Advice on When to Start Daycare

I put my daughter in a home daycare setting with only a few kids when my daughter was 6 months old. I am also a teacher and I was home with my daughter for the 1st 6 months. The 1st couple months I took her to daycare was hard, but I am use to it now (13 months old)and realize that my daughter loves playing with the kids there. I don't think I could put my daughter in a big daycare, because I feel like it is less personal, but thats just me. I did look at a few of them, but also got sick to my stomache thinking of leaving her at a big daycare facility. It is much easier at 6 months, because at 1 year they become more difficult, picky, clingy etc... My daughter has been with the same lady for 7 months and loves her so much. The great thing about being a teacher is tons of time off-It is not a typical full-time job, so don't feel guilty if you have to go back to work.

God's design is for mothers and fathers to raise babies. That is why moms find it "tears their heart out" to leave their little ones in daycare. Its supposed to. Babies need moms and moms need babies.
Please spend as much time as possible with your son. No matter how tight finances are it will be worth it. Your husband will probably thrive on being the "man" and providing for the family also. No matter how normal two income families have become, in truth a man is hardwired to want to provide. It always tears down their ego a bit when they have to rely on their wife for money.
If you can only stay home for another year, then do that. If you can stay home for two more, do that. Do what is right for you, but remember if it is tearing you up to leave your baby what do you think its doing to him?

Meredith, I started both of my children in full-time daycare when they were about six months. I'm not going to say it wasn't hard - my daughter in particular had major separation anxiety - and the guilt was tremendous. But we couldn't financially afford for me to stay at home since my husband was finishing up grad school.

The upside is that my children were fortunate to have loving primary care providers at the daycare and have really blossomed! My daughter's separation anxiety, which lasted well until she was two and a half, has gone away and she is a happy, well-adjusted kid who usually forgets to kiss me goodbye when I drop her off at pre-k. On my end, I work hard to carve time out after work and the weekends to focus on them, which helps balance the time we spend away from one another.

I do think that starting a child in daycare at 18 months is more difficult. Based on my kids' development, they are more aware of your leaving and may feel more distress, especially if they haven't had much contact with other children or adults as infants. It can be done, of course! It just requires more time initially to make them comfortable. Good luck!

In my humble opinion, I would say go with your gut instinct. You can start introducing him to daycare earlier than 18 months and maybe do a little part time work if it feels right, but 6 months is quite young. There is no one right answer when it comes to raising children.
I found when my girls were under 1 year old, I often had to take time off work for one reason or another anyway because they got sick a lot being so young and being in day care they were exposed to all kinds of illnesses which was hard on their immature immune systems. I wished I had the option to stay home, and even though my youngest daughter had been in day care since 5 months old, she still went through some separation anxiety when it came to preschool which was perfectly normal and we got through it.
I was able to find a balance part time work when they were about 1 and 2 years old. They had some social time and I had some work time. Even now, I am grateful that I can stay home (I work from home) so I am most often available if they need me or to be involved in their school and my babies are now 10 and 11.
Trust yourself and you'll find the right answer.

Many Blessings!

have you thought about a nanny? this post was kind of old so i don't know if you figured it out already. I was a nanny before i had my son and the family i worked for chose to get a nanny because it was the second best thing to staying home. The baby gets to stay home, where he is comfortable and familiar.

Hi M.,

My litle girl is 9.5 months old and she has been in daycare since she was two months. I was a mess everyday leading up to when I had to go back to work- I remember being on the phone with my mom sobbing about how I couldn't do it. Whenever we walked the dog I made us change our route because I couldn't stand to walk past the place. It was a decision I was forced to make based on finances and how much time my employer was willing to give me off, and man it was difficult, but now, in many ways, I am happy for it.

My little girl is completely as ease at her "school" and is well loved by the teachers there. She has her little friends and I have made some good friends amoung the other parents. I see new (older) kids come in and have such a dificult time adjusting and I feel for them. When they start young, they don't know the difference, but the older they get, the more difficult it will be for you both because your heart will break when you have to leave them crying. Trust me, I was a mess everytime I left my little girl for probably three or so weeks, but at least only one of us was a mess. So if you are confident that daycare is the route that is best for your family, sooner than later is my experience. If you can do a part-time situation for a few weeks, that might be helpful too. I did that for two weeks, and it made the transition a little easier for me. While we were paying full time day care rates, I left work after four hours to go get my girl. I don't think I ever drove the speed limit I was so anxious to go get her.

Best of luck to you- it's a really hard decision for us moms...

~ J.

You'll probably hear all sides of this but in my opinion the more time you can be home with babies and toddlers the better! When I began having children (18 years ago) I thought 2 working parents was well and good and kids would be perfectly happy in daycare and I would be bored at home so I would just work.

I HAD to work anyway 'cause my first husband dumped me when my 1st son was 1 year old (and I hadn't worked since I'd had him), and my 1st son's personality was such that he was perfectly fine with daycare -- the first day I dropped him off he didn't so much as whimper the whole day. When he was 3-1/2 I quit work to have my second child (the cost of 2 kids in daycare kind of outweighed what I was making), and while my son had never cried at daycare I quickly realized that all he had ever wanted was to be with me -- and I changed my belief about daycare 180 degrees. If you HAVE to work then of course do it, but if you don't have to the more time they get with mommy the better it is for them.

Your instincts are telling you something -- and they are right!! Don't worry about the future yet, just stay with your baby.

Hi M.-
I just wanted to share my experience from both sides. I am a former preschool teacher, current nanny and mommy. As a teacher I'm sure you have seen plenty of tears from both moms and children, on that first day, maybe even the first week, but adjustments are made and routines are established. Both my daughter and the girl I nanny for are 19 months. The little girl has been in childcare of some sort since she was six months old. She had a very easy time adjusting when I came into the picture (with my daughter) at one year. My daughter on the other hand who has never really been separated from me, with the exception of her grandma babysitting, has a bit of difficulty adapting to situations without me there. A positive though, is that she has always been socially exposed since I have nanny for another child almost her whole life.
If financially possible, maybe look into a nanny situation or a stay at home mom wanting to watch another child. You can do backround checks, fingerprinting, the works and always go with your gut. If you do stay home for a little while longer this is also a way that you can supplement your income while also exposing your son to other children, especially since you have the backround in education.
If you do go with child care sooner than later, your son will be fine. Obviously it will be harder on you than him, but with the millions of moms that do it, you'll be okay too. He will have a little more difficulty at 18 months being more aware and possibly having a higher teacher child ratio and less individual attention.
Go with your heart. I found, when faced with the decision of putting my daughter in childcare if I was to go back to teaching preschool, that I couldn't justify being with other people's children all day and not my own daughter.
Good luck. Best wishes.

Just wanted to give my two cents... I think that the earlier they start, the easier the transition (for them). It will be hard, don't get me wrong, but my son started daycare when he was 3 months old and adapted very well. He is now 16 months and I see how difficult it is for new children in his class. After 1 year I think toddlers get used to their at-home routine, used to being with their parents, not used to being around other children all day, not used to sharing attention/toys/etc... the structure and social aspect of daycare is completely foreign to them and it can be scary. They eat, nap, do group activities at specific times each day in the toddler room vs. the infant room there is no set schedule, the infants control when they eat, sleep, play, etc. When my son started we were just beginning to establish an at-home routine so it was easy for him to go with the new flow of daycare. Obviously he was not verbal/mobile at 3 months so he learned social skills through his interaction with peers at daycare. For us, this worked well. I understand each child is different, just wanted to give you another perspective :) Good luck with your decision. I think most of the time it's much harder on mommy than child.

Stay home with your children as long as you possibly can! I think it's baloney to say "the baby sleeps a lot anyway" or "it's easier to start daycare early". Noone loves your child the way you can. I've been on both sides-working full time with kids, and part time with kids, and being home. There's no comparison to being home. I combined FMLA time (12 weeks paid, allowed BY LAW in CA)with vacation time,...then my husband took 12 weeks FMLA time, which he LOVED...so our youngest baby was 8 months old before she had a babysitter. Through contacts with family and church, she wont have to be in a traditional "child care" facility.
I just didn't want to have any regrets. A co-worker (male) said his wife "wanted a career". Well after their first baby was in day-care for 2 years and was sick all the time, he quit and started a flexible home-based business. He always felt so guilty about having his daughter in day-care, but was then able to have her at home, totally loving it.
At my kids' school, one of the Kindergarten classes had job-sharing teachers in your situation...so they are out there. Hey, what about working for a charter school for home schooled kids?...
Good luck...your baby is only a baby for a VERY SHORT TIME!
K

Boy can I empathize with you (as can every mother that leaves their child in daycare). With my first, when I started looking at centers I also broke down bawling in the car. I eventually found a center I really liked and I had the ability to only leave him for about 4 hours for the first month or so because I worked from home with him the other hours. Those baby steps (no pun intended) helped me and him adjust. He was 6 months old. He did great, had a lot of fun with the other babies, and really socialized. He is now 3 years old and in different Montessori school and is doing awesome - he's never really known any different so even transitioning him to a new center was pretty easy. I now also have a 9 month old that I put into the Montessori school when he was 6 months old. It was way easier the 2nd time because I knew he would be fine, would be loved and would have fun. Plus, at 6 months old they sleep a lot - he still sleeps for at least half of the time he is there and then he spends time eating and then the rest playing, having circle time, doing "art", etc. There are days that if I think about it too hard it makes me sad so I just try not to think about it.

I think there are pros and cons to both options. The time between 6-12 months is soooo fun. They are more social, learning to crawl and walk, etc. So its an awesome time to hang out with your baby and really experience it. The downside is I do think it will be harder at 18 months because they are much more cognizant of being left than they are at 6 months. Maybe if you're able to ease him into it before going full time it would work. They are social little creatures and also they have to learn to get along with the others. I did find that when my first son transitioned into the toddler room at 18 months that is when things started getting a little more physical with the kids - sharing toys, pushing each other around, being out on the little playground, etc. For my son he was used to it already and he knew the kids - for someone just coming into that environment it might be a little intimidating at first.

But with all that said - the one thing I've learned as a mom is there is no right answer and you go with your gut and believe in your decision and don't look back. Your confidence and happiness will trickle down to your son. Kids are very adaptable and while if you wait until 18 months there might be a slightly rough transition period, he'll eventually do great.

Good luck!!