Thanks everyone! I feel better knowing that this is probably just a stage. Also, I am going to continue with being firm and then re-direct him. Thanks again!
Hi,
I have a 14 month old little boy. I have him in a daycare 3 days a week while I work. He is very sweet natured and loving. But right now he is in a stage where he will hit. He is hitting at the daycare. He does it when he knows you are looking too. He will just go right up to another child and hit them on the head. They are not even looking. His teacher said it was really bad yesterday and even when I got there to pick him up he did it to two of the kids. He was looking right at me and laughing. I always make a frown face and very firmly pull him away and tell him no, etc. Sometimes I've gently slapped his hand. But he doesn't care and will still smile and laugh... So any advice? I am a first time mom. Thanks!
Please do not punish the behavior you do not want (hitting) with exactly that behavior (slapping his wrist - even if it is gently.) It sounds to me that he learned this behavior from you -- sorry to tell you. Give love -- model the behavior you want to see...
I don't think slapping his hand is the best discipline choice. Your telling him not to hit but then your hitting him.
I think the best thing would be to say, "no, hitting" and then removing him from the situation and maybe putting him in timeout for 1 minute (1 minute per year old). It is a phase that many kids, especially boys go through. Consistency is best. If you choose to put him in timeout for 1 minute ignore him and don't say anything. You may also want to talk with the daycare provider so that you can both do the same thing. It is a phase and it will go away.
I know a lot of people dissagree with spanking, but I think that if you gave him one good swat on his bottom he will get the picture. You don't need to go over board and make him black and blue or anything like that, but just enough that he gets the idea that hitting hurts and it's not acceptable behavior. Also get down to his level (on your knees) and get in his face and really show him that you are serious and this is not a joke and not funny for anyone else. Saying 'oh, sweetie, we don't hit' obviously is not working so you need to be more stern and show him that you are in charge!
At this age, I would use the phrase, "show me gentle" and then I would gently stroke the child's arm and have the child gently stroke my arm. Whenever they would hit or pinch or whatever, I remove them from the situation and have them show gentle and then redirect them to another activity.
Melissa,
I keep a 16-month old little boy. He is still in that stage. When he is at my house, I firmly tell him no hits. I have also started removing him from the group and sitting him down beside me-not on my lap-for a count to 20. He actually sits there. I know it's hard, but don't give up. Your little guy is probably just curious about things and is 'testing' the adults for reactions. Talk to your daycare provider and make sure that the two of you are handling the situation consistently and he will figure it out pretty quickly. B. SAHM to 3 girls-10, 7.5, and 3.5 and daycare to 3
I think firmly telling him NO HITTING, tell him why (because it hurts people) and removing him from the situation to play alone for a couple minutes is the best approach at this age. 14 months is a little young for a time-out - redirection is probably better. Once he gets to be 18-20 months I would start with a 1-minute time out. I agree with other posters - I would not slap his hand since he will not understand why it's ok for you to hit him if he can't hit someone else.
Hitting anyone to teach someone not to hit is completely counterintuitive. Think about how absurd it is! ;-)
This is VERY normal behavior for this age. Saying "no hitting" or "nice nice" and showing him acceptable ways to touch is much more useful.
Redirection at this age is much better.
They do grow out of this! Promise
I used to say, "No hit" or "Be nice." I would either redirect or put in a short time out and leave the room. He wants your attention, don't give it. Make sure the teacher in his room and you discuss how your son should be handled in this case. Be on the same page and be consistent. He's only 14 months - he doesn't know what he's doing is wrong or hurtful.
When you slap his hand and tell him "no", put him in his crib or playpen without toys for 5 minutes. If he stops crying you can take him out sooner but make sure he knows he will be punished each time he slaps anyone.
Dear Melissa,
It sounds like he is looking for attention. The next time he hits don't even look at him and then look at the other little kids and ask if he is all right. Kids this age will resort to bad behavior sometimes to get attention.
B.
I agree, it sounds like attention seeking behavior. Be more aware of the time you spend together-give him your full attention. Give him plenty of attention for his positive behaviors. When you pick him up from child care, be sure to give him your full attention first, then talk to the others in the room including the adults.
You might want to encourage him to "give me five" that way he gets his needs met in a fun, playful way that is not hurtful to others.
At 14 months he is all about action/reaction. He wants to know that this is not acceptable behavior, he doesn't understand that it hurts just yet. You just need to be firm and consistent. He probably won't understand time-outs until he's closer to 2. You should just tell him NO HITTING very firmly, and remove him from the situation. He will get it eventually. My two boys were both hitters, and biters to some extent. My 3 year old grew out of it, and my 17 month old somewhat understands that what he's not supposed to do, but he does it anyway, just to double check :).
What you probably shouldn't do is hit him, even as a tap, because it's telling him that hitting IS okay in certain circumstances, and he will continue to hit.
Good luck!
