have a 3 1/2 year old son who's been attending pre-school for the last
4 months. His teacher during the daytime (8:15-3:00) says my son is well-behaved during the time she has him. She has minimal problems with him. He is having a real bad behavorial problem with the teachers in the aftercare program (3:00-5:00). He is not listening, hitting the teachers, taking off his shoes, just plain on misbehaving. It's baffling to me because he is well-behaved during school hours. My mother in-law suggests that it may be a long day for him. I have to work and I have no one to pick him up at 3:00 so it's hard for the both of us. The school suggested I buy a booster seat with a strap so they can put him in the seat when he misbehaves but I think that will make the matter worse and I don't think it's safe to do that. I am at my witts end because I don't know what to do. Please help.
I am in the process of finding another after care program for him for the summertime. I think it's the teacher that he doesn't like. They call me to pick him up from school for every little thing. Thanks for everyone's advice.
i say dont let them put your son in a seat strapped in. thats just horrifying and if they suggest that then maybe you should begin looking for another after school program for him. it could be he has problems with another child in that daycare or maybe its the teacher. also i agree with your mother its gotta be a long hard da for him he could be exausted by then too. just needs a nap. good luck
DO NOT GET THAT SEAT!!! DO NOT!!
and do not give them permission to use one.
Think about when you are upset, would it help you to be tied down? And don't be fooled, that is what they are doing, just putting it into nicer words. That type of behavior management is outdated and reserved for children with severe behavior difficulties/disabilties- does that sound like your child? If they work with children they need to come up with different behavior managment techniques- or you need to find a different after care.
Couple of things to think about, and they need to help you answer (maybe they can start keeping a log)
-When does the behavior happen
-What behavior is observed
-What happens just before the behavior
-What has been tried to calm him?- does it work or make it worse?
I agree with your mother in law. I have a 3 year old son who turn into a different kid at 3:00. I now feed him dinner at 4:30 because I know he is at his wits end at the time! And he is an easy going kid all the rest of the time! What works for us is playing outside & reading.
Maybe the after school program can feed him right when he gets there- a good high protein snack, like turkey or a sandwich, something substantial. and maybe let him watch a nice show, something calm- not action related or violet at all! This can give him a little decompression time.
Sounds like you have a good kid who is being asked to do a lot for a kid his age. Good Luck!
Your son's behaviour is very confusing. It seems that he is very unhappy about something in the aftercare program, structure, teacher, etc. Remember that at this age, even if he is very verbal, he is learning how to express his emotions, and, he may not be able to express deep discontent. I would talk to his teacher about the specific situations that trigger his misbehaviour, snacks, down time, outside play, etc, and work out a plan to change it.
I would definitely not go for a seat where he is strapped. As a matter of fact, that suggestion from the teacher just speaks volumes of her. She seems to be authoritarian, and in my own experience, that does not work with young children who are just learning to listen, and to follow instructions.
I was in the same situation a few months ago, where my 4 years old son would behave nicely in his other activities, and not well in a home school program, with other 3 kids, we had at homee. After terminating the home schooling, the problem ended. It turned out that he was very unhappy about his teacher, and the structure set up (the school was set up by the teacher more geared towards girls than for a boy play). The teacher was somewhat authoritarian, and not proactive at all, and, did not believe in redirecting the children when issues arose. He is doing really well at his new school.
I totally understand your frustration and impotency. I hope this whole situation is resolved soon.
D.
I don't have kids in daycare but even after naps 3-7 is the hardest part of the day...and our RED ZONE...everyone from my mom, husband and friends know this is not the time to call my house...the big kids are home from school and the little ones and I are tired from a long day.... my guess is if the teachers and kids are changing and your son has already been there all day, it's just too much. He may not like the teacher or it maybe too chaotic (if extra kids are coming after school). I wouldn't strap him down...maybe give him an extra snack or a quite thing to do(puzzle/color)...if this doesn't help is it possible to move him into another class to see if that helps? Do they play outside, it seems to me no matter how tired my kids are they do better outside....I don't know if this helped and I'm sorry I have no magical advice but hang in there...this to shall pass...
One last thought...if this just started check his mouth....4yr molars could be a reason for sudden over sensativity
Hi C.,
With just that information, I would say the same as your mother in law. Children have limits too, and that is a very long day for a child. He may not be able to transition well, or maybe doesn't feel as comfortable with the different staff. Maybe he doesn't get enough rest through the day, or maybe he has just had enough.
I think the restrictions they are suggesting are awful. You may be creating a very difficult situation in terms of anger and resentment.
Little childrens needs change from day to day, moment to moment. This long a day in a structured situation is not natural for kids. I would think you need to re-evaluate his day and your options.
Good luck.
