Advice on Having #4 - Dexter,MI

Its what makes you happy, that counts. We are trying for #4 as well. YEA!!! my youngest is almost 3

Hi K.,
I wasn't thrilled when my daughter told me that she was expecting their 4th child either, but when you see that beautiful little baby, all doubts melt away. Yes, my daughter is busy and some days are crazy, but we wouldn't trade that little sweetheart for anything. I know that everything will work out for you, and you will wonder how you ever got along without the new one. Enjoy the snuggling, and remember that in a few short years you will wish that they were small again.
Best Wishes,
M.

Let's start with CONGRATULATIONS!!! Unprepaired or not it's always a blessing to have a child. I wouldn't worry too much about what other people will say. My cousin has four kids and she freaked out when she found out about the last one. She didn't tell anyone until she was almost five months along!!!

She was worried about what everyone would say and stressed herself out to the point that she she started bleeding. Not something you want to happen while preggers! When she did tell everyone there was some shock and silly comments, everyone was scared (especially her caregivers...mom and mom-in-law).

It's been four and a half years since her baby #4 was born and everyone is doing just fine. In fact...she's become the family favorite =) We all still hear and make silly comments like...aren't you due to have another one? But who cares? She has 4 beautiful and healthy children.

Four kids is a lot but just think of all the grandbabies you'll have one day!!! I say screw 'em if they aren't thrilled. It's a baby. You should celebrate this one as much as you did the first three.

Congrats again and good luck!

I just had #4 and when told people they were either shocked or not too suprised. When you get a less than postivie response you can just say " God's Will, not mine. This child is menat to be here!!" Most people have nothing to say but almost always agree!!!
T. K.

I want to start off by telling you I am with you. I am pregnant with number 5. I have 4 kids 8,6,4, and 21 months. I am excited. I was pregnant and misscarried before easter it seems like thats how it happens I have a misscarrage and than I have a healthy child. I am at the point of my life to live positive and those who can't be and are negative I shrug them off or tell them to mind there own business. One more piece of advise. be prepaired not to have such order in the home go with the flow and enjoy the kids. who cares if the house is trashed. Did the little one do something so funny today. Just make sure ther feed and everyone has what they need. You will be fine and Congradulations. If you want to email me back and we can chat more on the subject or other ? you may have. Take care!!

Aside from the fact that you are going to be one busy mama, having your fourth child is no one's business but you and your husband's. I was treated that way when I got pregnant with my third (planned), even from the doctor who I never went back to see. By the time, I got pg with my fourth, there were no negative comments except concern from my mom who was worried about my ability to afford another child. I finally had a girl after three boys. My first two were 3 years apart; 2nd and 3rd were only 20 months apart; my 3rd and 4th were 2 years apart. In my family, it is like I have 2 generations. My first two are best friends as are my last two. I am not sure which one I should have not had. Things have worked out well. Good Luck!

K. -- who cares what others think about if this is too many kids for you, what counts is if you are happy, a baby is a joyous and wonderous event in life, a precious gift, I say congrats!! Im sure your husband will also will be happy too, sometimes these little surprises hit us at unexpected times but later down the road they make sense why. Further more after this one if you both really dont want anymore kids, then steps need to be taken to help this, even if it means a condom or birth control for you!

Congratulations!! I have 3 kids and with each one I was a bit shocked when we found out that we were pregnant. We also use NFP so we were never really surprised to find out. As far as other peoples reactions...Just smile and tell them that you love all of your children and will love this one too. Your parents will come around.
Every baby is a blessing! K.

There is an amazing online community of momsthat share what it is like to have big families, many of them have more than seven kids!
But I found it helpful to read their stories, and see how they cope. We are also blessed to have other friends that have atleast 3 kids. Plus we have been telling people that we were planning on four from the beginning, so no one was surprised when we started trying agian.
Check out
http://thehappyhousewife.com/

I know it hurts when people are negative. Believe me, I have 5, and with #4 and #5, there were comments that were very offensive to me. The fact is that I am raising my kids, I am paying for my kids, I love my kids, and no one else has a say in it. I am thrilled with my children, and I would have more if paying for college was not a factor. Focus on your beautiful baby on the way. People would say things like, "Don't you know how that works yet?" and I would say, "Yup, and we do a darn good job of it, too." Or the "Don't you know what causes that?" My grandmother's cousin said that to me, and I looked at her and commented, "Yes. I thought it was alcohol, but just recently I learned it was ice cream." This beccause of the studies saying that ice cream increases fertility. If you could have seen her face...it was a riot! After a few comments, I got to the point that I was going to have fun with it rather than let it upset me. Good luck! It is so wonderful!

Hi K.,

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! Having 4 kids is nothing at all. God decided to bless you with another child and those that aren't so accepting need to realize that. "If He brings you to it He will see you through it!" (Author Unknown)I have a childhood friend that at last count has 8 kids of her own (I'm sure more by now, we haven't talked in awhile due to distance between us). She and her husband are extremely happy. There is also my neighbor behind me. They run a foster home and have had as many as 12 at a time. I also remember my great grandma. Gram Pritchard was named "Mother of the Year" back in her day for opening her Detroit home and taking care of over 100 kids BY HERSELF, God bless her soul! So as you can see, having 4 is no big deal. I'm a single Mom with three boys that are all special needs. The only thing that really grows is the amount of love that gets shared.

Blessings - S.

When I got pregnant with my 4th child it was a complete suprise. I had told my then husband that I wanted another child, and two weeks later I was pregnant. (I think I was already pregnant when I told him.) My mom was livid, but she really had no right to be. This is your life and your child. If people are insencitive enough to say something to you about it, tell them that you are very happy to include the new bundle of joy into your household.
Having a fourth child isn't any worse then having the 2nd or 3rd, it'll be like he/she was always there.

K., as a mom of 6, I tell you, ENJOY it! This is your husband's and yours. It doesn't matter what others think. My husband's reaction at number 6 was "what are we going to do?" mine was open our hearts a little, our home a little, and go get the vas BEFORE he's born! I have had 2 children while on birth control! God's plan is His plan. Just enjoy this little one if you are pregnant. We know 2 families that have 9. We thought we had alot! Hope this helps you, L.

CONGRATULATIONS! You're going to be busy! ;) (My last pregnancy turned out to be twins!) ENJOY it. There may be folks who aren't as thrilled -- you have to ignore them and BE HAPPY!

Congratulations:)! I would answer those who don't seem thrilled: "God has blessed us with another blessing and we are glad that we were chosen to be his/her parents." Someone recently said on tv I believe, that children are rented to us by God and He can take them back anytime He wants. Sure it's shocking at first, but it was meant to be. I would however, definitely wait until all doctor tests confirm the pregnancy before saying anything.

Congrats again,

M.

I have been where you are. I have 4 kids ages 12 (today!) 9, 7, and 4. There were several family members who's reactions were negative, and it did hurt, but they got used to the idea. Our baby is just the frosting on the cake of our family, and she is so amazing and beautiful. I can't imagine life without her. Neither can anyone else in the family! They will come around, just try to brace yourself for the initial reaction, and blow it off.

As for you, CONGRADULATIONS! I LOVE having 4 kids! For us, it is perfect!

H.

These little surprise packages are always a wonderful blessing! First, you need to embrace this child and get excited yourself. Maybe you want to open up to new possibilities with this baby, like nautral childbirth and breastfeeding on demand, if you're not already into those things. I'd suggest you get involved in birthnetwork and LaLeche League in your area and anything else that connects you with positive, baby-lovin' friends. We women have always had to face criticism about their choices for their family, even from those closest to us! Hold your head up and rejoice! Your mom may just be worried about you because your plate is already full. You just need to get a larger plate and be happy! This one is going to bless the socks off your entire family - I'm sure of it! I have 4 and so do all of my daughters, including one fantastic child with CP! You have plenty of love to go around. You just don't realize it yet.

2 weeks after my husband's vasectomy we found out that I was 14 weeks pregnant with #6! I was so upset. I was worried that he would be mad. He was as shocked as I was but very happy. Of course things will change as you make room for another baby but they will change for the better. We originally wanted 6 kids but the economy changed our minds. God had a better plan! We just had her graduation/open house and are planning her wedding. She is the only of 6 who has done the traditional thing of graduating high school before getting married. She and I are closer than any of the others. Good luck!

First your husband will be excited as your baby develops and once he sees that precious baby, I am certain he will be even more excited.

As far as everyone else is concerned, it really isn't any of their business. God has a plan for this baby and any baby is a miracle.

If anyone says anything negative, including your mom, walk away. They shouldn't be upsetting you when you're pregnant and it doesn't impact their life, only you and your family.

This may seem harsh but really you don't have to have the remarkable comment. If you're happy, then they should be happy for you.

God bless you on your pregnancy!

M.

Dear K. C.,

I had a friend in one of my churches in the past who had two kids from her first marriage and then four from her second one. When people would give her a hard time about having so many her reply would be, "Somebody has to be able to pay your social security check in the future." I thought this was a great comeback since so many babies have been aborted. I heard a man on the Christian radio station I was listening to state that a whole generation has been aborted. We need more people having large families because there won't be anyone to work and support us older people in the future.

Another man on the radio stated one day that the countries with more people are the countries who are doing better because they have more minds to come up with more ideas and the resources to implement them.

Hurray for those who are not afraid to have the bigger families. I did not do such a good job parenting and was scared to have more than two. I am glad that some of you younger people are not afraid to have those babies. I feel that my friend was correct that we need those people to be alive to earn the money to help us older people survive on social security in the near future. The system is not perfect, but some form of it will likely always be around because the government cannot just dump all of us who have paid into the system without losing millions of votes.

Hope this helps you feel a bit better. Some people think the Duggar family is crazy to have so many kids but they are sweeter than mine ever were and they don't fight as much as mine did and I applaud them for learning to get along and allowing God to decide when they should stop having babies.

L. C.

K.,

Congratulations on the new baby! I have 5 boys and the 5th one was a total suprise and shock to us since I had my tubes tied after baby #4! I too felt completely unprepared, I thought we were done and I had gotten rid of EVERYTHING.
Things have a way of working out. We were of the opinion that baby #5 was just meant to be here (aren't they all though?).

This baby is on the way, and not much you can do about it now. If anyone is insensitive enough to criticize you about it, simply smile and tell them exactly that. "Things have a way of working out, and even though we were so suprised ourselves, we are still pretty excited about. This baby's on the way now and not much else we can do about it, except love them when they get here." Then if anyone still makes negative comments just smile and shrug your shoulders.

I am very happy for you, I wouldn't trade my littlest guy back in for all the money in the world, in fact I simply can't imagine our life without him now.

God Bless!

It's really no one's business but yours and your husband's! It's very thoughtless of others to have any comment at all. If you and your husband are really "done" I would recommend he "go to the vet" now before this one is born. We had 1, 2 and SURPRISE...3 wonderful girls. I wouldn't trade #3 surprise for anything! Congrats...it will all work out!

I agree with the other post (especially Nicole). Unless, these people are helping to raise your kids (doctor bills, feeding, clothing, schooling, keeping a roof over their head, etc) they really should "stay out of your bedroom" as my mom would say. She had six, I've got five. My mom and dad are upper middle class while I am mid to low and I don't think you can ever have enough (money, space, time)when it comes to kids...we love them unconditionally-the same way you try to love those relatives that always seem to have something negative to say about how we are living our lives.

It is no one's business how many kids you have. I'm assuming you will love and care for them all and can afford them all. I would respond with something snoty back...Like..."Well it's good my personal reproductive decisions are none of your business"!

A baby is almost always a blessing and people should behave accordingly!

Good luck!

Congratulations!

I am expecting my 5th, and when we told our parents, the reactions were all about the same, "What, another one?" (with the tone ("Are you crazy?!") I couldn't (and still can't) help it but laugh. It's almost too bad I couldn't see their faces (we told them over the phone since they live far away). I love my babies (9, 6, 4, 20 months, & one on the way), and I know they do, too, they just have to get used to the idea for a little while. After our second, they started asking if we were done, then began to get a little dubious with 3, more openly so with 4, and now with 5 the blow-up seems rather short-lived. They express surprise, then begin to look forward to the tiny addition as they sympathize or exclaim over how big I'm getting! :) (I gain lots of weight, but it's healthy, and I lose it afterward.) I just take in stride and laugh with them, and at them, and joke with them, and above all, enjoy myself. Our children are a precious gift, each and every one, and I am thankful for them all, as many as we are blessed with.

Good luck, and keep smiling! It will all work out all right. :)

K.,

The Lord works in mysterious ways, believe me. I have 4 children-24, 23, 16, 15. When we wanted to try for a 3rd, I found I was already pregnant. The 4th was a TOTAL surprise. Some people were happy and some not so happy. I responded to those that were not so thrilled with "I guess the Lord wants us to have another." Having the 4th just seemed to complete the family. And, everyone got used to it. Remember, He will never give you more than you can handle. Congratulations, take care and God Bless!

Congratulations...and I personally never care what anybody thinks (except my immediate family), period.
That baby was clearly meant to be and will, no doubt, end up being the light of your family. My third was born 6 years after my youngest and I could NEVER give my two older ones a greater gift. Enjoy the thrill of your news, because it is truly amazing :)