Advice... How to Stop Being So Jealous of My Son's sitter...his Aunt Jeanette!!!

I have the same issue with my daughter's grandmother, but mostly deal with it successfully even though she calls me by her grandmother's name when she's been with her for a while. Sometimes I'm even jealous because she doesn't treat my mother the same way. Secretly I think her father's mother is a silly goofball who identifies better with a child than she does with grownups. Bottom line, when she really needs you she knows you'll be the one who's there night and day, rain and shine. I always try to remind myself that I'm the adult, she's the child, I don't say anything negative about the other person, in time she'll understand that it's not always the "fun one" that's the most involved with her well-being.

Hey, hun, I often feel the same way... I work from 10am-7pm and by the time I get home it's time to get dinner ready, take a bath and get her to bed. I'm always scared that she will see me as the "mean one" or just the diciplinarian and her dad (which is who stays with her during the day) as so much fun. What I've been doing (and it seems to work) is when I am home I try to do as much fun stuff as possible... I developed "fun time" It's a whole hour each day that's dedicated to her. We dance, sing songs, play puzzles, read, or sometimes she wants to just sit with me while she watches her favorite shows. It helps for her to be excited when I come in the door because she sees me as more than just "ok, mom's home, fun's over!". And I always make an effort to have alone time with her on the weekends...the park, zoo, or just more "fun time" at home...whatever weather allows. It's so hard being a working mom, trust me, I know! but sometimes you just have to dig up that extra bit of energy that you don't even know is there and make yourself a kid again. As for your son's sitter...don't be jealous, just as the lady said above wouldn't you rather him love to with his Aunt than if he screamed every time she came near? Finding worthwhile childcare is hard....enjoy the fact that you found someone who's actually good for your son! Good luck to you!!

It's okay to feel jealous as long as you remember that you are jealous of the time you are missing with your son. But if he cried in terror when she walked in the door would you be comfortable leaving him with her? I personally would prefer leaving my child with someone that makes him "light up" as opposed to the opposite reaction. Perhaps you guys can come up with a sheet of paper that will have information about his day. Things like what he had for breakfast, lunch. What activities they did, if he did anything new. There will be many people in his life that love him and that he will love. And the main reason he may not light up when you come home is because you have made him secure enough the he knows mommy WILL BE THERE and the sitter only stays for a while. What an awesome job you must have done bonding with your son to give him that confidence.
Keep up the good work,
C.

Just take a deep breath and remember you and only you are mommy. It is good for him to have relationships with others. Your son will always put you in a place of your own. You are the one that will be there for him for the rest of his life. Aunt J may be his sitter but you and only you are mommy.

I agree with Margaret on this one. He does love you! One good sign that he is being taken care of and likes who is babysitting is that look in his face when he sees her. Sure, she'll always be his aunt, but you're his mommy and when it comes down to it, you're the one who tucks him in at night, kisses the booboos and maintains that sense of order that he needs. My son, nephew, and niece all called "female people" mom for a while when they were getting to the talking stage. I'm unsure how old your son is, but if that happens, just know it's a natural process and not to get your feelings hurt. I actually found it flattering that he would rank his babysitter on the scale of "mom".
If I have learned one thing is this: if you watch your childs body language and eyes when he/she sees the babysitter/daycare person, you can tell what kind of treatment they're getting.
After one bad daycare experience, I moved my child to the almost feared "in their home" babysitter place. It was the most wonderful thing for us. He loved her and would run from me and hug her and not look back. I felt rejected, yet I felt good that he liked her enough to trust her. That earned my trust.
Keep your chin up and know that nobody can take your place EVER! He will always love you best. That's what boys do.

Take a deep breath. Your son loves you. He is blessed to have an aunt who loves him and is interactive with him. That interaction, recognizing his aunt as a playful interactive person is an incredible boost to his development, verbal, and social skills. He is staring at you and looking at you and is balancing these two important ladies in his life. When my mother in law cared for my older son, I too had the same feelings. It is not easy, and the ache in your heart is real. You are incredibly lucky to have a relative who is as engaging and loving as she is. That said, make sure you play with your son, that you have that fun time too. The laundry will get done, your hair washed and cut, the news heard, the dishes put away. Time with your baby, playing down on the floor, is something that your son needs, but you need more. Playing with your child, anytime, bathtime, feeding time, whenever, is critical to his development and his understanding of your place in his world...that of Mum is irreplaceable. Aunties who are loving will make his childhood better, but Mum, well, she's Queen Bee, and he knows that. Hug your baby. They grow up too quickly!

WELL JUST THINK OF IT LIKE THIS. AS LONG AS HES HAPPY THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. AND YOU KNOW THAT HES WELL TAKEN CARE OF THEN SHOULD BE OKAY. JUST REMEMBER HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOUR HIS MOMMY AND HIS NUMBER ONE. BELIEVE ME IVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING. I WAS ALSO JEALOUS OF MY SISTER IN LAW BUT IN THE END I KNEW MY BABY WAS HAPPY AND WELL TAKEN CARE OF.

You could always cut your work load to spend more time with your son. That's what I did, and I'll never regret it. There will always be time to work, but you can never get these years back -- they grow up so fast!

It is very normal to be jealous. It will get better when you stop feeling so guilty. You really have alot to be thankful for. I don't think a child can be loved too much. It's wonderful that you can go to work and know he is loved and cared for. Alot of people dont have family to close by to care for their child. If your child lights up when he sees her be happy.You know he is being well taken care of and not abused. He knows your his mom and you can't be replaced.Maybe you should be honest with your sister in law and tell her how you feel. I'll bet she will understand.I kept a few children in my home and the same thing happened. Once I knew I would use story time to talk about mommy and daddy more during the day. The cildren were the winners they had two great women in their lives to love them.

J.,
O hun I'm so sorry you are feeling this way.
Just remember it's only natural for children to develop a bond with their daytime caregiver.
I can only imagine the sadness you feel though, my husband works all day and usually leaves before the children wake up and gets home after they have gone to bed. I listen to him talk about the same types of feelings.
It is good that your son is bonding with the person who is taking care of him, that shows that he knows that when mommy leaves he knows she will come back.
It may take him awhile to give you the "face that lights up" when you get home, but trust me....he knows who his mommy is.

There really is nothing that can take the "jealously" away, but you can possibly ease it a little by spending as much quality time with your son as possible
Also maybe call home while the sitter is there and talk to him, ask the sitter to talk about you more and to have your son color pictures for you and daddy to give to you when you get home (if he is old enough to do that yet) or art projects?
Do extra special things on the days that you and daddy have off....
Things that ONLY mommy and daddy do with him. :)

I hope that helps.
good luck!

I had a period when I felt jealous of my son's Daddy - I was chopped liver! But like everyone's been telling you - you are his Mommy. There are little ways he tells you that he loves you. It's good that he has so many people in his life to love and who love him. He'll grow up to be a happy, loving person himself. And when it all hits the fan, it'll be Mommy he wants, anyway.

Hi J.. I have a 3 1/2 year old son with whom I stayed at home for the first year and, ironically, I had the same feelings you're having. I felt like he didn't light up for me the way he did when his dad got home because I was always there and I just wasn't a treat! I think we moms (especially new ones) are just plagued with guilt regardless of what we do. :) I agree with the other comment - if your son was fretful about his caretaker, you would be, too.

As your son grows older, the bond your son has with you will be very different than his bond with anyone else. There's just something about a boy and his mommy that is very special. As my son gets older, that connection just gets stronger and stronger. But don't worry, there will be other things to feel guilty about later... Hang in there!

A.

I was once told by my grandmother that no matter who is in your child's life you are thier MOM and nothing will ever change that. He might light up when he sees her but when things get tough you will be his rock and she will never have that with him. Just be glad that he has someone in his life that loves and cares for him almost as much as you do. Tell her thank you, because you realize that the love of your child has shown you that you are important and so is she.

Hi J., if it makes you feel any better, I stay at home with my 8 month old and he still looks at me like that. I sometimes feel like I haven't bonded with him because he's not as cuddly as my oldest son was. It makes me sad. As for your little guy, I wouldn't worry too much. Think of it this way, at least he is being taken care of by someone who he loves and who loves him in return. It would make you feel a lot worse if he screamed and cried every time you dropped him off. You'd be feeling guilty and everything. You will soon see that there is no one he loves more than you. The bond with mothers and sons is the greatest.

I too was upset when my oldest went to a very good friend of mine when he was younger, he did start calling her mommy, but she made sure to let him know that she was his Auntie and that I am mommy. That really helped alot. Make sure your sister does the same. If she has a pic of you that will make it easier if she shows it to him when she tells him....dont worry it dont last long....good luck