Hello to everyone out there! Please help!
Here is my problem: I have twin 2 year old girls. They are really quite good girls, but recently one of them has started to refuse to walk anywhere. She will walk around the house while she is playing but anywhere else, she throws an absolute fit. She sometimes will walk up/down the stairs but most of the time wants to be carried. She won't even walk from the house to the car when she knows we are going "bye-bye." Last week when we returned home from running some errands, I tried to get her to walk to our apartment. She started crying/screaming and sat down on the ground with her hands out-stretched. I moved away a little further and kept talking to her and encouraging her to follow. More screaming. I moved out of her line of vision and kept talking. More screaming and crying. I stopped talking to her, thinking she would follow if she felt she was alone. Just more screaming. She wouldn't even follow her sister, or daddy. She continued to stand next to the car with her arms out-stretched, screaming until I picked her up. Then she was so worked up, that me carrying her didn't make her stop. I thought she was just tired after a long day. Then later on in the week, my husband tried to take the girls outside on a walk. They usually love to go outside. Once again she refused to walk. He tried all the same things. But this time she was so loud that some of our neighbors came outside to see what was going on. Someone even asked my husband if he should call 911!! Kind of funny, but not! Then yesterday we went out with some family and she refused to walk anywhere. Not at the movies, not at the restaurant, not even at Nana and Papa's house. I got her out of the car seat and put her down on the grass. Another tantrum. She threw herself back, so she was laying on the ground, screaming and crying. I tried to get her to walk, my husband tried, and my mom tried. We try making games out of it, we've tried standing pretty close with a toy that she likes, we've tried getting her to hold hands with everyone and she just refuses. She just throws a tantrum until we get tired of it and give in and carry her. My arms are starting to give out with two 23 pound girls one on each hip. A little bit of background: about two weeks ago both of the girls were sick and all they wanted to do was snuggle and be held, which I did. How could I not when they feel so miserable? I'm sure this played a roll in why this started happening but I need some help or advice on how to break her of this habit. I hope someone has had an experience similar to this. I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this LONG request. I apprecitate it!
Thanks to everyone who responded! I really appreciate all the feedback. I figured it was a behavioral thing, but I took her to the doctor anyway. Sure enough, there was nothing wrong with her. The pediatrician I saw (not my regular, he was out of the office), didn't have too much advice for me. Except "Well, it's not like she will be going to college wanting to be carried, so it's up to you how you want to handle it." Gee, thanks!! Anyway, I am trying a few of the suggestions that I got. Nothing in particular seems to work. She is still refusing to walk, but not all the time. She is just picky about when she will walk and when she doesn't want to, I guess. But thanks again so much!!!
My first thought is there might be something wrong with her physically that you can't see. If not maybe you can take away a toy and give it back when she does go where you want her to go. Mom from Shelby, MT
Reverse psychology. Start treating the one twin as a baby since she is acting like a baby. Treat the other twin like a big girl. Big girls get privileges that babies don't get. Reward the twin who is acting appropriately. The misbehaving twin will come around because she will want the reward and to be a big girl.
You need to have a good talk with your two year old when she is quiet and calm. Ask her why she wants to be carried. Don't give her hints as to why she may want to be carried because she may pick up on one of them as a viable excuse. It is possible that she is in pain, but more likely she just likes to be carried. Unless it may be due to a medical reason, in which case you need to take her to the doctor, explain that she is a big girl now and she is too heavy for you to carry. Make sure she understands and have her repeat back some of what you say so that you know she gets it. She will still want to be carried for a while, even after the talk, but if you calmly remind her that she is just to big to be carried anymore the fits may be shorter and fewer. Every time she throws a fit after the talk, have another talk with her when you have both calmed down. I don't know if it will work, but it's worth a try.
Also, if she insists on being carried after the talk, don't make it a pleasant experience. Carry her in a way that is purely practical and not comfortable. If you are out and she demands to be carried, take her back home. When your husband took the girls for a walk it would have been best to bring the one who wanted to be carried back home immediately and just walk with the other one. Let her know that she can only go out and have fun if she walks. If she won't walk to the movie, she doesn't get to watch the movie. She will get the message quickly if you are firm and consistent. Just remember that you can be more stubborn than your child.
I don't agree that you have been "giving in". It sounds to me like you've been trying everything you can. Sometimes just staying strong doesn't get the job done. I do agree however, that something might be wrong physically, or, could her shoes be getting too small? Maybe they are pinching her feet or hurt when she walks? I know I have some shoes that, by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is walk. I would definitely talk with your doctor first. Good luck.
Make sure she's in a safe spot then leave her. She will get up sooner or later and come find you. Also, if she won't walk and you need to ge somewhere leave her at home and take her sister. After a few special trips that her sister gets to take and not her, she will start to think twice about not walking (especially if the sister gets a little treat/toy while out).
Good luck.
Hi B.,
Any attention even negative is wanted and she is getting it. Enticing her, playing games,... is all attention that is focused only on her. When you get ready to leave you say we're going and if she doesn't come you walk out and shut the door. If you need to talk to neighbors and let them know what is happening so they aren't worried then do that also. You can't do this in a parking lot so start with places that it is safe to do it at. If at your parents or at home and it is time to eat and she won't walk to the table then eat without her, let her scream, ignore it completely and go about dinner and clean up with out her. It may take a week of this to break her of the habit but it will work, called tough love, or read up on the 'love and logic' system. You simply have to regain control as a parent because right now she is in control and knows it. They may be little but they are very smart, we don't give children enough credit in this department.
Hire a baby sitter one day, tell the girls that whoever walks to the car gets to go to the park or movie or restaraunt..., whoever doesn't come now stays home with a sitter. Head out the door. Really leave, let her know you are serious. She is missing out on fun with the family because she won't walk to the car. Come home in an hour or so and say what a great time you had and how much you missed her and hope she will come with the family next time. It may hurt you to do this but she will catch on very quickly.
Love and Logic, really works and teaches them responsibility.
Good luck,
SarahMM
Hello B.,
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I had something happen with my older daughter a couple of years ago that may or may not be what is happening with your child. One day when my daughter was two years old, she just couldn't walk or stand anymore. Unlike your daughter, she was completely happy, but could not walk or stand. Like your girls, she had recently been ill with a virus. So, I took her to the pediatrician and it turns out that sometimes when a child has a virus, it can return within a month, but when it comes back, it attacks a joint. This is exactly what had happened; the virus had come back, but this time in her hip. Of course, I had x-rays done just to be sure, but it turned out that the original diagnosis was correct. Unfortunately, I can not remember the name of this virus just now, but it happens mostly with one to four year olds and 75% of the time with girls. Therefore, my advice to you is to take your daughter to the pediatrian to see if there is a physiological problem that is causing her refusal to walk. Perhaps she is in pain somewhere.
I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in getting to the bottom of the problem.
N.
I would take her to your family Dr. and make sure there isn't something going on with her legs/hips that is hurting her and thats why she won't walk. Also if she has fallen why she is walking that can make her scared to try again.
If your kids can walk and are not doing so, you are hurting them by trying to accept that. I have heard that even though it is hard, it is best to not give them what they want unless they will come to you. Perhaps you could make a game of it like Simon Says(walk two steps,go get the ball etc) or think of some way so this is fun instead of work to them. The big thing is, make them do it. Soon (hopefully) it will be fun instead of a chore. Good luck
Hi B.. When my oldest was about 22 months old, one morning she wouldn't walk. She wouldn't even stand. Turned out she had a bacterial infection in her knee joint. She had had a little virus a few days before, and they said sometimes that can turn bacterial and then the bacteria travels to where it is warm, like joints. She had to have surgery to clean it out and be in the hospital on IV antibiotics for a week. It was very serious. I know this could be a million other issues with your kiddo, but if I were you, I'd go to the doctor today to rule out any physical issues.
sorry to say i am glad my child is not the only one to do that! i have a 3yr old girl who will do that when she is tired. i have tried the walking away thing-sometimes it works, but i get impatient, so now i will pick her up horizontal, across your hip. i try to make it uncomfortable for her. she dose not like that way and wiggles a little then i say ok-your are going to walk. if she still dose not walk, back to the horizontal carry. or some way that she would not like. if you had two hands avaible, maybe some other creative way, upside down, that she would not really like. i also have a 17 month that i have to carry a lot, so i have one on one side and the 3 yr old, horizontal on the other side. good luck
At this point I would start wondering if she is in pain. Maybe something having to do with her illness a couple of weeks ago? Maybe you should consult a Dr.
Once you've ruled out any physical issues, if it's really just a power struggle or a rebellious thing, then just leave her. When she parks herself down and doesn't want to walk, just walk away with your other daughter and go out of sight. Keep trying to have her sister encourage her, but don't give in. Even if it takes forever. She may sit there for a half hour before giving up and walking. But eventually she's going to need something and get up to find you so you can help her. I have twin boys who like to throw fits sometimes for things. It has actually worked very well for them when I just walk away. They immediately get up off the floor and come follow my to get me to help. My older daughter does the same thing. They don't like it when I'm not around to listen to thier "Problem." My advice to you is to go away where she can't see you, but you can still see her, or check on her, but don't keep talking to her. If you talk to her, she knows you're still there and won't get up. If you are out of sight and earshot, she may get scared that she's all alone and start moving in the direction you went. Hope this helps. Good luck.
What a typical little kid thing to do! The reason it's continuing and getting worse is because you give in. Ultimately, the fastest way to deal with it is to MAKE your daughter walk. The next time she tries this, then you give her the option: either you walk, or I make you walk and you look silly. Take her hands and hold them so they are stretched above her head, facing away from you and with your legs spread a bit, make her walk. She's going to lift her legs and try to go limp and whine and cry, but everytime she does that, tell her "No, you walk." Even if you are dragging her feet, she's going to get tired of this. It's not going to feel good on her arms and she's going to eventually get the gist that Mommy and Daddy are NOT going to carry me and I'm going to get there and it's not going to be pleasant. Don't give her treats or try to entice her, sometimes kids need to learn to do things because they need to do them. The most important thing is that you be stronger and more stubborn than she is. If you can do that, it may take a few times, but she'll get over it. My daughter tried the going limp thing a couple of times, but she quickly got over it...good luck!
After you see the doctor, get an umbrella stroller so you can still go on walks and stuff. Ask the twin who isn't refusing to walk if she wants to help push the stroller. Most kids figure out that it's funner to be the one who isn't buckled in. I hope she starts feeling better soon.
I would have her eyes checked. My cousin's daughter did something similar, and they found out her eye sight was really bad. She was afraid to walk because she couldn't see.
Well I have not been through what you are going through but I have a few ideas just from reading what you wrote. It sounds like she enjoyed her time with you so much that she does not want to let go. However it could be something more. Have you considered taking her to her doctor. I don't know what the twins were sick with but do you think it may have had a lasting effect and she could be in pain? Or maybe a growth spurt? I have four kids of my own and everytime they go through a growth spurt they get lazy and complain their legs hurt. They come out of it eventually though. I hope that some of this helps.
M. C.
Just keep her in her stroller until she's 3.
My 2 year old has times like this. When she does, we play games like hop over the sidewalk cracks...or if my husband or 10 year old daughter is with me, we play 1-2-3...each of us holds one of her hands, we count to 3 and on 3 we swing her a little into the air. She laughs and laughs! She'll walk just to get a chance to play this game. I guess sometimes I have to figure out how to make walking fun for her and then she likes to do it!
B., sometimes kids will have something going on that they have no idea how to express. I would take her to the dr. just to make sure that something else is not going on. It could be infection settling into her joints. Just get her a compleat check out its not normal for a two year old to act that way without a reason. Good luck
Hi B.,
I am also a mother of twin girls who are now 4 years old. After reading your request, two things have come to mind. One is that maybe she is feeling a very strong need for extra snuggle time and closeness with you. My girls go through phases where one will be more needy and will want more of the attention for whatever reason. I am just thankful that they take turns and don't both go through it at the same time. Does she like to play pretend? One of my twins will pretend she is a horse 90% of the time. The other is a princess. Maybe showing her how a princess would walk or develop a silly walk that she thinks is fun.
The other thing that came to mind is the illness you spoke of. Did they run high fevers? One of my dearest friends had strep throat as a child and it developed into rheumatic fever. She is now a grown woman and will still have severe joint pain when she starts to get sick, even with a common cold. I would ask your doctor if there is any chance that her joints could be hurting.
That is really all that I have. I wish you the very best. If you would like, don't hesitate to email me directly. I am happy to help and listen.
A. ____@____.com
Hi B.-
After just reading the other response, I would definitely have her checked by the Pediatrician- we had our daughter checked and she is fine.
I have boy/girl twins that just turned 3 last month. My daughter will do the same thing, not quite to that extreme, and only once in a while- but screaming, arms outstretched, crying, when refusing to walk up the stairs or get strapped into her carseat. This has been going on for about a year. I usually just try to let her scream and wait it out, but sometimes we have to be somewhere and she usually won't give in. If we ignore her, she will sometimes work herself up to the point of choking and dry-heaving, and then I usually get her. We have started telling her that now that she is 3 she needs to be a big girl and we can't carry her anymore- which works sometimes. I feel that it is a control issue with her and I thought maybe it was because I'm a stay-at-home Mom, but you are working, so I guess we're both off of the hook on that one! I'm not sure what to tell you, because this is still going on for me occasionally, but I would at least talk to your pediatrician to make sure there isn't another underlying issue. Good luck!
maybe her legs, or feet hurt??? did you try to talk to the Doctor? do, please.
