I admire how thoroughly you have questioned this wish for a boy/another baby. There are "yes AND no" answers to all the questions you've asked yourself, so ultimately, you can only find your way toward a solution that works best for you and your family. The good news is that, since there is really not one right answer, most of us can heartfully accommodate a variety of possible outcomes.
As an older woman, with most of my friends in their 50's or older, I CAN tell you a bit of their (our) experiences. I've known women who, before fertility treatments were available, made peace with having no children, and have lived happy, rewarding lives. I have known mothers and fathers who, in spite of genuinely loving all their children, still regretted intensely the particular challenges one or more brought into their families. I've known families whose fortunes changed unexpectedly, creating very difficult hardships for parents and children alike. I've known parents who have lost children to birth defects or accidents, or who lost a spouse to death or divorce and suddenly had a whole new dynamic to adjust to. There is really no guarantee that any course we choose, or that chooses us, will be satisfying in the ways we hope.
And of course, that craving you are feeling is built into women. Even some who have chosen never to give birth can be at least temporarily caught in those deep longings, those "what if's?" Mother Nature has designed us to want babies in spite of all the risks and difficulties, and most of us do, at least some of the time. I've known women who have had baby after baby, always finding themselves longing for just one more. I have even found myself wishing for another grandbaby on occasion, now that my grandson is 6 (it's not gonna happen, and I am happy with that, too).
But physical or emotional craving is a common part of life for all humans. Consider all the other things in life that we must necessarily deny ourselves – food when we need to lose weight; sleep when we are ill or nursing an infant; time off work when when we're broke; the list is long. Making peace with all these often contradictory longings is simply a part of life. And the good news is that, among all the older women I have known, all of us have made peace with periodic baby cravings and found joy in however many children we have had. This includes a wonderful woman who would have made a great mom, who tried for decades to conceive, and who has become an honorary aunt to a couple of generations of other people's children.
So I hope you come to a doable and happy conclusion for you – if that's to have another child, may your husband have a successful vasectomy reversal. And if it turns out that another pregnancy isn't wise, or isn't possible, work toward accepting reality, which will be your happiest choice no matter how many children you have.
One other concern that I hope you'll weigh along with the others is whether Earth can continue to support the 7-billion-and-growing-fast population. (This was my main reason for stopping with only one child in the 1970's, when the population was much smaller.) There are already signs of social and environmental stress that fewer and fewer thoughtful adults are able to pretend has nothing to do with population growth. And it seems to me that every child we bring into the world who is raised with the expectation of having three or more of their own children adds to the pressures exponentially.
So I have a plea for women who are in the "maybe" camp – consider that those adorable babies may be fighting to preserve what's left of their environment by the time they grow up. Or competing for the dwindling resources that are left. There are already heavy burdens of pollution and depletion of the planet we all must call home. It's something to consider carefully, for the good of all living beings, including the kids we've already birthed.
