My grandpa has alzheimers. My mom is living with him, helping him out. But she works M-Th, she leaves at 4am and doesn't get home until 4-4:30pm. My aunt does go out during the day as he can't cook for himself anymore. Even reheating things in the microwave isn't possible. My mom did write a note and has it taped to the lamp by his chair that says XXX will be home at 4:30. Just so he can look at it and be reminded what time she gets home because he gets so sick with fear that she isn't home yet and he thinks she should be, my aunt does verbally remind him also. Some times it works other times it doesn't.
On her days off if she needs to go and get groceries or has a dr appt or needs to go some where for what ever reasons he doesn't remember when she left or where she went then he starts calling all of the family to find out where she is. I told her to put a white board next to him and put on there where she is going and what time she left and what time she will be home. She said that he doesn't remember how to read anymore. There have been a few times he has needed to read something at the dr or his Christmas cards and mom had to read it to him because he said he doesn't know what it says.
I thought about making a board that we can put her ( or what ever family member) picture on one side, a picture of where they are going and then the time left and time returned ( not sure if he still remembers numbers or not, but I thought he could look and "match up" the numbers on the clock) to help since "reading" a note isn't an option anymore. But my uncles got mad at that idea and said they aren't going to treat him like he is 4 or an idiot. That wasn't my intention! I just thought it would be easy to understand being a simple visual board.
What are things you have done to help others you know/ love to help them remembering when you are going to be back home and help them worry less?
** Grandpa is usually never left alone, my aunt is with him during the day, my mom at night/ days off. The most he is left alone is an hour. Right now ( not sure how much longer) on good days he can handle that safety wise. On bad days he is never alone. Even with someone there he worrys so much about my mom being gone. Or when she runs into to town and is gone for a short amount of time he can't remember where she is at or when she left ( that's why I was wondering about the visual board).
Ex. Yesterday my mom had to bring my uncle home after being out at grandpas house. I had picked up some bread and milk for her while I was in town. She called me and said she was leaving, so she would be here in 10 mins. Grandpa called and said mom was gone for a really long time and he was worried. I told him, Grandpa mom just left 5 mins ago, she will be home in 15-20 mins. So at 6:10 she will home. He was ok then. He called back 5 mins later and said the same thing. Mom had just left here and I told him its not 6:10 yet and she will home in 10mins. He said ok, I couldn't remember what time you said. I asked him if everything was ok, he said yes it just seemed like a long time she was gone and he wasn't sure where she went. I told him she needed to bring my uncle home. He said that's right. Then when mom got home he called and thanked me and told me I was wrong she didn't get home at 6:10 it was 6:05 lol. Most other things he is good with, someone is just with him to be safe, to make sure all the what if's are covered. Him worrying about my mom being gone ( even when at work) right now is the biggest issue we are dealing with... thankfully! I know its all going to change and every day is a different day and could be the day he changes for the worst :(
Thank you, everyone!
The talking clock is a great idea, never thought of that!
Thank you Liv for the link, I will be calling today!
Maybe you could try out one of those light up alarm clocks that are designed for kids...when the light is on, they can get up-OR when the light is on, someone should be home? Just an idea, but it might help?
My husband's mother has Altzheimers, and I can tell you that at the stage your grandfather is at, he should probably NEVER be left alone. If he can no longer read and can't tell time, then he's advanced enough that he's not capable of making sound decisions. He might open the door to someone he shouldn't, or fall over and not know what to do.
As for his fear, talk to his doctor. A lot of Altzheimers patients need medicine to help with the all consuming fear. It's a really typical thing for them to fixate on something (for my husband's mom - she constantly panicked that she hadn't bought anything for dinner). As soon as she went on medicine, her fears started to lift.
We tried a talking clock with her so she'd be able to remember that she didn't need to jump up and start preparing dinner at 10am, but she was unable to remember what time dinner should be, or why she even had the clock. So as much as I think it's a good idea, are you sure your grandfather is going to understand that your mom comes back home at 4:30? Or how many hours there are between whatever time it is and 4:30? If you want to do a clock, I'd try one of the tot clocks that turns green at a certain time. That way even if your grandfather can't tell the time, he might be able to learn that green means his daughter should be home. And yellow means she's still at work and he doesn't need to worry.
We recently looked into the GPS Shoes. As my grandfather wondered away a month or so ago...Granny found him within the hour but we were about to call the police. But granny refused them.
Alz is scary, heart wrenching and stressful. It may be time for your mom to look into having someone else come in while she's gone. I know you said he's never alone but if he's calling people and someone is there then he feels alone.
You're uncles are in denial. Such as some of my family is in denial.Someone else said it below, they should attend an Alz's meeting. They see it as treating him like a four year old, and in reality he may have the mind of a four year old. I think the board is a good idea. You can also use the alarm on the clocks/or use a kitchen timer as well (a little more work for those in the house) but your mom could set and alarm/timer for the time he can expect her back. So if she'll be gone for an hour then set the timer for 60 minutes, when it goes off he can know that she should be home.
Is he staying active? Getting exercise? If not he should, seems to help my gramps to move around. He is in early stage four...and rapidly declining.
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I would try the board. My dad has Alzheimer's and it can be frustrating and difficult to come up with ideas to help the patient. You're not treating your grandfather like a 4 year old, you're helping him. A lot of people just don't understand what goes on in the mind of someone with the disease and think we're dumbing things down for them. No, what you're doing is speaking to them in a language they understand and that's the only way to get through to them. You have to speak to them in whatever way they understand. I encourage you to try the board and also send your uncles to an Alzheimer's support group meeting and/or have them read The 36 Hour Day so they can better understand what your grandfather is going through. Your grandpa can even help you make the board by cutting out the pictures :) I applaud you for trying so hard, many people don't. If you ever need a friend to listen please send me a private message. I know how hard it is to find people in the same situation.
My neighbor had Alzheimer's..... we tried to help out, and she had a friend that would come and stay 3-4 days a week, but eventually it got to where she had to go into a care facility.....
It really was rather scary, just thinking about her alone there... she took medicine, but I think often she took too much.... her meds would be in a pill minder, and she would mark the days off on a calendar, but one time I was there on a Tuesday, and she had the calendar marked off through Thursday! If she couldn't remember what day it was, how did she take her meds accurately?
As hard as it may seem, decisions that are truly best for him may need to be made..... do you really want to come home to find out he wandered off one day while your mother was at work? Or, do you want to find out that he set the house on fire because for some reason, he decided he could cook a meal? He really may be at the point where he needs 24 hour care...... I realize that is a VERY tough decision to make (my sister may have to make that decision soon for our mother..... not easy to make at all.... she fell in September and broke her hip, and I think that has accelerated her decline, also. She is 87, and up until this fall she was still flying across the US visiting her kids.)
Dealing with this for along period in my life with my mother....they should never be left alone.
Currently dealing w/a family member that has Alzeimers, they do not
understand the passage of time or how it elapses.
They shouldn't be left alone so if there is anyone that can come & stay
with him while she is at work goes to run an errand that is what should
happen.
Most people don't understand the disease so it's not surprising the uncles
are in denial.
I would get them a book that explains it (Rite Aid has one since they
probably won't check one out from the library themselves).
You could see if Medical could offer some assistance in advising who might come to help her w/him while she is at work.
We had to put a lock on the front door so my mom couldn't just leave
the house at night while my dad is sleeping. That is scary.
Is he on any meds? You would have to take him to the doctor but they
do have some medicine now that can help arrest the development in the
stage that they are in.
Hope that helps.
http://www.aging.iowa.gov/aaa/index.html Google the link I just provided, you will find information on Iowa Agency on Aging. They provide wonderful services to the elderly including companions, home health aids to assist with hygiene, homemakers, etc... Your Grandpa may benefit from a companion. The services are free if your Grandpa meets income level. Most senior citizens do. We used this agency for my mother, she has alzheimer's disease and with the help of a companion we were able to keep her home longer. So call, tell them your situation and ask if you could talk to someone that can help. Let me know if you need more information and let me know if you have any luck with the agency
Good Luck
There are speaking clocks for the blind that when you touch them they say the time, that might help. My dad had Alzheimers for 9 years, and for the last 6 months he was in a care facility since my 88 year old mom could no longer care for him. He would wander the halls of the apartment complex looking for her, and would fall (since he forgot his cane) and then his paper thin skin would be scraped off in large patches which required my mom not only to bandage him but then wash him instead of showering him. For a while notes worked next to a large clock, both right in front of his easy chair. But then he would go to the bathroom and on the way back worry and walk out. She tried writing the day of the week on his thumb, since he had Tu-Thurs elder day care but he would ask why there was something on his thumb. Thanks goodness he was not enterprising and never tried to make himself any food on the stove, but he did get up at night to take pain killer or a sleep tab which was actually his blood thinner. My mom had to lock everything up, and basically babysit him. It was a very difficult decision but she had to let him go to a care facility or she would have died from worry and strain of never really sleeping well since he would wake her at night for a sandwich,etc.
Unfortunately it sounds like you are the the point where he really should not be alone, just like you would not leave a toddler alone with basic instructions. You just do not know what he might try. On top of that, Alzheimer's patients live in fear a lot since things are so unfamiliar to them. For that reason alone you need someone there so that his last months or years can be happy ones not fearful ones.
