Advice from Parents with ADHD Kids

Updated on August 28, 2008
M.M. asks from Livonia, MI
13 answers

Hi there-
I have a question. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD when she was five years old. we have never told her she has it but I have told her that at times she has "extra energy." At one time, she was taking medication and we referred to it as her "focus vitamin" and explained that it would help her to focus better as she can sometimes get distracted. I also shared that I have that problem too (diagnosed with ADHD couple years ago).

I have done lots of research on ADHD and have tried many approaches to help her. She is doing fairly well. However, I have been thinking lately that it may be beneficial to her to tell her that she has ADHD. I would take the approach of telling her that with ADHD comes creativity and high intelligence but it also comes with sometimes having a hard time focusing. I would also go on to tell her that I grew up with it and never knew why I was bored easily and why I was hyper etc. but have found ways to get my mind to focus and how to calm myself down as well as my emotions.

I guess I am viewing it as an opportunity to teach her why she may feel different at times, share the gifts that come with it and help her find appropriate coping skills. My fear of course is, that she may feel stigmatized if I tell her she has ADHD especially if people make a remark about some kid with ADD. Unfortunetly, I have overheard parents talking about some "wild kid" and that they must have ADD, not even thinking that there are kids that have it that are not hyper or "bad kids."

That is the only thing that worries me. I would love input on how you have handled this situation and if and when you told your kids.

Thank you!

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P.W.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi M.

Yes, you definitely need to tell her about ADHD. Don't know what school system she is in, but it is difficult for them to do well in school. I have grandchildren with ADHD, they are on medication, however the one struggled in school until he was diagnois with ADHD. Then some of the teachers still gave him a hard time, because of his actions. Either go to the library or on the internet and get books on her level so she will understand what is going on in her life and why.

Good Luck

P.

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K.S.

answers from Detroit on

Hi M.,
I have sent literally 10 kids to a homeopathic, chiroprator who is also a nauturalpath and clinical nutrtitional specialist.
He has straightened out every child with ADHD or ADD. All where missed diagnosed.They have had everything from an thyroid problem, worms(you have to get ride of the nest)my daughter had them, and heavy metal toxicity. His name is Dr. Randy Tent he is in Novi, you may have to wait a few months to get in but he is definatly worth it. I am a physical therapist who has worked with kids. Good luck K. S.

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S.R.

answers from Detroit on

I'm always suspect of ADHD diagnosis, even in adults, but I will assume you're confident in your research that you addressed the vast misdiagnosis that exist.

SO, if there is no doubt that she is not of superior intelligence, doesn't have food allergies or isn't sleep deprived, I would certainly talk frankly with her. Otherwise she'll figure it out herself and your evasion could look to her like shame. Sounds like you have a good understanding of it and your experience will help you both.

If you have any reason to suspect she's gifted, here's a good book: Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children And Adults: Adhd, Bipolar, Ocd, Asperger's, Depression, And Other Disorders, Webb
http://www.amazon.com/Misdiagnosis-Diagnoses-Gifted-Child...
They clearly distinguish the subtle differences, although the solutions are not as easy to attain as the meds.

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M.W.

answers from Saginaw on

Hi M.! I agree with Jennifer. My son is fully aware of what he has and that is the first tool to handling it. He is on Strattera and we love that it is not a controlled substance. He is able to help us with it. He is nine now and is learning, with the medicine ways to deal with his energy. I tell him the first step is being aware of your behavior and using the tools we have taught him to help. He still is unable to fully control his actions without the medicine, but will hopefully come in time. He is very bright and the top of his class. Some say the medicine is not neccessary and every situation is different, my son would not be as happy as he is without it, it has helped so much. Good luck and don't worry about other people and their uneducated remarks. Life it to short to let other people bother you or your daughter. God made her a certain way and it is up to us, with his help to help her meet her potential.

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J.W.

answers from Portland on

Hi,

I would communicate with your child and tell her that she was diagnosed with ADHD and inform her on what that means. I know you are just trying to protect your child but it is important to remember that actions set an example...you would never want your child to hide something from you :o) On another note, I have read that ADHD is related to a deficiency of folic acid and either vitamin B12 or B6 (can't remember which)...gosh I wish I remembered the specifics :o( I think it was B6 (which is sold in a sublingual tablet). Anyways, that is something you could research. Lastly, child with ADHD can get additional help in school. For example some children get additional time on test and a quiet room to take the exam. Contact her school for additional information. Best of luck!

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J.H.

answers from Detroit on

M.,
I can't provide input on how to address the diagnosis wiht your daughter but there is a great book out there on natural ways to help treat ADHD (along with Allergies, Asthma, and Autism). It's called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics" by Dr., Kenneth Bock. Dr. Bock treats all kinds of kids from all over the country who suffer from these disorders. In many cases, he's shown that he can help kids with ADHD by simply altering their diets (cutting out some foods) and by using supplements (like one poster mentioned below - B12). I've always been a skeptic about homeopathic healing but my sister in law used these methods with her son who is on the autism spectrum and his diagnosis was just "upgraded" to aspergers. Honestly, since going on the special diet and starting supplements, he's a totally different little boy. It sounds like you and your daughter are fortunate enough that your ADHD doesn't completely interfere with your lives but if these methods can help you to virtually eliminate the effects of your disorder, or at least minimize them, I think it's worth a try. Best of luck!

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S.S.

answers from Detroit on

I know of a natural way to eliminate the ADHD all together. If you want to hear about it, let me know. Studies at University of California Berkley have proven this method effective. I'd love to help!

S.
____@____.com

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L.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi,
There are many many, books out there written at a childs level. One that comes to mind and I've not read it in a while is, "Sometimes I drive My Mom Crazy, But I know She's Crazy About Me". You can buy it at the Self Esteem shop, on-line or the bricks and mortar on Woodward. But there many others, at this age reading with a message is a great way to share information, lessons etc.
L.

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A.M.

answers from Detroit on

Hi M.,
At 9 years old, I think your daughter is old enough to talk to about it. I think it might help her better understand herself. And, it will probably make her feel more open to talk about problems she may be having, especially if she knows that you understand and feel some of the same things. As far as telling other people, no one else needs to know unless she wants to tell them. And, if you give her the correct information, maybe little comments she overhears won't be as hurtful.
Good Luck!
A.

K.B.

answers from Grand Rapids on

M.,
My daughter was diagnosed at age 5, too. However, we told her right from the begining what was going on and why she needed to take a pill everyday. Over the years she has learned techniques to control her behavior without the meds and hopes to be off completely by age 13 (she's 11 now). She knows the meds aren't a "cure-all" thing and that she needs to work and do her part at keeping things under control. Another note, don't worry about what other parents say. Until they have experienced it personally they can't possibly know; most don't have a clear/accurate picture of what ADHD is.

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J.S.

answers from Grand Rapids on

M.,
It sounds like you have put a lot of considerate thought into this and how it will affect your child. My concern with not telling her is that ultimately one day you will tell her, and is lying to her the lesson you want her to get? You risk her feeling betrayed by you, by NOT telling her.
Unfortunately, you will not be able to protect her from overhearing inconsiderate adults. Just as we cannot follow them arround the playgournd and protect them from every injustice (and believe me if I could I would.) This is part of growing up. You will lead her through this by your example. Should you tell her now? Only you can answer that question. Obviously you are working with qualified professionals who know her and you. Seek out their advice. They will be able to guide you in finding the "right" time to give her more details about her ADHD.
My neice is 13 and has severe ADHD. My sister monitors her medication and therapies very closely. Most people are shocked to hear she has ADHD. Which is the point, right? People see her, not the disorder.
You are doing a wonderful job momma. Don't doubt your choices. It sounds like your child is blossoming, and you should pat yourself on the back that you are keeping her best interests in the forefront.
Good luck to you both. I hope you find the answers and guidance you are looking for.

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C.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

My husband was diagnosed ADD at 24. He went through life frustrated because everyone called him an "airhead." He is still extremely sensitive about being forgetful. Our 7 year was diagnosed with ADHD and she understands that her meds help her calm and focus. We just explained to her that she is very smart and that she has so many wonderful ideas in her head that she wants to work on that she needs help in picking just one at a time. We are able to tell her that she takes the same meds as Daddy and they help him with the same things. She has never felt stigmatized, but she is also younger than your daughter. I don't know if that will change as she ages. I think your plan is good. Just being able to relate to you and your experiences will help her, I think.

C.

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S.C.

answers from Detroit on

All three of my boys have ADHD along with other diagnosis' as well. They've grown up knowing they think differently than other kids and haven't had any problems with it. I think she is old enough to understand what you want to share with her, it may help her to open up with you when she runs into troubles, too. Especially since you have experienced a lot of what she will be experiencing as she grows older. Puberty is right around the corner and too many "changes" at one time may be overwhelming to her. I think I would tell her now so she can get a handle on it before other things start changing on her, too.

Good luck - S.

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