Am I 'Babying' My Son Too Much?

It makes me laugh that men seem to think they should not teach their sons to show affection! I think that is just AWFUL!!! you should treat boys and girls the same at this age. I also think every little boy should have at least one baby. I watch a 2yr old boy and he LOVES playing with the play kitchen I have and the dolls. I would say he will grow up and make a good Daddy!! It is a shame that some men think this way.

My son is about to turn 3 and all boy because my husband and I have agreed to not let him cry everytime he falls down or gets a scratch. Unless we can tell that it really hurts him, we tell him to shake it off. We still comfort him and tell him that we love him, but there is no need for tears. We both love sports and want him to take part in them and not be scared or cry everytime he gets nocked down.

Wow... I'm a 34 year-old mom with a two year old son, too. And you have an 8-month-old as well? Wow.

Anyway, in answer to your question, I've always let my son decide if he needs me or not. When he was around a year old and first starting to walk, I'd tell him to "brush off" his lighter injuries. If they were bad enough to make him cry, then I'd comfort him for a moment before trying to distract him. Now when he falls, I ask him if he's okay. If he's not, he comes to me. If he is, he's at the age now where he says, "I'm okay," and keeps playing.

I don't think you are babying your son too much. He is only 2 years old. They need to know that Mommy and Daddy are there for them. I have a son who is almost five. He is a man's boy all the way. My husband and I both hugged him every day. He still tells us he loves us everyday and gives us big hugs. Always go with your instincts. If you think he is hurt, make sure he is ok. And as far as the hugs, take them while you can get them. They'll be few and far between as he gets older and becomes more independent. Your son will one day be a man who can show love and affection. We need more of that kind!

Your husband sounds like the one with a MAJOR jealously problem. Not attending to a childs emotional needs is a form of emotional neglect. Give him everything he needs and he will NOT be soft. If you don't you will jeopardize his self confidence later in life. THe most confident kids are the ones that know their parents will be there with arms open, no matter what!

This one is fun. The man always thinks that the mom babies them too much but we don't look at it that way. I came into this same conflict woth my husband I would rush to my son, and he would get so mad at me. He is 2 now and I can see running to every fall they do it too much. Sometimes you have to stand back for a minute just to see if he is really hurt. If you baby him on every little thing than when he goes to school what is he going to do without his mommy. We prepare them for life and you have to remember the times that mommy is not there to rush to him.

T.,
my husband's father is exactly like your husband and he damaged my husband emotionally a great deal, let me tell you why.

My father in law comes from an old style German family, where "the babies can be kissed only when they are asleep". Growing up he did not receive a lot of demostration of affection and his own father made sure he understood what it meant "to be a man".

When he became a father himself (to my husband), he did not know how to show him affection and whenever the poor boy was crying or showed his tender side (my husband is very sensitive and loving) he would say:"You have a lot of woman in you", meaning "you are a sissy" or "not man enough".

The result of all these things combined, is that my husband grew up not feeling loved, or accepted, by his own father and it still hurts him to this day.

Growing up he did everything he could to show his father that he was, in fact, a tough man (left home at 16 years old, made his own money, martial arts, cars/motorcycles, army etc..) and it was just a desperate attempt to please him and "convince" him that he was worthy of his love.

Luckily his mother is always been very loving to him, she taught him how to love and i have to thank her if I have a wonderful man by side today.

Being a man does not mean necessarily doing "manly things", it means growing up feeling confident in your abilities, being reliable to the people around you, respecting women, taking charge of your life and making something out of it, knowing how to make the people you love feeling loved ans safe. What is more important than this?

So, go ahead and love on him as much as you can: he needs to feel safe, growing up, and hugs/kisses just make him feel strong, because he knows he's loved and does not have anything to fear.

He will become a balanced adult and will know how to make people happy around himself.

Some woman will thank you one day!

Good luck and enjoy that boy,

S.

I don't agree with you husband on limiting hugs and kisses. That will not make him wimpy it will show him that he is loved and he will grow into a strong man who will display affection to others and some day his wife and children and that is a good thing. I agree with him a little on running to him on every fall and accident. there are times when they are really hurt and other times when they are not hurt but they cry as hard as the times when they are bleeding. We practiced this with our daughter when she fell or hurt herself, we could tell if it was bad or not and if it wasn't bad we would say you are ok, go ahead and get up, because we didn't want her to cry over every bump and bruise. to this day she can fall over or hit her head on something hard and she says I'm ok. For example, she wasn't paying attention and was walking quite fast and ran straight into the door frame, it was quite funny and she just sat down and was in a fit of laughter. but then last week we went hiking and she fell on the trail and scraped her elbow and cut her hand, not bad, but I am sure painful and she cried for a few seconds and then it was over. So I don't think you should baby him when it comes to falls, they are part of life and he should learn that when he is really ok to be able to get up and keep going, and learn the difference between really being hurt and just a little banged up. But love, hugs and kisses should not be denied and he should see your husband doing the same things. That doesn't make him feminine, it makes him sensitive and caring for others and that is so important.

Hug and kiss your boy as much as you want to! Then hug and kiss him some more. Your daughter too, treat them exactly the same. You have some really good advice here, so I don't have much to add. I have two boys, 5 and 2, and I never run over when they get hurt, I let them figure it out for a minute. If one of my boys is crying, I know they are in pain! They get lots of comforting whenever they want it. Think of all the babies and kids who never get hugs, or affection. How sad.

Ask your husband to think back to his childhood, and to ask himself if he wants his child to feel the way he did as a kid, unsure of his mother's love, forced to "be a man" before he was ready, or if he wants his kids to feel secure and loved, which they are. Ask him to really think about what it means to be a man.
Good luck!

My little Boy, Bowen, will be 4 in January. I hug and kiss him and tell him I love him EVERY time he passes by me or gets near me. I just don't think you can love a child too much. I go to him if he falls and cries, because I fear he may be hurt. If he doesn't cry I tell him he's ok. My hubby says I am turning him into a woose, not because of the loving and hugging but the babying him if he gets hurts, he loves on him as much as I do...lol. But, the way I see it is they are only little for such a short time, my oldest Joshua,just turned 16 and boy did those years go fast! I still get "I love you,mom" but the hugs are far and few between and the kisses on the cheek are even farther. Love and enjoy your baby!

I really think as long as he is not crying that he is ok. I tell my 3 yr old son to shake it off and I shake my head back and forth and make a funny face. My son is very loving and I have no problem with that. My husband also has no problem with that. I think all children should be over loved. Being loved NEVER hurt anyone. As long as you are not treating him like a helpless individual he will not act that way. Let him learn but give him love. My son is very tough and loves "boy" things but when he needs me he lets me know. I wish you the best and your husband has to understand you are not being "mushy" by loving your son and showing him affection.

I have one son that will be 5 next week. My husband and I are both very affectionate with him. If he falls or something, though, we try to tell him to "Wipe it off" or if he's whining because something isn't going his way or he can't figure something out we try to encourage him not to whine because he's a big boy. If he's truly hurt or does need help, he'll let you know. You're not going to make him wimpy by loving on him. You'll only make him feel more loved.

I AM A 36YR OLD MOM OF 4. I HAVE TWO BOYS AND TWO GIRLS. I WAS THE SAME WAY WITH MY FIRST SON UNTIL MY HUSBAND TOLD ME MY SON WILL BECOME A WOSS. I LET THEM BE BOYS. WITH ALL THE FALLS,CUTS AND BRUISES THEY ARE TOUGH LIKE BOYS SUPPOSE TO BE. YOU HAVE TO LET BOYS GROW UP AND BE TOUGH SO THEY CAN BE STRONG MEN.

GOOD LUCK

I am a mother of a rowdy 2 yr old boy myself. I used to baby him a lot too. I noticed the more I made a big deal about it, so did he. I guess I figured out, if he is crying for me then it is real, but if not I tell him to brush it off and he keeps on playing. I don't think you can ever show your kids to much love and attention, but he is a boy and he will get hurt. Boys will be boys and there is a difference between love/affection and babying him to much. Just learn where you balance is. Good luck..

I personally say enjoy hugging him and cuddling him while you can. They grow up so quickly and affection is the only thing they can hold on to for life!
If your hubby is worried about it, have him rough house with your son. So it shows that Daddy is the rough one,and mommy is the nice and gentle one.
Good luck!

I am soooo glad my husband isn't like that! I hug and kiss on both of my boys regualry. In turn I think this makes them more sensitive to the world around them. They are very affectionate and are still very tough! They fall all the time and if they don't cry I just tell them to get up. If they wait a few seconds to cry I just tell them to get up and shake it off. If they cry immediatly I go to them and pick them up and hug them. They are only young once and as my mother told me when my first was born: There are a lot of children out there that don't get hugs and kisses at all. Hug and kiss your boy everyday and tell them you love them. Just my say. My husband hugs and kisses them everyday too and does exactly what I do when they fall. So, the answer to your question is No. I don't think you are babying too much. There is a line between spoiled and loved.

I don't think you are babying him. I, too, have a son that will be 2 this month (October 25th). I do the same thing. I think that a child that young still needs to know that we are there for them. It doesn't sound like you overdo it at all. Maybe your husband will understand soon enough, but I would keep doing it. It won't be long before our little boys won't let us hug on them like that, so I say take advantage!!

Hiya,

Well I don't think you can ever hug or kiss a child too much! And believe me, if you are, the CHILD will let you know!! LOL. As my son says, stop kissing me mommy!! hehe. He's 26 months right now.

As for the falling, I never ran to him and made a huge fuss for little falls but for big ones of course I did! And I will continue to do so until I pass away regardless of his age! That's what Mommies do. Children need to know you are there for them and that they are safe and protected. Especially at such young ages. My son comes to me when he falls and is hurt. If he's not hurt he'll just get up, wipe himself off, and say I'm ok I fell down and laugh! LOL.

As far as hugging and kissing all the time. I can't help it! I love my son to pieces and I hug him at least 20 times a day if not more! No matter if he's fallen or just plain sitting around watching TV. If he doesnt want it he'll push me away and make a joke. If he wants it he'll hug me back. It's just the way it goes.

I think it is a product of your husband's upbringing that he has the views he does. It's not necessarily a bad thing persay, but if your husband continues to not show affection toward his son, your son could eventually begin to wonder what's wrong and he'll ask him I'm sure, or you.

Just keep hugging and kissing him. You will not make him a wussy or soft or any other stereotypical statement. It will let him know he is loved and protected and safe and will help him grow into a loving and respectful young man!

I have a 16 month old son and I wish I could get him to hug and kiss more even though he is very sweet and affectionate in his own way. If I am holding my son for any reason I am planting kisses on him somewhere. My husband and I love him the same way. Moms are supposed to show boys the affectionate side, tender, loving, etc. There is such a thing as over protective but not too much love or affection. Being over protective would be a parent constantly telling him no, stop, you can't do that in fear he will get hurt.

Not sure if you are a Christian but whether you are or not, can I please recommend a sweet book that's called, "That's My Son"? It is an incredible book that really explains to mom's married or single what there sons really need in life. I can tell you that kissing, hugs, and affection is not lacking in that book. However, being as affectionate as you are, one day your son will be so embarrassed to even have you take him to school, hug your or show any softness in front of his friends. This is going to hurt me one day as with every mom that realizes their son's are growing up.

The book will also explain the importance of what a father can do for his son. I really hope you will consider getting this book. You can even order it off of walmart.com or pick it up at a local Christian book store. It's not a bunch of scriptures but yet some really good solid information.

I would love to hear from you if you do decide to read the book and hear what you thought of it. You can email me at ____@____.com

Why are some men like that? Thankfully mine isn't. Basically, he is almost 2 which means soon enough he is going to start pulling away and being independent. Personally with my daughter, who just turned 2, if I see her fall I wait to see if she decides that she is hurt (most of the time she isn't). I always ask her if she is hurt and if she is I ask where the boo boo is and kiss it. I have never made a big deal out of falls, but of course each mother and child are different. As far as affection goes, I think as long as you are not constantly hugging and kissing him, then he is getting just the right amount of affection. Your son is just turning 2, tell your husband there is still a lot of time to make a man out of him and to just relax and let you enjoy this special time with your son.

T.,
My son is 20 months old, he'll be 2 in January. When he falls down sometimes he cries, sometimes he doesn't. We look at him and say 'Uh-oh you're ok get up'. If he still seems distraught then I tell him to come to me. Because most times the fall is more scary then damaging. So just let him know that he's ok and send him back off to playing.

A scratch or two isn't going to hurt anyone. Just let him know that he is there is he needs you.

There is no such thing as too much hugging and kissing! I would recommend not making a fuss at each fall unless it is really serious. That goes for boy or girl.
Your husband may not have gotten physical affection from his father.

My husband was not as pushy as yours is sounding, which I think his Mom had alot to do with that. We have four boys and to compromise on the boo boo situation, I could acknowledge he fell but told our sons to "Rub it Rub it" to watch and make sure they were alright but my husband felt this was good because I wasn't holding them and teaching them to be "babies". My husband does constantly hug and kiss his boys just not when they fall, he wants to teach them to be strong and get back up on their two feet. You should sit down and compromise on something that works for you and your husband. There is plenty of time to kiss and hug, by all means it is so important, maybe you can get your husband to work more on that aspect also.