Almost 3 Year Old Acting Out After New Baby

Wow, that sounds tough! Little kids are always testing parents but with the addition of a new baby, the dynamic changes a little. Have you considered:
a) Giving him specific things to do to help out with the new baby? Like, bring or open diapers, bring bottle, turn on music for baby, etc.? Our three year old really likes being given important jobs to do; he gets very excited and proud when he's done.
b) Finding alone time with him, without the other baby. Maybe 30 minutes a day to play a game of his choice? Giving him this quality time may be what he's craving.
c) Giving him choices? Our son is 3 years and 3 months old and everything is a struggle unless he has a choice. At first he got to choose his undies, which was fine. Now he has to choose his undies, socks, t-short, and pants. That's frustrating and time consuming for us but he gets to have some control and independence and getting dressed is now a somewhat fun and quick activity.
d) When all else fails, time out for three minutes? I don't send our son into his room because quite frankly, I'm nervous about what he'll do there. I typically put him in a time out for three minutes (one for each minute of his age) after giving him a warning. Then I'll take him from time out, explain what he did wrong, ask him to apologize, and then we hug. After doing this once or twice, he knows we are not kidding around and his behavior usually improves.
e) Ask him what's wrong. Pull him aside when he's calm and ask him why he's upset, agitated, hitting. He might just tell you - I miss daddy, I miss mommy, I don't like this other little person, etc.

In any case, these are all suggestions based on what has worked for us but we only have one little guy and have no clue what he'll be like when we have another baby. I'm hoping some of these suggestions will help a little. Hang in there and congratulations on baby #2!!!

He's 3, and part of that is just what goes with the territory, I'm told. They say that when they turn 3, it goes from mischievous, to intentionally pushing your buttons.

Try to make sure you're attention is not when the baby is around. We jsut rearranged bedtime for my 2.5yo (DS is 4mos) so that he has time with just us after she goes to bed. He sits with us on the couch and we watch one of his shows or play with him...whatever he's doing. We just invest in him alone. Same thing goes for outings. Take him out to lunch by yourself, or somewhere alone so that he doesn't have the baby around.
We figured out that the bedtime struggle was to keep us with him for longer. Since chaning up his bedtime, the he fights it much less (we still have our days...).

As for behavior, I'm a huge advocate for 123 Magic. Worked like a charm on every kid in our family - nieces too. It's a quick and easy read. With a new baby, it's a great time to set and enforce new boundaries.

Sounds typical of a 3 yo- with or without a baby! I have a 4 year old and a 16 week old. Trust me, he's just pushing the boundaries, seeing what he can get away with! I would suggest moving "time out" of his room. My son would just play and it wouldn't seem much like a punishment. Set time out in a chair in a boring room, or have him sit on a stair. Use a timer, and set it for 1 minute per year of age as a guideline for the length of the time out. This more structured time out works better for us, I think. My son knows what "time out" means, and knows he has to sit there until the buzzer goes off. Besides, he despises time outs, and usually now all I have to do is warn him. Good luck!

Well he's 3 and it is the behavior of a 3 year old.

BUT, also he has a baby in the house now. He is no longer an 'only' child.

Also, keep in mind, that some Eldest kids, act out because once a new baby comes home, they are all of a sudden expected to be 'perfect' and not act a certain way. LOTS of 'pressure' on them. And, they are always used as an 'example' for the younger child. THAT is pressure too. And can be stressful for an eldest child. "Expectations" upon an Elder child... changes... once a new baby comes home. And those expectations, may or may not be 'congruent' with their age nor is it age-appropriate. So... really keep that in mind.
I once had an eldest child 'vent' to me... about her younger brother. She actually used the word "stresses me out..." when talking about her parents.... and how they treat her now, since she had her younger sibling.
She said, it was not fair and she "hated' it..... but that she couldn't talk to her parents, they didn't listen to her, and just expected her to be so perfect all the time, since she was the 'oldest.'
That was a real.... eye opener and something I avoided doing with my Eldest child, once I had my 2nd child.

3 year old kids, also do not have fully developed 'impulse-control' yet either.... nor their emotions. AND they do not have 'coping-skills' for their emotions. It has to be taught to them. Not just by 'punishments' but by teaching them about feelings, the names for it, that they CAN say how they feel and teaching them how to say it in a palatable way and that the parent will 'hear' them... too.
My son from 2-3 years old, could tell me "I'm mad...", or "I'm sad..." or "I'm frustrated...." etc. And when he did express things to me, I listened, respected that, and then would try and teach him how to cope. Even if it meant me just empathizing with him... so that he learns... that feelings are not 'bad'... but about communicating it...

Just a thought.

All the best,
Susan