Advice for Parents Working at Home with a Nanny - Am I Being Unreasonable?

My mom's BFF nannies for a WAHM and there is a very set schedule of interaction. The mom mostly works in her home office. She may join them for lunch but the nanny is "in charge" -- that's what they pay her for.

I can kind of see her point. I nannied for a family in college and it was very awkward when mom was around b/c when something happened I truly felt like she should have stepped-in (even though I was being paid to do so) and she thought it was my job.

Getting mixed messages from adults "in authority" can be really confusing for young children and I think that is what your nanny is trying to communicate to you. When she's the "primary caretaker", then she needs to be the one making decisions and working with/correcting your child. If you are there (especially in-and-out throughout the day) it throws-off her role.

Just a thought... sequester yourself for set periods of time, maybe 2 or 3 hours during which time your daughter learns to look for her nanny when she needs something. Plan on having lunch with your daughter- give the nanny a "duty-free" lunch. Back to work at 12:30- 3:00 take a break (give nanny 1/2 hour break) and then back to your job until the day ends.

My guess (just my guess) is that the nanny is noticing a pattern in your child that involves her looking for you when she suspects that you are in the house. Because your presence is not "predictable", that is tough on a little one. If your daughter knows that mommy is going to have lunch with her two days a week and will give her the afternoon snack then it becomes routine rather than "maybe".

Your nanny isn't saying that it's more convenient for her... she's saying that it's less confusing for your baby. If you don't like your nanny, hire someone else. I will say though that she's trying to communicate this to you which is a sign of a mature and experienced provider!

Not much time to write... but I have to agree with your nanny. As much as you don't think it hard on your daughter, it creates confusion and interrupts the rhythm your nanny is trying to establish if you keep popping in and out. And yeah, it does undermine her authority. What if she was about to feed your daughter, or move on to something else to play with, and you stop by. It's not a huge deal, but it means she can never plan because you might always pop out and mess up the schedule she's tried to set.

We had a nanny for our twin girls from the time they were 10 months until right before they were three. For 1/2 of that time I worked from home... and it was hard on everyone. I really did want to pop out, spend time with my girls, etc, but I finally figured out that it was truly creating problems. No - my girls didn't scream, but they were always looking down the hallway for me. And, my nanny had no sense of privacy or the ability to do her job without feeling like I was watching over her shoulder. So, I ended up sequestering myself in my office and I'd only come out when my girls were napping.

By the time my girls were about 18 months old, the fact that they knew I was close by was awful for the nanny. They constantly tried to escape to come see me, they'd scream if they saw me, and they'd cry if I came over to play and then left. They loved our nanny tons, and had a blast with her, so I had to give in and leave them alone during the time I was paying someone else to care for them. We did create a time for me to come play - lunch time. So that was an every day thing... and it became part of everyone's routine. But for the rest of the time, nope - you need to leave the nanny to do her (hopefully awesome) job.

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When I was a nanny, the mom would sometimes be home while I was there... I felt very uncomfortable when she was around. Just imagine having your boss hanging around in your office or cubicle or whatever while you were trying to do your work. It would be a little uncomfortable, right?

One issue that I had, was that we had different ways of doing things. The little girl LOVED to stand up on chairs. Of course, this is dangerous so she couldn't do it. Her mom and dad would ask her to sit down. If that didn't work, they would ask her again, If that didn't work, they would ask her again. She would never sit down for them. When I was with her, I would ask her to sit down in a more forceful tone than they used. (They would say something like, 'Sit down, sweetie.' I would say something like, 'Sit your butt down right now'.) If that didn't work, I would count to three and if I made it to three she went into time out. She usually sat down when I told her to, and if I had to start counting I never made it past 1. So if both I and the mother were home, and the mother was around when the little girl tried to stand on a chair... The mother would start her way of getting the girl to sit down. I didn't feel like I had the authority to interrupt her way with my way, even though my way worked and hers didn't.

I agree with Cate. You shouldn't work in the general area, and there should be a schedule of when you come out to play with your daughter. That way your nanny won't feel like she can't do things the way that works for her, and you still get to play with your daughter :)

I would wonder do you have a schedule when you interact with your daughter. I would just think it would be annoying if mom just drops in and out whenever. Like, not sure what you do, but if your boss just dropped by whenever. She is not a babysitter, she is a professional, you do need to treat her that way.

Yes you should be able to interact with your daughter but it should be at a specific time or times in the day. Most parents of younger kids that work stop by for lunch, maybe a snack. They would never presume to have open access to the day care. So your day care is at home, she is still a professional.

1) She is a Nanny. She needs to do her job.
2) You are in and out. A 10 month old baby, has no idea about schedules or 'when' you are in and out... until you are actually gone or not.
3) A Nanny, has to be able to establish their routines too and bonding with the child.
4) She is a "Nanny"... not a Mother's Helper. A Nanny, is a primary care giver... not a Mommy's 'assistant'.
If you want more interaction with your child, then You must be the primary care giver and then the "Nanny" will help when you need it.
5) Your baby, will not get confused. Babies adapt well.
But if 'you' have trouble being away from her, then the baby will pick up on that... and it might, cause a disruption for the baby and the Nanny.

6) You hired a Nanny, to care for baby while Husband works from home and you are working. Thus, she needs to be able to do her Job.
A baby, will get attached to a Nanny. That is good. I means they like each other. But a baby always knows, who their Mommy, is.

Your Nanny, is just trying to do her job... and make things more clear. Your Nanny is full-time. She needs to create a routine too, with your baby. But, during 'breaks'... which are jointly agreed to, then that can be your time to 'play' with baby. Having a 'schedule' of it, perhaps. So that, your popping in and out, is not disruptive.

I don't believe your Nanny is saying you have to be ONLY in your office. I mean, that is your home. But, she needs to have her space too to do her job. With your baby.

It is good, that your Nanny spoke up. That is better than having a pent-up Nanny who is passive-aggressive, toward you.

If you like this Nanny and your baby likes this Nanny... then work out something that is reasonable. So that maybe during snacks, you can see baby, for a few minutes.

Ummm. I don't understand how you are undermining anyone. Who works for who?? Your house, your baby, your life. Nope you are being reasonable...maybe going overboard in trying to accomodate the nanny.

If you want to see your daughter during the day sometimes and your nanny can not deal with it, I think you may need to find new help. You need to find someone who up front knows the situation and is willing to work within it. Since you trust your current nanny and your daughter likes her, I would give her a chance to warm up to the idea through a straightforward conversation. If she cannot work WITH you, you should find someone who will.

A nanny is a person whose primary and sometimes only function is limited to caring for the children. A nanny is not there to care for the parents or make their beds or do their laundry, or scrub their toilets etc. She (or he) focuses solely on the children and their care.

This being said I can understand how your nanny would feel the way she does, it is possibly confusing to your daughter when you are there and then you're not, she has to readjust as to who is watching her and who she goes to for comfort. sustenance and love at that moment, and your nanny has to deal with her reaction and try to regain her trust. (I have been in your nanny's situation and it turned out that I had to leave, and I truly loved those kids!) Also, this is the reason that child care centers and preschools encourage the parents to leave once they drop off their children. When I've worked from home I set aside set blocks of time, even with the baby, "I'm gone from ___ to ___ ", didn't go back and forth, and when I was done I was back til the next day.

I realize it is your home and you "like being able to go over an pick up the baby and play with her even if it is just for a few minutes." but I really don't see that your daughter knowing "I am here on some days so it is less confusing to her why I leave so often" will be the case. Babies, toddlers and young children don't think or reason as we do, even teenagers don't :-/

I don't think you're being unreasonable, you want what you want which you are certainly entitled to, but perhaps you need a playmate for your daughter or a mommy's helper instead, where you are the only one for your child to look to❤

I do not feel you are being unreasonable! This is your daughter and you should be playing or picking her up when you want, your child, your house. I think the nanny is being a but unreasonable and kind of rude to ask you to not interact with your own child.

"Everley" nailed it! & as your child matures, your popping in/out will become an issue for her.

Doesn't matter if you're paying her salary....what does matter is: is this an issue for your child? Or is this just an issue for the nanny? Kudos to the nanny for drawing your attention to potentially disruptive issues for your child.

& as a head's up, with my daycare, one family lives across the street. If the child sees her parents' cars, she freaks....cries....wails....& tries to head across the street. What a nightmare, because quite frequently they are home for some time before picking her up...& she knows it. Peace....

This is going to be a slightly different perspective:

A few of my best friends growing up was quite wealthy (old money). They had governesses/nannies AND parents at home. Just to save space, I'll use one of my friend's as an example, that was pretty typical of most of my friends. There was a rhythm and flow to authority. Whenever a parent was in the room interacting with us, they were 90% in charge UNLESS they dismissed the governess for awhile (That's okay, Amelia, I've got these scamps for a little while. Come back in half an hour?). If they didn't dismiss the nanny then she would correct words (but not actions). "Alicia, don't forget to thank your father... or Alicia, whining isn't how young ladies ask for something." / "Yes, Miss Amelia. Thank you daddy!" or "Yes Miss Amelia. Beg pardon."

There were random times throughout the day when their parents might drop in on us (from just poking their head in, to 15 minutes of sharing or a half hour to an afternoon of the nanny being given time off (spur of the moment... "What do you girls say we go to the stables this afternoon. What do you think, Amelia, have they done their lessons? Splendid! We'll see you back after tea, then Amelia?", or "I've got something to show you girls. We'll be back in 10 minutes, Amelia,"), and there were set times (mealtimes, tea time) that were family time and their nanny or governesses took breaks.

Conversely, sometimes my friends would check with their nanny if they could see their parents, and the nannies ALWAYS went to check (as a matter of fact as a preteen it was one way that we got some privacy to get up to mischief "Quick! While she's away!") 9 times out of 10 the nanny would say "Your father would love to see you," or "He just needs to wrap some things up. Give him 10 minutes, and then scoot yourselves down to the study.", or "He's in a meeting. You can poke your heads in, but only for a moment." The 10th time would be something that couldn't be interrupted.

I can't even imagine if Alicia's parents had been home but now "allowed" to see her/us throughout the day.

As an adult looking back, I'm pretty sure the 2 things that helped the most were

1) Amelia (and the others) each had their own space in the house that they could retire to. Amelia didn't live in (although some of the others did), but she had a "place to go" take a break while we were with Alicia's parents. If it was going to be for longer than a few minute snuggle, Amelia (or the others) were sent away. If it was only going to be for a few minutes Amelia would just LITERALLY step back and wait. She (and the others) never said anything (except correcting our speech) unless specifically asked.

2) The authority dance. Amelia (or the others) were in COMPLETE control until parents were in the room. Then they had jurisdiction over manners only... and the parents were in complete control. Upon being "handed over" we were always told to mind the other adult. Ameilia would say things like "Mind your father/ Mr.N, I don't want to hear you two were x, y, z, when I get back. I'll be reading in the kitchen/ making a call in my room/ etc. when you need me." and he or Alicia's mom would always say things like "Mind Miss Ameila, I'll see you two at tea/ dinner/ etc. Study hard/ be good girls/ etc. Thank you Miss Amelia. I'll be tied up for a few hours/ free off and on the afternoon/ in my study if anyone needs me/ slogging through this paperwork/ reading in the garden/ etc." It was one of those effortless conversations that always happened whether we were there 5 minutes or 5 hours with "the handoff" and the "update".

As an adult I've seen this "dance" go horribly wrong. I've seen nannies trying to give an "update" without being asked/ cutting into the parent's time. I've seen nannies do the power struggle with the kids, or the parents doing a power struggle with the nanny. I've seen nannies being HESITANT to allow parents time with their children (sooooo translates to the kids). I've seen parents acting really insecure in seeing their children (like the nanny is the boss they're afraid of). I've actually HEARD parents saying they were going to deduct wages for time the spent with the children (WTH??? Seriously. I've heard "Since I had him this afternoon for 30 minutes...or I had him for 4 hours this week." Um. No.), I've heard parents boss their nannies around (I'm going to take him for 10 minutes, why don't you go do the dishes/ laundry/ etc...which just throws off the nanny's plans for the day / reeeeally implies incompetence.)

I think that if you are going to be home just take care of baby yourself, if you do interact with her while the sitter is there you confuse the baby as to who is supposed to be taking care of and interacting with her. Sending her mixed signals.

Also keep in mind the stage she is going to enter soon, separation anxiety. If you keep popping in and out it will make it go harder on baby and sitter.

I see both sides, but at the end of the day you are writing the Nanny's paycheck.

But your Nanny has a point-is there any reason you can't work somhere out of the general environment and just take breaks every 2-3 hours and spend 15-20 minutes with your child? That way there is still a schedule, your Nanny isn't undermined and as your child gets older she will know that is 'mommy' time and the rest of the time you are working.

What??? Is she crazy???

That's completely nuts.

Sounds to me like if the nanny can't hang with what her employer needs and wants, she may have to find employment elsewhere. There is no way that I would let the nanny dictate what does and doesn't happen in your home! You are absolutely right, it's a great perk being able to see and interact with your child while you work from home. A friend of mine was a nanny for a bit and this is the arrangement that she worked under, as well. You are not being unreasonable and as her employer YOU get to call the shots.

I see your point for a relaxed laid back approach in being in the same house as your husband and nanny during working hours. You are not being unreasonable as long as you support the nanny's authority in front of your daughter. While you have a right to say how your household is being managed your nanny also has the right to do her job.

Let your nanny know while she can share your daughter's love and affection, your nanny has to be assured that she shares respect and authority over your daughter as well.

I was a nanny for 3 kids and the mom would come in and out and it was fine. I will say though that I felt uncomfortable when the mom was there as opposed to not - don't know why that was - maybe I felt like I had to be more "perfect"? I did a great job with them and they loved me so I don't know why I would feel that way. As far as the undermining of authority I don't know why she would say that if your daughter hasn't shown any signs of it. I guess I'm responding because I would hate to be the mom whose nanny wanted her to sequester herself away from her child! Maybe you might want to think about someone who would be better suited to your situation. If you can have it all - you should!! :) I wish you all the best!

I think its your child, and you should have access to your child whenever you want. If you want to go see her, why not? You're the mother.

I feel like when you pay someone for their services, you should get what you want. I don't think it undermines the nanny's authority. After all, as the mom, you are the highest authority.

I had issues with my 'nanny' as well. Well, she was more of a babysitter, but same difference. She was trying to tell me how to interact with my child. I got upset because I am the mom, and I have final say in how I interact with my child. So I took my child out of her care. It was sad, because she was a very nice person and I liked her alot. But you know whats best for your child. Not the person you employ. Good luck.

it is your child, and the nanny needs to work around what is best for you and the child. I think it would totally defeat the purpose of staying home if you hide from your child all day!

No, I don't think you are unreasonable. You have your work.care situation set up the way it is for a reason. you have hired a professional nanny (I assume) who knew going into it what the setup would be like. The two of you should communicate with each other as to her responsibilities and that's that.

I think if it doesn't work out it would not even be unreasonable to look for a caregiver who doesn't feel uncomfortable having the parents around while she works (my guess is that that is much more her problem than any issues of confusing your child).

Good luck.

I "get" that people home changes dynamics (when DH telecommutes it changes our routine). On the other hand, I also think that pretending you are not home and ignoring your child is not beneficial, either.

I would talk to her about an arrangement where you get both your work done and don't feel like you or your child are inaccessible. I would also look at your interactions and see if you are undermining the nanny and if that's something where you need to back up the nanny or talk about a different way you want the nanny to handle a situation.

I started working from home when DD was 18 months. I had to do a lot at night and now we have time for quiet play on her own, a few favorite TV shows, and time where I stop work and play/read/run errands with her.

I think the word that makes me irritated (and maybe you, too) is "sequester" like you are prisoner in your own home office. I think there are better options.

If it isn't causing real problems, she needs to get over it. If problems arise when she is older, you can deal with it and perhaps change things then. However, it sounds like everything is going fine now so why should you change anything? I would try to gently and respectfully, but firmly tell her you will continue what you are doing. I suppose if it bothers her enough, she will resign. If that happens, find someone who will be more flexible. I have on-site daycare and spent 1/2 hour EVERY DAY visiting with my son until he was about 20 months old. The staff were VERY flexible in dealing with the minor issues that presented and never suggested to me that I stop visiting.

I have a nanny come to the house to care for all 3 of my kids and I do not work at home either does my hubby; however, I feel that the relationship between the parents and their nanny should be the same either way. I feel an open communication is necessary to allow everyone the oppertunity to be heard and valued. I would talk to her ask her why she feeld hiding Mommy is best, then tell her your point of view and see if the 2 of you cannot come to a compramise. You migt be plesently surprised to her perspective and thoughts on this. If it turns out that her reasons are not resonable then I do not think the fit is right. It takes a long time to find the right fit.

You are not being unreasonable. I think it's great that you can work from home 1-2 days a week. You are the primary care taker; your Nanny is there to help you, not take your place. And her concern about you "undermining her authority" is out of place. Any rules - and there shouldn't be that many for a 10 month old - are your rules that she she should be upholding. Her authority rests with you. Hopefully she can work as a team with you and to do what is best for your baby. Don't feel threatened or pushed around by
her. You're the boss.

I have a nanny/mother's helper and I am at home. Before I start on what works I would like to mention that in 15 years I had only 2 great nannies, the rest were just there because I could not find a perfect person. The perfect nanny is very hard to come by. It has to do with personality match between you and her and your child. All 3 have to match well - you have a winner. Experience matters very little, my first great nanny had absolutely no experience and I loved her and my son loved her. Good nanny knows her place. Never asks too much or too little. Works hard on making things comfortable for YOU and your CHILD. Takes care of you too, not just your child. My second great nanny was very good when she started and I trained her to be excellent.
Amelias, like Riley described (I loved that post!), do not exist in a modern day world or if they do - not in my income bracket :) I do not have a luxury of having a separate nanny, cook, gardener, driver, stable man, etc. I do not even own a stable, lol. I need a woman who will help me in the house the way I need. Not just with my child. My nanny cooks and cleans while my son in the preschool. Shops if I need her to. Irons and does laundry. Makes lunches. She is here to help me. To make my life easier. And she is not fighting that role of a helper and is not trying to boss me or tell me what to do.
So, the interview is the first step where you start looking for a great nanny. I generally go through 20-30 candidates before I make my decision and I absolutely pay no attention to experience and references. In fact, my second great nanny worked for a family before me and they let her go and she had no reference from them but honestly told me their name and I had a choice of contacting them or not. I decided not to. I rely on my experience and gut reactions. I have a lengthy list of different interview questions and I give a nanny plenty room to talk at the interview and voice her opinions, likes, dislikes, preferences, etc. I listen more than I talk, I read the body language, I give her a chance to interact with my child and all though I realize she will be on her best behavior - her attitude, language, behavior, non-verbal cues speak volumes to me. If the candidate is not perfect, my next step is to determine how teachable she is. The great nanny can be trained but only if you are working with the right material.
That said, now I will go into what works with the right individual:
1. Schedules. I have a huge schedule for activities and whereabouts for every family member that hangs in the kitchen. I update it regularly and nanny is supposed to check it at least daily. Sport practices mean that uniform and equipment must be ready. Meals must be eaten and lunches packed at certain times. If a parent is not home older child needs to be reminded, fed and supervised out of the house. My husband's travel schedule is also posted as soon as he is aware about it because it changes the meals, laundry loads and the general flow of things in the house. With nanny working now I had an issue of her not checking the schedule and not being aware of some activities/events. I had to firmly remind her that it is essential that she checks the schedule every day and discusses any issues/concerns with me in the morning before the day starts. If she is not asking questions I am assuming she is aware, understands and prepared. That brings me to point number two.
2. Morning briefing. Every morning starts with us two on the kitchen in front of the schedule discussing the day ahead. What will be cooked, who will go where, what needs to be done. I take a lead and she asks and clarifies and makes her suggestions. When this is done we both know what is ahead of us for the day. The day has been mapped out. At this point we discuss when would be the time for me to interact with my 4 y/o since he is her primary responsibility. I am primarily responsible for a teenager so at this time I also discuss if I am going to need her help with anything in regards to him.
Generally, I am doing all the morning care for the 4 y/o and she is making breakfast and lunches to-go. After school, she feeds him first and then I show up for my time with him which I try to schedule before he departs for some activity so our good-by is natural as he leaves the house. Otherwise, yes, he will never understand why I am home and not with him. Sometimes, I switch and leave her with a teenager and take the little guy out so there is just me and him and she is doing something at home. My little guy is very attached to me so when I need to do something when he is home I do need to hide. Once I am out and he knows it - it becomes difficult for everyone. My child does make a fuss.
What I see in your situation is that it is more of an issue for a nanny than it is for a baby. Baby does not fuss. Nanny does. My first very great nanny was with us when my first son was 8 mo-2.5 y/o old. At first there was an issue of separation anxiety but I tried to schedule my interactions with him before he had some place to leave, like playground or park, so the goodby was natural. That always helped. Does your nanny have a positive attitude, redirects the child, positive and understanding towards you? My nanny would bring a special tea for me if she sees me busy and not having time for lunch. Or she will just bring me lunch without asking. She will absolutely remind my child to behave when he gets out of line when being too happy to see mommy. I have my ways of making her feel loved and special as well. We chat very little, I always keep my distance but I feel that she has got my back so to speak, and that my child is in good hands. If you feel that you can teach your nanny to work well with you - start now. If she resists and pushes her own agenda - get rid of her.

I think you hired her to do what she is doing and that you pay her regardless of whether you are there and this is your baby and your family and if she doesnt like it then maybe its time to find a new nany that will just accept that this is your choice and not theres to make. I think its awesome that you are able to spend as much time with your daughter as you are and I find it hard to believe that a nanny would suggest that you try to spend more time away from her than necessary

Both my husband and I worked from home with our boys and babysitter and it was never a problem. We popped in and out all of the time and it was never a problem. You are not being unreasonable - these are your children, trust your instinct Mama.

I have been a nanny for a long time, but I have also been a mom for a year and can see both sides.. I remember the "ugh" feeling when one of the parents is in the house for a period of time. It ALWAYS interrupts the "flow" of the day. Even when it doesnt seem like it does at the moment. I'm not sure how it affects a baby, but I nannied a 2 year old, that when he knew his dad was working downstairs he would purposely act out bigtime, because he knew it would get his dad upstairs and giving him attention. Then it was, bad nanny, good daddy. I agree with other moms saying you should set a time to come out and hang with your baby.. NOW.. my "mommy" point of view.. that seems SO hard to do. If I was working at home and had a nanny there.. It would be near impossible for me not to come out, pick my baby up, give him a kiss and give him back. It would be very very hard for me to just hide away and ignore my baby. I would say if you can get some work done maybe at a public library, this way you can't hear her or feel the need for a "baby fix". Seems like you're in a rough spot. Also, when I had that "ugh" feeling when a parent came home, I never said a word. I think she is stepping over the bounds a little by saying something, because that's her job. My first nannying job was for triplets and their dad would come home from work 2 hours early and then lay on the couch, tell the kids to come sit with him and watch cartoons (not sending me home either cuz he wanted his money worth), completely disrupting our day. Good Luck :)

If she feels that way, you can find someone else who'll cater to you and your families needs. You're not being unreasonable at all. If this were a daycare with other workers, other children and someone else in charge, I can see this. But your nanny is working for you! You call the shots. She should be able to adjust. I'd have no problem adjusting to your wishes even if your daughter did cry after you left. I would figure that she'd get over it. =) Good luck!

I agree with Krista. I don't think she's telling you what to do, but communicating. I would say that doing little 2-3 hour blocks of work, then taking a break and giving some love should work out well for everyone. What a cool thing to be able to do!

Fire her ... please. Do not hesitate, she is toxic and controlling. I am frankly stunned at the responses here that find your nanny reasonable, let alone sane. The most natural, healthy and wonderful thing in the world is for a mother to interact and engage with her child. That you are being made to feel you are an intrusion, or that her "authority" (over a ten month old?) is more important than you establishing a strong maternal bond, is simply outrageous! How can you possibly believe that it is beneficial for you not to "pick up or interact" with your child (as your nanny suggests) and to "sequester "yourself away on the two days a week you are able to work from home? Your nanny should be adaptable to your family situation -- she is there to care for your children when you are not available to do that-- and it is also her job to blend into the background and find something else (useful) to do when you, the mother, are available for your child.

Any involvement you can have with your child at this age is priceless. Some, who have worked as nannies, have stated in their posts that they felt "ugh" when the parents came home , or "awkward" -- but that is not what the chld is feeling. The child is feeling the joy and wonder of connecting with their mom or dad. There is nothing "ugh"about that.

Please don't let this women rule your home and establish her priorities (her authority) as more important then yours (a mother's love and bond with her child). There is no good that can come from a situation where the nanny views a mother's presence as an intrusion -- and asks you to be even less available than your schedule currently allows. You need to fire her and find someone who honors your realtionship with your child -- first and foremost. And who views her role as supplemental, flexible, and responsive to your needs. Please-- I haven't felt this strongly about anything that has appeared on this board -- please terminate her now. Trust your maternal instincts -- they will guide you --and they will never steer you toward less involvement with your child

I was a nanny for 10 yrs. The Mother had 2 young kids when I started and was about to have another baby. I didn't mind that she was around because we worked as a team. With that said, I imagine if it were just one baby to take care of, I probably would have been far less receptive to her hanging out at home. I can see that when your baby gets older the "undermining of authority" could become a real issue, but for now your nanny is probably just wondering why she is there. She probably just has a really good work ethic and feels it's a waste of time to be there since you are around so much. Not sure what other duties you have assigned her, but maybe there are other things you can hand off to her so she can feel like she's working while you spend time with your baby. (Laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, general tidying, etc.)

I was in this situation with my niece. I was in their home, watching her, and my brother-in-law worked from home. He would come downstairs and take a break, and visit with his daughter, but she would get very upset any time he would leave. She kept trying to go up the stairs to find him, and it made my day very difficult! It was very hard to keep a routine. I really wished he would stop interacting with her. I can't find the words I'm looking for, but I felt like him being there interfered with my connection with her, too. Like I wasn't the main person teaching and caring for her, even though I had the entire day, and he only had a few minutes. It's hard to describe. But I know for sure it is much better when the parent does not show up at random times for a short visit and leave again!

I don't necessarily think you're being unreasonable, but i do think there is a lot of room for compromise here. I can understand that your nanny thinks your being there undermines her authority so I do think that while you are working, you should sequester yourself in a room/office. I would think that that would work better for you in allowing you to get more done. I also think that perhaps you and nanny can come up with a schedule for you to take breaks to interact with the baby. maybe you can take a 15 minute break to interact with baby while nanny fixes lunch. Just some sort of compromise regarding when you will take breaks and interact with baby and she can do other things (fix meals, make a personal phone call, take a break whatever it is.) That way you still interact with the baby, but when you're working, the nanny is clearly in charge.

Honestly, I think you are interrupting the nanny's workday. I don't think you should be in the room when you are working and someone else is caring for the baby, I agree with the suggestion of setting yourself up in an office at home. Let the nanny know that you will be taking two 15 minute breaks and a half hour break, or whatever, during the day and what times those breaks are, and that's the time you spend with baby. Having a routine that won't suddenly be changed later is also good for baby. The nanny is just trying to do her job and she probably thinks that you do not trust her. Imagine if your workday was often interrupted with no warning.

I used to be a nanny when I was younger. The mother of the boy worked from home occasionally. He was 5 months old when I started working with him, then I worked with him until age 19 months. I understand your nanny's request. I think children need a routine for the day (ex. When lunch is, etc). When he saw mom, it threw off his routine and he got hyped up from mom seeing him. So, that may be why she requested it. Put yourself in her shoes. I really loved the boy I worked with, and I wanted the best for him. Good luck!

Hiya! For starters, I think you have one of the best set-ups that I have seen yet. I really don't think you are unreasonable at all. I wish that I had that sort of opportunity for my daughter. in fact right now she's not looking forward to the upcomming school year at all. she going to be %. Right now i have decided to startt he homeschooling since i only work part-time right now and have a very clingy child- due to the loss of her father back in 2009-she has been afraid of me leaving her side even if it is only for about 5 hours a day. i'd like to have had that type of set up where i was able to work from hom and spend time with my child more than ever. but it doesn't seem possible since her father's passing i've had to keep my job even tho it's part-time and have recently moved back home with my mother, who really doesn't like us being in her home. so yeah i think you are being fair in your decision to be around with you child.