Alone to Be Mama

Reach out to family members and close friends for support. Let them know you feel alone and would love some company and advice. Or find other military mamas!

If you are interested in a birth doula (someone trained to inform and empower women through the birth process and who provides emotional and physical support during the birth as well as some support postpartum), you might be able to have one for free through Operation Special Delivery. OSD is managed by the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association (CAPPA). They connect pregnant partners of deployed spouses with volunteer doulas.

Best wishes,
J.

I would recommend reading the Baby Whisperer, which is a great book on getting your child on a routine and helping to understand what your baby needs/wants. I wasnt in your boat, but I did have a hard time knowing what to do with my own tiny infant, and this book helped me. I have a cousin who's a single mom, and she said that it really helped her, getting the baby on a routine right away.

I would also see if there are any programs to get into, a mom's group, or even just reading programs at the library. Having a baby can make you feel very isolated, since you're stuck at home alot with someone who cant respond to you. Having places to go, things to do, a plan, can help. Good luck!

This was a bit hard to read so check your spelling honey. I was kind of in the same boat as you about two years ago. We found out we were pregnant then he left when I was about 4-5 months along for an overseas assignment. I couldn't go because I was having a high risk pregnancy. He was able to come back twice for short weekends which was nice and in the end he missed the birth because I gave birth 8 weeks early.
If you are working that should help with keeping you busy during the days. Hopefully you have friends or family close by to help you out any way they can. Get started on that baby registry and do some research on some of the things you would like to get for the baby. Do you have any hobbies? I sew so that helped a lot when I had to leave my job and go on bedrest. If you can make sure you get out of the house and do something you like even if it's just going to the mall to window shop or taking a walk around the block. The time is going to fly by believe it or not!

From my very brief experience with being an Army wife, I know that there are networks and services out there for you - but you may have to really work to access them. (One of them contacted me for the first time months after my husband was to have been deployed - not helpful.) I would encourage you to make contact through his unit and ask to get connected with the organizations for families and spouses. (I'm sorry, but I don't remember the name! And it may vary by branch.) I would hope that they can help connect you with other spouses and families in your area. If you don't have any luck getting "signed up", ask your husband to look into if for you. He may have an easier time from "inside". All my best to you and your husband and your growing little one. Yours is not an easy road to travel, but hopefully you can find the support of all of those who have gone before you and along side. Blessings.

Try getting involved with a church ... Lots of women to lend advice and a shoulder when you need one. Also your local YMCA is a great place to go now while you are pregnant for swimming, walking the treadmill or whatever your doctor says is ok.. AND for after the baby comes .. Pilates , yoga , or aerobics classes will be great for meeting other young moms as well as doing something thats good for YOU! :) and pleeeease.. dont get involved with anyone who considers themselves "temporarily single" just because their husband is deployed. Its your time to shine as a young wife and soon new mother. Write your husband lots and send him lots of pictures of you and the baby. Do everything you can to stay close . send him little gifts such as his favorite candy or snack. Keep his mind in your world as much as possible. If you would like a pen pal im pueblo_peach on yahoo. thats also my yahoo email. good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!

Are you near a base? If so, get yourself down there to the Family Support Center, or whatever they call it in your husbands branch of the military. Just make an appointment to find out when they have meetings, what they offer. Tell them you are alone and pregnant and need some support, that is what they are there for. If you can get together with other military wives, they will know what you are going through like no one else.

If you aren't close to one, go online and do a search for moms groups in your area. Meetup.com, yahoo groups, and any moms clubs are great resources. I realize you aren't a mom yet, but so what? They have already done the pregnancy thing and will be your best help. Once baby is here, you will need a support network, and it is better to have it in place before hand.

Getting a routine and NOT letting yourself sit around and do nothing is important. Whenever my husband would deploy, I would stay busy busy busy. Go out with friends, take walks, just don't sit and be alone all the time. It can be hard to motivate, but the more you do it, the easier it is. It can be easy to fall into depression if you do nothing but miss your husband. Staying busy is so important. Join a gym, it will help you feel better too. Whatever your hobbies are, dive into them.

Do you have family nearby or friends that will be around for you after the baby comes? It is really important that you have someone close to you around you on a regular basis. Post partum depression is a very real concern for women in your situation (any situation really) but it can be hard to see that it is going on in yourself. If you don't have anyone around to notice what is going on with you, it can consume you without you even realizing it. I would mention to your doctor that you are doing this alone, so that the doc knows to keep an eye on you.

I was given this website recently, and thought I'd pass it on to you. I haven't done much looking at it, but there are several links for support.
http://www.operationwearehere.com

This is the section where you can find others in your situation, like through facebook groups or other online sites. http://www.operationwearehere.com/GetConnected.html

I hope all that helps, and any time you have a question or concern, the mommas on this site are almost always very helpful and supportive. Good luck to you, and congratulations. My thoughts are with you, and your husband too. Thank you both for your sacrifice and service.

I gave birth to my fourth baby while my husband was deployed. It's tough, but emails helped a lot. Also, find a church to go to. My church had a lot of other military wives in it who were going through the same thing. The support really helped. Try to break the deployment up into manageable chunks. Give yourself something to look forward to, like a visit from or to a friend that lives far away. I like the Family Readiness Group suggestion.

Treat yourself to something nice once in a while. Try to keep busy. Work, garden, take up a hobby--anything to keep yourself from being overwhelmed by lonliness. Hang in there! Good luck and God bless.

Where are you? I take it you have not gone to FRG? That stands for Family Readiness Group and it is mostly women of military. They get together for socials regularly and in my opinion, are much better at giving each other support and understanding during a deployment than even family and friends because they are going through the exact same thing. You really need some close military girlfriends right now because they are the ones most likely to hang out with you, as they are temporarily single, too.

Is your husband in the Guard or Reserves? You say you are from Montana and I don't think there is a base there. The guard has FRG, too. I know that I am in it and that is how I survive.

well i sure hope you have family/friends to help out because those first few months are indeed really rough. Good luck, and remember to sleep when baby sleeps, and carry him/her awake in a body-carrier while you take a stroll with the dog, or do laundry/dishes etc :)

My husband is also in the military and was deployed last may and wasn't supposed to return until this may, but got to come home last October. I found out I was pregnant with our first child in August and I am due anytime now. Don't worry, just take the time to talk to him anytime you get to help your stress. Make sure you have friends and family not to far away just incase you need someone. It took some time for me to get used to him being away. When is he supposed to come home? And when are you due? Best thing is try to make some friends around you and get out and get some fresh air, it will help a lot with stress. Take a warm bath with scented candles and read a book. Find anything you like to do to keep you busy. I quit my job for two reasons 1) I was not going to risk my life or my baby's life for 8.50 an hour and 2) My job wasn't going to let me see my husband off the day he left for Afghanistan and by that time we had only been married 3 months. So I went stir crazy being home all the time. But I still didn't want to work since I don't live in the safest of places. Now I am almost due, not working, and going to move to Korea in August. Good luck and I hope your husband returns safe and sound. :)