Alcohol,Weening, Depression and All That Jazz

*le S.*, yes, there are serious pluses to breastfeeding. Bonding, nourishment, convenience, less expense. All worth some regret.

But not worth beating yourself up over, sweetheart. I suspect this depression thing has been working at you for a long time, and your daughter may be picking up on your mood. Babies are sensitive, and will often notice a mom's feelings even when the mom is doing her darndest to buck up.

Will you please do a few things things for yourself and your daughter?

1. Keep trying to breastfeed – get professional advice if you can. Your milk supply may increase again. Keep snuggling your baby close to you. She needs that contact as badly as you do.

I traveled to the Middle East with my first husband when my daughter was 7 months old. Suffered from dysentery the entire 6 weeks, and my milk dried up. It was awful for me; I wanted so badly, like you, to keep nursing. But I did keep offering my breast, and my daughter did use me as a lovey, a pacifier. Even dry nursing was a source of contentment for her. I would have given anything to get my milk back, but few women were breastfeeding in those days, and there were no lactation consultants. So it was what it was. I regretted the loss deeply, but that's not the same thing as what you're describing. I didn't hate what I had done to us, I just kept on mommying the very best I could, and it was good enough.

2. Keep working on that depression, and I don't mean keep working on deepening it. That will work against a secure bonding with your daughter, and kids who grow up with depressed moms often suffer for it later. Google this if you want to hear the studies. So if you feel helpless to turn it around without help, talk to your doctor. She/he will suggest steps you can take, medication and/or talk therapy. This is something you owe yourself and your child. Not getting help will really be letting her down.

3. You sound really, really low. Alcohol is known to deepen depressive thinking in many people. Please stop using it to patch up your feelings. It's not working. Honest.

4. The stories you're telling yourself are only making it all worse, too. Honest. Your thinking has turned you into a woman who has cheated herself and her child out of infancy's greatest joy, and your daughter into a "fussy little monster?" Those thoughts hurt both of you.

Sorry, sweetheart, if I sound bossy here. But you have just admitted to the whole world that you have completely lost all perspective, and it's eating you up. Get help. Get help. Get help.

OMG. New baby little support for breast feeding. Call Le Leche League ....there's more than one branch in Bakersfield. Quit drinking alcohol as nothing spoils breast milk faster and then get on the regime they give you.
Milk can be restarted. I know personally since I dry nursed for a couple of hours and swelled up with milk.
As for the grandparents stand up to them. Don't leave your baby overnight for any reason whatsoever. You can go for a few hours or a full day but be there at night so she has the security of her Mom.
If your BF does not agree there is something wrong with him. When you have a baby it's time to grow up. Usually one of the parents does and it's the mother. So if BF still wants to have fun, fun, fun and take you away alone on weekends he's not ready to be a father.
You don't need wine country you need babyswim at the Y where you can meet other mothers. As for this guilty thing....NO GUILT. Move on. And, call LeLeche League those women have heard it all and they are super helpful.

Well...are you sure you want to give up? Get some advice from a pro if you're interested in continuing to BF.

IF nursing is over for you, I think you DO have to keep in mind that there are many other ways to comfort, show love and care for your daughter than solely BFing.

Good luck to you!

You can probably still nurse if you really want to. It's happened to many of us, milk supply dwindles now and then but it can always be brought back up to par unless you can't get your baby to nurse at all, which I dont know why one wknd would do that, but I suppose it can it happen if it happened to you. Maybe your baby just self weened early.... and think of the moms that are ready to stop nursing and cant get their babies to stop. tit for tat. kay sa ra sa ra, whatever will be will be.
Enjoy your wine :) and be thankful that bottles dont last forever.

I totally agree with Grandma T! If you still want to nurse, then get your supply going again- doesn't sound like it's been too long. Drink TONS (I had a h2o bottle in hand 24/7) of fluids and pump when baby isn't hungry and/or after a feeding to make sure you're "empty". Set yourself a sched. to get back on track and you can be back to nursing in no time. I exclusively pumped (9 mths) with the 2nd b/c work sched. was ridiculous and it just made more sense. I ended up with a huge supply of extra (had to buy a deep freezer for it-haha) b/c i pumped by a reg schedule, not by baby demands- Don't beat yourself up over this. . . you can get it back. I don't know about most, but when I was ready to stop nursing it wasn't hard at all- I was soo ready! So I would say if you're this upset about it, then get to nursing woman! :) Although if you're ready to be done, then cheer-up and enjoy the freedom! God Bless~

so sorry you are having issues, especially with other stress. as far as the formula goes, unless there is a medical reason for the Similac, you can buy the generic formula, it has the same nutritional value as the brand names. and maybe you could try a lactose free formula. maybe her little body is just adjusting to a new diet and is getting used to it. wish I had better advice but I dont. Just remember though, she still depends on YOU for food, you have to feed her. maybe you can still get that close, skin on skin contact. you can still let her fall asleep on your chest.

I am on the "other side" of your issue. I could never breastfeed for two reasons. 1 is I never had any milk, not so much as a drop of colustrum with the twins. and 2 is because all 3 boys were born with cleft lip and palate so they could latch, we had to use special bottles/nipples to feed them. so I know a little about the dissapointment. and now, the twins' palate repair surgery is coming up in just over a month so I have to get both of them off the bottle and to be drinking from a regular cup only. it is not gonna be pretty.

I agree with 3BoysUnder3 (OMG I feel for her!!). We used Costco formula and our Ped said it was perfectly good and the same as other brands. Your beautiful daughter might just need another week to get use to it, and you can start other rituals that make you feel close. Extra rocking, singing, snuggles etc. I know it's hard now, I missed breastfeeding when my supply dried up with the 1st baby and I just couldn't with the 2nd. I was a little sad, but then we started rice cereal and other exciting new foods for the baby and we had a blast! It will go by so fast, the next thing you know she'll be walking! Ha!

Girl! Don't beat yourself up. I am on my last baby (#4) and breastfeeding. I am certainly a bit sad at the notion that I will not nurse another baby. I do however, relish at the opportunity to watch my little person grow and show her budding personality. I look forward to each moment I get to spent and learn about her. Nursing is such a small part of a beautiful relationship, try to focus on the other great things your have to look forward to! You don't want to lose precious time with your daughter worrying over something you cannot control.

Now all that being said, you need to really check how you are feeling. You seem to have a lot of depression and this can be dangerous. I had a VERY bad depression with baby #2, he quit nursing at 4 months, he had a mild medical issue that made him cry all the time for the first year of his life. I could not console him, or myself and it was miserable. I never took any meds but did stay in close contact with my doc. He clarified over and over that it was a chemical issue and not me.

In short, you want to enjoy your baby, you want to be sure your are not having a medical issue and appreciate what you CAN control and not focus on what you CANNOT control.

Hang in there, it will pass, and good luck to you!

I am so sorry you are having a tough time. It's so hard when your expectations are not what happens. Please go talk to your OB/GYN. Your hormones are in full swing and it may pass once you have fully weaned baby but it may not. I suffered from Post Partum Depression (PPD) and didn't get help until my son was 5 months old. I cried constantly, I hated my husband and I hated my life. I'm not saying you're depressed but please talk to your doctor. Let him/her kmow how you are.

You can find ways to cuddle with your baby even if it's not breastfeeding.

I'm so sorry to hear all this...and totally see how it all happened. Call LLL or her Dr. and get going again. You can make it work again with a little help. Maybe your 'fussy little monster' is telling you that what she really wants and needs is her perfect Mommy Milk. You clearly want that for her, so don't give up yet! I 100% get what you are saying about why you miss it--I loved it for all of those reasons too and even at 19 mo. w/ #1 baby and almost 2 and a half years w/ #2 baby a huge part of me was not ready. It was the most incredible bonding for all of us. Seek the support you need and it WILL work out again. Good luck--you can do this!

Want to add to the other responses that if you can't find a local La Leche League, Nursing Mothers Counsel here in the Bay Area provides one-on-one phone support for free :) http://www.nursingmothers.org

Also, don't sweep depression under the rug. Yes, there is a negative social stigma attached to any mental condition, but depression can debilitate if not treated, and I don't necessarily mean with medication. Therapy, support, etc can all help.

And yes, she could be "a fussy little monster" because of the formula. Do you have any breastfeeding friends who would be willing to donate their breast milk to you and your daughter? Even if you don't, you can use an SNS (supplemental nursing system) to supplement your daughter AT THE BREAST. You don't mention how old she is, but relactation is not impossible!! (just takes some work)

You can easily get her back on the breast completely... I know support is important - but sometimes you have to cut your losses (unsupportive family) and be your own cheerleading squad.

If you want to get her back on and stop using formula... PM me. If you just wanted sympathy... you'll get that from other Moms, but not me.