Advice with Holding Back or Pushing Forward a Child in School

I was in a similar situation with my son, although he was a little older.

We decided to take the psychologists advice, that he was possibly acting out becasue he was bored in school. "If they want me to be a baby i will". The following year my son was in a different school, and the teachers immediately saw that he needed more stimulation throughout the day, and formulated a plan for him. His IQ ( I know pigeonholing...blah!) was in the well-gifted range.

Now he is old enough to speak up, and tell the teachers he's bored with this (math for example), and als to realize that sometimes he just has finish his work, and wait...

I don't know if this will help you, but I hope it gives you at least another opinion.

I agree that if your daughter can do the work. Do not hold her back. I suggest that you encourage her and remind your daughter that she is a big girl. Do not listen to the teacher listen to your heart and the doctors. In this case, the doctors are right.

Research shows that children who are held back at a young age often do better in school, even in high school and college. On the other hand she might mature over the summer, and end up completely bored next year. Do you have to decide now? My advice would be to put this decision off as long as possible; at least until the end of the year. There are 4 more months of school. Maybe if you worked with the teachers to set up some sort of behavior modification plan she could mature as necessary to be ready for 1st grade. Good luck! I'm sure you will make the decision that's best for your daughter :)

Hi. My advice would be to move her ahead. If she is doing well academically I don't see why the teacher would want to hold her back. I'll bet she will rise to the ocassion next year. The stigma of being held back will follow her forever, even if it was in kindergarden. Just curious is her birthday a summer birthday. I've know teachers who right from the get go assume the student will be behind be cause they are one of the youngest.

This is a difficult situation because the maturation issue is critical, and so is keeping them challenged. A (very good) neuropsychologist I once worked with always advised parents to keep their children back because even if they were ahead at the beginning, once they get into certain subjects (mainly math), they start to fall behind a bit. His reason to hold them back is their maturity level and the fact that they can't communicate as well with others at that same level (if that makes sense). They will most likely always be physically smaller and less mature.

But then you don't want her to not be challenged, either. This is why so many students who are actually really smart start to do poorly in school. They are not challenged enough, start to lose interest in class, and then possibly start acting up.

I am by no means an expert, but if it were my child, I would hold her back, but make sure she was academically challenged in some way. My SIL has a really smart 4 year old who stays with the other kids his age, but she supplies more challenging material to work on (and the teachers are willing to help).

Good luck! Remember, if you make a decision and it's not working out well, you can always change your mind!

I have the exact same situation. I have a 5 year old daughter in a small Christian school in K-5 this year too. She is leaps and bounds above the others academically, but her social skills are far behind the others. She has been with the same children for two years now and I am concerned that if I hold her back that she will have to start all over again with new kids next year. I think that I am going to let her go on to first grade next year because I am more worried that she won't be challenged and grow bored if I hold her back. It's a tough call. Only you know your child well enough to know if it is a big enough problem to hold her back.

E.,
We were in the same boat with our now 8 yr.old son. At 4 we were getting hints from those in his preschool that we might want to think about 2 ys. of kindergarten because of his behavior, i.e. impulsivity, lack of focus, etc. Academically is was on target (as much as a 4yr. can be). He has an Aug. birthday which would put him as one of the youngest in the class to begin with. Needless to say, it was a daunting decision because it affects so many other aspects down the road. My husband and I consulted every parent or professional we could find who was in a similiar situation.

The very best advice we got was from my sister who has slightly older kids...you may not notice it in the early school years but by 3rd or 4th grade, the younger kids tend to be the followers and the older ones are the leaders. That pretty much locked in our decission. With all the challenges a kid faces down the road we definitley do not want our kids to be a follower.

We kept him at his private preschool for "5 yr. old kindergarten" and then off to public school for "6 yr. old kindergarten". He is now in second grade and doing very well both academically and socially. Our greatest obstacle was keeping him academically challenged - but the school has done pretty well on that front. He is a leader in the class and both the teachers and the other kids look to him for direction. We could not have been happier with our decision. He is a true success.

I've read alot of the advice from the other mothers to you. Most of it makes sense- there are arguements to be made for both sides of the issue since there will be positive and negative effects down the road. My daughter is quite young, so I am not in your situation yet, nor will I be (I will be home schooling my child); but if you do keep your child back, be ready to challenge her with extra learning at home. It's always good to teach our children more than they get at school (especially in GA), but when you are dealing with a child that is a natural leader and naturally intelligent, you are asking for trouble to NOT give them the extra skills and weapons they crave and need to take over companies like Microsoft in 20 years( haha). If your child is truly a leader, she will continue this path- I would make sure to challenge her and guide her so that she continues down that path in the right way.

This is just my opinion, but I find that private schools are really big on trying to hold kids back or get rid of them unnecessarily. I was 4 in kindergarden, and they wanted to hold me back not becuase I wasn't smart enough, but they said I wasn't emotionally mature. I think there is a wide variation of maturity in kindergarden just as there is a wide variation in reading skills. They all seem to catch up by the end of first grade unless there's a learning disability. I'd give it time, and if you still have problems next year, do it then.

I have limited experience with this but, what experience I do have says let the child progress forward. Holding the child back won't help academically (which you said wasn't a problem anyway) and it really won't help them mature better/sooner. It will make them reluctant to do well academically the second time, and will make them the "bully". It will also cause more issues as the child gets older and is the oldest child in his/her grade - peer rejection, name calling, lower self confidence, etc. Each child matures at their own pace and making them repeat a grade level won't help with that. It may not be a mautration issue, it may just be an issue with adjusting to new social situations, adjusting to "dealing" with peers, and peer pressure (even at this age).

Good luck!

My situation with my daughter was similar. She is now 4 years old, but not old enough to have started pre-k this year. My other daughter is 5 and was the right age for pre-k. I decided to start both girls in private pre-k this year. At first my youngest had tantrums to get her way, but that never happens now. She is one of the top students in math and spanish. The reason we started my younger daughter was because she was already starting to read at three, but our concern was her maturity. The teachers and headmaster have worked alot with me and now she seems as mature as the others and is very happy with school. She even asks to stay longer. I hope this helps and I believe that whatever choice you make will work out for your child.

Good Luck.

K.

E.,

This is a tough decision. I am coming with my advice as both a teacher and a person who was kept behind.
My parents were asked to keep both my younger brother and I back at the same age as your child. The decision was made to keep me back. I am all the more grateful for it - I was a stronger student and was a leader in the class. My brother (7 years younger) was not kept back because my parents felt that he would be bored and not challenged as he went through school. The wall hit around 6th grade and problems started at school with behavior and school work. It was a never ending battle my parents had to fight with him up until his sophmore year in high school. At that time, his math teacher had contacted my parents and I spoke with him, being I teach high school math also. It took an army of us to get him on track and me sitting at with him while he did his work (he could do it but maturity would not "allow" him). There are still times where you can see the difference between he and his friends though he is grown and out of college.
As a teacher, I see this quite often and can almost pick out those who were pushed ahead. I know high school is far off but it is something to think about. High school is a very tough time for many students academically and socially without their "bodies" interfering with it. This is when the students end up having a hard time made harder if they are not mature. If it comes down to whether or not sh eis challenged enough, there are many things you can do at home to challenge the student and many teachers are willing to help if you ask!!

Dear E.,

I read your request and wanted to let you know that both my brother and I were held back because maturity/fine motor skills delays and it was the best decision my parents made. My mom, who is a teacher, really could see a difference in our performance and behavior. And, instead of hating school, we both grew to love it (as much as little kids can). Good luck with your decision! Thanks M.

We learn from our peers and I agree if she can do the work allow her the opportunity to be around her peers so she may mature it is probably just a stage and there will be many more ultimately it is up to your and your husband you too know your daughter best and you should do what you feel is the best for her. I was held back in the 2nd grade and to be honest I needed it due to my grades I just wasn't getting it I was too social but I wouldn't think that would of been wise if my grades weren't an issue but thats just "a for instance". Advice is good it helps us see the whole picture but quiet the opinions and picture your daughter and follow your instincts! I hope all the best good luck!

Hi E.
I am having the same problem with my 5 year old her name is E.. I was thinking about holding her back she is the youngest in her class and the smallest and won't be six until July. She knows the work but she wont do it if she doesn't want to. I have talked to her teacher on several occasions and they suggest letting her move on up to 1st grade next year. They said that she will probably mature more over the summer. They did not want to hold her back if she knows the work because they are afraid that she might get bored and then she will back to where she is now not doing it. I have decided to let her go on to the 1st grade and if it is not working out then I will keep her back in first. I don't want to let her get to overwelmed but I am hoping that her teacher is right and she will mature more over the summer. Good luck with your decision. Always do what you feel you should do, you know your child better than anyone else.

J. S. (Moultrie)

Without question repeat K-5.
I talked to many doctors, teachers, ect....
The majority said hold them back to mature now.
It will make all future years of school easier on the child. Other children won't make a big deal out of it like they would if it was first grade.
I have heard many parents say they wish they had held their child back at this age but never heard any say they made a mistake in holding their child back at this age. I made one of mine repeat K-5 and am so thankful for all the people that encouraged me to do so. It was a hard decision at the time but the right one. My child could do all the work and got along with the other children but just didn't seem mature enough. I have seen children taken back to K-5 after starting 1st grade due to not being ready.
Good Luck,
R.