Advice Needed! 4Yr Old Daughter STILL Having Accidents! Help?

I think it's time to get back to basics. Put her on a schedule. When she wakes up, before lunch, around 2ish, before dinner, before bed. If she doesn't "have" to go, have her go in and "practice". Then put let HER put a sticker on the chart.

This way, she knows there will be a break in the action and she HAS to go sit in the bathroom. Try this for a week and then slowly remove one of the potty breaks at a time.

We did this for a few kiddos at my school and it really worked. It's hard to do when you have errands to run and a life to live, but try getting her back on track and see what happens.

It's frustrating, especially at this age, but she'll get it eventually! Good luck!

It sound like you maybe need to check her pants more often before the pee dries and rashes develop. Also, keep up with the reminders, maybe even a schedule and no drinks throughout the day.

I think she is old enough to clean her underwear. Make her rinse the pee/poop off and put it in the laundry. I don't think the early bedtime fits here, maybe instead of punishment, try a reward chart. Like she gets a sticker each day she does well. At the end of the week of being accident free, she can get something special, like an ice cream cone or new play dough or something.

My son was a late potty trainer (almost 4) and we had a problem with him having pee accidents at school and not telling anyone. I explained if it was an accident then he needs to get changed ASAP. When I picked him up and he was wet he got consequences for not asking for help getting changed. I also had the teacher make sure to send him to the bathroom to try when the kids have a potty break in the schedule (he was saying he didn't need to go). I found that every 20 minutes was too often for breaks--my son could usually go more than 2 hours without a break so I sent him to try only every 90 minutes to 2 hours (at 5 he can hold it for 3-4 hours if he wants). I found the more often I sent him the more he resisted me. If he refused a potty break then had an accident he sometimes got consequences for that too (consequence was for refusing to follow directions). In your situation I would probably start by checking her pants and sending her for a potty break every hour and at natural breaks in the day. BTW, the consequence was usually 4 minutes in his room (my son is a people person and hates being alone).

I like the idea of the plastic liners or training pants with a waterproof layer. I couldn't do that with my son since he was too big for any training pants I could find. I think a 4 year old could wipe herself with a wipe and put her clothes in the laundry herself is she has an accident.

I just reread you question. With my son if he was over tired or sick even slightly we saw a bunch of accidents at first. In fact the first winter when we were training I put him back in pull ups every time he got sick (which was a lot since it was his first year in preschool). I also had to make his bedtime earlier around that time because he gave up napping. It might be worth considering if that is part of the issue.

I didn't do the sticker chart but it might work for you.

My son is the same way - he so badly needs to 'control' something that this is where he chooses as he knows I can't poop or pee for him nor can I stop him from doing it.....we've tried every type of reward chart out there - none of them worked - what's more important a sticker or the coveted 'control'? My sons was the latter. We still have issues sometimes - he's 4.5. However the best thing is that we draw 10 boxes on our chalkboard and when he goes he gets one marked off. When all of them are marked off he gets to choose either Chucke Cheese or Monkey Joes.........best of luck - it's been an exhausting road for us!

First, I'd have her clean the messes up after her accidents. Make it a long laborious process so she can't get back to playing quickly. Don't get angry but show your disappointment, "Ohhhhhhhh, another accident? Now you have to stop (whatever she's doing) and clean yourself up." Give her gloves, have her place poop in the toilet and flush it, rinse and wash the panties and pants out in the sink with soap, (my sister had my nephew use Zote which is a laundry soap,) put her clothing in the laundry, clean herself, wash her hands with soap and put on clean undies and pants.

Also, since she doesn't mind the wetness get her some plastic pants to put over her panties so she can feel the wetness and poop more. When it spreads throughout her clothing it's not as uncomfortable as being right next to her skin and icky.

Since she's good on weekends when you're out and about with no extra panties why not try what one mom posted on here a while back? She puts her son's clean underwear where he can't see them, then tells him he has to wait while she does a load for clean ones. She has him wear a long t-shirt for privacy, but he waits by the washer and dryer (his choice) while they're going, and she says things like, "It's too bad you had that accident. You're missing (whatever he was doing.)" She said his accidents are getting fewer and far between.

I would also go back to potty training 101 and a "potty time" schedule, so she has to stop whatever she's doing for that as well, just keep up your 20-minute rule. That combined with cleaning up her accidents will take her time away from playing or watching TV and will hopefully begin to bother her and prod her to be more attentive.

Make a chart to put stars stickers on after an accident-free day, and show her how if she goes a week (or 10 days in a row) without any pee or poop accidents she will get a bigger reward. Choose between purchasing something she'd like and put it up high where she can see it but not get it until she completes the goal, or a promise to buy a certain toy or go somewhere she likes when she reaches that goal. If she has an "accident" you start over, with her still getting a daily sticker for no accidents, but the goal for the bigger reward starts over. This may work better than going to bed early because it will reward her positively.

With wearing her panties until she's red I definitely would have a consequence. If you make her responsible for changing when she's had an accident and rinsing wet or soiled panties and clothing out, she would know when it needs to be done. I'd sit her down and tell her this is unacceptable behavior and that if it happens again she will have the consequence of (no playing time, going to her room and sitting on her bed with no toys or books, no TV, losing a privilege, whatever you choose that will make an impact on her, since going to bed early has no effect.)

If she's excited about going to school tell her that the other children will make fun of her if she smells or cries because she hurts in her potty area or they see she's had an accident, it's sad but true. If she has friends that are potty trained with no accidents have her spend ample time with them, peer pressure can be a great thing.

Hope she stops the "accidents" soon : )

I am endlessly amazed at how mothers know next to nothing about bodily development or illness. Do you younger sisters own any books on health and child development. That is how I built my knowledge. Reading is still important in more than three paragraphs online.
Four year old girls very frequently have bladder infections or kidney difficulties.
Check all that out before you blame the child for not getting to the toilet on time. Sometimes they don't get the signal until it is too late.
My sister who had bladder problems as a four year old child has now had two bouts of bladder cancer.
Neglecting the urinary tract is dangerous as the girl might develop problems that come back on her once she goes through childbirth or menopause.
Your daughter needs to see a pediatric urologist.

I would have a particular candy that is only for rewarding her when she goes. Our girl loved M&M's and the ONLY time she got any was if she peed or poohed in the toilet. The reward works much better than the punishment. Our boy loved jelly beans and got 1 for pee and 2 for pooh.

It works so well. But they can never have any for any other reason, it has to be a super special treat. We kept the tin of treats in the bathroom up in the cabinet out of reach.

It is not "Go pee and you'll get a treat" it's "oh my stars! Look what you did, how about some jelly beans to celebrate!"

N., I agree that using incentives, schedules, candies, etc. is the right thing to do for potty training a 2 year old, but for heaven's sake she's 4! She knows what to do and is choosing not to. That demands consequences. I have potty trained three of my four daughters and helped with dozens of nieces, nephews, and other kids I babysit, and by four years old my advice is discipline. You tell her it's not okay, and if she does it she will get a time out/spanking/toy taken away - whatever you do in your house. Then you enforce it matter-of-factly (anger doesn't help). Of course if you think she has bladder problems you should check that out, but if it's pure will then she needs to learn who's boss rather than peeing when she feels like it and leaving the mess for you to find and clean up.

Check out UTI, bladder infections, talk to her pediatrician about what to do
Have her clean up her mess
Calm down :)
Do NOT show any disappointment (this will just feed her regression)
Make sure nothing has happened to cause this regression

Give her more choices then she has... if she feels she has no control or little control she will regress to control something she can control (pee/poop).. I mention this because I know that telling her she may not have an accident worked but a majority of the time it feeds the regression b/c she will think you can't tell me when to pee lol

NO punishments, besides natural consequences of cleaning up her own mess you never never punish a child for having an accident
You have to keep the potty positive 24/7, at 4 years old or 7 years old. Tell her everyone has accidents sometimes, I know you'll make it to the potty next time. Let's clean up the mess together. Then she does a majority of the cleaning and you do a little bit of it.
I can't stress enough to never punish for it or she will keep fighting against it and regress more. You have to keep your cool and show it doesn't phase you, which I know is easier said than done when you have pee on the floor for the 3rd or 4th time (trust me, I know haha), none-the-less you have to keep your cool and never punish for accidents (whether she knows or not, it doesn't matter). If you say she knows then it's probably her feeling she doesn't have enough choices or control. Maybe she's too distracted and forgets. I know it's easy to think they manipulate us (my 2 1/2 yr old seems like she is a lot haha) but they really don't have that kind of complex thought until 6-7ish.

Good luck momma, I know it's hard :)

Not much advice here but I commiserate. My twin sons are still having accidents too, they turned 4 last month. I started giving them lots of reminders again and it seems to be working. Frustrating though, I know.

I would take her to the pediatrician to rule out a bladder infection/UTI and/or constipation first. Then I would do what Karen M. suggests and go back to basics.

Good luck!

Our 3 year old - we could tell the same story. One day we went to Ikea and she wanted to play in their playland, but children must be potty trained to go in. We set up a system: she earned stickers at the end of the day if she pottied only in the toilet, no sticker if she pottied at all in her panties. Our rule was 5 straight days and she could go to Ikea to play. It took 7. I don't know if this would be an incentive for your daughter or not, but it is worth a try if you have Ikea or something like it in your area.