Almost 9-Year-old Lacking Common Sense?

I am laughing, not at you, maybe with you.
I do after school child care, most of the kids I watch are around nine. Your daughter is normal, promise.
Kids are developing and hitting weird stages with their brains and bodies. I don't think it is lack of common sense as much as just not thinking. She is preoccupied in her brain right now. Not that it is okay but she needs to be more aware of what she is doing. That takes practice.. Don't compare her with the 10 year old as it is rare that they are really mature at that age and birth order can have something to do with that!

Post up a chart. For every infraction regarding poor judgement, put it up on the chart. When she does something she has done well and thought out well, put it up for her to see. After a week, have her sit down with you and your hubby. Go over the chart. With each bad decision, ask her "well, how could this have been handled differently?", make her use her brain to figure it out. Then discuss what responsibility and accountability is and why it is so important. If the bad decisions outweigh the good ones, tell her for every week it continues it is a month off the cellphone, meaning adding a month to not getting one. So say just for what you listed that is four months out on the cellphone. It should be earned with good judgement but there is nothing wrong with her.

I don't think a 9 year old is needing a cellphone anyway. I think once kids are in midhigh, walking alone to and from school or doing more social things out with friends, cellphones with restrictions make sense. That is my two cents on that. You said yourself that the oldest is more mature and has a father with visitation and that is your reasonings.

I have friends that try hard to keep things "fair" amongst her kids and it is ridiculous as a 6 year old getting the same gifts as a 9 and 12 year old because it seems fair to spread it across the board! The bottom line is some kids aren't ready for the things the older ones are at the same age. It isn't possible nor logical to me to worry about being fair with age as much as actions speaking louder then words and she needs to prove it to you.
Hugs, she is normal! Puberty makes their brains goofy! :)
Consider yourself blessed to have a 10 year old with common sense and don't compare, that will build resentment with the girls. Good luck.

It sounds to me like she is trying to get attention. By doing things she knows are wrong, she gets your attention. My son does this to me all the time. Even though I feel like I give him enough attention, sometimes he just needs more. When I make a point of spending a little extra dedicated time with him, he starts acting 'normal' again.

Dear S.,
First of all - the first born is typically more responsible and the second more the rebel. That aside, when you went in her room and smelled something burning but she didn't I would have taken her out of the room and walked into another room then back to hers. Sometimes when you are in a space for awhile you don't notice anything different. I would then have had her help look for the source which might have impressed her with the potential danger. No more hanging anything on the lamp or it goes. Sounds like you automatically take care of things (because it is easy and faster - I know) but these are opportunities to wake her up to doing the appropriate thing. Believe me, when THEY are inconvenienced they are more likely to pay attention. Kids this age can easily be in their own world. Your priorities are not theirs but that doesn't excuse living in LaLa Land. If your girls do not have regular chores I would set up a schedule (even brushing their teeth) and have them check of daily/weekly when something is complete. Now is the time to pull this in. Trust me, you do not want to have this going on when they are 13+. I put off getting a drivers permit for my girl because she was spacey and uncooperative. Finally at 17 she will be taking drivers ed and getting her permit. Kids need boundaries and consequences. Do not be afraid to be the parent. You figured out the laundry and just need to apply some logic to the rest of it. Good luck!

My 10 year old daughter is the same way. Just this morning I had to get on her about washing her hair. They take showers nightly and this morning I noticed her hair was really oily and obviously not washed. I asked her if she had washed her hair, she said she couldn't remember. UGH. I asked her when the last time she did remember washing her hair and she couldn't. I had to make her wash her hair in the morning, resulting on her being late for school. She also wants a cell phone, but I won't let her because she is constantly losing her homework, backpack, etc. and I know she will lose her phone.

She is very intelligent, and fun to be around, but I swear I get so frustrated at the small things that she over looks.

So before I ramble on here, sorry, I have no advise, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one dealing with this, and I will be checking in on the advise given to you....because I could use it as well.

My nine year old has absolutely no common sense. She lives in an alternate reality where a flat screen molds her mind. I make her turn her iPad and the tv off and make her go to her room and read a book or do something and she just sits. She is unaware of how to entertain herself with the help of an idiot box. We are raising mindless children with complete brain rot. She comes to me about a show on tv and is going on and on about what is happening and I just look at her and shake my head. I don't want to be ugly, but how can I explain to a 9 year old that her dream world is not part of my reality? I bought her a bike for her birthday in an attempt to get her out of the house and away from this alternate reality and she doesn't want any part of it. It baffles me. And when I say no common sense, I mean no common sense. She just came to me and told me how cold she was and how cold her feet were. I said well, you don't have socks on and you're wearing shorts. It's 34 degrees outside. Use your head and see if you can figure out how to get warm. She said well, we could build a fire outside in the fire pit. I said so your logic is to go outside on the north side of the house where the fire pit is and build a fire. With the wind blowing 30 miles and hour, and you wanna go outside in the cold and build a fire. This is your logical answer? I said wouldn't it just be simpler to put on a pair of sweatpants and some socks? I hope that this common sense thing kicks in soon, because the child will not be able to function. She cant do anything. She has no thought process beyond you tube and minecraft. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. Please, Mom's. can anyone out there help? Frazzled!!!

S.,
My 11 year old is much the same. He is soooo literal. so the laundry basket story, I can relate to. He would have dumped out the clothes and returned the empty basket, too.

In my quest to understand my kids, I have found an informative book. It helps me see maybe why my kids do their crazy little things and reminds me I had to figure out how to navigate this world as a kid, as well.
title: A mind at a time
author: mel levine, m.d.

hope this shed some light for you, A.