teaching to the whole class. Teachers must also provide one on one or small group instruction to the strugglers.
Maybe she should look into homeschooling? www.homeschool.com
My son has strabismus and I suspect she may have a vision problem. Please ask your friend to read Dear Abby today about convergence insufficiency. http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/ for 4/17/07
I was a kid like that. My teacher was the problem though. Sometimes anxiety or a teacher's demeaner makes the child discourage easier. I would consider switching teachers. I would also suggest Mom have lunch with her child at school once in awhile. It has helped me pinpoint problems and possible distractions with my two sons age 5 and 9. Hope this helps. Also, mom needs to put her hands on the top of her daughter's head when she can,just softly, and reassure her of how smart and wonderful and talented she is, especially before going to school. Praise her constantly since the failing and fear of failing will hurt her self-esteem. She needs to know she is great and worthwhile at home and at school! God bless!
Has anyone asked the young girl why her grades are so different from homework to classwork? Sometimes the child is better at telling us what is wrong than we are at figuring it out on our own.
