I left my family and friends to move here for "love" In the time that I have been here our relationship has been chaotic. It took some time for the kids and I to get adjusted and in our own space. Most recently my Grandmother died. It has been four weeks and I am feeling more sad and lonely. The few friends that I have are friends of his so that makes hanging out more difficult. I truly love this man but I do not think he is able to let go of my past. In all of our disagreements he brings up issues from YEARS ago. I welcome any advice for coping with the grief, sadness and lonliness that I feel.
I am seeking adult conversation and outings, with and without our children. Perhaps bowling for single parents?
Thank you all for your frankness and support. We live in Missouri City, my few friends live out 45 and we are not currently attending church, so when I say I feel alone it is because I am alone. Everything happened in my life all at once, so I am grieving for my Grandmother and my ex. I moved here to strengthen the relationship with him, who knew he would kick me to the curb days after my Grandmother passed? I am feeling guilt at having left my Grandmother and I am sad because he is not a comfort to me now that she is gone, but that does not mean I am not sad because I miss my Grandmother as well. I am mourning them both. She raised me and was a very special part of my life and I will miss her always. We visited for Thanksgiving and the following Thursday she was gone. It hurts. I know that I felt better about alot of things when I was attending church. As many have suggested I need to find a church home, pray more and be comforted by God.
Call the nearest hospice company to you. Ask for a support group. They are free to all persons and you don't have to be affliated with the hospice to join.
Hi J.,
I live in the woodlands and have 2 sons 12 and 7 and a stepdaughter who is 13. i am 34 years old and I'm currently taking clases at lone star college. If you would like to meet for a coffee, margaritas, movie or bowling just let me know. My husband is very flexible so he can watch the kids anytime or we could get together with the kids too. Just let me know!!
Where in Houston do you live? Also, do you attend church on a regular basis? Your children are the ages that need that. Most churches have singles groups that stay pretty active. I'ed also like to suggest a sorority that I belong to. Beta Sigma Phi is not a college sorority. It is made up of lots of ladies in your same situation. I'm going to give you two names, the ladies on the Membership committee. They can tell you about all you need to know, and it would be a great place to make friends. Dolores Fritz can be reached at ###-###-#### and Vicki Scheel can be reached at ###-###-####. They are accustomed to being called by unknown ladies. Just tell them J. Horn gave you their number.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I don't know if it helps at all, but a friend of mine is in a moms group at her church in NW Houston. I don't know if it is all single moms, but most of them I've met are. They are a close group and do lots of things together with & without their kiddos. They have been a wonderful support for her and a mutual friend who recently ended a bad marriage too.
Feel free to PM me and I'll give you what info I have.
Best wishes to you and your family as you work through this difficult time.
So, J., you moved to Houston to be with a man who is not the father of your three children? Is that correct?
You're not feeling sad and lonely because your grandmother died, but it seems to me, you're moreso feeling sad and lonely because your "love" is not giving your the attention or treating you the way you had hoped he would before you moved here. I do understand that you miss your grandmother and you are sad that she no longer her but maybe, just maybe, your relationship has something to do with it. Because your grandmother is no longer here and now, you have a man that you moved here to be with is treating you opposite of how he did before you moved here really makes you sadder. This does not help you cope with your grief at all.
What type of things does he bring up...from your past? Some people are just not willing to let go of the past and if that's the case, you'll never have a healthy relationship and if you two don't have a healthy relationship, it will affect the kids.
J.,
You say your are a single parent and "our" children so I am not quite sure how long you have been in this relationship and whether or not the children have strong bonds with this man which would influence how to go about resolving it.
I would recommend counseling, if you don't have the time/money to go to a therapist see a counselor where you are studying or at church. Something is amiss here and the sooner you see the problem, the sooner the solution. If you were close to your grandmother, the grief is understandable and if her death wasn't expected even more so. This may be normal grief, but it could also be an accumulation of other loses that you haven't yet grieved in your move to Houston.
Once you have your issues firmly in focus, joint counseling might be helpful to help your spouse find more appropriate ways to argue.
Good luck.
It hasn't been long at all, so don't be too hard on yourself for not being further along in your grief.
Regarding the issue of his bringing up the past, you two should seek counseling. He, evidently, needs help getting over whatever is in the past. That'll probably also calm down once you've settled more into your life together and you've got real issues to address. If you don't get some perspective on it, though (through counseling), then you might not get to that point.
I'm sorry about your loss. I suffered terrible losses in a relatively short span, and I understand the process. Be sure to tell him what you need from him during this time. Don't assume that he knows.
Hey J.!! How about finding a good church? What area of Houston are you in? I used to live in Katy, but now I am in New Braunfels. My move was very similiar to yours. After a year here, we lost his mother. It hit me harder than it did him! I went to the doctor and got some medicine to help with the depression, after a couple of months I felt like I could handle "life" again, and weaned off. I have found a wonderful church and have met some new people. I still do not have any "close" friends here but I am ok. Don't give up, it will all work out. Good luck and God bless!!
J.,
So sorry about your loss. This sounds like a very difficult time for you. There is a grief counseling group at St. Lukes Church in Houston. They meet on Sundays. Please consider visiting..they deal with ALL kinds of grief. You should be able to take your children and place them in Sunday school or childcare while you attend. Recently a friend of mine lost her mother and this was the easiest place to gain access to grief counseling...Good luck to you and your little ones. They need for you to feel better, too :)
greetings I'm L.,
I to move here for love/marriage and later found out that my husband couldn't love my daughters....In the beginning I looked for outlets to hide my pain...I keep in contact with the school because I had nothing to do....I develope a hobby, went back to school, learn the area, found a spirtual group and later found jobs all to past away my time until I found a hobby...I had hope that my family would be together but I was wrong nor was my husband willing to change....Its been now 14 year and I'm still here
waiting for our son to finish high school then anything goes...Im divorce with one child 13 yrs old, three different jobs and hoping to go back to school this fall...
I'm still busy to keep the lonely feeling away....However, I'm starting to slow down alittle... Stay in school and find happiness around you...keep active with the kids 1 step at a time....
I've never been subjected to the grief of losing someone close to me that I love, so all I can say is take it one day at a time. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you and your family the best.
As far as sadness and lonliness goes........I've been in that situation before. I would recommend that you get out of that situation because if he can't let go of the past, it's going to constantly come up. If there is not trust in the relationship then there is no relationship. Also, you don't want you children thinking that its okay to go through life this way. I used to think that it wouldn't be possible to move on if me and my son's father were to break up......until I was forced to move on, and I was so wrong. Even though you may love him he may not be the right thing for you. It doesn't mean that you don't love him if you decide to leave. You need to be happy mommy.........that's all I'm saying. Life is too short too short to be stressed......and it gets even shorter when you are.
As far as you guys having the same friends, I would suggest joining a parenting group of some kind. I know some of the churches here in San Antonio have parents night out.....so that might be some way for you to branch out.
