Advice on Seperation Anxiety

Updated on July 06, 2008
J.O. asks from Sheffield Lake, OH
5 answers

Hi
I am really not a new mom, but do have a problem that I have not ever had to deal with
My grown son is 29 I adopted him at 11 ,and I am now raising my nephews child whom is 3 (I've have had him since he was 5 months old )
The problems is he is having anxiety attacks when I leave the house, if I leave him with my sister in law or the neighbor who is like a grandmother to him he does not to stay with anyone he cries and screams he settles down after about 20 mins but I feel so bad. And guilty . Any ideas on how to ease his stress . Thanks

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your advice ,I had to recently go out of town so a week beforeI left . I told him I would be leaving for a few days , I told him I would be back and keep reasuring him that I was coming back . He had a hard time when I left but I keep reasuring him That I was coming back . so as I left I gave him a special snack ,(That him and I picked out together earlier in the week ) as I left my brother was going to work in the yard so we had Joey (the 3 year old ) get involed with what he was doing and he wave bye and was very content. so Glad it went off with out a hitch. It was nice when I came home he came running to me saying how much he missed me which was wonderful . Thanks again everyone

More Answers

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C.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

Hello! I can not speak from a mothers oint of view, but I will share something with you...When my father was 47 he had a son, which was a half brother to me. When my half brother was 2 to almost 4, he did almost the same thing. Even though I visited almost every day from the time he was born, he was so upset if they left him with me, and even if I stayed there! He is now 5 and does a little better. I know it's common, and the advice is probably the same as you've heard before...have the sitter distract him from crying. Start a routine when you leave (maybe a book that you all three read together, a kiss, a high five, then out the door), be strong.
I am a SAHM to a 14 month old, who is VERY attached to me, so I'll be interested in reading the responses to this questions for later advice. Good Luck!

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B.R.

answers from Columbus on

J.,

It might be that he is having actual panic attacks, which is more than just separation anxiety. I don't know how they diagnose or treat panic attacks in children, but you should see the doctor and possibly a psychiatrist. Separation anxiety is one thing, but panic attacks would be a medical problem that you can't just expect him to toughen up and and deal with it on his own.

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S.R.

answers from Toledo on

Hello J.. I also think this is a normal behavior for his age. I only wonder if you are there during his attack? Some parents (myself included) hear the crying and then don't leave and (I know my daughter did) the child starts to learn that if they carry on and on they will eventually win in some way. I agree to set a routine, let him know you will be leaving and so and so will be here. Re-inforce that you love him and will return shortly. Then, when the time arrives for you to leave, give him a set of hugs and kisses, say good-bye, tell him how much you love him, and then (the hardest part of all) just leave. The longer the good-bye gets drawn out the more upset the child becomes and the longer until he calms down. Best of Luck, :)

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R.M.

answers from Mansfield on

I think thats very normal at that age. My daughter has done the same thing before. And time to time still does. So the day i need to drop her off to go about my day i will tell her in advance that she will be going to....and that i will not be gone long. She'll wine but its droped. Then at my babysitters house she will begin to cry and i clamly tell her we talked about this and i hv to go and i will be right back. Tell her i luv her and leave fast without prolonging the fight. It works she crys less and less eachtime after i left. She sees i do come back and i did prepare her before she had to go. Many kids do that. Ur not alone. My sister kids did that at the same age. Plus taking alot the childs fav. toy, movie , snack or something helps to comfort. It not a dr. mattter. Its a fit to see if they can win and stay. It will ease with time:D
good luck i hope what my sister got me to do and worked will work for u as well. Many parents even hit this come first time of school age too:)

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M.J.

answers from Cleveland on

Try leaving something with you perfume or smell on it< worked for my daughter, and as nurse I work nights and always call to say goodnight!! GOOD LUCK

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