Allow Child to Quit Activity or Make Her Stick It Out?

Life is too short to spend summer breaks doing something you hate. I vote for letting her quit.

:(

In my opinion this is one time to let her quit. This was suppose to be fun with her friend for the summer. Well, her friend ruined her fun summer so I say let her enjoy her summer where she's happy and having fun. When she goes back to school hopefully she'll find a new friend and not go back to this one, which most of the time they do go back. I think she's too young, yes, she'll have a job when she's older that she'll need to stick it out but this is her summer and she's a child, let her enjoy her childhood, we all know being grown there is a lot more disappointments that we have to work through...

If she's been in the activity for a few weeks now and she actually dreads going, I would let her out. Summer is suppose to be for fun things and not something your dreading going to. BUT for the future, explain to her that once she agrees to something that your paying for, she can't just drop out of things because a friend ignores her now :0)

I think it makes sense for her to quit. If you don't let her quit things that aren't a good fit, then she may be hesitant to even try something new, in fear that if she doesn't like it, you won't let her out of it. And she may start not to trust that little voice in her head that tells her something is not right.

Extra-curricular activities are supposed to be fun. If she's not enjoying it, for whatever reason, then she's wasting her time and that of the instructor/coach/person in charge. Let her quit if she wants to.

I've never been one to force my kids to stick it out in activities that make them uncomfortable or sad. If it's voluntary, I don't see the point in making a young child miserable. I do try to see if things improve over time, and if they don't, I allow our kids to quit.

It was that way with our daughter and swim lessons. She was kicking and clawing me and screaming hysterically just trying to get her in the car to swim class. I couldn't see how she was getting anything out of lessons if she was hysterical the whole time she was there. About half way through the session (6 weeks or so) I decided enough was enough. I don't see how this will make her a quitter in life.

If your daughter is miserable in a voluntary activity, I would just take her out of it and find something else she'll enjoy.

I would ask her if she could stick it out for one more week, and if shes still really unhappy I would let her quit. Things can change quickly with little girls.

Well no matter what, if she stays or leaves... she has ALREADY learned a 'lesson' from this. On her own.
So your making her stay in it, or allowing her to leave, is to me, not a big deal. She already learned from this, and it is unpleasant for her.
Because she has already learned a life lesson from it.
Just make sure, that yes, in the future, she INDEPENDENTLY chooses her own activities. Per her own interests.
Not just following along with a friend.

Friendships, ebb and flow and change.
Kids are fickle.

A GOOD book series for kids this age is the "American Girl" books.
They have some on friends and friendships.
I recommend it.
My daughter is 8 and I got her some already.
Any bookstore has it or online like Amazon where you can read the reviews of it.

And you also talk with your daughter (not in a lecturing manner) about her feelings, what she thinks, and guide her on HOW to discern social situations.
And MOST importantly, teach her how to be HERSELF. That is the best 'gift' for a child to learn. How to be themselves and to follow their own, heart. Not just be a follower and how to choose friends.

Kids this age, or any age, need to be able to tell their Mom their feelings and bounce ideas off of their parents. Too. That is how they learn.
Then guide them.

all the best,
Susan

I would let her quit. She is not enjoying it and YOU can see it is a mistake. I think it's great for her to have the power to change/leave a situation that is not good. As an adult I have joined groups I later decided I was not enjoying. I don't think it is fair to expect her to anticipate what happened in advance.

I'd let her quit. She's only 9 and shouldn't be in tears over the summer. Ugh. It's still a lesson learned and something to talk about next time she wants to sign up for something. This time she had likely no idea something like this would happen. Poor kid. Find something else she kind of has to do though vs now she gets to watch tv all day or something like that...

Poor kid. It was supposed to be fun, but it decidedly is not. She's facing humiliation and loneliness every day. Let her drop out. You both have an opportunity to learn from this upset. If she quits this time, that's not necessarily setting a pattern for her to drop other activities that she chooses for other motives in the future.

In high school, my daughter's group of close friends decided to dump her after a supposed friend became jealous and tore her down. She suffered intensely, and still remembers the event with real grief. Please don't belittle your daughter's feelings or tell her she shouldn't have them. She may need your loving support to get over a blow to her self-esteem.

The wonderful book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, has some wonderful, supportive and respectful tips on helping kids deal with problems of this sort. It will show you how to help set the conditions for your child to address her problem herself. Kids can be creative problem solvers, and they are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success.

Let her make the decision. I would lay it all out. We decided you were going to do this, we paid money, we thought you would enjoy it, and you are coming home crying every day. I wanted you to have fun. If you are miserable, if this camp isn't fun, then I am going to let you decide if you continue going. If you decide to keep going, I want you to forget about your friend, and try to meet some new people and just have fun. There will be no more crying about your friend. If you decide not to return, the decision will be final and there will be no changing your mind after a few days. Give her some time (hour or two) to decide and then go with her decision. She will make the right decision.

She should stay. But she should also ask her former friend what happened. When you drop her off in the morning tell her to walk up to the other girl and and ask why she isn't talking to her. It could be the girls 'new friend' is tell her not to. It could be a situation like I won't let you come to my house and play with ... if you talk to her again. If possible you should stay to hear the answer.
When your daughter gets home later in the day you should talk to her about friendship and what real friends are and how they treat each other.
If this other girl starts to come around again after the activity is over, I would let your daughter decide whether she wants to be friends again. But you should also sit her down and explain how friends should treat each other.

Depends. If it is actually a good activity, and there are other nice kids there, I wouldn't want to give that one brat so much power over my daughter. I'd want her to stay and make new friends.

If it seems like a downer futile place with no other nice kids....then I guess she shouldn't be forced, but I'm leaning toward staying. Is there a deadline of a few days or something you could set for her to see how she feels? Maybe she'll hit it off with other kids.

It won't destroy her life if she quits, but nor will it if she stays, and it will be a good exercise in fortitude for her. Though if she's been in it a few weeks, I guess she'd know if she likes it or not by now...Tough one. Sorry-sometimes kids are so yucky. :(

Does she enjoy the ACTIVITY? Putting all friend stuff aside, is the activity something she likes to do?

If so, she should stick it out. At her age she should learn how to problem solve. If her friend is ignoring her, then she needs to learn how to cope and problem solve that. Things like this will happen a lot and you can't quit BECAUSE of your friend.

However, if she doesn't enjoy the activity AND her friend is ignoring her, then it would be time to quit. But make it about the activity (she didn't enjoy it) rather than about quitting because of her friend.

You don't want to teach kids to run from their problems. It's one thing to try something new (a new activity or a new food) and find they don't like it so they don't do it or eat it anymore. It's another to have an issue with a friend and run away.

I would have her stick it out, especially if it is not EVERY day. My rule w/ my son was always "if you sign up, you see it through"...if it was one time, one week, one month, one season...whatever, once he was signed up, he completed it. With scouts, once he signed up he was in it for the year (except Webelos which was for almost two years). He knew the drill and that is what he did from K through 12th grade. He never asked to quit. He knew that at the end of his commitment span, he never had to do it again but it meant he was careful to sign up only for things he really wanted to do. One time, in 3rd grade...he asked to sign up for Chorus. At the first practice, he realized it was CHORUS...not BAND & Chorus. Because of that mix-up I gave him the option to quit as long as he did it no later than the following week (2nd practice)...he said "no, I signed up and I will do it". There were times part way through the year, he would be disinterested in Scouts but when it was time to sign up for the next year, he always wanted to sign back up....he's an Eagle Scout now.

I've always insisted that my sons stick it out to the end. I don't believe in offering an escape or in rescuing my kids .......& I don't consider that harsh! It taught them to choose wisely, to make sure they were signing up for something they would enjoy, & to learn commitment to the task at hand. Peace...

SO GLAD TO READ YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED: Glad to see you are not in favor of quitting or encouraging your child to be a quitter IF something does not go her way. I am in favor of letting any woman I know who is generally prone to slinking away to stand up and GROW a spine and realize who is a friend and who is NOT and who will respect you and give you a voice, EVEN if they don't agree with everything you have to say.

Good job Mama...keep us posted.

Blessings..

Have her stick it out, she will make friends with other little girls. Give her encouragement not to be a quitter and not to value or be upset too long over someone who is not really a good friend.

Blessings....

We stick it out always (unless it becomes harmful to her health). It doesn't matter whether it cost a lot or a little, if it is a sport or helping sweep the leaves...if you make a commitment you stick with it...

That being said, this is a great opportunity for her to learn about making new friends and making lemonaide out of lemons. She shouldn't get so caught up on this one friend that it ruins the activity for her, she should strive to overcome it and make the best of it. She will most likely learn a lot more than just the particular activity.

My first thought was to have her friend over, and encourage an environment where they can talk it out. If this doesn't resolve the division issue, maybe sit down and do a pros and cons list with your daughter. I have really struggled with this with my daughter more than once, and she is only five. In the moment, I feel awful forcing her to do an activity she doesn't like, but in the end I hope she learns the value of sticking it out (perseverance)...