Advice on Getting Daughter to Sleep in Her Crib

I have a 16 month old daughter, she has slept with us also and I was afraid it would be difficult to break that habit. I went and bought my daughter a toddler bed and put it in her room. The bed is only a few inches off the ground and has proved to be safe. When my daughter is ready for bed, I tuck her in and lay with her until she falls asleep. I leave a night lite on and her door open. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, which she does frequently, she gets out of her bed and comes to my room. Then I just bring her back to bed and go through the whole thing over again. She is now getting up less in the middle of the night, and doesn't seem to mind sleeping like "a big girl". I will admit it was harder for me than it was for her! Hopefully this helps. Good luck!!

Have you put her in a "big girl" bed yet? They have rails for the side of the bed and you can push one side up to the wall. Then you might lay with her until she goes to sleep. It make take a while, but she might start liking her bed.

G. A
Mother of 2, grandmother of 3

the best advice you will find will be on this website
http://www.jofrost.com/
you are probably in for some long, consistent nights....it IS possible.....good luck

Have you tried putting her in bed and sitting with her until she falls asleep? If not try that and make sure she has a night light on and each night that sitting by her bed works move a little closer to the door away from her.That way she will know that you are there but not far away until she gets secure enough that you can put her in bed and she will sleep on her own.

Have you read: The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night
by Elizabeth Pantley (Author), William Sears (Author? Excellent resource.

Letting her cry it out is traumatic for both mom and baby. Personally i think it's great she's been sleeping with you. Sometimes switching up the routine so that it's Daddy putting her to bed might help some. Or is it possible to move the crib into your bedroom and transition her more slowly, or maybe a pallet on your bedroom floor?

My 2yo was my only child that wouldn't sleep in her crib! It was hard for me and my husband, but we endured until she reached 2yo (this month on Feb 17th) and we got her a twin size bed with Dora sheets and all. She loves it and finally sleeps in her own bed. Now, granted that she still sleeps in the same room with us, but that's only because we moved my mother in due to cancer and so there is no separate bedroom for her.

When we had our boys, our oldest was booted out of his crib when he was 16 months old. He did NOT like the toddler bed, so we got him a full size (double bed) and put it on the floor at first. He loved it. He was booted out of his crib due to our boys being 14 months apart and our 2 month old was needing to get in a crib and out of the bassinett. Our second son was put in a toddler bed when he was 19 months old, but soon put in a twin bed, because he too did not like the toddler bed. They just aren't comfortable! They are horrible! Just thought I'd mention that as well, in case it helped.

Also, I sat in the dark beside the bed and closed my eyes to show him that it was bedtime. It worked really well. If he tried to get up, I just laid him back down, no biggy. My 2nd son was a bit different. He would get up in the middle of the night and try to get in the bed with us. All I did was escort him or carry him back to his room, without saying anything. Hug him and kiss him and tuck him back in. Did he do it again minutes later? Yes, but I was patient and kept doing it again and again until he realized that I was going to keep doing this. He eventually stopped. It worked well. I hope this helps.

First let me start by saying.........you are absolutely not a failure because your child sleeps in the bed with you. I realize that others probably often like to judge you and give opinions on this, the fact is all kids are different and what works for one family doesn't work for all. Why is it so bad to have your child in the bed with you if want it that way? They are only little once. Cherish the time that they will snuggle!
If you and your husband want to have your little one in the crib because you want to (not because everyone else thinks you should), you might try letting her fall asleep in your bed and then moving her to the crib. We did this with our oldest child (he was 5 at the time. He would still come into our room each night, but little by little he slept longer and longer in his room until he finally started staying there all night. I know it can be frustrating...and I agree..I can't just let my little ones sit and scream when all they want is to be comforted by their parents!
Good luck!

A.,
I had the same problem with my now 6 year old. I breast feed her when she was an ifant and she was impossible to put in her room. She would do the same thing like your baby inorder to sleep with us. Well, what we ended up doing was puttin a t.v. into her room with videos of her fav. cartoons that would sing. I sat with her for a while until she fell to sleep. If she would wake up to nurse, I would nurse her right in that room. It wasnt too hard to break her out of it cause I kept that t.v. going until she got used of falling asleep with it.

Oh, my! My sympathies are with you! To be fair, I'm a firm believer in not letting your child sleep with you.... I did it once (for about an hour) and realized that our son would get used to it very quickly, so I put him back in his own bed. Habits like that are hard to break, but at 17 months old, your daughter is certainly old enough to understand that you're not abandoning her or anything. That said, I know many parents who have struggled with this same issue. One solution I've heard from them is using an "attachment" bed (baby bed that attaches to yours) or just pushing another bed up next to yours, just for her. That way, you can very gradually move her into her own bed, and then slowly move the bed away from yours-- first just a few feet, then eventually all the way into her own room. This might be easier on all of you than letting her cry it out, which can certainly make everyone stressed. Good luck!

Hi A.! Could you try a toddler bed next to your bed that can be slowly moved into her room? Our girls both thought the idea of their own "bed" was just great as it allowed them much more freedom. My girls moved to their beds when they were 16 months, my youngest moved from our bed to her own in her room very easily. I am also a firm believer in co-sleeping as I feel it is more natural but that is just my opinion. Good luck.... :)

My little boy is 3 and just went to his own bed... He has a toddler bed at the end of our bed. The way I got him that far:
I took him to Kmart on Monday and told him if he slept there all week in his big boy bed, he could get a toy. I let him pick out the toy and hold it (a batman). I put it on layaway so it would still be there. Every night he slept in his bed and I reminded him of his toy. On Saturday we went and got the batman! Now every time he does not want to sleep in his bed, I tell him I will take batman back. Maybe not the right thing for everyone, but it worked great for me!

Can't really help. We're dealing with the same thing, except one of us sleeps with our 17month old son in the double bed in his room. He starts off in his crib, but we always end up in the big bed with him once he wakes up during the night. The Sleep Lady book by Kim West was recommended to me. We started doing it and it was working for bedtime, but we haven't gotten it working for nighttime wakings yet. I'll admit that we've all been sick off and on for the last month, so we haven't done the program consistently. I have friends that have done it and it worked great for them. And it doesn't ask you to leave them alone and crying which made me feel more comfortable.
Good Luck!

I was in the same predictament. YOu have to persevere! Don't give up! Establish a bedtime routine with her and do it everyday. I use to sit beside my sons bed till he was asleep and if he woke up during the night, i would let him cry for at least 5 minutes. if he did not stop by then i would go into the room and check on him but Do Not Pick Him Up! You could also try giving her a sippy cup of water if she gets really hysterical. Hope all goes well!

A. -- I haven't had a child with colic (thank you, God), but I did talk to a lot of moms who did (my boys are now 12 and 9, so this is no longer an issue). I understand it can be really hard on the whole family.

My 2nd child went to a crib pretty quickly but when he was a toddler he wanted to sleep in our room a lot. He did finally outgrow it, and eventually was so happy sleeping with his older brother that he left us. Now he sleeps in his own bed on week nights, but the two brothers usually like to share the same bed on weekends.

As for your problem now -- you might want to start by keeping her in your room but not in your bed. It's a small but significant step to getting her out on her own.

Perhaps you could put her in a cot or a sleeping bag next to your bed, and explain that since she's so big now, it's time for her to have her own bed. See how she does with that, then in six months or so, try her for a single night in another room (and tell her it's only for one night, to see how she likes having a lovely room to herself). If you move slowly and gradually enough (though I know it's frustrating), she may well be ready to move away from you.

As an alternative, you could let her fall asleep in your bed, then put her in her own room and leave her. (I don't know if you tried this already.) I've done that with my son a lot, and even now, when it's too noisy outside his bedroom, he asks if he can lie in my bed. He always falls asleep, but when I wake him, he moves very willingly to his own bed with no problems.

Hope any of this helps -- good luck!

S.

A.,

Do you live in the Newberry area. If you do I would love to get you connected with other stay-at-homers. I am a member of MOPS (mother's of preschoolers). Please respond back to me at ###-###-#### if you are interested. You can also e-mail me at www.marykay.com/ahawkins429. I hope to hear from you soon. Good luck. Maybe our MOPS group can offer you some help too.

My husband and I have had the same problem off and on with both our children. I don't think you made a mistake in letting your child sleep in bed with you! You need to do what is best for YOUR family and adjust. You are NOT a failure! Cry it out works for my one child but not the other.

Some things my husband and I did to get out oldest out of bed with us were - letting her sleep on the floor of our room, when she is asleep, move her to her bed. We would rock her in her room, listen to calming music, pray, then tuck her into bed. There were times we left her watch a video in the living room till she fell asleep. We just had to keep adusting till we found what worked for her and us.

You know we carry our babies around with us for 9 months and when they are born we expect them to sleep on their own? I think with all decisions we make as parents, we have to be careful to support other mothers and families because each family and circumstances are different. You did not make a mistake by letting your child sleep with you - you all needed rest and your sanity. Just take things gradual since you want to change the sleeping arrangements. Don't push your child to automatically sleep on their own. It won't happen over night, but remember if you are not comfortable doing something to get your child to sleep on their own, don't do it. Best of luck. Blessings to you and your family. J.

Where is her crib located? Sometimes it is just being alone in a room that terrifies them. My oldest slept with us until he was 3. That was when we had our daughter. At that time, I made him a "bed" beside ours and he slept fine there. Of course, our daughter ended up in our bed too. When she was 1 we got them a double bed and put it on the floor of my son's room. They slept fine there because they were not alone. They had each other. By the time my third one came, I refused to let him sleep in our bed for any reason. If he was sick, I would sleep on the bed in his room beside the crib. Of course, the older 2 were still sleeping in the same room. Now, at 3 my youngest sleeps great by himself and my older 2 are in their own beds.
Crying it out is hard, and as long as she knows that you love her and have not left her, she will be fine. It will take a few nights of it, and may take a week, but you have to be consistent. I think that I did not get more than 2 hours sleep a night when we got our son out. She is young to be included, but try. She is old enough to understand reward. If she "sleeps" in her bed, then "mommy will take you and.....". Do her favorite thing. Buy her favorite toy, food, movie. There are some that say a child should do what a parent says regardless of what they get out of it. But I like the old "you catch more flies with honey" adage. Make her "nap" in her crib. Start a routine. Dinner, play, bath, then crib. Every night. You can also move the crib in your room if it is not there. If it is there, move it out. When my youngest son was 6 months old, he woould wake up out of habit and of course, with the monitor right beside my bed, I would go to him when I heard him wake. Well, he wasn't really hungry, he just used me to get back to sleep. So, I turned off the monitor for a few nights. I knew that if he really needed me, I would hear the cries, but not the grunting, weak cries that are more from irritation of waking up. He has slept through the night since then with no problem.
No child has ever died from crying. It really hurts us more than them. As bad as hyperventilating sounds, she will become exhausted and finally go to sleep. The body resets itself once she goes to sleep. Her fear is being alone. And she is old enough to know that if she holds out, you will crack. They just have a hard time understanding time. Like leaving them at a sitter for the first time at that age. You are "abandoning them" from their stand point, but eventually they understand you are coming back. She will figure out that you are still there and if she REALLY needs you, you will come.
Sorry for the long response! Not that I didn't love having my babies close, it made things difficult in my relationship with my husband. You can't get close to your husband with a baby between you and sometimes they feel that they count less. Not to mention that little foot hitting you in the face at 3am is hard to recover from and get back to sleep.

Try a "bed" in the floor and slowly move it further and further from you until she is in her room...
This worked for us!
Also, try less napping so she is tired and will have to sleep instead of cry all night... my niece used to cry and fall asleep standing up on her crib railing, she even learned to cry until she gagged to get a response, but it only lasted a few nights and then she just got used to falling asleep in her crib. They also had one of those crib night lights that projected lights moving on the ceiling (I think its from Fisher Price).

It was a mistake and will take some time to correct, but don't beat yourself up. We all goof on somethings eventhough we're trying to do our best.
A fussy sleeper is very difficult to handle because you need your rest too.
I have a friend who's done the same thing and having trouble getting her daughter in a crib for the night. Sounds like you're little girl is good at getting what she wants. If you give in to her tantrum crying, she'll rely on it. You need to nip that in the bud, for your sake. And don't feel like you're being mean, you're just being a good mother. Kids need boundries set by adults to excel. When my daughter didn't want to take naps, I would prep her with words for nap, put her in her crib, and she would either fall asleep or cry and cry. What I learned to do for her was to put her down and let her cry a couple minutes; come back and pick her up and reassure her with words like "Mommy's here, but you need to take a nap because you're tired. It's naptime." and quickly put her backdown. It took a bit and it can be draining, but it worked for me.
Night lights, soft lullaby music, some of those things can help when starting this so that she has indicators that it's nap or night night time. MAybe hang out in her room and stroke her back until she falls asleep initially so she knows she's safe. Some kids have more seperation anxiety than others. I would ask your child's doctor what might work. It might be slightly embarassing to admit to, but if you have a good doctor, they'll understand and won't make you feel bad. Children's doctors are there to support the child's best interest and assist parents in doing the same.

Good luck, I hope you all get some good sleep in seperate beds.

Are you letting her take her naps in her crib/bed? My SIL had this issue. She started putting her down for naps in her own bed, when she had more patience to help her son adjust to the change in sleeping environment.

Get a bigger bed. My daughter is 3 and still sleeps with us. I decided to stop fighting it and enjoy her company. She will only be little for a little while.

maybe you could try to start out by sleeping in her room, getting her used to the crib or bed. Then gradually start putting her down and sitting with her and then moving further out until she can go to sleep on her own. They very easily learn "habits" and I think that is all this is of her sleeping with you guys. I would also try getting her "attached" to a stuffed animal or blanket so she's not so attached to you and your husband. Lots of luck, and I hope it works out for you.

You might want to try putting her in a toddler bed. I try to think what might be going through the childs head and it seems to me she may be thinking that she has been in a BIG bed and now mommy and daddy are putting in this place with bars. Toddler beds are close to the floor so you don't have to worry about falling out. I moved both of my children to toddler beds from their cribs at 15 months.
I think you are definitly going to have some crying though. Maybe try giving her something like a blanket that smells like you(sleep with it one night and it will be good)
Whatever you decide you have to stick to it because children like routines. If you flip flop around on what strategy to use she may see that as a weakness on your part,hence thinking I can get away with that.

Anyway, good luck in whatever you try.
H.

"Cry it out" is one of the hardest things to do. We went through this at 7-8 months and I had a hard time letting my daughter lay and cry. So what we did was start slowly. I'd let her CIO for 15 minutes and go in her room and soothe her, then the next time we go 20 minutes, then 30 and so on. If I did pick her up, we never left the room. It took us about a week, but she finally understood that her crib was her bed. It's tough, try to stick it out. If it gets too bad, talk with your pediatrician. Sometimes they can offer some advice. I hope this helps.

You are not a failure! Just about everyone I know has sleep issues with their babies and toddlers at some point. I don't think you need to let her cry all night; she needs reassurance that you are still right there when she needs you. My suggestion may be draining for a little while but she'll catch on if you are consistent.
Sing her a song or read a story and tell her "It's time for bed, goodnight" when you leave her. Let her cry for a few minutes (not so long to where she's hysterical). Go back, hold her till she calms down (don't leave the room or turn the light on). Then tell her "goodnight" before laying her down and leaving again. Give her a few minutes longer to cry before each time you go back in, but don't talk to her or say anything after the second time. Just go in, hold her till she calms down, lay her down, and leave.
The first night might take all night. But the amount of times you go in will become shorter and shorter every night. Within a week she should be fine with her new arrangement. You sacrifice sleep for a few days but it's better than struggling with it for months. Good luck, I hope you find a way that works for both of you.

My daughter did the same thing, absolutely hated her crib. So we got rid of it and put a day bed mattress on the floor. This allowed her father and I to lay down with her and tell her a story, sing her a song and say evening prayers. She was able to drift off to sleep feeling secure and get comfortable waking up in her own room. We chose the larger mattress on the floor as opposed to a toddler bed so we could lay down with her, and so we wouldn't worry about her rolling off the bed.

I'd first "talk" to her, as much as you can about the situation....she is a big girl, not a baby, so she needs to sleep in her big girl bed....maybe talk to her about it a few days BEFORE you start, so you won't spring it on her. Then the night you put her in there, lay beside the bed...hold her hand if you need to. (Something to let her know you are there.) She'll fall asleep, eventually, and then you can leave. As she gets used to that, you can gradually get yourself further and further away from her. I play music, so I'll tell the girls, "I'll lay with you for 2 times, then I need to go do my chores (dishes, laundry), but I will come back and check on you." After the songs and leaving, I will come back, and they will be asleep.......This may take a while for you but DON"T give up. You are trying to break MONTHS or a year's worth of training. In the end you will be glad you did. You and your husband need time for each other too....another way to talk to your child about the need of separation: Daddy and Mommy time.

A.,

You are not a failure!!! You're a great Mom. Don't sweat the whole crib/family bed issue! When the time comes, your child will sleep in her own bed when SHE is ready and when YOU are ready. Forget all the different advice from "experts" on this one , and go with your own maternal instinct. My oldest daughter (now 8) was never one to throw tantrums, but she was stubborn about the crib. Even as a baby, she would scream and cry. When I tried again as she got older, she would still scream and cry, shaking the crib, even fall asleep standing up - until she lost her balance, then start screaming/crying all over again. It was the only time she acted like that. I decided then the "experts" could keep their advice and I was sticking with what my heart told me. It was when she was 5 and her sister was 3 that they were finally out of my bed and into bunkbeds. Some people might think that's too long, etc, but it is what worked for us. You have to do what works for your family. When the girls made the transition to their own beds, I would lay down with them at night until they fell asleep.

L.

My daughter is eighteen months old and I am going through the same thing. I put a daybed with a trundle in her room and a monitor. I have been putting her to bed there and sneak out as soon as she is sleeping. She usually wakes up once but it's better then the constant crying and sharing a bed with her.