My daughter, Breana, loves the water. She's been to the beach and the pool numerous times, playing fearlessly and happily. Today was her first official swim lesson. To this point, we had not dunked her head underwater yet, but she was used to getting her head wet or even her mouth in the water a bit. It was our hope that she would learn to dunk her head underwater during this class. Well, here's how it went the first 2 minutes of the class, literally:
Teacher says, "Hi, my name is Jamie. Come here Breana (my fearless daughter goes to her). 1 2 3 dunk! (Teacher blows in her face and dunks her underwater.)" No warning, no communication to me or my daughter, just dunk. My daughter came up hysterical and wanted to come back to me, would not let the teacher come near her for the rest of the class. My daughter is not shy around strangers, LOVES people, is very independent, and again, loves the water. For the remainder of the class, my daughter was terrified, cried, didn't want to try anything. Halfway through the class, she was crying, "All done. Out, out!" So we got out and sat on the side of the pool and watched. At the end of the class, the teacher told me that she would get a floatie tomorrow for her and see if she would be a little more independent with that, and she told me to try to get her comfortable with going under the water. I was so disappointed, not in my daughter, but with the "instruction." I am a teacher myself, and to me, teaching means providing strategies or methods to attain a certain goal, not just telling the parents the final result expected (going under water). Teach her! At this point, she has lost my daughter's trust.
Is this how it goes? Should I just step back and let my daughter cope through swimming "class," or should I be there to protect her and read her emotions?
I would be crushed if her love of water were diminished b/c the teacher expected too much too fast.
Another point to bring up was that my daughter was freezing! There are two pools here, one indoor (warm) and one outdoor. I was really surprised to learn that the class for her age was outdoors; it was 68% outside. After 15 minutes, my daughter's lips were blue and she was shaking uncontrollably. After class, I went and got her a full-body swim suit so she will stay warm tomorrow for class. I mentioned the cold to the instructor and she said, "Well, we would never make her stay in the water. She can get out of she's cold. This class used to be held one hour earlier in the day, and it was even colder then." I was thinking, "HELLO, I am not paying you for her to sit out and watch."
Am I expecting too much (b/c I am a teacher myself)???? What have been your experiences and what should I expect? Thank you.
Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words and insight. I have spoken with this instructor's manager about her methods and resigned from the class. The manager offered me one-on-one classes for my daughter with an instructor who will use gentle methods, and I am open to them.
My husband and I took Breana to the pool this evening with hopes of redeeming ourselves w/her and swimming, the indoor pool. I suggested he carry her in, since she may not be as trusting w/me given my presence during the swim class. She said, "No, mama," meaning she wanted me to take her in. Then she kind of jumped out of my arms to the little ladder to climb out of the pool. My husband and I were discouraged, thinking she was scared, but instead she said, "Mommy catch me!" and with my signal, she jumped in my arms! She got back on the ladder to repeat it, and I kind of helped her up until she said, "Mommy, I got it," meaning she didn't want my help! AH, we were so proud! She is far more resilient than I give her credit for, but I am very relieved not to be taking her to that class anymore! I still want her to learn, but I feel confident that I can teach her the basics myself, my ways, and if an instructor happens to come along that presents acceptable methods, I will be open to that also.
First of all 21 months is really too young to expect to swim. Actually doctors don't even recommend doing it that young. The most you should be doing with her is an introduction to water class. A mommy and me is really the best.
I would NOT take her back to that intructor ever again. That is the worst way to teach swimming and you will be lucky if you get her back in the pool this summer.
That sounds like a really crappy swim school all the way around. I would give them a piece of my mind and never go back. My daughters teacher was so patient and kind, and built the trust up before she showed them how to go under. She demonstrated and they learned by watching and doing, not by force. What a terrible way to get introduced to underwater. Call around and ask the methods used in the future. Poor little thing, I hope she gets up the courage to get back in. Keep looking til you find someone persistent in patience and who speaks calmly and displays confidence that your Breana will learn to trust. Good luck to you!
My Mama taught my sister and I how to swim, before we were even walking (a few months old). My sister was born in Sweden, and I was born near hot springs, so she taught us in the bathtub and in public baths/pools.
For TINY babies, the method she used was the blow in face, dunk method. Their hold-breath reflex still exists from being in the womb, so an infant can quickly grasp how to submerge, without choking or inhaling water.
I didn't do this with my own children, but they are in the process of learning to swim (seriously started age 2 and 3 1/2.) My technique, has it's foundation in fun and trust. The kids have to be excited AND fearless. We start each "lesson" by goofing around. The kids jump into my arms, I toss them around, we chase balls, I COMMEND them for their work, and when the're scared we take a step back. I LOVE to swim, so I can show them how much I am enjoying myself, and they take my example.
Once we've been mucking around for long enough, we'll start "unders". I'll put one sitting on the side, and the other one is in the pool by themselves with me. I'll throw a sinking object into the water, and make a game of grabbing it, "Oh look!!! The dinosaur is sinking!!! We've got to get the dinosaur or the pirates will ((silly song))! Ready? One, two, three ((while bobbing lower and lower)), AND UNDER!" Then we go down and grab the toy. Come back up! At first, my kids spluttered and whimpered a bit. Each time, I would tell them what an amazing, brave job they'd done! I'd say, "that was FANTASTIC, JUST FANTASTIC!!!" We kept on practicing, each time was easier. I was, for a period of time going to the pool almost every day. So their progress was really quick. At this point, I can put my eldest on my back and do "dolphin". She holds onto my neck and we push off from the pool and do butterfly kick back up to the surface.
My kids had to develop a trust and fun relationship with me IN the water, before they'd really let their fear of water go.
If it's possible, I'd suggest you start doing swimming lessons with her. Sounds like she'd enjoy it a lot more, if she already trusted the instructor.
Good Luck!
My son thoroughly enjoyed his early water classes. He began at about 21 months & continued until we moved to a small town without facilities.
His instructor never, ever behaved as yours did. BUT she did encourage & instruct the kids on "how" to submerge & required them to do so before they could pass her class.
She also taught the kids proper strokes & expected them to do it. Every child in her class could swim by the end of the 8week program. She taught in a way which the kids enjoyed, embraced.....& 20+ years later - still use.... that's how well she taught those strokes!
Demand your money back and find a new swimming class! If this is your only swimming class option, just keep taking her to the pool and beach yourself. It will be much better!!!
My son has been going to swimming classes for about 6 months now and I never ever saw an instructor behave like that! And they only have indoor heated pools for kids that age, and even then sometimes they are shivering when they come out of the pool, so I cannot imagine an outdoor pool!
I'm glad she was able to recover from the experience, unfortunately my son was unable to recover from a similar experience and this led to a serious fear of water. Finally when he was 6 I found Infant Swim Resource. They focus on teaching the skills needed for survival in the water if the child ever fell in. Back floating is the most important skill needed for water safety. They even have the kids jump in the pool with full winter gear before they can graduate. Fast forward to the next summer and we are starting over agian. I finally last summer found an amazing teacher who taught in her home that finally was able to overcome all his fears and now he loves to swim and jump in the pool even in the deep section! I would interview each new teacher to find out their teaching style and be patient it will come.
I taught swimming and that is not appropriate for any age child (not even an adult would be forced to dunk their head in the first 5 minutes). I would not return to that class. Trust is very important, but it may take some time to undo what has happened. At that age, I would start by letting them put their face in on their own (as much as they felt comfortable with). The way I got their head wet was from sitting on the side of the pool and gently pulling them off by the upper arms (but we started with only splashing their mouth the first day, eyes the second and worked up to the whole head by the 3rd or 4th lesson). If the water is not at least 75 degress, then I think it's too cold for kids (and adults). I was miserable in cold pools, imagine how your daughter felt.
While there may children who are 21 months old who can swim like fish and do the float underwater thing like the neat videos show... my son, currently 5-1/2, was NOT that child. And I fretted over it, because I had not had much experience in the water growing up and no lessons and thus am a weak swimmer myself, who hates to get water in my eyes or nose. I desperately do not want to pass that hesitance in the water to my children so I tried to start him young, too, with the mommy-and-me lessons... it didn't go very well at all! We had very similar difficulties (but involving ME, alas) and some resulting toddler-defiance on his part. He still liked the water for the next couple of summers but resisted going out with me or any further than the steps for quite a while, then ALWAYS had to have his swimmies on.
But, miracle of miracles, last summer he saw another little boy who was 3, a year younger than him, throwing himself into a hotel's hot tub with abandon and LOVING it. That marked the start of his "fish" days. Since the water was warm, we got rid of that obstacle ("I'm cold, mom!") and the example of a little boy who was unafraid and having fun encouraged him greatly (instead of mom just "pushing his boundaries"). Very quickly that week he progressed from swimmies and the shallow end to no swimmies, doggie paddling and jumping into the deep end! (You have to understand this was a HUGE big deal.)
Throughout this journey, I should mention, we provided plenty of toys and a variety of floaties throughout his various comfort levels, played games, offered incentives (this summer, he earned diving sticks for touching the bottom of the shallow end and now he's an avid "diver"), let him wear goggles (but also required that he not wear them all the time), etc., etc. I think the biggest thing for him was just that last summer and this summer, we have had ACCESS to a pool more than ever before. And the weather has been nice and the water warm where we've been (Florida and Houston, lots of hotels as we travel with my husband for business). Also, hot tubs. I limit the amount of time they can spend there, of course, but for my son when he was a little younger and now for my 2-1/2 year old daughter, the hot tub is nice to warm up and play in more comfortable water and depths (when adults aren't enjoying it and when it's not unbearably hot for the kids).
So, all this said, my son started to love the water at age 4, last summer. Then, much to my surprise given my adjusted expectations, my oldest daughter loves it this summer, at age 2. AND my youngest daughter loves it now at age 1 and just giggles or shakes water out of her face. We took her to the ocean several times this past month and she crawls straight out there, gets knocked over by waves, tumbles, gets water in her face and nose and just gets back up again and keeps going. (Her fearlessness can actually be a little worrying for me... I really have to keep a close eye on her! But I love it at the same time.) I think my girls have had an easier time with the water than my son for several reasons (maybe personality is a factor). First, they have my son to look up to and all they see on his face is pure enjoyment plus he is a very sweet encouraging child and always wanting them to play with him. Second, we've had access more often and to warmer pools/weather than when my son was younger (and we had to go to the YMCA or such). (Also, my youngest daughter got to be introduced initially to the water at two pools with a zero entry end... perfect!)
Third, I think I learned better not to "push." I had these expectations for my son and waffled between "he can do this!" and "be patient, he's not ready." I was a first time mom and didn't know WHAT to do and didn't want to let him down by underestimating him. But I think he came to dread pool times, because we'd clash, the water wasn't very comfortable temperature-wise and he didn't entirely trust that mama was going to honor his wishes. And while I was, of course, keeping him safe, I'm sure he sometimes didn't FEEL that way ... like I'm thinking your daughter must feel about that instructor, putting her underwater like that. I guess I thought that if I acted like that sort of thing was no big deal despite his tears, my son would think "oh, this must be okay..." but instead he just started to fight me more and not trust me when I'd say he'd be okay. He knew I was going to try to get him to do something outside his comfort zone, even if I didn't MAKE him, I was going to PUSH for it.
I finally have learned (and am learning) to be more patient with each of my individual children's learning styles, abilities and fears... there's a fine balance between honoring those and encouraging them to step beyond them. I just don't think it can be forced and I really think you have to protect their trust of you. You can explain and show and comfort that the water is okay and that she'll be okay... but I wouldn't let the instructor do something to her that she doesn't like. Honestly, from my personal experience so far, I'd say just get a pool membership and take her often to play, with you and other children, not have "instruction" until she's comfortable in the water. We're going to get my son lessons this summer, after we move, so he can start to learn different strokes. But he's finally completely comfortable in the water (spends more time under it than above it!) and his ability to understand and follow directions from an instructor is LOADS better than it's ever been before.
So, anyway, that's been my experience and that's my advice. :) Remember, you know your daughter better than the instructor and you care for her more than the instructor ever could. Trust you instincts (as I didn't) and protect your trust relationship with her first and foremost. :) And have fun together. If it's not fun, don't force it. If you can't get your money back, just play in the water together during the lessons doing what she's comfortable doing. Those mommy-and-me lessons we took when Hayden was 2-1/2 were some of the WORST experiences for me -- and I'm sure for him, too. Don't let that happen to you, too.
Blessings!
PS-- oops! Just saw your "what happened" note. Wonderful! I'm glad you got out of those lessons, into better ones, and I KNOW how blessed your heart was by your daughter leaping into your arms. Way to go, Mama! :)
Hi, H. -
So sorry this happened to your daughter. This is a tough one, but the bottom line, in my opinion, is that you need a different swim school. This one doesn't sound like a good fit. My kids have all learned at SwimKids USA and we've loved our experience there. The instructors are encouraging and supportive, and firm when they need to be. Two of my girls were fearful and tearful,(not from anything the teacher caused) and we just had to push past it. Sometimes all it took was me leaving the pool area to calm them down. Don't know why that works, but it does.
Your daughter needs to learn to swim. It's so very important. That said, it doesn't need to be a traumatic experience. Good luck, Mom. Check our SwimKids!
ISR (Infant Swim Resource) is amazing. Please check it out http://www.infantswim.com/ My 10-month old niece can roll to her back and float when she falls in the pool. My 3-year-old can swim, float, swim until she reaches the edge of the pool.
