Almost Four Year Old Who Will Only Poop in a Diaper

I wish I had advice but instead all I can tell you is that we are in the exact same boat with my son! If you get any great ideas I will try them too. Meanwhile, you are not alone.

There's a DVD called Potty Power that may help get to the next step. It seems to have helped with my 3 year old daughter.

Hi, A.: I know the frustration and concern you must be feeling. I have a 6 year old daugher who didn't master pooping in the toilet until three months into first grade! We tried everything - sticker chart, candy, earning tokens, all kinds of reward programs. But she was not ready and/or interested. It wasn't until she got into the first grade and was able to really "see" her peers that we noticed a change. When she had an accident at school, she was required to go to the nurse's office to change/clean up and she didn't like that very much. So the only thing I can say to you is to keep up your perseverance and your patience. I believe that she will master this when she's ready to take charge of it.

take it from a toddler teacher this will eventually turn into a constipation issue sooner or later. Ask your childs teachers what times they take them to the potty and follow this at home to the letter. When you get home from school take to the potty at least every 1 1/2 hours until bed. Eventually even the most strong willed child will give up, it gets old fast. It may be alot for a few weeks but hopefully by early spring youll be done! Good luck!

A., I had the same problem with my four year old son. He would be fine in his trainging pants all day and would wet regularly in the potty but he would never poop until night time right after I put him in a diaper for the night. I have a 3 year old in diapers as well and a 3 month old and frankly it was just gettin to expensive so one day 2 weeks ago I decided to just leanve him in his training pants. He went a day and a half without pooping and then finally when he realized it was either poop in the potty or not at all he started going in the potty. now he is doing fine and is out of daipers completely. Hope this helps good luck1

A.,

I totally understand you problem. My son does not, correction - will not poop on the toilet even though he has in the past. He does pee on the toilet all teh time now though it took a while. We pretty much followed his lead with that for most of the time but then it was becoming an issue so we did a time thing. Every time the hand was on the 12 it was time to go pee. After a while if we forgot he'd tell us and go alone. It took about a month and then it was over, but the pooping thing is still at a stand still. I can't force it out of him and I can't make it happen when it is convenient so I have surrendered to the fact that I will have to wait on him for this one... I just hope it is soon. I hate changing underwear and diapers. It is getting way old! Good luck.

I would suggest getting her out of the pullups or diapers. Of course all kids are different but I have seen this work on 3 different almost 4 yo boys - my son, a child I had in daycare and a child I had in my preschool classroom. Just said ok that's it - no more diapers. You really have to be strong and stick it out for about a week. I know this is annoying but don't give up after a couple of days of cleaning up the poop. have your child help you dump it in the toilet and wash them out. hmmm and I wonder if this would work. Buy a package or two of plain white undies in addition to her favorite character big girl ones, If she has an "accident" (sorry if I offend anyone but at almost four, a child can control their bowels enough to know when the are going and having a full out bowel movement in the pants is unacceptable) then she can't wear her favorite ones for the rest of the day. I am not sure if that will work. But maybe make a big deal about not wanting to get the favorite ones dirty. If she is one who would wait till the nighttime diaper is on - forego the nighttime diaper and deal with the wet bed for a week or so. and hide the pullups/diapers or don't have any around so that no one can just give in and let her have one. Good luck!

Dear A.,
My son was four almost five when he finally potty trained!( he is now 15). It was very frustrating and like you I tried all the rewards. He had terrible accidents and it was hard. I felt there was no magic trick but scheduling regular visits to the pot( especially if she tends to poop at the same time each day) could help.
Stay the course- just repeat the mantra"this too shall pass".
While I have no desire to go back to those days, I wish I could recapture a little bit of the magic at age four and five since my two sons now tower over me and are in highschool!

Hi A.,
It sounds like trying regular times on the potty (like she does at school) would help. For me, it really depends on what you want to commit to. We have never formally 'trained' our children. We encourage them, but wait until they are ready to commit to going potty on their own. I think we tried the regular times on potty and rewards and such, but it took too much time with our busy schedules and didn't seem to really work for us. My girls were around 3 when they trained, and first boy was 4 before he decided to go for it. Now he is 5 and still insists on us wiping him when he poops! He says he'll wipe when he is in kindergarden!! Whatever! In the bigger picture, they all eventually go potty and we can celebrate no more diapers (or wiping!), and whether it was 3 or 5 when they finally trained really doesn't make that much of a big difference when you look back on it. Good luck!!

I think starting regular potty times will help you tremedously. It sounds like while at home her focus isn't on the potty, it may be on toys or her favorite show and she may not want to stop these activities to potty. If you put her on a regular schedule like once every hour, couple hours and then expand out she will find her nitch.

Hi A.,
Don't panic yet. I think we put alot of stress on ourselves.
We can't help to keep on comparing our kids with other kids.
They all are so different.
My oldest stated to walk when he was 1 year and 4 months and stopped using pull ups when he was 4 years and 2 months.
My youngest which is also a boy started to walk when he was 9 months and stoped using pull up during the day at 2 years and 6 months and at night when he was 3 years.
With my oldest every time he pooped in the potty we made a big deal like calling the grandparents on the phone and having them also cheer for him. My husband was very good with that he would do the happy dance with him. But let me tell you it took a long time for that to happen. Never give up and keep on encouraging her. If she tries and she doesn't do it you may want to still say encouraging words so she know you are still proud of her.

Which you good luck and don't be tough on yourself.

God bless you. sc

Hi, I had to battle with my 3 yr old boy as well. It go so frustrating (for me!) that I told him we were going to take a "potty timeout" and I went back to pull ups. After about a month, I showed him the stack of pull ups and told him when the stack is gone, there will be no more diapers. He thought this was so fun to see the stack diminish.

Once it was time to go potty, I quickly realized he is a "transition" kid. Before I was telling him time go potty. Now, I tell him when the show is over or after this activity we are going potty. Then he is prepared and knows when he is going. This has worked very well for pee. Still working on the poop! We have not had 1 accident and he goes regularly. Good luck!

I too had an older child who was not interested in pooping in the toilet. He started potty training at 2 1/2, and by 3 he was only interested in peeing in the potty. He would wait to go #2 until night when he got a pull-up/diaper (usually within 15 minutes of lying down) and then whine for a change. As you said, it gets old fast.

We instituted a treat program (like your sticker program) where he got a sticker but no treats for pee in the potty, a sticker and 1 gummy bear every poop in the potty (and not just for those fake tries either...what manipulators they can be...) and after he filled a card (we used 1 notecard with 10 spaces on it - he got to pick out one of the toys I pre-bought (on sale at Target - every Bob the Builder Take Along they had at the time). It started to work. Honestly, the less attention we paid to it and the less attention we put on him, the more interested he became. The more I stressed about it, the more entrenched he got in opposing what I wanted. Staying the course took a while (another 4-6 months) but he is now fully day trained - working on nights now!

I don't know if that helps because it is essentially what you are doing, but just know that this will work eventually if you stay consistent and don't back down and don't stress her or yourselves too much. I know the candy incentive is scary, my son LOVED treats too, but just pick something very small (M&M's, Skittles, jelly bean, and Pez are also great) that she begs for and they should not add too much sugar (she won't be getting more than a few a day) or ruin her appetite.

Good luck.
L. - mom of 2 potty trained boys (3 & 5)

A., Like my peditrician said "You've never seen a teenager with a diaper on have you?" He just told me that it is the last thing that my son could control without me being involved. I did the same thing with the pull-up when he had to poop. He was four and a half when that stopped. He' six now and only poops once or twice a week and like his doctor said, "One day he might have an accident in school and might not like it too much because mom is not going to be there to clean him up!" Don't stress! Wait until your daughter comes to you because one of her preschool friends told her she didn't like her clothes. Yes, it does start that early! Forget about the rewards too, they'll remember that when they get older and try to play that against you!

Hi! I am a mother of a 4 year old too! You mentioned that your daughter only poos in a diaper, when does she wear a diaper ? If it is during the day I might suggest that you just have her wear underware during the day and have her go to the bathroom after meals to encourage her. I am wodering how she is at night?

Tori

We had a similar issue with my son. At one point I decided to not let him have a diaper anymore, and he started pooping in his pants. It was not fun. It turns out that he is most definitely grossed out by seeing it, wiping, you get the idea. He still is.
Looking back (he is 9 now), I would do it differently. I would ignore it as much as possible. The more we parents talk about something the more stubborn the kids seem to get. Only praise her if she uses the toilet. If she pees or poops in her diaper, just change it without a word. No playtime, no giggles, not tickling tummy while changing her. Don't engage with her at all.
On the other hand, praise her for using the toilet, and offer her some special playtime (it doesn't always have to be materialistic things). Say something like: "since you used the toilet I don't have to change you and I have a few minutes to read you a story." Hopefully soon enough she will understand.

Good luck, and as they say, she'll get it by the time she goes to kindergarten (unless there is a medical issue).

When I potty trained my kids, I let them run around without anything on thier bottom. I would put the potty in the playroom and a gate at the door. When they need to go poop knowing they had no diaper, they would have no choice but to sit on the potty. If they were in the living room watching TV, I would put the potty there. Where ever they play the most that's where the potty would be. Also keep an eye on them for the signs that they have to go and encourage them to get on the potty.

We've all been there. I'm going through itmyself right now with my 3 year old son and 2 year old daughter at the same time. I did the potty chart with stickers too and the novelty of that wore off pretty quick. The best advise I can give is get rid of the diapers and pull ups and buy her some "big girl" underwear. Take her to the store and let her pick them out herself and make a big deal out of it. A few times going in those and not liking how it feels "should" get her on her way. My son picked out his own, every character imaginable, and is doing so much better. He's even wearing them to pre-school now. He probably goes in the potty as much as he has accidents, but he's learning and that's the most important part. Just don't worry. Every child is different. She'll get it eventually. Just keep praising her and giving positive reinformecent. Tell her how proud of her you are every time she goes on the potty, even if nothing comes out, just that she tried. And yes, scheduling potty time in between is a good idea. Sometimes they just don't want to stop what they're doing and then it's too late.

Hi A.,

I didn't read any of the other responses you got but here is my advice: stop buying diapers.

If she poops and pees her pants for a couple days it will be a lot of hassle for you but you said she holds it for hours and that means she is developmentally ready to use the toilet, she is already trained. Tell her "we are not buying diapers anymore so you have to use the potty."

After a couple days she won't want to poop her pants. And pooping in a diaper won't be an option. I say no to the whole candy idea, to me that's ridiculous, why should we bribe our kids to use the toilet. She is already trained, she knows how to hold it that's the proof she just has to say goodbye to diapers for good by buying them you are enabling her to stay in them. I hope it works out.

I would be willing to bet that one day your child will want to be "grown up" or will be embarassed by a friend finding out that she still uses a diaper, and she'll immediately train herself. In the meantime, enjoy the fact that you don't have to search for emergency toilets when you are out in public - sad, but it is actually much easier when they are in diapers ! LOL If you really can't stand it, I used a sticker chart wherein the motivation for filling the stickers was a reward - we actually bought those $3 Barbies as a reward. I started out with a VERY small chart, like only 4 boxes - once she saw how fast she got a really good reward, she was motivated to fill the sticker chart. I told her the deal was that each new chart was going to have more boxes. So the second chart had maybe 8 boxes. The third chart had maybe 12 boxes, etc. After about a month, I had spent maybe $25 in Barbies - but was free from spending on diapers ever again - and she agreed she didn't need the chart anymore.

Hi A.,

My daughter was 4+ when she started going in the toilet too!
Again, strong willed and still is! Did you try putting a basket with some of her favorite books in the bathroom so she can look at them while she is sitting on the toilet?

Link a pleasant thing (looking at her favorite books) while she is going to the bathroom. Maybe even make an event out of it by going to the library or Barns & Noble to buy a new book.

My mom would get on me that she needed to stop wearing the pull up, but I knew eventually she would go, and she did! Now she is 13 and we are learning "This is how you do laundry!!" "you don't throw whites in with your dark jeans!" Heehee, it never ends. Good luck!

We had the same problem with our middle son--this was our crazy solution --suprisingly enough it worked!!!) He would only poop if he was wearing a diaper or pullup--had no problem peeing on the pot--so out of desperation (almost 4years old and starting preschool!)-- we starting insisting that he at least sat on the pot when he pooped--we still let him wear his pull-up while he did so. We did this for about 3 days or so (he wasn't happy about it but he did it)--then my husband, the genious that he is--had a "special pull up" that only he and I knew about-(he had cut out the rear end of it!!) He put the pull up on my son, hiding the cut out part --so when my son sat on the pot and pooped--the poop actually came out and fell into the pot--then he realized that it wasn't so scary after all and he was soooo proud of himself! We made a real big deal out of it and he couldn't wait to do it again--without the pull-up! I hope this silly story helps you like it did us!! Good luck with what ever you try!

I agree with Karen P. Good suggestion.

We actually bought the toys and showed them to our son in a basket. We told him he could pick one out when he pooped on the potty. He is a bit younger (2 1/2) but that really moticvated him. He would know what he wanted before he went and then be excited when he went to get the toy right away.

Good luck!