Advice for New Mom

Don't forget that they start learning at an early age. Read to him. I have always read to my kids. My oldest's first book that I read to her was A New World Revisited. I think the fact that I read to her just anything helped her to realize that reading is good. My second child got Steven King read to him. just because you have to be in don't make it a bad thing. Look on here and find another chat place like cafemom.com to help you out. All of this will be over soon enough and you will be able to get out and about and then you will long for these days when you did not have to get out.

I was in your situation, only difference is I had twins....and had a 17 month old at home. Talk about a long year (yes, it was a year for us, just because after the risk for RSV ended, it was still to hard to get out a lot by myself). Anyway, here are some suggestions: reading; scrapbooking (even online, check out www.jessicasprague.com; find another mom in your situation (maybe someone through the NICU, who also needs to be careful about germs) to see about getting together; break out the stroller and go for a walk. Time passes quickly and you will get through it. Also, take every opportunity to get out. If you go to church, sometimes you can arrange to have volunteers (maybe an older retired woman) come into your home for a few hours every week so you can get out. If they were to come in the morning after showering, then I would think they would be okay germ-wise. You will get through it...it is a big adjustment, but gets easier every day. Good luck!

M.,
I am in the same boat. My son was born at 29 weeks and was in the St. Francis NICU for 8 weeks; he is now 7 months and we are finally able to get out a little bit. I really try to get out of the house a couple times a week when my husband gets home, even if I just run to Target or to Sonic to get a coke! I also got back in touch with a lot of old friends from high school and college, and new friends from the NICU... when Jack (my son) was napping I'd call, email, or IM someone. I read that you love to scrapbook, let your hubby babysit for an hour or two and stock up on scrapbook stuff, so you can work on that sometimes. Also my pediatrician, said it was ok for me to put Jack in the stroller and go for a walk. I just need to throw a blanket over him and if people ask if they can see the baby, just say that he is a preemie and you are trying not to expose him to germs. Does your son have a grandma near by that could babysit some evening or afternoon, so you and your hubby can go to dinner together? If you don't have a family member or friend to babysit, call one of your favorite nurses from the NICU, a couple of nurses told me that they would love to babysit sometime. My husband and I try to have a "date on the couch" once a week... after Jack goes to bed we'll order pizza or pick up Pei Wei and drink a glass of wine!

The good news is that RSV season is almost over, I don't think there have been any new cases in a while, so now it's just a matter of letting the weather warm up so all of those bad germs will die off!!!

Good luck!!! If you need to talk to another home bound NICU mom in Tulsa, feel free to email me... ____@____.com.

I don't have too much to add... :) Congrats on your new little one! When my first son was born, he was 10 days early but I had BP problems we didn't know about until the end and it affected him - he was only 4lbs 14oz. So, it was suggested we not take him out - if we had to :), make sure everyone used sanitizer or washed their hands. We chose to stay in as much as possible and have one couple or family at a time. For the most part, they would come for an hour at the most - wash hands, hold him, visit for a bit and then go. Of course, I was recovering from surgery, too, so they didn't want to tire me either. It helped me a lot to have the visits!!! I wish NOW that I'd gotten projects done... Almost 3 years and now with a 2 month old, I don't know that I'll EVER get them done!! If you like to read, perhaps you can go to the library and get a stack of books!

I had trouble adjusting to being a stay at home mom, too. You are not alone in those feelings!! I found there were a few things that helped:

1. Shower every day and style your hair, put on makeup and get dressed like someone will see you. This seems silly because no one will, but trust me, it does wonders for feelings of worth!
2. Enjoy some precious moments with your son. This seems pretty basic, but be sure to "drink in" all the adorable things he is doing. Write them down, replay parts of your day for your husband when he gets home, call a friend and share what he is doing. Scrapbook it!!
3. Attack your new role just like you would your job. It is your job now, after all! Make goals, lists, write yourself a job description.
4. Dishes, laundry, cooking can get very old day after day after day. Try doing them less often. Dishes once a day, for instance - rinse them and put them on one side of the sink and then pick what time of day you will empty the dishwasher, reload it and then hand wash what you need to. Laundry can wait several days if not a week. Pick one day to dedicate to the laundry. As far as cooking goes, when you make a meal, make several batches and freeze some. That way you will only have to pull it out and reheat it. It doesn't take that much longer to make 3 batches of taco meat, for instance and then you can reheat it in your crockpot if you want.
4. Find some other moms to connect with. This will be easier when your baby is a little bigger and flu/RSV season is over. Mothers of PreSchoolers (MOPS) is international and there should be a chapter near you - I highly recommend it! You will find a support network there and friends who are willing to help you when you need it.
5. Remember you are still a person underneath that spit-up-upon-shirt and hair that hasn't been cut in 4 months. Find something to do while baby naps (like scrapbook or read).
6. Tell your husband how you are feeling. He may have some suggestions or observations that will help you. If not, at least the two of you will remain connected and open in your communications. Because someday that baby will sleep through the night and the two of you will want to connect in other ways, if you know what I mean (wink wink). And someday that baby will leave for college and the two of you will be left staring at each other. You better keep investing in and hanging on to your relationship with your man now!

I hope you are able to transition well - it is very rewarding to be a stay at home mom once you find your groove. Hang in there - spring is coming soon and then you can go for walks and get out of the house more!

Hi M.,
I can totally relate. My sone was not born early, but assessed at 36 weeks at birth and had to spend 10 days in NICU for a respiratory infection for which he got antibiotics Back in November when my he was abotu 5 months old he got RSV and was hospitalized twice within 3 weeks. We had to pull him from daycare and find an inhome sitter since I work part time. Other than going to work for a few hours each day I was literally living in a bubble and at times thought I was going to lose my mind b/c we could never go anywhere as a family---no grocery stores, restaurants, church, nada. We are now able to take him out since RSV season is over, but with your l/o I would be more cautious since he was 10 weeks early. Is there any family or friend that could come and keep the baby for a few hours so you adn your DH could get out together, or just so you can get out for a while. It is very stressful I know. Hang in there, it will get better. Although living in a bubble totally sucks it is better than the alternative of having a very sick baby.

M., I went through the same thing with my first daughter...she was 9 weeks premature and in the NICU at B'ham for 6 weeks before bringing her home. And we had to get monthly shots for the first year to help prevent RSV. Even though I had planned on being a stay at home mom I was totally unprepared for what that was actually like. Especially when restricted by a premature baby. I can remember being shocked when I actually thought about throwing the baby out of the window. I didn't of course, but I can understand how crazy you can get.

Really, the only thing I can tell you is that it will get better. You won't be homebound forever. Eventually he'll start sleeping through the night and you won't be so sleep deprived. Get whatever adult contact you can, and take any help that is offered. You are not a bad mom if you leave your baby with someone you trust for a few hours so that you can get out of the house, and it will probably make you a better mom because it will help keep you sane.

If it helps to know, my daughter is now 5 years old, taller than most kids her age, and doing wonderfully in Kindergarten. I carried my next baby full term.

Good luck!

I too was a working woman and chose to stay home with our 20 month old. And out baby was also home bound because of premature birth. I really didn't know what to do at first, but I started making lists of things that I wanted to accomplish that week. My goal was to get everything finished by Friday so that I could devote the entire day to the baby. And don't do the same thing every week. I know everyone has a closet that needs to be cleaned out. And now that it is Spring time when the baby is sleeping you can take the monitor and go outside. Have some tea and read a magazine or plant some flowers. Mothers need those few moments to do things that we enjoy. Even if its only 5 minutes. Our daughter is 20 months and I have started babysitting a little boy. I love every minute of it! I make money and I still get to stay home. Good Luck things get better. It is all still new and the first three months are hard, but you work through them and you will realize that you made the best decision that you will ever make for your baby, your family, and for yourself!

First of all, congratulations! I am a mom to a 29 weeker who spent 11 weeks in the NICU. When we came home, we also stayed away from public places. We did make weekly visits to family and friends (mostly retired people) during the week. We also took many walks in the stroller around the neighborhood. Also, whenever my husband came home from work, he had baby duty. It was a time for me to have a couple of hours to myself to do something for me, and it gave daddy time to bond with baby. These months will fly by. Before long, you'll be out and about with the rest of the world!

M.,

I did not have preemies and I certainly did not keep them at home but I can understand the isolation. I worked for many years before finally becoming a mother and while that was what I had always dreamed of doing, I was not prepared for the complete isolation. Most of my peers already had teenagers and were back in the work force so there really was no one else to talk to. If you cannot go out at all (not even on the front porch?) then use this time to catch up on sleep and scrapbook. Believe me, a few weeks from now you'll wonder what all the fuss was. Write your thank yous, read those books you've been putting off, journal about the baby's NICU experience (you WILL forget all the details), etc.

I had my baby at 27 weeks gestation and she went home from the NICU December 15th. Besides doctors appointments we were also housebound. We just took her for her first outing to a family gathering two weeks ago. While I was at home with her on maternity leave, my husband and I would get a babysitter on Saturday nights and have a date night. Go to dinner and sometimes run errands. That helped me being able to just get out of the house once a week as a couple. Enjoy your time at home with you baby though, I had to return to work fulltime and it has been the hardest transiton leaving my daughter each morning.

I found the first year as a stay at home mom to be tedious. It gets so much better when your baby becomes a toddler and you can get out and do things together. Also if you plan to have more children, you will soon not be bored. In fact you may find yourself day dreaming about these long quiet days - but that is another story.

Can you get out for a walk on nice days? Some fresh air and exercise with baby in a front pack might lift your spirits. Schedule some time to get out when your husband gets home. Talk to friends on the phone. This will pass - as they say, the days are long, but the years go fast.

Join a yahoo mommy group to chat with other moms. If you need an invite to one, email me at ____@____.com how I keep my sanity.

Congrats on your little guy!

Just enjoy your little man and the peace and quiet. Before you know it you will be saying "What peace and quiet?" He will be out of one thing into the next and you will have plenty to fill your spare time. I have a 2 1/2 y/o daughter. I went back to work when she was 6 wks old and I hated it. When she was 1 1/2 I quit my job to stay home with her because I was missing out on so much. I now work at our local children's hospital on the weekends so that my husband can stay home with her. It will be some adjusting, but you will be there before you know it.

Congratulations on your new baby and having him home at last! Something that helped me to stay awake during all the feedings was to read library books. I read fluff novels, history, political commentary, humor... They're also good to read aloud to your baby when you can't think of anything to talk to him about but still want him to hear speech and develop his speech centers.

Sleep whenever you can and accept a lower standard of clean for a while. Do laundry when you can; order food for delivery if you can afford it. That's always a nice treat when you're feeling low. Call friends, even those who don't have children, because it's always very good to chat about things or just vent, and sometimes childless friends can provide very valuable insights that would surprise you. :)

And sometimes, take some time to work on your hobbies, even if only 30 minutes at a time. You won't have as much uninterrupted time to work on it as before, but just working on it a little bit will bring some light and joy into your life and remind you that there is more to your world than caring for an infant and sleeping. And this will sound cliche, but enjoy the times you get to hold him close, because he will get big and bulky and squirmy before you know it (I have an eight-month-old) and you will realize you miss nestling with him.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Hi M.. What worked for me was having a best friend near by. Once per week, she would come over after the kids went to bed. My husband would take over if they woke up at all, and her and I would just it and talk over ice cream (which she so lovingly brought). We would take about baby stuff, non baby stuff... just whatever. But it was routine, every week she would make this sacrifice for me. It was just a few hours but it was a big difference, and I could look forward to it every week.

Also, I have another good friend in the area too. She comes by every couple months and we scrapbook together. I can never make it to the crops, and it seems like the only time we get any scrapping done is when we do it together! I guess what I'm saying is it is best for your baby to not leave the house and you don't have help to come watch him (or you aren't ready to let someone else watch him) you can have your friends come to you instead.

You can do it!

Transitioning to be a stay at home mom can be difficult. I quit my job to stay home when my daughter was born 3 years ago. It was so different than I imagined. I could not believe how lonely I felt. It does get better! I would always try to spend some time outside everyday if possible. 30 minutes of sunshine can make you feel so much better. Or call a friend or relative for a nice chat. I don't know if you have family close by, but maybe someone could come sit with the baby for a few hours for you to get out once a week or something. I hope that things get better for you soon!

Congrats! I remember when I first stayed home. It was a huge change, even though I wanted to do it wholeheartedly! In my case, I didn't realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in my job. I didn't know who I was without it. Here's some ideas to get you out of your rut.

Can your husband give you some time away from the house to get together with friends?

Have you had anyone over to visit?

Do you have family or friends you could leave your son with for 1-2 hours so you can grab a bite to eat with your husband, even if it means fast food?

Does your pediatrician also say you can't go to church? That was a big one for me.

Is your son's immune system really that weak, or is your pediatrician that conservative? Docs used to make women stay home for 8 wks after they were born, regardless of the baby's health. If you're breastfeeding and he hasn't had a lot of problems with being sick, he should be getting a stronger immune system by now, although it will not be "full strength" for quite some time (breastmilk helps a lot there). If he's been healthy since coming home from NICU, I'd look for a different pediatrician.

We had a daughter born 3 weeks early with severe genetic abnormalities. She was in NICU for 2 1/2 weeks. She received breastmilk through a stomach tube. While 3 weeks is different from 6 weeks premature, she was at high risk for "catching" things. Not once did our pediatrician recommend we keep her at home. We didn't do a lot with her out of the home, because it was difficult to get out. But we did get out some. Friends visiting and a getting out a couple of times to meet friends for lunch helped a lot.

Enjoy your blessing!

Good Morning M. - mercy's sake but you have had a rough row to hoe. I was in the same boat for awhile with my first. Are you able to get someone to stay with your little one once in a while so you can go to the gym, or out with a friend for lunch, etc? How about a home-based business? I write a lot (journaling), a habit I picked up at the time I was at home with a sick baby. Now I write stories, sometimes fantasy, sometimes about my time as a mom of a fragile child. Also, if you like to play cards, etc., hook up with a game with real people and that can not only be a sanity saver, but allows you to interact with people from all over the world, and you learn from it too. Good luck honey, my prayers are with you.

Well, first of all, congrats on your sweet little baby. They are so wonderful. Sit back and watch that baby, he will be a big boy before too long!
When I first started being a SAHM, I read a lot! To Andee and to myself. Now, she's 8 months and we read twice a day for 15 minutes. She loves it!
I did a lot of cleaning and organizing! I went through my filing cabinet and stuff.
Also, you said you like to scrapbook. Put your sweetie in an outfit you love and just snap pics! I made a few pages that were just of my honey sleeping. They make for great pages!
I have recently joined CafeMom, which I love. It keeps me at home, but gives me social interaction. The site has lots of groups you can join, including at SAHM group.
Enjoy staying at home with that sweetie. A lot of moms don't get the chance. It goes by waaaay too fast!

M., I do feel for you. Having a baby should be such a wonderful time and you've had a really hard time of it. I know that all you really want to do now is show off you little bundle of joy and you can't.

Is there anyone you can trust to look after the little one for just an hour or two? So that you can get out of the house to get groceries, have your hair done, do something just for you. It is not being selfish to think about you sometime - your little boy will know that his mommy is feeling refreshed.

Are there any mothers groups in your area? I was lucky enough to have one in my neighborhood and surrounding area. It was a godsend and helped me keep my sanity. I met other mothers who were in the same position as I and we were able to bounce ideas off each other, take advice and give advice. I am still in touch with these mothers some 15 years later.

I hope this helps.

Sounds like you need a home based business to me...there are many options out there where you can make money and do it on your own terms and when you want to do it! Mine is with a great new company called VEMMA. Stands for Vitamins, Essential Minerals and Mangosteen, Aloe Vera...all natural, liquid supplement for EVERYONE...even kids! Just released a new energy drink called VERVE for the ones who indulge in energy drinks...they are actually good for you...Not filled with sugar and caffeine...also comes in sugar free! Visit my website www.myvemma.com/mtuttle or www.myverve.com/mtuttle It is free to join and you get free websites with memebership...please check it out...these kind of opportunities don't come along everyday! Best of luck....M Tuttle

My son was born at 34 weeks and was in NICU for 12 days. I found the best thing was to really make all my efforts to keep to a strict routine/schedule. Everything else just kind of fell into place. I had my hour set aside every day to scrap book and twice a week my mom would come over and baby sit in the afternoon so I could get out and go to the store and feel like an adult. I found that the book BABYWISE was great. I swore I would never read a book to help me raise my child, but it was the best thing I ever did. I did go back to work when he was 13 months old it was a hard decission, but he is 2 1/2 now and loves going to school. Good Luck.

I know your baby is still young ut read to your baby and things like that. You must try almost everythng in the book to keep sane because by your baby being born early that makes him prone to getting any infection or virus more easily than a baby that stayed in teh womb fukl term. You just have to think about the health and well being of your son. If you think that first nicu stay was horrible, just imagine if he got sick from some kind of infection or virus and he had to go back to the nicu. That would be even worse than the first visit and it's not worth putting you son through all of that pain and suffering just for you to go to work or go to just do something just because you are bored. Your doctor told you that for a reason and if i were you i would take heed seriously for the sake of your baby boy.

Embrace this time. It sounds crazy I know, but I wished someone told me to do it. The time will go by faster than you think. Even though I wasn't homebound I did feel similar when I had my first child. Relax and just enjoy this time with your son. If you are allowed go on walks (invite someone to go along), hang out outside in the sun, take your bubble baths in the evening when your husband can watch your son, everyday do something for yourself (granted you don't have much time, but even doing it for 15 minutes will help you feel you are moving towards a goal)..

When your son is better join a playgroup, check into a MOPS group, join a gym that has childcare, & look for a Moms morning out program in your area.

It will get better! Hang in there.

I can't say I was in the exact boat, however, I am not one to sit in the house all the time. I am a stay at home mom, but to say I sit at home all the time...Not a chance. When I had my first daughter, I went through the same thing everyone else goes through of having to stay at home for several weeks. I had to get out. What I did...when my husband came home from work and if he had to go run any errands after being home, we went to. Now, all we did was ride in the car. It was great! We stayed in the car the whole time even when he went into the stores. Just being out helped me greatly. Also, have a few more visitors come by. Not all at once though. Have a friend or family member stop by during the week to give you a fresh face and someone to hang out with a little (of course keep with the normal precautions like no one sick and keep little ones from touching the baby) Hope it helps!