Advice on Going from One Child to Two

Hi K.. Having a second child is not easy! But let me tell youit is also a great joy. I remember when Johnathan (4 yr) came to the hospital to meeet Brendan (now 5month) his face lit up and everyone there placed the attention on him right away! We did buy a big brother book he liked that) we let him help with everything that is logical for him to help with. I found that it ws hard at first to spend that time with just Johnathan but as the months go on it is getting much easier, He loves being a big brother and knows what a big imporatnt roel it is (that helps too). I am still learning myself with this as I proabably will until they are grown. But defantly making the big brother) no how important it is to be big brother and letting him no just how important he still is help us out!
B.

Hi I'm 31 and have a son 5 1/2 and a daughter 2.
My son is a very good boy and was used to ALL the attention....so I knew I was going to have to make things special. One thing I'm sure your already doing is talking to him about "who" is in your belly. I also bought a gift for my son from the new baby to give to hime when he came to the hospital to meet her for the first time!! I also, took him to pick out a special gift for his new sister to take when he met her for the first time!!! (we bought a soft little pink puppy). We let hime hold her (of course we were right there) Tried to involve him as much as possible. One thing I found to be very good, I tried to make special time for him and I to spend time together. It was hard because I nursed and of course I was very tired. We would leave daddy w/ baby and we went to Toys r Us and walked the entire store looking for a special new toy and some ideas for up coming b-days!!! Don't have to spend much.....just a little something special ffor being a great big brother. One thing that was perfect, when I got the question, who do you love more? I was able to say YOU are my favorite boy and she is my favorite GIRL. Hope some of this helps!!! Good luck!!!

C. T.

I just had my fourth child a month ago. Just be prepared to roll with the chaos. You can do it, and the fatigue of those first few months will wear off. Again, you can do it! One thing that has always helped my children adjust to a new sibling is that the new baby always brings home a present for the older siblings. The excitement of getting a present from the little one pre-disposes the older kids to liking the new kid. Also, get your older child helping out immediately. Kids love to feel responsible and helpful. If there is ANYTHING your older child can do for you, let him! And then heap on loads of praise every time he helps you out.

Good advice on having a gift for your son. I also found that having her "baby" around for my oldest meant that she could give her baby a bottle, burp the baby, etc. The hardest times were when I was nursing. Then I would ask my oldest to bring me something or do my a favor. This helped her feel involved and connected to us. I'm sure that you will make sure to have some special time for Colin. If he goes to daycare or school now, keep that up if you can afford it. It's good for his routine and it also gives you some time with the baby. That's one of the best decisions we made.

No matter what, I still felt guilty for having another baby. We always planned on at least 2 kids, but I felt bad about disrupting my oldest's life and was worried how she would react. Now I see them together at ages 3 and 1 and know it was one of the best gifts for both of them. It's okay to feel bad though, your family's life is changing

One thing we did with my son was we talked about his sister who was coming soon not our new baby. He's 14 now and she's still "his" sister.

I have a 2 year old and a 7 week old. All we did was just talk to my daughter and tell her everyday that she is going to be a big sister and have a baby brother. We talked about how small he is going to be and how she has to be gentle with him. But as a 2 year old a lot of that goes in one ear and out the other. She loves her baby brother, but has scratched him and hits him and is rough with him. You just have to remember that your 2 year old won't completely understand and that he too is still a baby. Things were great at first and then it seemed like the honeymoon period is over. What you and your husband have to do (especially your husband) is to pay as much attention to your son as you can after the baby arrives. We find that my daughter really misbehaves after my husband comes home from work if he doesn't spend 10-15 min. with her giving his undivided attention. That seems to help a lot. As for going from 1 to 2, it has been really easy for us, it takes some getting used to being woken up in the night multiple times, but otherwise things have been easy. I breastfeed and that has been great with my daughter. She usually doesn't need anything or I get her going on an activity before I start feeding. Things will work out and if you have help from friends or family it really takes a lot of stress off of you. It will take a lot of time for your son to adjust, so until then you just have to keep a close eye on him. Good luck!

Someone told us to have a little gift for your older child when the baby is born since the baby will get a lot of gifts. This helps them feel a part of the big day. When he came to meet his baby brother at the hospital we have a little gift for him. Good luck!

I had little girl on July 20th and my son was going to turn 2 on July 30th. All I did for my son was to talk about having a little sister. Tell him that I would like to have him help take care of her and give her love and kisses and hugs. He has done an awesome job but I also run a daycare in my home so he was used to sharing his mom too. I think that might have helped some too. Just be ready to deal with the cries for attention if you have to deal with the baby and not give him as much attention. Roll with the punches and be ready for even more tiring days. The naps are not at the same time so you might not be getting as much sleep as you did with your son. I wish you all the luck and have a great experience with the great gift of a little girl.

Make sure to include him in on everything from taking him to the hospital so he can bond with her and see the other babies in the nursery after she's born. If he wants to help, let him, and you have to set aside time for just you and him, I usually spent time with my daughter when her brother fell asleep for his nap. I let her help me make his formula and pour in bottles. She helped me give him a bath. The little things mean so much to them and they don't feel left out or jealous of the new sibling.

K.-

My sons are 25 months apart. When the baby arrives, make Colin as big a part of it as possible. Do everything at his level. When you change the baby's diapers, do it on your bed or the floor so that he can see and ask him to get you the diaper and wipes and help you as much as possible. Make sure that you praise him on what a good job that he did. When he asks you to read him a book or play a game, it's okay to say, "I will as soon as I'm done feeding the baby" or "I will as soon as I lay her down for her nap" but then DO IT! He needs to know that he is still just as important to you and just because the baby is crying or fussing, he can still be #1 at times. As for being mom to two, my biggest adjustment was lack of sleep. Getting up with a newborn during the night and chasing a toddler during the day is no easy task. Whenever you can get in a snooze, take advantage of it. You can always juggle the laundry and dishes between feedings and playtime, but those precious naps aren't always available. Good luck!

My daughter was just over 3 when our first son was born. I think the hardest for her was that mommy was someone elses mommy also, but we lucked out with a child that LOVES being an older sibling and was a little mommys helper. There are some things that you can do to help with the transition,
I don't know what your thoughts are on getting a "baby" for your son to practice on so that when your caring for the baby, he can take care of his also. Treat the doll like its a real baby. No throwing it or smashing it into stuff etc. If it does happen "comfort" the baby like you would a real baby. A book or two about being a big brother, or about babies(age appropriate)helps to give a guide in their language on what to/ not to do. Plus time spent reading it with you is special.
At the hospital arrange it that when he comes in to see you and the baby, make sure that you are not holding the baby. That leaves mommys lap open for him. Let someone else (daddy) take him over and introduce them. Don't draw out the visit. When he's ready to go make them go... My mom took emmy to the store and she picked out a "present" for her brother. Also when you go home. You donot carry #2 in. That leaves mommy able to snuggle right away. I know its hard, but start to have a specific time EVERYDAY for just the 2 of you. Lay in bed and take a nap together. It can continue after baby comes. I have a 6yr old, 3 yr old, and a 10 month old. The hardest for me was going from one to two, and only because during the day i'm the only adult here. But i found that it is easier when the older one has a schedule and no matter how hectic it gets with a baby try to keep his schedule the same.

hi K.,

i would have to agree with all the advice you've been given. i just had my second little girl on february 6 and my oldest daughter turned 2 on february 4. we told her from the beginning that she was going to be a big sister and she would beam with pride whenever someone would ask her about it. we brought a backpack filled with coloring books, crayons, markers, stickers, etc. to the hospital and told her it was from her baby sister and she loved it!

keep talking to your son about it, it's the best thing you can do!

i wish you the best!

It was quite an adjustment for me when our second child arrived. My daughter was 2 1/2 at the time so that did help because she could do a lot of basic things for herself. It took me about 3 months to see that things were going to be manageable.

First off, take any help that is offered you!! If they want to make you food, buy you groceries, watch you 1st child, etc! Never turn down help. Hopefully someone, like your mother, can come and be with you for a little while. My mother was a life saver the first three weeks (she lives near by)!!

And second, make some food ahead of time that you can freeze. It was so helpful to be able to pull stuff out of the freezer. Stock up on the canned and frozen stuff also. For the first little while I was doing good just to get us all dressed and fed during the day. :)

As for your son, I'd just read him books about becoming a big brother. Talk with him lots about his little sister and what her name will be. Show him the things that you are preparing for her arrival. Involve him as much as possible.

And when she is here, just know that there are some things that won't get done. Do what you can, rest when you can, and just enjoy them cause it goes so quickly!!!

Congratulations!!

My son made the transition well when we had our daughter (the age space is just about the same). The only thing I did was I bought him a book called "I'm the Big Brother". We read through that a few times. He loved his baby sister when she came! Of course, I think it's easier when the boy is older because he begins to bond w/ Dad so that helps too.

Hi K.! I have two boys and two more on the way. When my second son was born my first was 2 yrs old. The best advise I can give you is to have a scheduled day and stick to it. I would have to say going form one child to two is diffucult. If you go into it thinking it is not going to be easy you will be just fine. Good luck and enjoy your babys!

I was suprised when I had my second that I was still able to spend a lot of time with my first becuase the baby was asleep a lot. But it is harder with the second too becuase you aren't able to take naps when she does becuase the other is awake.
It will take time to adjust, try not to stress about thing like how clean you house is or if you have to order take out more than you would like. Take any help you can. I would have a grandparent come over on days I needed sleep or laundry done.
Also I had my two older ones get a gift for my youngest when he was born. They liked being able to bring something to him when they met him.
One thing I always did for myself, but also for the older kids, was I brought a picture of them to display by my hospital bed so they knew I was thinking of them while I was there.

My son is almost 4 and his sister is 3mos. He has been amazing. We told him we were pregnant right away and he had a long time to get used to her. He knew her name and that Mommy would go to the hospital to have her (scheduled c-section). We make sure to do Mommy and Brendan things (b/c Isabel is too little). He comes with me to the store alone (Isabel is too little); helps bake, etc. We try to emphasize he is the big boy.

His grandparents came to stay for awhile and took him on special outings as well.

I've found he likes to help, get diapers, bottles, with baths. And I really try hard not to tell him he is too loud, too rough (unless necessary) b/c I did not want this new baby coming in and him getting constantly yelled at.

He will look so big to you once the baby is born!

Honestly, K....it's tough! But it's worth it! My baby turned 1 in December and my next oldest will be 4 in May. This past year was hard and I struggled a lot to keep my sanity when I just wanted a break! lol Anyway, it gets easier every month and you fall into a groove. I was surprised that I had enough time for both of them, as that was my biggest concern. Your little one doesn't need much preparation, they just adjust and go with the flow! One thing I can say is that if you think time is flying by now...just wait til the other one comes! WOW....my days/weeks/months are a blur!

Good luck in whatever you decide!
~L.

our girls are 2 yrs and 10 months apart. I think the best thing we did was include her in the pregnancy. When Hannah came, Olivia really felt like she was her baby too. She was at almost all the appts. I would also skip or keep to a minumum the gift from the older child to the baby and instead go the other way. We had the baby "buy" a Big Sister shirt to give to Olivia when we got home- it really made her feel special.
Yes, going from 1 to 2 is hard. Accept any help you can get. Prepare meals and freeze them ahead if you can- I was so glad I did that.
Good luck

My daughter was 17 months when her baby sister was born. We kept her involved in everything we did. Such as get all the baby clothes ready and I explained to her who these clothes are. I went and bought her an I'm the big sister shirt to wear to the hospital. I let her go in the babies room to see the stuff in there. We put the carseat in the car a few months before the baby was born and explained to her that was her sisters carseat. Everyone and I mean everyone thought our 17 month old would have jealousy issues. She NEVER DID. She is such a great big sister. I also got her a book about being a big sister.

My daughter was 2 when my son was born. We talked a lot about the baby, and I made sure she was around other babies so that she knew what a baby was and how to act - be gentle, etc. I also showed her where the baby would be sleeping, and had her help me get his room ready.

Once she arrives, have Colin introduce visitors to her. That way, he's still involved and he'll be excited to show her off rather than feeling resentful that she's getting all the attention. I also bought a couple of little things for my daughter and wrapped them up so that if someone stopped by with a gift for the baby, she could open something, too. (I found that many people brought a little something for her, too.)

The first 6 months or so were a little hard, but once my kids started interacting more it was actually easier to have two! Now, my daughter is 3 1/2 and my son is 18 months old and they play really well together which gives me time to get things done!

Hi K. -
I am in the same boat! I have a son who will be 2 right when our second boy is due. So, I don't have any advice yet excpet on some books I am finding helpful - one is called "Twice Blessed" - this book talks almost too much about how hard its going to be - yikes. The other is "And Baby Makes 4" which I have found to be a little more helpful because it doesn't feel as negative. I had to order both online because they are older, but I was able to get htem used quite cheap. I will check back and see what advice others have - I could use it too!
Best of luck with the delivery!
Peace
B.

My son was 2 years and 2 weeks old when his little sister was born. We talked about what would happen and he helped me set up her bassinet. We started discussing it just after his second birthday, which turned out to be about 2 weeks before she came. Much longer than that and I don't think they can get it. He also went with me to Babies R Us and picked out a gift for her (a stuffed animal) and then brought it to the hospital when his nana brought him up right after she was born. I put a small present for him in my suitcase and when he gave Ella her gift, he got something too! He loved it that she gave him a gift and he wasn't jealous that she was getting so many new things. Congratulations and good luck!