Advice on Having a Conversation About Having a Third Child

My three are now in their 30's ..37,36,34 and I love when they get together and reminice about their childhood... never does the subject come up of what they did or didnt have.. they just seem to talk about the fun and crazy things they did, the friends and the parties we had... It is a different world today that you are bringing up children in...
you have a big decision, try writing the pros and cons down on paper, maybe it will give you some insight seeing in black and white.

Hi there,

One thing I think you need to consider is your vehicle when making this decision. I have three children, 7, 5 & a 11 month old. I was going to trade in my minivan last year during the early part of the summer but found out I was pregnant with #3. So I had still contemplated getting a sedan but realized that you can't fit three car seats in the back. I needed two boosters & then an infant seat & no sedan that we looked at would fit all three.

The other thing is do you have room in your house? Having a baby you have all the baby items all over the house (ie: swing, pack-n-play, high chair). Don't get me wrong I was exstatic that I was having a third one but our home is very small. So we had to cut down on what we kept & what was passed on.

Daycare expense is another thing to consider, who will care for the baby when you go back to work? Who will watch all three kids when school is out for the summer? The time when there is no school or a delay? If you work from home then great, but if not then that creates a new problem.

I don't think that age would be a problem in having your third. These are just the few that I could immediately think of when I read your post. Good luck with your endeavor & I hope it turns out well for you.

M.

go on a datenight..Bring up the conversation and compare other families and talk about your pros and cons.. I am thinking about the same thing but, I am not sure what i want to do either.. it is different my girls are close in age.. 2.5 and 8 month old.
I kind of want another one because I came from a big family also of 5 and my husband just has another brother..
It sounds like we have a lot in common ahahahahah
Did you see my comment above just another brother.
See i would like my girls to grow up w/ big family and be able to have options and call her brother or her other sister.. ya know..

Actually I was just having this conversation earlier this morning. If I waited until I felt I had enough money before having kids I'd be sitting here childless at 51. Money was tight when I had just one and money was still just as tight when I had 4. Instead of looking at just one aspect of having another child you and your hubby need to step back and look at the overall impact a 3rd child would bring. Plenty of ways to scrimp (consignment shop clothes and safe used equipment) so money isn't as much of an issue but things like a bigger car, bigger house, daycare expenses, etc all need to be addressed.

J M

Whatever you do - when you HAVE the conversation, don't bring up the fact that twins are more likely as you age. It put our planning off a full year!

Don't bring up that more problems are likely to happen, especially if you are going to keep the baby no matter what. Bringing up expensive possibilities can send a person into a tailspin they don't recover from.

I hope you two find a happy medium you can both live with!
Good Luck,
M.

Hi JM,
I think it's wonderful that you are considering a third child. I had always thought that I would have three, but had to decide not to have a third and I'll always feel like there is someone missing. I am very thankful for the wonderful and healthy kids that I have.
I would say that if you are considering this, you need to act on it relatively quickly - it's not just the risks that go up, but your fertility declines. Trying to get pregnant at 41 can be very different than at 35.
I know that many people have given financial suggestions, but most pertain to baby things. People may give you their used stroller and buy you a bunch of baby clothes, but down the line, no one else is going to pay for your kids' swim lessons, haircuts or the $100 graphing calculator they need in 9th grade. Babies don't need all that much, it's the longer term things that you really need to consider. If you would stay home for some time with this baby, how would that impact your family, rather than you being at work for those years making a salary? Think of what it costs to outfit two kids each year and the school supplies, and add 50%, same for food once you have 3 big kids all eating food. If you want your kids to participate in sports, scouts, 4H, add up those costs for 3 kids, can you afford that? Do you want to pay for your kids to go to college? Can you do that for 3 kids, how would your decision affect those plans?
Good luck and I hope that you will be happy with your decision either way!

We had a surprise 3 child a little over a year ago. We already had a 8 year old and a 6 year old so when I first found out, I was actually quite depressed (my oldest is on the Autism Spectrum and chances for another kid to have issues were high). My husband comes from a family of 3 and I from a family of 2 kids. And the financial situation was a big concern (I had only saved the crib, changing table, baby books, and a few of my kids favorite toys). Plus we had to spring for a mini-van to fit the whole crew. Now that the baby is 21 months old - my husband and I couldn't imagine it any other way (well, maybe a little quieter around the house)! I love the fact I can send the 2 kids off to school during the day and spend lots of time with the baby, who is a very pleasant, mellow fellow.
It was a little rough to buy baby food and we can't wait till he is out of diapers because that will again be more money in our pockets. At the kids school and our church-by word of mouth - found out that we needed baby things and people were extremely generous. Between teachers, friends and family - this is the best dressed kid. (We have also received toys as well as clothes on our doorstep). I have organized bins for each age stuffed with clothes in the attic and only have to buy PJs and socks (as he will also start getting his brother's hand-me-downs once he gets into 6 years).
I have to say that despite the ultimate panic of paying bills at first (I stay at home and teach music lessons after school and my husband is a teacher with 2 other music directing jobs) we have squeaked out okay so far. No, it isn't easy and we are currently try to pay off the credit cards to give us some breathing space(not living from paycheck to paycheck) - but there will always be something. In weak moments I have even dreamed of having a 4th kid (my kids say there is room for more in the van) - but I now believe 3 is just right for us.
If you decide to go ahead with a 3rd kid, yes - it will put a stretch on your budget, especially at first, but there are always little things you can do before and after the baby to help alleviate many expenses (if you are open to hand-me-downs and any opportunities to make money). We had no choice and now we are glad our little one came along.
You have a choice, so make a list of pros and cons and really think out if this is what you guys want and can handle. Good luck!

I'm with Rita. Think of things long term, which will put it all into perspective. Not to minimize financial struggles, but as long as you have what you need, a few years of belt tightening are worth adding another family member forever. At least that's how I see it. Good luck in your decision.

Economics should only be a factor if you are not sure you could provide for a new baby at all. The economy and the rest of the world will always be unpredictable. If your husband is a wonderful father (and I'm sure he is), start by talking about what a great family you have now. It is not a guarantee that you would have more children even if you try, but ease in to the discussion by reminding him that if you do want one more, now is the time to try. Be prepared to accept if he is not comfortable with the idea, but it is also fair to you to have him consider it. It is not a decision to make with either person feeling pressured. Good luck!