Advice on Discipline

Some doctors think the a child's behavior can be affected by foods he eats. Artificial colors and flavors, high fructose corn syrup, MSG, and too much meat can affect kids. AF

pick up Have a new kid by friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. Some of his techiniques are unconventional, but work very well! Once you start, the behavior may get worse for a few days, but eventually, if you stay consistent, the children will treat you with respect

Well, you have your hands full. First, don't let the past behaviors and your responses get in the way of creating change. I know how frustrating 2 year olds can be - I got so tired of hearing "no" I told my daughter to say "I disagree" and "I'm obstinate". Anyway.
If your son hurts to get a reaction - ignore his action - don't look at him when he is doing it, don't show disapproval, just go on with what you are doing (you might need to hold your breath and think of something peaceful because this can be hard). Only intervene if he is really going to hurt someone. Also, somehting I learned in a psych class, which works great with my daughter is the "premack's principle" (google it for details) for example I will tell her that she can only go to the park if she takes a nap - if she doesnt then she doesnt go to the park. So, I let her know she can have something she thinks is rewarding (and she may have anyway - you don't have to buy any special toys or anything) if she is good.
As well, being a big brother and sister is a big deal - maybe you should try to have a day with only one of them and do something together. I know this seems impossible, but it could even be a few hours on the weekend when your husband is home with the others or in the afternoon.

I hope this is helpful, children can be tough, just stay patient and loving and hopefully everything will smooth out.
Good luck

Hi L.,

In my house the rule is a minute per year, so my 2 year old gets 2 minutes and my 5 year old gets 5..... and my husband gets 36!!! Haha! I don't really have any great advice except consistency consistency consistency... What I also did with my 5 year old, when he was 3 he went through a VERY challenging stage and I would not only put him in time out but his toys also. If he threw a truck I'd take ALLLL of his trucks away for an entire day. If he did something else later on the trucks would be mine for another day and then whatever else he did would be dealt with appropriately. KIDS CRAVE STRUCTURE AND BOUNDARIES. They want you tell them no. Sounds crazy I know, but they do. Best of luck to you and congratulations on your precious new soul!

K. - SAHM of 2 boys, 5 and 2

Although I do not have a lot of advice for you I want to extend my compassion. It sounds like you have a full house right now and it is challenging. I am currently reading the no cry discipline solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It is a good book with some good suggestions. I am sure you do not have the time to read a book right now but thought I would recommend it. My son also does not seem to respond to the regular disciplines so we do time outs which really seems to work. He does not like being separated from me so I take him to another room - the general room is 1 minute for each year of age. If you have a room that you can shut the door and then go back in and ask if he is ready to be a good boy after a minute that would be good. I use the living room and we have it gated. It is hard when they laugh at you but stay tough and let them know that this is no laughing matter. Best wishes.

the time outs do work. but since he is actually showing that he lacks your attention, try to find time to hug and kiss during the day. let him know he is loved. my kid reacted similar when i started to work. after a while it was over. but lot of patience and lots of love. Time outs too. Hang in there :)

I believe to some degree it's normal behavior. Though I think he's gotten his signals reversed. Perhaps getting the one on one interaction he craves anyway he can, i.e. biting, etc. Putting myself in your position I would offer a TON of personal praise and interaction. Sounds like he's the middle child and he's a boy. Much like our wonderful husbands they need extra praise. You know, "Your a big strong Man." LOL!! Women are truly the backbone of the family and we set the tone of our family. As much as men would like to believe they're in control, it's we women who are. Not to say girls don't need praise and positive interaction. I would just use your fabulous women/mother powers to redirect to the behavior you want. Give him his own tasks to perform then tell him how much it helped you. Thereby, firming his "place" and giving him positve personal satisfaction. You know, "Big strong man." lol. Only it's "Big strong big brother." I hope this helps. Most of all, this too shall pass. The next thing you know he'll be going into highschool. Oh wait that's my son. Just do your best and don't beat yourself up.

Hi L.,

As you already know, disciplining children is a challenge in this day and time.

Join a support group for MOM's such as a

http://sahm.meetup.com/

web site: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080326225

Look for some parenting classes at your local children's hospital or mediation center.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

L.,
I feel your pain, when my son was young I tried everything under the sun to punish him. The bottom line was outlasting him so he knew he wasn't controling me....that one was tough for me. I would gate him in his room for time out, then go outside on the patio so I couldn't hear the screaming(because 2min later he was still laughing at me..his time outs were long enough for him to know he was getting punished). It was tough and I had three close together, too(20 months apart). It really took until he went to school to calm him down(not to discourage you..just letting you know it's a process, there's no overnight solution if part of this is just a "rough" personality..that was part of my son's problem. He was just defiant and he was constantly being punished. I do think taking away favorite things worked when nothing else did. Whatever gets the biggest negative response from your son when you threaten to take it...that's what you hit on...and hit it hard, dont give in.
It's so hard to have positive memories when you are going through this....so do make time for "fun" with your son so you can refuel your compassion for him...taking him out alone is good for that.
Just hang in there and dont give up....in the blink of an eye he'll be going to school(even though some days feel like eternity!). Just keep that punishment going, even if it feels like some days that's all you do because that is showing him that you expect more of him and until he meets that expectation he is not going to enjoy life;)
And take out time for yourself!!! Get your husband to keep the kids while you get a much needed break! Otherwise, you'll have no patience left to deal w/ your kids! Even an outing alone the the grocery store can give you peace and quiet; so take time for you so you'll have the endurance to press on. During the tough times I quoted scripture to myself(I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!) Good luck!
Blessings,
L.

Hi L.,
It may be that he's doing it for attention, especially if he's been the baby until now. When he throws toys, take them away, when he hurts people, try to remove him from that situation. Try getting a timeout chair with a seatbelt/harness. Put him in it for 2 mins.
Good luck.
M.

It always seems to me that when I start to get things figured out, my son changes on me! I suggest finding a reward/consequence system that works. What are your son's (and daughters) favorite things that they eat/ play with/ do? It isn't your favorite thing for them to have, it is what they want...trucks, trains, dolls, TV time, one-to-one mom time, foods. If you take AWAY some of these things (or all of one category), then set up a visible system. They start they day with so many balls in a jar, so many stickers on a chart, so many (fake) flowers in a jar. When they misbehave, they lose a sticker, flower or whatever. If, at a time interval (by snack time, by lunch time) they have enough flowers/stickers/ balls left then they get some of their favorite thing back. (This way they are always in the mode of earning, not losing.) If a misbehavior occurs, they lose a sticker/flower/ball, and there is a time out. If they are destructive during a time out they lose another sticker/ball/flower and they have to help pick up. Then things are fine again. Make the stickers/flowers/balls few and the time interval short to begin with. Increase the time interval with success. The key to this is find out what rewards THEY want. Take all of one (or more categories) out of their reach (but not necessarily out of their sight...so they have a visual reminder of what they are working for). Clear out the play area of the wanted item at night time...so when they wake up they can't fight you for it. Stick to it. They will fight you at first, but getting them to listen to you is important for you and for them.

Good luck!
N.

L.:

Hello! I am sorry this happening. What has your pediatrician said, if anything? How does he behave in public? Does his behavior change around others or what?

What does your husband do when your son acts this way? How does he handle it?

I know that discipline (spanking, etc.) will not work in this situation. My girlfriend has a son much like yours, at 2 he stopped taking naps, would throw a fit (literally bang his head on the floor, etc.) hit, kick, scream, etc. the pediatrician thought it was a phase at first (they had just moved, lots of friction in the house, etc.) but it lasted. I know he is on some type of medication that helps control him and he's going through psychological counseling (has been since 5) and this is weekly. I'll find out more and contact you privately.

You are NOT alone. I'll try and get back with you today.

Take care and God Bless.

I would be concerned as well - talk with your pediatrician.